#307: Mini Comforts

0:00Emma You're listening to theA Beautiful Mess podcast, your cozy comfort listen. I'm your host, Emma Chapman. Elsie And I'm your host, Elsie Larson. Emma And this week we are chatting about small, free, or inexpensive comforts that you can employ to fix a bad day. I love it. I absolutely love this subject. Elsie Okay, before we jump in, we decided we're going to share about our experience of going in a cave. Yeah, this is our, this is like our most Missouri children's activity. So go for it, Emma, because you're the one that booked it recently.

0:12Emma Yeah, I drove by what it's called Crystal Cave, and it's kind of somewhat kind of out on the side of town where we grew up, and we went there as children, and I'd kind of forgotten about it. I think caves are really cool, by the way, and there's a lot of limestone in Missouri, in the part of Missouri we live. Oh, but also terrifying. Oh yeah, very scary too. Caving is like kind of terrifying. You can truly get hurt if you don't know what you're doing. Not at this one, though. This one's like a tourist one. Anyway, so I drove by, and I noticed that they had a sign that said Dino walk now open, and I have a budding paleontologist at my house, as you maybe I've mentioned, I don't know. So I was like, oh, as soon as I park, I'm looking this up. So I did, and I was like, oh, this looks fun, and they had gemstone mining, and I was like, my kids will love that. So I was like, oh, we're definitely going. So I was looking at their website, though, and I sort of realized the cave tour is an hour long, and I have a two year old who was also going to go with us, two year old and five year old, and I was like, that's just too long, it's gonna be

0:24a problem, I'm gonna lose them in the cave, that's not gonna work for us. So I emailed them, and I was like, is there any way that we could have a 30 minute cave tour? I'm not trying to get a cheaper price, I'm not trying to be weird, I just.. I'm bringing some young kids, could it be 30 minutes, and they wrote back, they were really nice, they're like, yeah, we can definitely, we'll send a second guide with the group, and they'll just take you back when you're ready, basically, was what they said.

0:29Elsie Exit plan. Emma I was like that's what I need, an exit plan, because I can't get lost in a cave with my toddler. I, I also need help getting out. So, anyway, so then I was like, hey, Elsie went, we're going to Crystal Caves this weekend, you want to come, and it's a kind of outdoorsy thing, so I was just throwing out there because the cousins love to hang out, but I was also like, I don't know if they'll actually want to do this, it's kind of random, but you were like, oh yeah, I remembered it when we went as a kid, so then we went, and how do you feel it went?

0:38Elsie Yeah, okay, so in my childhood memory it was like very full of crystals and very sparkly, and I don't know if we either didn't get to that part of the cave because we weren't in there very long, or if my childhood memory is just like way more magical than my adult eyes, but when we got in there I was like, oh, it's very muddy and wet and slippery, and you know, cave, I have my two blind children, and then Emma had a two-year-old that she couldn't let go of at all.

0:44Emma No, he would run off, or he would get hurt. Elsie And he really wanted to, he really wanted to explore on his episode, he was kind of like pushing away from her at every moment, you know, so I thought it was maybe just like not the right fit for our group, but we definitely, we went in there, we saw what we saw, we got really muddy shoes, and we, you know, there was like some passages where you had to like bend down real low and like kind of like duck, like kind of like your walk, like you're crouched as low as you can go without crawling, there was some stuff like that, there was some bridges, but yeah, and it was definitely a cool experience, but then when we got out and we went to the dinosaur part, I think that was maybe like a better fit for our kids, yeah, at their ages right now, and it was just like a trail, just like nothing but like a gravel trail with huge dinosaur statues, which is really funny, because we did this when we were probably like around five to 10 years ago. We used to do these ant camps with our nieces, and when I lived in Nashville, there's this place on the Tennessee and Kentucky border, I think it's called Dinosaur World, where we used to

0:58go. Great, it was kind of the same thing as that, but like a miniature version, where you just go on trails and you take pictures with these like big dinosaur statues, and it's just fun and silly and kind of novelty experience, and then after that we did the gym mining, which is kind of like they have this little trough of running water, and then your kids get this big bag of dirt, and there's like different prices for different like levels of how many gyms are in there, so we got our kids like the lower level of of gyms, except for Marigold, we got her the one that was $38 because she's just that kind of kid, like this is her thing that she would appreciate. She, like, charges her crystals. She's, she's earned it. She knows when the next full moon is. She's tracking it at all times. Yeah, she has a little container in her bedroom of moon water that was sitting on the moon. Anyway, so, so we got, we got her. The $38 one, which was so fun, and she, and then the other kids were a little jealous because she got this big huge crystal, and it was, it was just magical.

1:09Emma It was something to be jealous of, but it was fun, everyone got some thing. Elsie They all got fossils and crystals, and then yeah, there was like, for some reason, a lot of shark teeth in marigolds, so I started putting those in the other kids' baskets, because she didn't want anything to do with any shark teeth. Emma Oscar was like, I want all the shark teeth. Yeah, I was not. Gemstone mining really was maybe the best part. Oscar really liked the dino walk too. And I was telling you, so we were walking, I'm still carrying Hugo a little bit on the trail, and I was like, you know, Hugo's not quite the right age for this, it's like possible for him to do it, but it's not, you know, and he's not going to remember it, but I also feel like Oscar's like really at an age now where he's starting to have a lot of, he probably is going to start having a lot of memories, and I just don't love the idea of like we're going to wait three more years before Oscar gets to do any of these things that I know he really would love to do, just because Hugo isn't quite there, so we do have a lot of like splitting up, like sometimes one of us stays home with Hugo,

1:24and you know all that things. I think a lot of parents understand this, when your kids are like slightly different ages, and you're like, oh, this one would just love doing this, and the other one's not quite able to do it, so we're gonna like make this work the best we can. Earlier, as we were driving away, Oscar was like, "Can we go there again? Oh, it's cute. He like loved it. It was really cute. So it was fun. It was fun to do something that we'd done as children too with our kids.

1:29Elsie No, I would totally go back in the fall, because I, the dino walk part, I thought would be beautiful, like with the leaves turning, okay, so yeah, that was it, was fun, and I felt like I gave my kids like a strong Missouri memory, which is good, because I, I'm not always the best at that, and I want them to have those little, like, you know, like those quirky little Missouri experiences. I think it's fun. Emma Yeah, it's super fun. It's fun to be a weird little tourist in your hometown. I'm a fan of being a tourist where you live.

1:37Elsie Yeah. Okay, so this episode is coming from an Instagram message. I'm gonna read it, so yeah. Always send us suggestions. You can email us, you can leave comments on Instagram, I'm not the best at DMs, DM, DMS are my, so maybe not DMs, there's, they're kind of like just a graveyard sometimes, like things get buried, and that is hard, anyway, no one cares. Okay, so this is from Carrie, and it says on the podcast, I'd love to hear you and Emma explore your top favorite effortless comfort for when life is too stressful or busy to put emphasis or money towards other leisures, such as classical music, YouTube screensavers, on the TV, reading, crochet. So she's saying, I love this idea. Like, what are the what are your little go-to like treats for yourself that don't cost much, they're not, you know, like they're not buying a new dress, they're not buying a new pair of shoes, they're not like, you know, going to your favorite restaurant, they're more like things you can do any day. I think this is great, and I wish that we were in a big huge room where everyone could, like, raise their hand and say theirs, because I want to

1:49hear everyone's. Emma Yeah, yes, we need some little fixes for a little problem. Elsie I know. I always wonder if someday we'll ever do, you know, how people do podcast tours, yeah, ever, ever, ever. Because I mean, I hope maybe one day we could, like, maybe combine it with a book tour or something, because I think that would be so fun. Emma I was gonna say, maybe it should be a tour where we record the podcast, and then we all, it's got to be in the day, because we're not night people, and then we all go to a bookstore together afterwards.

1:59Yeah, and that's pretty much the tour. Elsie A craft, it's a craft event. Emma It's an experience. It's a cozy comfort experience. I don't know why. Are we brainstorming? Elsie Let's put a pin in that, but there's something there. I definitely think. Emma Okay, so mini comforts. I think we each have five. So, if you can just go back and forth. Elsie Okay? My first one is making garlic parmesan noodles. So, my kids call it Mommy's comfort noodles.

2:10Oh, I know, because I started making it when they were sick, and it's usually when they're sick. I do it with pastina, which is like the tiniest little pasta, and it's so good. All it is is garlic, parmesan oil, salt, like there's nothing. Emma Do you use fresh garlic. Do you use powder? Elsie No, I crush up a couple cloves of garlic. I would add garlic powder if, if I want. I'm like, I'm a garlic lover, yeah. And so it's marigold. So we're like, we want it, like we want the kitchen to stink, yeah, like from garlic, and that's the ultimate yes.

2:19Emma Where as soon as you talk to someone afterwards. You're like wondering, you're like, hmm, like that level of garlic. Elsie You have to brush your teeth right after you eat. I think that's a great meal. Emma Yeah, yes, actually it is. Yes. Okay. My first one is similar. It's a kitchen thing, so mine's just bake something. I love how specific yours is, but for me, a lot of times when I'm in like a little bit of a bad mood or a rudder, I've had a bad day, part of what I'm craving is like freedom or adventure, so hear me out. You can't always do that, right?

2:29Elsie What freedom, what adventure? Emma Your kids are already asleep, and you're stuck at home, so I like to sometimes bake something new, and usually it's still something simple, because you have to have the ingredients already, or you're like, I don't know, on so you just go into your cabinet and see what's there. Yeah, or I'll bake like a version of cookies that I already like, is already a go-to, but then I'll add something to it, like cinnamon, or, you know, I don't know, whatever, like just something like that. Or I'll go through. I have a whole bunch of cookbooks where I have things already marked. I've talked about how, when I get a new cookbook, I like to put little stickies in it, and just kind of like save them for a rainy day, and this is it. This is the rainy day, so I pull it out, and I see if I have all the ingredients for baking something, and I might also bake something that's a go-to, you know. My favorite cookies are like no bakes, they're like oatmeal and chocolate, they're things that we had a lot growing up, because in the summer we weren't allowed to use the oven, so this was like the summer cookie, and then my husband and I have this, it's actually on

2:43the blog, no bakes are on the blog too, but we also have this like soft peanut butter cookie, we call it the best cookie, we're always like we should buy the best cookie.com and put this on, I don't know, we're not really gonna do it, and I'll make a batch of them, and I don't even bake any at first, I just freeze them all, and then we will bake like one or two of them in the evenings. Love, yeah. I don't know. Sometimes it's fun. It's not even necessarily about eating the treat for me. It's more about making something. I just like making something with my hands, or like doing something, and baking is fun for me, because then it's a consumable, so it's like something that goes away.

2:50Elsie Love it. Okay, my next one is to watch Knives Out, or any other comfort movie. So, kind of like a background movie playing in my kitchen is what I mean by this. So, my top - everyone knows, I think already - but my top most rewatched, like the comfort movie that plays in the kitchen, is either it's kind of always knives out 29 yeah, from 2019 the the original one, the other ones I did, I did enjoy them, but I don't consider them re watches, then Twilight, like year round, it's just, but that's just that's for the rain, and let's come back to that in a moment, because it's also on my list, Harry Potter, so, but this is mostly in the fall, actually. Like, it's kind of our, like, fall through Christmas is like Harry Potter's always on, and I feel like it's like a thing, or the nightmare before Christmas. And then, what's the other way? When I'm by myself, and I am like indulging in just my own, like, something that only I like, I like to go to Marie Antoinette, so the Sophia Coppola one. It just is like, I don't know, like the perfect little, like it's beautiful, and you don't really have to watch it carefully, and it just like puts me in a good mood.

3:02Emma Yeah, it has vibes for sure. Elsie A good soundtrack too. Emma Yeah, mine's probably 13 going on 30 or the 90s, Romeo and Juliet. Elsie That's a good one too. Emma For the vibes, I mean, because you know the story, you know, but both of them, I know those stories very well, they're both classics to me, love. Okay, my next one is more on the inexpensive side, it's not free, so it's going thrifting. So this is not always possible, but like I love to go thrifting, ideally by myself.

3:14But I would go with you, I would go someone else who also gets it, and like is looking for themselves, like they're not following me around. Elsie No rush and you spread out and you just do your own thing, exactly. Emma I would go, anyone who's on that level, great, but not so much. I've never taken my kids thrifting, I don't think they're ready for that. Do it, and like, my husband doesn't like thrifting, it's not his thing, so I wouldn't go with him. So, anyway, mostly I go by myself, and yes, this is consumerism, because you're gonna probably buy something if you find anything, but for me it really has like that whole treasure hunt experience to it, where you're like trying to find the diamond in the rough kind of thing, and I think that's really fun. And then I've mentioned this before, but I love to buy what I would call weird art supplies at the thrift store, that's like a lot of what I'm looking for is like things, a lot of it's stuff I do with my kids, so like objects that will paint together and put them in our fairy garden, but also sometimes you just find really weird, like a really good bag of beads or yarn or whatever, and so it leads to like other projects. I

3:28also recently, this was so random, I got a 90s Dooney and Burke bag that was like. Looking pretty rough, it was just black leather, pretty simple, and I was like, this looks like a fun project, and I like bought some leather cleaner conditioner, and I bought some like metal polish, and I was like looking up like the type of metal, and and I cleaned it according to how the internet said I should, which is mostly like just water and dry rags, it's not even needing any chemical stuff. I like, even like, got a little toothpick, and was there was like green stuff on part of a buckle, and you know, I just became like this little project of restoration, and like it's really cute bag. I definitely will wear it. I really like it, but it was also just like a fun little project, and so for me, thrifts don't feel like I'm trying to buy a new dress, because, like, I could do that anywhere. For me, it's almost like I'm looking kind of for a project, kind of for like weird art supplies, or a little restoration project, or like a little treasure hunt, is kind of the thing.

3:38And a lot of times I go and don't buy anything, and that's fine too. It's still fun to me. Elsie That's a very good one. Well, love. Okay, my next one is, so this summer I've been watching Twilight with my kids a lot. Emma So cute. Elsie But it has to be raining. But luckily, in June, where we live, we've had two tornado warnings. We've had one day where our power was out for half the day, like it is rained almost every day, which is ironic, because this month was the month that my exterior of my house got painted, so it took like way longer than it was supposed to, but it's done now, and it looks fresh. And anyway, the kids are obsessed with Twilight. Well, actually, just our older daughter is, but it has been so much fun, because at first she was a little scared by it. She wasn't sure, and then she accepted it. She got into it, and then she wanted to watch it every day. And now she's seen them all, and she has always had this thing since she was a really little girl, where she rewinds her favorite parts and watches them over and over. And so the scenes, you're gonna love this. The scenes that she rewinds are the vampires playing baseball scene

3:54and the ending scene, where all the heads get popped off. Emma Wow, I didn't see that coming. That's like the two action scenes. Elsie Both of my kids think that the best character is Renesmee, which I think is a, is a great best character to choose. Yeah, it's a joyful time. It's good to be alive in our home. Emma It's funny too, because when she was little, little, she used to be kind of scared of vampires. Oh, yeah, I was like her. Elsie I think that's part of what makes her drawn to it is the fear, like she does. She's an Enneagram one, I think. She's like drawn in a way to, like, the pain of her.

4:06Emma Yeah, I think in some ways we're all a little drawn to the things that scare us. Yeah, I think that's maybe just a truth. Elsie Yeah. Emma No, that's cute though. Oh man, my next one is to just get outside, so this could be anything, and depending where you live and what time of year it is, especially if you live somewhere like me, where you have all four seasons, this can vary a lot, and I'm a big going on a walk person, so I love going on a walk. I could probably wax and wane about going on walks. To me, it's kind of like active alone time.

4:16Also, given the age of my kids, sometimes I have to take one of them with me, and that's okay too. It still works, and sometimes it's good if it's like, you know, letting them get some sunshine, like, you know, I was pushing a stroller for a long time. Now I'm pushing a tricycle that has like a handle behind it that's like so the mom can stand behind and push it. So I'm out there all the time. I've met all the neighbors. Anyway, ideally I like to go by myself, but I'm happy to go with a kid, that's fine too. But getting outside to me is just kind of like a really good mood lifter, and I will even like when I'm kind of feeling down in the winter, even if it's really cold, even if it's like snowy, and like we're not outside sledding way, but just like a okay, it's the fifth day of snow, and it's getting kind of gross out there. I will put on - I've mentioned this - my snowsuit, and go for a walk, just because getting outside just helps a lot, in my opinion. And so, for me, it's a have to do it helps, and if I got to take one of the kids with me, that's great too. Fine.

4:26Elsie Okay, my next one I had done was wondering a flea market, but I feel like you kind of already covered a little different, though. Emma So, is it flea market over thrifting, or are you like, either is good for me? Elsie I prefer a flea market, but either is good. I'm gonna replace it, though. Okay, so this is something I've been doing this summer, and I actually just talked about this in my newsletter, so, and I got some really good suggestions, but I have been, I have like just a notes app that is hoarding all of the best hotels that I want to visit in the US, and it is bringing me so much joy just to like look at all the room. Times and like try to decide which one should we go to first and like how could we like I think that this is like a thing for anyone who has ever had a Zillow addiction which I definitely did and I'm over that now.

4:38Emma Same. Elsie And I don't really I don't mind I look at Zillow sometimes to see like what's for sale in our neighborhood because I think that's interesting, like it's in your own neighborhood, I think it's still interesting, but to look, especially there's like this one part of New York I just should not really look at it, because it kind of like gives me like weird feelings, like I like I wish, I wish you know that kind of thing, so anyway, instead I'm now doing boutique hotels, so yeah, send me if you have like just the cutest like capital Esthetic hotel, then send it to me. You can send to our podcast email or my personal email, whichever one, but yeah, it brings me so much joy, and I think that we're gonna start like visiting them more, because I think, okay, so in the next 10 years I can see my kids are getting older, I'm gonna start traveling with them, and also I think I'm going to be able to keep doing these frequent like writing weekends, and just like leaving, leave it on Monday, come back on Friday when the kids are in school some weeks, and having just like beautiful places to go, where there's a little bit of a walk, where there's a coffee shop,

4:52where there's a restaurant, but it's not like there's not like a list of things you want to do, it's like you can mostly just like, you know, sit in the lobby, or sit in your room, or sit by the pool and work on your project, is, I think, a really good thing to have. Emma I agree. It's just like an I think list making for like future goals, future places you want to visit is always like a good because it's just kind of like a hopeful thing, you're like I'm looking forward to the future because I want to go on these trips or I want to read these books or I want to, whatever.

4:59Elsie Dreaming about it. Emma Yeah, dreaming, okay, my next one is clean something out. Okay, so hear me out. I know a lot of times cleaning - don't get me wrong, cleaning is not always fun. I get sick of doing the laundry and the dishes just like everybody else, but there is something that feels really good to me about, like, oh, I finally have a little bit of time. I'm going to clean out that junk drawer. I'm going to take everything out of the drawer.

5:06I'm going to figure out what we might still need, what we really don't need. Why have we had this for two years? We've never used it. I'm getting rid of that, or like, oh, this should go somewhere else, like, whatever. Like, I feel like it's just like a little, almost like a crossword puzzle for my mind of like figuring out where things should go, figuring out the things we need, and it could be anything, you know. I'm using the example of a junk drawer, but like I cleaned out my office the other day, hadn't been in there in months and months, other than to pop in to grab something in my kids' wreck something in the meantime, and that felt really good. I cleaned out this like drawer in my kids' bathroom the other day, and I had like toothbrushes in there from when they were tiny that were I'm like, why are these in here?

5:14Like, and they were kind of gross. I was like, I, this needs to get cleaned up, and it just felt good. Now, when I open that drawer to get like a little Flosser stick out for Oscar in the morning, I'm like, ah, I just have like that feeling, and I love that feeling. So, it could be cleaning out your closet, it could be cleaning out your kids' closet, whatever. I think this is a great one for when you're kind of stuck inside, like wintertime. What you're chasing is that feeling of accomplishment, and it's just nice. And then it's also like a little gift to your future self, where, like, now everything in the junk drawer we need, and I know where it is, and I know what's in there, and like, when my husband's like, where's the cord to charge this one thing that we charge quarterly, and we won't. I'm like, I know exactly where it is, because I just out, and it's nice. It's a good feeling.

5:23Elsie No, that's a great feeling. I just did that with Nova's bedroom last week, and it feels so good, especially I took all the books down from the bookshelf, and redid it, and that was like, it's annoying, but it looks so much better and more organized, and now it's like easy to find things, and I can tell they're like using it more again. Emma That's always a great feeling when you're like clean something out, and you can tell like it's making your family enjoy something more. I also just am always like chasing like peace, like I get a little overwhelmed and cluttered, and not cluttered, like not like good clutter, like bad clutter. Things have just built up. I can feel myself getting like it's like when I'm in an environment that's too loud for me. I just feel a little like off. So I think it's really a gift to me of like, oh, I feel good in this room now, and I felt kind of off before. Oh, I just needed to clean eyes. Need to deep clean everything out of here.

5:35Elsie Okay, my final one is taking a little walk to look in the little free libraries of the neighborhood. I feel lucky that there are so many, and I know exactly the route. Out to get every single one of them if I want to in a day, it's just so joyful, and I also like to bring banger new releases to drop off, and I like believe this is superstitious, and I don't know if it's true, but I do believe that it like gives me good karma, and that it like somehow like put something out into the world that I want to get back, you know, yeah, like because you know how exciting, like the most exciting thing I ever found in a little free library was a banger new release that I wanted to read, and you know what I mean.

5:43Emma That's a good day when you're like yeah. So yeah, like, leave some, take some, and then just like checking them, and then like, yeah, if you see one that's looking kind of lonely, you can put some good books in there, like that, just it's the best feeling, and I think it's sort of like one of the most beautiful things that neighborhoods and communities do to like stay connected without actually being connected, yeah, I agree, and I often is so random, but I a lot of times end up talking to people when I'm either putting something in a little free library or getting something out, just because it's a moment where people kind of know, I guess, that you're available, I don't know, but it just happens a lot to me. I think I have a friendly face too, people talk to me a lot, and I often have my kids with me, so then there's that too. But you saw you just meet people, which is kind of fun in a very casual, you know, like not threatening at all, easy way that's really very brief, but it's just nice. It's a nice little moment of human connection.

5:55Elsie Hell yeah. One time someone complimented my little free library while I was putting stuff in it, and he said it was the most esoteric little free library, and I was like, What the.. like, I still carry that compliment in my heart, like so high up. You're like, "This was years ago, my new best friend. Yeah, it was a dad pushing a stroller. It was so cute, that's cute, like it did make my day, and I think that, like, yeah, it feels it makes the neighborhood feel so friendly, so I think it's a wonderful thing, Emma It does. Okay, my last one is to do a random art project, so I think a lot of times when I'm like, have something in my mind I want to make, it's like very thought out and I think that's great, that's more hobby zone, that's not exactly what I'm talking about with this, this is more like truly just something random out of things you have, it's just fun to me, it's like very much like think of it like I'm a kid playing again, maybe it turns out something cool, maybe it doesn't, and it was just fun to work on for a little bit, listening to your favorite music or an audio book, whatever. And it can be truly random if you don't know

6:08what to make, you can get on Pinterest or wherever you like to collect ideas, but I'm a fan of collage. I also keep shoe boxes to make dioramas, both for my children and for myself, I think paper mache is really cool, like just stuff that, like, doesn't matter, it's not going anywhere. I'm using air quotes, you're just making something for the love of making something, it's just a good way to kind of sometimes to kind of get out of your head and like focus on something else for a little while, and it's kind of, you're kind of like problem solving, but it's a problem that doesn't matter, you're just making something look the best that you can out of whatever supplies you have, and that's fun. I also think sometimes it's nice to do like an adult coloring book, which, by the way, if you don't have one, use one of your kids' coloring books, like it's nice to just kind of zone out and like do something with your hands, I think it feels good to me. So, yeah, use whatever you have, it will be fun, and it doesn't have to turn out amazing. It doesn't matter, it's just for fun.

6:19Elsie I love that. No, I think the more just for fun crafts the better. I agree. Okay. Beautiful. Well, that was such a fun topic. So, thank you. Send us topic ideas anytime people have been like saying, like, I really want you to be able to fill the summer, so here are some ideas, and that is really helpful, really nice, and yeah, it brings us joy, and I do think we're going to get through the whole summer, I think we're doing it, I think we're going to be straight into the fall, so that is a good achievement. Okay, so we have a listener question from Taylor. Would you like to? Yes, this is a fun one.

6:26Emma Yes, Taylor says, I'd love for you to offer some insight or advice on a question I have. I have a small home, and I take pride in how it looks. I also love to host. Now that my friends and I have small children, I feel anxious about hosting kids inside my home. I worry that my furniture will get ruined or things will be broken. I don't have an additional play room or living room that kids can go to while the adults enjoy the evening, so we would kind of all be together. I have a rule with my own children that food and drink stay in the kitchen and dining area. I want my guests to feel welcome and relaxed when I host. Host, but I'm having a hard time relaxing and being quote easygoing because I worry that my stuff will get ruined, and I know these are material items, but they're important to me, and I don't have a lot of money to replace them.

6:36Elsie Okay, so wait, there's a little part of the end. It says, oh, do you have any advice on hosting children, letting go of anxiety while hosting, or tips for removing stains, furniture, rugs. If that happens, okay? I have like a lot on this because we just started doing during the school year Monday after school play dates, and there's like six kids in our house, and I hope that none of the moms are listening to this as they say this, but one of our kitchen cabinet, like our brand new kitchen cabinet doors, got ripped off halfway. Things do happen most of the time, it's just like, oh, a spill or sticky, it's fine, but there's like a couple of times when, like, actual, yeah, actual damage can happen, and, like, honestly, with little kids, that is real. So, this is not a, this is not a, like, we're worrying about some, this is not worrying about something that probably actually will happen, and you might have to, yeah, pay your own money or do a DIY repair, or, you know, so, yeah, my advice is to just let it happen, but I do think that, like, keeping snacks and drinks in the kitchen is, I do that when we have play dates, and I think that's reasonable.

6:48We also put our shoes by the door, because one time there was, like, a mud day on the playground, and it really got everywhere. Yeah, so that is the.. I think both those things are reasonable. And then, beyond that, it's like, so you can do it halfway, you give a couple roles, and then beyond that, you kind of just let it go, and you just let it be that, like, occasionally kids, like kids love hide and seek, and hide and seek is a game that either tends to like get things broken or leave a huge trail of messes through your home, but I think it's worth it, because they're having fun, they're having their friends over. This is a core memory situation for all the kids involved, you know. It's like we'll grow up together. I don't know, I think it's just right.

6:56Emma So I have three pieces of advice. One, just like we were saying, I think, if you have a rule, like take your shoes off when you come in, or food stays in the kitchen dining area, I think that is fine. Say it right away. So, it's two things to me. When I go to someone's house with my children, and they, a rule is said like that to me, I'm like, oh, now it's my job to help enforce this rule with my children. If I see my children breaking this rule, it's my job to do that, and just parents listening, and you don't know that, and go ahead and play this part for your husband. If you think he doesn't know, it's your job to enforce it, not the host, because now you've heard the rule. And then, second, I think it's good for kids to have to have rules sometimes that are even different from their home that they need to learn to follow. This is a good thing for them. Yeah, and even if it doesn't go perfectly, it is still a good thing for them to have to learn to be in other environments and to be polite and to be thoughtful of other people's things. That's good. You don't need to feel like you're being this like not easygoing person. It's actually an opportunity for other

7:08parents who might have different rules in their home for their children to learn to be polite, and that is a good skill, and it's good, so it's a good situation. So that second thing I would say, if you have anything that you are able to put away that's important to you, like you can't really put away your couch, you know this is just gonna happen, rugs can't necessarily get put away, but if you have some kind of heirloom glass lamp or something. If you can put it away, I would. If it's some kind of special thing that could break that you're able to remove, I would. Before you have a bunch of kids over, it's not rude. It's just this is special to you, especially if it's something that's kind of irreplaceable, a family thing, or you know, something sentimental to you. You got on your honeymoon. I don't know if you could put it up in a closet for the party, that might help you feel a little more chill, like, okay, that's not going to get broken.

7:17Maybe there'll be a stain on the rug, but you know what, at least that special, you know, thing is put away, and I know that's safe. So that's nice. And then the last thing I would say is, if you aren't gonna be able to like kind of get the kids out of your space, and you want the adults to be able to talk. I think that's kind of an opportunity for screen time, and I am one of those parents, like all parents, I'm concerned about screen time. I don't want my kids to watch too much screen time, but I also think there are times it could be useful, and so to me, if I'm like, all right, I don't want kids to be on screens the whole time. I don't want to just turn on a movie and be like, everyone go do that, so the parents can talk to me. I will employ, like, a I have an activity planned that I do with the children, and this can be age appropriate. It could be a game you play, and hopefully the game keeps. Going, and then you may not even need the screen, or the game lasts 1020 minutes, and it didn't keep going, and that's fine. You did a game, and now you can do screen, or you do some kind of activity, you bake something together, you

7:28do some kind of art project together that's not messy, that's something that you have control over, and it may, you know, spawn the kids into their doing their own thing now, and the parents can have some time to talk, or it may be time to turn on a screen. That's what I would do. That's what we do when we hang out with our kids. We kind of let them play, and then sometimes there comes a point where I'm like, we're gonna turn on a movie now and let you guys watch that while we talk a little bit, you know.

7:33And that's that's what I do. Maybe that's helpful, maybe not. I don't know, but at any rate, it's totally fine to be nervous about people ruining your home, and especially small children. That doesn't make you a person who doesn't like children or doesn't like to host. That's normal, and it is a bummer when things get ruined that you loved and that you can't afford to replace. That does suck, and it's okay to feel that. It's also life, and you know, kids have to learn and be to be in environments where things can get wrecked, and unfortunately that may include your things at times, and that is a bummer, but it is sort of the price of kids being raised around you, or it may be your kids that do it, you know, it's just sort of how it goes, but it's okay to feel like anxious about it, or be kind of bummed if it happens, because it does suck. I had many of my things ruined, and it was a bummer. But for my own kids, actually, your kids have never ruined my stuff yet, but you know, it happens also. Dogs have ruined my things. Just, it happens.

7:44Elsie I think it's worth it. Sometimes you have a chance where you can prepare outside activities that might help, you know, there's other things. Yeah, it just depends. But it sounds like you're doing a good job, and you just need to like put in some practice reps of inviting people over, and it'll get easier as you go. Emma It'll get easier, and as the kids' ages, the ages change, it changes overall, gets easier and easier. It's like there's a little easy phase when they can't really move when they're babies, but you also can't really like totally have a lone adult time, but they're just babies. And then it gets kind of hard for a while, and it gets easier and easier after that. So hang in there. Yep, you're doing it.

7:53Elsie Okay, now it is book report time. What is your book report for the week, Emma. Emma My book this week is Shark Drunk by Morten Stroksnes. So, Shark Drunk is actually a nonfiction book. I feel like we almost always do fiction, not that it's a rule, but I'm just kind of letting you know this one is nonfiction, but it's still very fun to read. It's, it's not in the self-help, self-development category. Elsie It's called narrative nonfiction. Emma It's like a mini memoir, in that it's, it's kind of about him and a good friend of his. They are hunting a Greenland shark, they're trying to catch a Greenland shark, they're going fishing, and they're in Norway, and he's a journalist and a great writer, so he goes on all these different tangents about the history of the area, the history of our ocean mythology around winds and stories about fishermen's boats from the 1800s and just all these different things. It was so much fun. I felt like I was learning a lot, but I also felt like it was just so random and weird, it was like talking to someone who's very interesting and also someone who's very curious about their world and has like researched it, so for me this was a book that

8:09I would read like a chapter or half a chapter before bed, and it was a great way to go to bed, like it wasn't something that was like making me feel like I needed to do things, I feel like a lot of nonfiction that I read, I'm like, I, I want to do something with this information. It's not like that. It was just entertaining, but still very educational. And I have a strong interest in Greenland sharks. I think I've mentioned this before, but, like, my older son has gone through his shark phase. He's still going through it. It's like on and off, that dinosaurs, sharks, dinosaurs, sharks, dinosaurs. And so we're always like getting shark books from the library and learning about sharks, and the like shower curtain in his bathroom has all these different kinds of sharks, so we talk about shark facts a lot. And anyway, his favorite is Mako, my favorite is Greenland shark, because Greenland sharks can live up to 400 to 500 years, and they're, I think, they're fast, they're the oldest living vertebrae, and I just think sharks are interesting anyway. But I find Greenland sharks very interesting, and there's actually not that many

8:20books about them, because they're very difficult to study. They're only found mostly in arctic oceans, and they live in the deep, so they just aren't studied. There's not a lot of information on them. So anyway, this was a book that I came across that was kind of about Greenland sharks. He's not necessarily a scientist, he's more of a journalist, and he wasn't necessarily studying Greenland sharks, he was going fishing for one, but it was also very, very informational, and I also have an interest. I've talked about this before, I love. Norway. I love Iceland. I love places like that. I just think they're beautiful and fascinating, and I like learning about them. I like visiting them. This book, like, hit everything that I'm interested in, and was just so fun to read. He's such a great writer. I really can't recommend it enough, although I get that it's pretty weird, but I loved it.

8:29Elsie Yeah, no, that's definitely a niche interest, but it does sound really interesting. Emma The book is called Shark Drunk, because another thing about Greenland sharks is their flesh becomes toxic over the course of their lives, and people do hunt Greenland sharks, people do eat Greenland sharks, but it's actually very intoxicating, it's very poisonous, so you have to, it has to be treated in a certain way, but you can become kind of drunk or intoxicated from eating the flesh of a Greenland shark, so that's why the book is called Shark Drunk.

8:37Elsie Huh? Emma Yeah, uh, why I don't entertain you the eating one. Elsie Oh, people eat that normal? Emma You know, people eat all sorts of different delicacies. Yeah, okay, okay. I don't know if you're really supposed to hunt Greenland sharks. I feel like you have to get a permit. I know he talked about this in the book, but I really can't remember because he talked about so many things. So, I don't think it's like something that they're not hunted a lot anymore, but it is something you can eat if you go to areas like that. It's a delicacy, and it's treated in a special way, and, but it's also their flesh is toxic.

8:49Elsie Okay, well, I will know to never, ever, ever eat a shark, just in case. No, thank you. So, my book report this week is Whistler by Anne Patchett, so it's our newest novel. I love Anne Patchett. She's probably, I don't know, maybe my like top favorite author, or like top three, because I kind of feel like top three. It's so hard to like pick your number one, but yeah, like she is so far up there, and the book was beautiful. It was a very quiet book. Okay, so I want to like revise. I think I said in a previous episode that someone told me it was like similar vibes to the correspondent, and I don't like, maybe they could live in the same, the same person would probably enjoy both, but that's probably the only similarity, like I didn't see, as I didn't see much, so it's not letters or what's it called, piss, teller, yes, no, it's not, it's it's just a regular novel told in two timelines, and so it's like a adult present day story and childhood memory stories woven together. So, okay, I have said before, I think on the podcast that I love, like, any book that has old-timey drugs, like laudanum, opium, you know, things like that. It's like I'm immediately.. I

9:01just like it. I don't know, I yeah, it's interesting. I just like the other thing that I love in a novel. This would be on my wish list, is more of this, please, are gay stories from the before times when people used to hide being gay. So Whistler has a lot of that, and I love it. It's just a category that I enjoy reading about. It is beautiful. Yeah, so I read an interview that it's kind of like a story, like a lot of people thought it was kind of like Anne Patchett as the main character, because there's a lot of similarities between her real life persona and the character in the story, but she said it's not, but she did say that the man in the book, who in the book, it's her ex-father-in-law, like someone that her stepfather, someone that her mother was married to, but only for a short amount of time, they had this big experience together that bonded them for life, and then the mother divorced him. She never saw him again, and then they run into each other in the first chapter of the book. So that's kind of the premise, but anyway, he is gay and from the olden days, and it's just everything. I loved it so much, I did sob at the end, and yeah, it's quiet,

9:12but it also felt like propulsive to me in all the right places, like I finished it really quickly. I was always looking forward to it, so yeah, I loved it. It was definitely five stars for me, and I would love to hear anyone's recommendations for more old timey gay stories, lovely. Okay, so we have a hot take. This is like, okay, I have to say we were discussing before, this is one of our favorite hot takes that's ever been sent in, because it's so wildly specific, but I know that kind of everyone in the world is going to relate with this, because you've met. Someone like this before. Yeah, okay. Should I read it? Yes. Okay. It's this is from Kat. It says, "My hot take is that for breezing, hiding smells is worse than the smell itself.

9:19The combo of bad smell, yes, even okay, even that bad smell combined with this is worse than anything matches open windows, say please don't go in there specific. Anything is better than Febreze. It is the worst smell in the world. Okay, and then this is where it gets good. My mother-in-law brings travel-sized Febreze with her when she visits, and whenever I go down our stairs, I want to faint. My double hot take is that it's actually pretty unhinged to be spraying Febreze in someone else's home, just spritzing around like our house smells. Just deal with the smells in someone else's house, and you know I'm a vintage girlie with matchbook collections, it's what I've held on to from every relative who's passed away. I have 8 million jars, lamps, silver dishes, etc. all filled with matchbooks, so you could just swipe one of those. Okay. Love, okay. First of all, I think we've all met someone in our life who had a Febreze blindness.

9:29Emma Yes. Elsie That's what I would call it. Yes, you can't tell you're just like, oh, this is a nice smell, I'm just gonna spray it on all my laundry, and then you can't tell that it's like this overpowering, like it becomes associated with you. And Emma said she had kind of a not direct, an indirect family member who does this, where they bring it with them into other people's homes. Emma This is an indirect family member, their mother does something like this, and it happened like when they were introducing their, their partner, who they married later, and it was just.. it's like an epic story that they tell a lot, and I'm being very vague on the identity, because I don't want anyone in my family to hear this, I'd be like, yeah.

9:41Elsie Bet they were saying, 'Mom, please don't spray your Febreze, and she was doing it under the table. Yeah, so love, okay? So, agree or disagree with the premise? What do you say? Emma So I will say, I use Febreze. I do use Febreze in my home from time to time. We have a bottle, I'd say we go through one bottle a year, so that's probably not very much. I don't know, but I use it now and again. So I'm definitely not an anti-fabreeze person. I think it can be a helpful tool in certain situations. I think that we can all agree, though, that it is unhinged to bring your own travel febreze into someone's house, and to just be spritzing it around. I would understand. We were talking about this before. I would understand if you went over to someone's home and you used the restroom, you went number two, stop, stop, you there wasn't a fan, and you felt really self-conscious about that. I would understand that.

9:52I would feel I would also feel self-conscious in that situation, so maybe you carry a little Febreze with you for a situation like that. I guess I could understand that. I wouldn't do that, but I can understand. But just to be spraying it around someone's house, just anywhere. I'm like, like, yeah, down, down a stairwell, or whatever. I'm like, I don't understand that at all. Like, do you hate the smell of their home? I don't know. Elsie I think it's a blindness. I think people who like the smell think that it's just like this nice neutral smell that is pleasant to everyone. I don't think they understand how it comes off, like, so I personally do hate the smell. I have, like, a strong avert. I absolutely hate it. So, I do agree with this 100% I think there's so many other air fresheners in the world that smell better. Number one, having them, like, all the bathrooms in our house, I think, have some kind of air freshener sitting there. That is a doable thing that anyone can do, that's just a tip, by the way. Easy, put something in your bathroom, because it helps people feel, and having, like, in certain.. I think, in like a high track, like for our house, we have one

10:05bathroom downstairs, so for like a party, I would like always light the candle in there before the party, like that's just common sense, and like that makes sense, that's good. Yeah, I don't think you ever need to bring your own scent into someone else's home, like maybe if you're like it's just your own ensuite and no one else is really in there, whatever. But like spraying it into like a living room or a kitchen, or that is weird. That is a weird thing to do, kind of strange. Yeah, anyway, I thought it was hilarious, though. And then, yeah, to close it off, I personally love the smell of matches. Also, I do too. Like, I almost think that, like, when you light a candle, that the smell from the match is almost better than the candle. Like, I just think it's such a nice, pleasant.. so I agree with that completely. That can do a lot.

10:13Emma I will say, when I go to someone's house, and I see that they have collections of matchbook, is I wouldn't use them. Elsie That's true. You wouldn't. Emma I'm like what if this was their great grandmother's from their wedding or something? I don't know. And then they're like, why did you use that match? And I'd be like, oh my god, I.. because you know, like, it's just like.. so I wouldn't.. I actually wouldn't use someone's match. Elsie But in my house, the way, the way there's matches everywhere, you would use it right, because you would know it was for the candles.

10:25Emma I could tell, I could tell they're not like it's a vintage matchbook that I'd like. What if they got this on a trip? What if they.. I don't want to use something that might be, you know, I don't know, a family heirloom type thing. I don't know. Elsie So maybe just the cute little, like the little I collect, kind of like the shape of a shot glass, like just small glasses, and then I put candles, or, sorry, put matches in them, loose matches, and then on the bottom you can just get like Stryker stickers that you can stick anywhere, and it's amazing. It's like one of my favorite little flea market things to do, and they are everywhere, like, and I think they should be.

10:34Emma I think some people are kind of scared of matches, though. That's true. I think some people, if you don't use them much, if you're a person who just has, like, a candle lighter, yeah, like the clicky pen. Elsie Or if you're like stupid and you just like throw it into the trash can without running water over it. Emma Well, that is something I will say, like kids that are obviously little little kids don't let them do the matches at all, obviously, but like at a certain level, when they, you do kind of have to really talk about that, because I, you know, yeah, teach your kids, you see, like some people don't know, you cannot just throw a match, yeah, and that is very important to teach and understand if you're gonna have matches around, anyway, that's a whole different thing, fire safety.

10:45Elsie Yep, okay. Well, I think having, like, a smell blindness is a real thing, and scents are highly personal, like, I understand all of it, but yeah, I think Febreze is probably one of the number one most polarizing scents that you can, and to bring it in your purse is hilarious. Thank you. Thank you for sharing, Kat. We loved it. We loved it. Okay, we're gonna toss it over to a joke or fact with Nova. Hey, Nova, what do you have for us this week?

10:51Nova Another meditation. Elsie What type of meditation? Nova Grandma's house. Elsie A grandma's house meditation. Nova We have Grandma's house every Wednesday, it's so fun. So I decided that we should do a meditation about it. Elsie I think that is a wonderful idea. I'm closing my eyes, taking deep breaths. Nova You're driving through town, you stop, you get to your grandma's house, you go in, and your grandma greets you warmly, and then she tells you she's made a fresh batch of cookies for you, your favorite kind, and then when you taste it, you taste the warmth and the sugar, and you just get lost in the moments, and then you do a long talk with your grandma, you have some story time. You tell her about how things have been going for you, and she tells you how it's been going for her. Your grandpa comes in, he talks for a while, then he goes out again, and you and your grandma go all around town that day, playing, talking, and doing whatever you please, and then when you come back, she says it's time to go to bed. I'm tired, and you feel the same way, suddenly. And then you get into bed, your grandma kisses

11:13you good night and gives you a hug, and then you fall asleep with the thoughts of your grandma, and then when you wake up the next day, you get back to all of those fun things until you finally have to go back home, then once you go back home, you tell your family all about the good times you've had with your grandma in there, and then fall asleep with all sorts of dreams about your grandma, take a few deep breaths, open your eyes. Elsie That was a good one. That was, I think, that is gonna mean something to Grandma when she hears this.

11:21Nova Does Grandma listen? Elsie Yeah, she does. Nova Yeah. Now I'd like to say, have a good week, everybody. Elsie Thank you, Nova. Emma Thanks so much for listening again. Feel free to send us your little comforts. We'd love to read them. We'd love to add to our own list. You can email us at podcast@abeautifulmess.com and we'll see you all next week.