Podcast · Arts & Books

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

by Confetti Cannon · English · Arts & Books

New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 56 min
Latest: 6 Oct 2026
Language: English

Latest episode

6 Oct 2026 · 55 min

Kathy Griffin and Complimentary Happy Endings

From the smoking ruins of lesser mortals’ expectations, Kathy Griffin ascends onto the pod like a flame-crowned phoenix borne aloft on the trumpets of destiny; seizing the platform to restore honor to the misunderstood male gigolo and furnish that ancient profession with elaborate love-making scripts involving Hollywood smooching, reverent spooning, and how to turn a typical sensual massage into a resplendent one with a gratis "grand finale." Yet even this renaissance of flesh pales beside her famous culinary revelation: the sacred Cake Soup; a masterpiece in which a noble slice of cake, a…

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Earlier episodes 29 most recent

E286 · 29 Sep 2026 · 56 min

Meatball and the Forbidden Posterior Pickle

As night fell and the city surrendered to shadow, Meatball and Trixie embarked upon a feverish pilgrimage through humanity’s most sacred mysteries: the ceremonial placement of pickles in derrieres, Tokyo’s boundless reverence for American mass, and the strange, ancient show-business covenant that true legends should erupt in a spectacular blaze of glory by one’s mid-thirties. Beneath the cold glow of Burbank streetlights and a watchful crescent moon, their conversation drifted deeper into the darkness; where fame, flesh, and mortality seemed less like jokes than warnings carried on the…
E285 · 22 Sep 2026 · 52 min

Roz Hernandez Should Be More Famous

The deliciously-delightful and splendidly-spooky Roz Hernandez descends upon the studio like a Victorian apparition with gorgeous bangs, joining Trixie for a feverish symposium on ghosts, gays, and conservatives who know suspiciously too many lyrics to Wicked. Together, they peer beyond the veil to ask whether the dead are among us, and, most critically, how large Roz’s hypothetical new breasts should be before they cease being cosmetic enhancements and become federally recognized geographic features. Light a candle, powder your décolletage, and alert the Vatican's top exorcist, because this…
E284 · 15 Sep 2026 · 48 min

A Transcendent Poolside Smoothie Recipe

To fully optimize the final days of sunshine and warmth this September, wait until the afternoon is aglow with solar benevolence; the perfect time for a sun-drenched pool party and a refreshing smoothie. Bow your head for a moment of reflective silence before you blend spinach, Greek yogurt, chia seeds, and avocado into an emerald tonic expertly calibrated for softness, serenity, and superior poolside consciousness. Sip this tonic slowly beneath a gently swaying palm tree as a vintage Stylophone releases crystalline electronic frequencies into the canyon air, aligning your breath, posture,…
E283 · 8 Sep 2026 · 50 min

The Grand Imperial Jubilee of Radiance, Womanhood & Excellence

Legends tell of the final round of a combination beauty pageant/spelling bee that ceased to resemble any known human contest, but had instead become a brutal reckoning of song, dance, and cutthroat orthography. It unfolded beneath the brass chandeliers of a Holiday Inn in suburban Alabama, where the faded ballroom carpet bore mute witness to Trixie and Katya performing desperate pirouettes to stale 80s power ballads and sheepishly spelling words like "prestidigitation" while shooting glares as sharp as daggers across the stage at each other like silent declarations of mascara-drenched…
E282 · 1 Sep 2026 · 50 min

All Friendship is Valid

If we were to distill this episode into a single thesis statement, it would be the argument that friendship resides not merely in affection or proximity, but in the reciprocal recognition through which separate consciousnesses become eloquently entangled. By destroying past hierarchies of intimacy, we endeavor to redefine friendship as an existential and somewhat magical coherence between two individuals. Ultimately, friendship emerges as a profound act of allowing another consciousness to partially inhabit one’s own, primarily via stories about P-Town and descriptions of one's sexy white…
E281 · 25 Aug 2026 · 1 hr

One Ring to Rule Them All

Ladies, Theydies, and Gentlethems! Behold Trixie's newly-acquired ring of destiny: the one and only Oura Ring! A small and gleaming metallic circlet wherein the chronicles of the mortal frame are gathered and organized for those fine souls engaged in the pursuit of optimal living. Existing in the nether regions between sleep and waking, heart and breath, exertion and recovery, stress and readiness, the ring brings forth the unseen tides of the human body and lets them shine like constellations upon a midnight sky. At each new dawn this tiny oracle speaks anew; revealing when strength should…
E280 · 18 Aug 2026 · 49 min

The Ballad of Merrily and Bob

From a nameless wind-swept Midwest town came Merrily, an innocent creature bound for Hollywood beneath a horrible perm, her face entombed in pancake makeup thick enough to withstand the California sun. Into Bob Barker’s glittering Price is Right kingdom she strode. The lights blinded her as she sauntered past rows of mustachioed men in enormous collars and women tucked into high-waisted brown slacks that seemed engineered to repel both fashion and human affection. The gods of Plinko and Pontiac had written her name upon the heavens, for as she bid upon refrigerators, dinette sets, and…
E279 · 11 Aug 2026 · 49 min

We Finally Explain Art

Art, to us beautiful biological women, is the residue produced when consciousness attempts to impose intelligibility upon the otherwise rudimentary foundation of existence. It's a beautiful and occasionally difficult transformation through which sensation, memory, and desire are alchemized into a new state of being that endeavors to comprehend reality. Art occupies that mythical space between revelation and perception, where the observer engages in an effort to fully grasp their brain's interpretive architecture, even when it's painfully obvious that journey is a fool's errand. In summation,…
E278 · 4 Aug 2026 · 56 min

Some Like It Hot & Flaky

Hey there, homemakers: why serve your hungry brood another dreary, bare-faced supper when the smart modern cook can tuck beef, chicken, ham, veggie dogs, Cyclospora-laden lettuce, and even yesterday’s leftovers into a snug little blanket of golden, buttery, feather-flaky pastry? With one gay whirl of the rolling pin, you can turn an ordinary Tuesday meal into an Atomic Age taste sensation that makes Junior clean his plate, Sis sit up straight, and your hard-working hubby forget the traffic, the boss, and that third highball with his mistress at Grand Central Station. So wrap it, crimp it,…
E277 · 28 Jul 2026 · 58 min

Wear Your Virtue, Broadcast Your Bouquet with Trixie and Katya

We here at Bald, LLC are proud to present: "The Essence of Consequence," our ultra-natural deodorant lovingly compounded from Icelandic aloe, pulverized cedar bark, ceremonial Scottish peat, and the pollen from downtown Los Angeles sidewalk dandelions. We take this proprietary blend and strain it through a used pair of nylons from our 2022 live tour, and we do it all without a single vulgar ingredient proven to work in any way whatsoever, as ethics can't scientifically prevent perspiration or odor. Each artisanal swipe transforms your underarm into a thriving, biodiverse wetland, allowing…
E276 · 21 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 1 min

The Magic of Movements with Trixie and Katya

Across the porcelain provinces of our human experience, each soul leaves behind its own small testament; some solemn and substantial, with others fleeting as a whispered flush under the gentle glow from a nightlight. There are movements of grandeur, movements of haste, movements that arrive with operatic thunder. And then there are those shy little passages that scarcely trouble the waters below. The majesty of these movements is that all belong to the same mysterious intestinal symphony called life. Let us therefore abandon judgment at the bathroom door, accepting that no two constitutions…
E275 · 14 Jul 2026 · 53 min

Commuter? I Hardly Know Her! with Trixie and Katya

The City of Los Angeles, in the full radiance of its civic wisdom and an ambition matched only by its bewildering infrastructure, proudly announces the inauguration of a new subway line connecting the private residence of Trixie Mattel to a long-abandoned shopping mall near MacArthur Park. Conceived without regard for ridership, urban necessity, fiscal prudence, or the travel needs of any other living person, this gleaming subterranean artery shall deliver Ms. Mattel from her front door to the silent food court with unprecedented speed, dignity, and municipal extravagance. Though this…
E274 · 7 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 4 min

Maria Bamford Can Bomb Anywhere, So Why Drive? with Trixie

Once upon a time in a magical far-off land, Trixie Mattel, the undisputed Royal Duchess of Drag, believed herself to be best friends with Maria Bamford, the realm's undeniable Queen of Comedy. Having followed her through every enchanted television program and neighborhood comedy special, the parasocial relationship grew and grew like a magical beanstalk. Although Trixie had adored her from afar for twenty years, the two had never met until fate summoned them to a mystical Burbank podcast studio, where together they feasted upon ceremonial donuts from Maria’s legendary 9:00am comedy court.…
E273 · 30 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 17 min

Ten Queens, Five Suitcases, No Dignity: All Stars Season 2 with Trixie and Katya

Dim the lights, dear podcast friends, and settle in for a delightful tale. In a world where no cohesive thought process exists for long, two drag queens sat before their microphones in a Pepto-Bismol-hued studio and caused such merry confusion that even the producer could not help but guffaw. In this colorful void, the queens told their listeners about a secret Patreon kingdom filled with bonus tales, extra chatter, and all manner of delightful nonsense for their most loyal subjects. Before long, they began remembering the day one of them appeared on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Season 2,…
E272 · 23 Jun 2026 · 56 min

Robby Hoffman is Aggressively Kind with Trixie

Once upon a Silver Lake lanai, beneath a moon so bright it seemed personally sponsored by comradery and friendship, Dame Trixie Mattel met Emmy-nominated comedian and actor Robby Hoffman, and before the iced drinks could sweat through their cocktail napkins, a legendary best-friendship was born. In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, Trixie sits down with Robby to trace the wildly improbable, yet deeply hilarious road from having almost nothing but nerve, humor, and cockroaches, to becoming a powerhouse comedian with a gorgeous wife and a life so wonderful it sounds like the ending…
E271 · 16 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 4 min

A Ventriloquist Love Affair with Trixie and Katya

Take notice, patrons of both the curious and mechanically marvelous! Two celebrated drag-queen automatons seated in comfy chairs, shall speak herein for approximately one hour via the mysterious ventriloquial arts! These painted wooden belles, done up in theatrical fashion, shall hold forth upon their recent engagements as musical jockeys of the gramophone disc, hospital patients for grievous intestinal obstructions, and those who dine on Mexican folded tortillas and sweetened frozen cream in the quaint hamlet of Franklin Village. Let us celebrate this duo's return to form, as they light up…
E270 · 9 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 13 min

"You Smell Like Hospital" with Trixie and Katya

Upon the pale and trembling threshold of a Beverly Hills hospital bed, where machines blinked like tiny frigid stars and the kingdom of Katya's body had been besieged by a cruel and venomous gastrointestinal blockade, our weary hero lay suspended between breath and utter oblivion. Death itself dared to come near, draped in her midnight robes, whispering with a grave and ancient confidence that the final curtain was about to fall. But from the ash-gray ruins of this digestive agony, from the tubes and terror and the bulbous belly of a still-defiant distended stomach, Queen Zamo rose like a…
E269 · 2 Jun 2026 · 56 min

Kelly Mantle Demands More Glamour and Less Clamor with Trixie

Like a velvet-cloaked goth privateer, Kelly Mantle strode into the podcast studio this week and set her microphone ablaze as if forged by fire in a glamorous volcano. With every story, Kelly summoned tempests of danger, glittering betrayal, and show-business Madonna-tinged treasure until the walls trembled like the hull of a ship under cannon fire. Somewhere amidst the madness, the strange legend of Denise Richards lurks in from the shadows and ascends into celebrity myth. This episode left the studio aglow with the glory of pirates, prophets, and a perfectly glazed ceremonial ham. Check out…
E268 · 26 May 2026 · 50 min

Leland's How-To-Guide for Musical Excellence with Trixie

To properly record and master this episode featuring acclaimed music producer and Drag Race Rusical songwriting and composing legend Leland, first establish a controlled conversational environment in which wit, glamour, and industry expertise operate at optimal levels. Once the guest is securely introduced, permit Leland to provide calibrated insight into the mechanics of songwriting, DJing, and music production, whilst Trixie supplies approved quantities of commentary, disruption, and theatrical puns. Adjust the tonal balance as needed by increasing levity, reducing dead air, and applying a…
E267 · 19 May 2026 · 1 hr

Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie

Once upon a time, today's exceptionally iridescent guest was twilight-blue and hidden behind a cloak of pastel azure. Now that cerulean shell has loosened, revealing shades of the full spectrum long hidden. Emerging like a butterfly from the secret cathedral of her cyan cocoon, Juno Birch arises splendid and majestic, opening her wings in a pageant of sunlit defiance and pride. Also, she tells a harrowing tale of getting food poisoning and sh*tting the bed. Follow Juno: @JunoBirch Need a website or domain? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, save 10%…
E266 · 12 May 2026 · 59 min

IMHO's Darby and Alexis Summon Charcuterie Spirits with Trixie

The city of Burbank was sweating secrets, and somewhere beneath the flicker of a dying neon sign, IMHO: The Podcast's Darby Lynn Cartwright & Alexis Bevels were cooking up a scheme with Katya’s name written all over it. Their plan was simple, dirty, and dressed in bad lighting: remove Katya from the equation and slide into The Bald and the Beautiful like two dames with alibis and microphones. Trixie, alone in the studio, never saw the plot curling through the room like cigarette smoke in a cheap motel lobby. Friendships are questioned, loyalties are lipstick-stained, and everyone’s wondering…
E265 · 5 May 2026 · 1 hr 3 min

Courtney Act is Eminently Keen with Trixie and Katya

In today's class, myriad topics of interest and erudition will be covered, but first we shall crack open Miss Act's Rules of Grace and Refinement Vol. 1, beginning with the phrase, “Are you keen?” The word 'keen' derives its romantic force from the ancient adjective meaning 'eager' or 'interested'. By the twentieth century, however, especially in colloquial British vernacular, “keen on” had become an informal shorthand for affection and/or erotic preference, thereby avoiding the vulgarity and bluntness of directly discussing acts of love-making. In contemporary 2026 dating parlance, “Are you…
E264 · 28 Apr 2026 · 51 min

Thank you for Choosing Bald Airlines with Trixie and Katya

Ladies and gentlemen, as we taxi to the gate we'd like to thank you for choosing Bald Airlines, where every seat is first class and includes botox, estate planning, legally-binding mortuary consultation, a yacht sommelier, and a complimentary Fabergé pelvic floor egg. Please take a moment to check your overhead bins for any personal belongings, and don't forget to take your live harpist with you as you deplane. On behalf of all of us here at Bald Airlines, we hope you’ll avoid the humiliation of interacting with the proletariat and instead fly with us again very soon. Bald Airlines: Where…
E263 · 21 Apr 2026 · 1 hr 9 min

Kristen Schaal and the Science of "Bricked" with Katya

According to the newly-published Schaal-Zamo Compendium of Physiological Sex Stuff, "Bricked" (or "Briqued" as it is colloquially known for females) is a coordinated bio-psycho-physiologic process involving cognition, limbic activation, involuntary nervous response, and extremely localized arousal of genital tissues, primarily with, but not limited to, the Pee Pee and the Vee Vee. In males, nitric oxide is released within the corpora cavernosa, causing smooth muscle relaxation, increased arterial inflow, and the glorious phenomenon of penile tumescence, all in the hopes of attaining orgasm…
E262 · 14 Apr 2026 · 1 hr

Bobby and the Ice Queens with Trixie and Katya

Premiering this Summer off off off Broadway, it's "Bobby & the Ice Queens"! From a fired usher at "Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark" comes the glitter-drenched fever dream no sane theater critic saw coming: a disco-soaked, high-kicking spectacle about Robert Khennady Jr., a wealthy socialite from a famous family by day, a debaucherous nose-candy-sniffing creature by night! Bobby tears through the 70s and 80s in the first act with a blizzard of Studio 54 chaos, toilet-seat-snorting bedlam, and enough raw wealth and privilege to frost the entire Eastern Seaboard. Starring Timothée Chalamet's…
E261 · 7 Apr 2026 · 52 min

An Open Letter to the Emmys with Trixie and Katya

Dearest esteemed leadership of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. We respectfully and fervently request the honor of serving as presenters for the Lead Actress category during the primetime telecast of the 2027 Emmy Awards: roles for which we have physically, cosmetically, and emotionally been preparing for our entire lives. Given the extraordinary performances from Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback and Jean Smart in Hacks, we can scarcely imagine a greater privilege than to stand at that glistening podium, maintain impeccable posture, and display our genetically-natural beauty…
E260 · 31 Mar 2026 · 45 min

A Triumph of Pure Delight with Trixie and Katya

What you are about to hear is the absolute apex of what humanity has frequently referred to as "joy." The following sixty-ish minutes of audio and video are a glorious, overflowing symphony of happiness so immense it almost seems too dazzling for this earthly plane. It is delight at its most majestic and uncontained, brimming with an ecstatic brightness that will make every corner of your spirit feel lit from within with the glow of sparkling merriment. This episode is the very essence of glee itself, gathered into sound and images that represent joy at its highest, fullest form: radiant,…
E259 · 24 Mar 2026 · 55 min

The Bride and the Betrothed with Trixie and Katya

Ms. Trixie Mattel and Ms. Katya Zamo kindly request the distinguished honor of your presence at their most magnificent nuptial celebration, where the theme shall be "Baroque Techno Jurassic Gothic Cyborg Barbie Vampire." It will be held at the abandoned Hawthorne Plaza Mall in Hawthorne, CA, where the decor shall scream "gilded ruin of Baroque splendor where pink-hued creatures of the night have mated with cyborgs in orgiastic bliss." Guests are respectfully encouraged to appear in formal attire befitting the evening’s vision, namely Gothic court dress enriched with jewel tones, polished…
E258 · 17 Mar 2026 · 51 min

The Squirtle Spurtle with Trixie and Katya

If you thought oatmeal recipes couldn't be sensual, you'd be dead wrong. Dim the lights, burn that bergamot arousal candle from your cousin's bachelorette party, and bring 1 cup of steel-cut oats to a slow, smoldering simmer in 4 cups of creamy, luscious whole milk. Add just a pinch of sea salt, and let the ingredients relax into a luscious, velvet-thick porridge so opulent it's no wonder this recipe won the World Porridge Making Championship. Once you achieve the ideal level of viscosity, stir in 2 tablespoons of sweet brown sugar, 2 tablespoons of hot melted butter, a dash of vanilla, and…

About The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya features a pair of grizzled gay ghouls sitting on chairs, holding microphones, and discussing their fabulous lives in Tinseltown. (featuring occasional forays into movies, television shows, and air-conditioning) The New York Times called them models, moguls, actors, influencers, drag queens, RuPaul's Drag Race contestants, and even humanoids. If one thing can be said about these two preternaturally gorgeous queens' podcast, it's that Trixie and Katya find the sheer, unadulterated beauty of pure insanity. Tune in every week to experience the auditory pleasure that is The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bald and Beautiful with Trixie and Katya ad-free. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya is a English arts & books podcast from Confetti Cannon. Melo plays each episode straight from the publisher's own feed — no ads added, no account needed — and remembers where you stopped, in this browser only.

Publisher: Confetti Cannon
Language: English
Category: Arts & Books
New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 56 min
Latest episode: 6 Oct 2026
Feed: RSS — paste into any podcast app
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1532816291
Rights: Trixie & Katya, Confetti Cannon

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