Good Science: Hanta Virus

0:00Speaker 1:The information provided on this podcast is uninformed and unreviewed. Good Science does not do any research about any of the topics discussed and assumes no responsibility for errors or oh mission, that's good science. Hey everyone, and welcome to Good Science with me Robert F. Kennedy Junior, and my co host, the ever present, ever Funny always shooting his shot. It's Kyle Quim right over here. What you do about you? Well, welcome everyone to our HHS podcast, and today we have a real doozy, don't we ile. I'm really excited. Oh hell yeah.

1:00Speaker 2:This has been scaring me for a while and I'm so happy we're tackling it, right.

1:06Speaker 1:You know the crew crew going on a cruise or the hand to virus, Yeah, the hand of virus. Man, I'm scared of these fucking cruises.

1:15Speaker 2:They feel like, uh, you know, Outbreak Festival or like that.

1:21Speaker 1:Yeah.

1:22Speaker 2:I just want to I just want to wrap my mind around this whole fucking virus and how scared I should be, how much I should frighten all my little cousins, Uh, what I should be saying? I had like thirty or forty little cousins.

1:37Speaker 1:Yeah, how old are they? What's their ages? They arranged from two to sixty. Wait, man, you have a little cousin, that's what How old are you?

1:47Speaker 2:Well, older cousins are shorter. So I I just lump them in under an umbrella of.

1:55Speaker 1:Little I understand. So and I just to your categorization is both the age and the physical eyes. That's rough, oz, that's it. And do they get smaller? Is it like a Benjamin small they get older? Yeah? Yeah sometimes? Oh so it's not a there's no control. Have you ever thought about doing a control?

2:21Speaker 2:What would that look? What's a What does that mean? Because I only know you mean like control them with my mind?

2:28Speaker 1:Oh? Well, I mean I mean I can't talk about secret projects at president.

2:37Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to hear about this.

2:39Speaker 1:Oh there's there like mint shit going on. Well, i'll tell you you know, so you know how there's MK ultra right, there's CIA program in the nineteen fifties, sixties and seventies. There.

2:51Speaker 2:Yeah, they're like uh like Mexican gangs that come in from the south.

2:55Speaker 1:That's that's MS thirteen. That's a different group. And President drowned, okay, and spend the time getting this is where I get confused? And what's that little robot that makes noise you mean tweaky, No, no doctor robot from b oh R two D four And that's R.

3:19Speaker 2:Two, all right, So that is not the gang that you're talking about.

3:23Speaker 1:R two. R two D four, of course, was the red R two unit that is briefly seen on the Java's trash transport. R two D two is the adventurous and plucky droid that exists across the entire Star Wars timeline. And he is no R two, which I gender, I should say, And I don't believe that gender norms. I mean, and I don't believe in I don't believe in labeling genders besides man and what man? But R two is clearly a boy and uh he uh he's no, he's not a disease either. This is m k Ultra. This is actually Ted Kaczynski, the the the bomber, the Thebomber. Wow, Kyle, come for you. That's a shot. Well when it comes when it comes to dangerous people, I know my facts.

4:26Speaker 1:Oh wow, maybe you're in the wrong business. You ever think of that because you don't know anything about comedy. Maybe you should.

4:36Speaker 2:I know, I'm a fucking encyclopedia about two things.

4:42Speaker 1:Comedy and dangerous people, serial bombers, killer, serial bombers, Gilgo. We gotta do a one on the gil Go Beach killer. Oh yeah. So uh. MK ultra was the old one, right, it dosed people. But President Trump has started a new one and it's called MK Supremo. It's all the toppings and fixings of MK Ultra with a little bit extra psychosis, making sure to control people's minds in thirty minutes or less.

5:16Speaker 2:Like fucking Domino's pizzas. So basically, you're saying you can control. You could make people what fart when.

5:22Speaker 1:You want to? Absolutely, you can be crazy. You could make people like, have you ever been on a plane and you smell it's terrible fart? Or on a cruise and there's an awful smell down the hallway. Oh shit, that's the act of MK ultra. Okay, So let's.

5:39Speaker 2:Talk about that, because that's what I wanted to speak about is the cruises. So we're hearing all this fucking news about cruise ships and the hand of virus. We got so many diseases coming out of these cruise ships. Why A why are they illegal? Why aren't they illegal? And be what the fuck is going on.

6:01Speaker 1:Bobby, Well, let's first off, let's talk about and I do want to get into uh, you know, because you brought this up because of your audition, uh for Second City cruis. Yes, that's right, which is really sad.

6:15Speaker 2:I fucking auditioned for Second City for the touring company.

6:20Speaker 1:And everybody what that means.

6:22Speaker 2:It's like some sort of comedy troupe, and you perform on these cruises.

6:29Speaker 1:For the morons who are on there.

6:31Speaker 2:And you know, so I couldn't get on as a stand up comedian for some fucking reason, even though I have millions of followers. So I tried to get in through the Second City shit and I failed my audition terribly because I shouldn't have touched you know, I shouldn't have done that.

6:50Speaker 1:What did you touch? It's it's okay.

6:53Speaker 2:I don't want to get into it because for legal reasons.

6:56Speaker 1:Oh I understand. Well, well, first off, uh, when you say you audition, you go on there to go on the cruise. Now people say that comedy actually is much easier on a boat.

7:13Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're already wobbly, and that's funny. It's sort of like you're Charlie Chaplin is what I've told you're already moving, You're you know, falling is really funny.

7:24Speaker 1:Aka mister Bean. Oh wow, you know about mister Bean. He's great comedy.

7:31Speaker 2:Yeah, I know anything.

7:32Speaker 1:Yeah he was. You know a lot of people don't know that mister Bean initially dressed as a giant clitterist. He would go on stage at Leicester Hall and the.

7:41Speaker 2:Rude about this. Why did he stop? Uh it wasn't like Jewish people or something stopped him, isn't.

7:48Speaker 1:Yes, because he built the Glitteris costume out of the discarded foreskins of young British Jews, and so rais why and he tied it into his own nerve, his system so that when people actually at the end of the show, people he encouraged people to go come up and flick mister Bean and they would guy.

8:08Speaker 2:See so that's where flick my bean came from. Yeah, and so they would be enacting it's crazy.

8:14Speaker 1:Yes. And now a word from today's sponsor, Kyle. We got a new sponsor today. Oh hell yeah, oh yeah, I'm very excited about this one. And uh, this is a company, is a totally new company. It's called Disney Cruise Lines. So I want to tell you. I want to tell you, Kyle, about Disney cruise lines. You know, and I can already hear what you're thinking, based on our interview, cruises are floating outbreaks with dacories. Well that's not true, Kyle. In this case at Disney, we've had our share of diseases, hant ebola, COVID dropsy, and cooties.

8:59Speaker 1:They've all had their start on our ships.

9:03Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of here. Really, this is Disney we're talking about.

9:07Speaker 1:This is disnal Disney cruises. So instead of denying it, oh, they embraced it on our cruises. They say, you've guaranteed to come home with a brand new, rapidly evolving virus experience, Kyle experiences. You'd like to have a virus escape room. It would be like an escape room and you and then you get sick and you know you have a disease, and if you get the right one you can leave the ship and other ones you die from. Now they've broken our air cycling system, they've removed all their cleaning protocols, and they staffed their ships with people who do not give a shit. Kyle. This is very important. It's incredible.

9:53Speaker 1:This is a closed environment with thousands of morons eating rotten shrimp, touching railings and vomiting off the high wobbly deck. That's incredible. Wow.

10:04Speaker 2:And so everyone's everyone's sick, and you're experiencing.

10:07Speaker 1:That everyone's sick. And you know, you see those viral videos, Kyle where someone's on the thing and they're like, please, I'm stuck on the ship. I'm a human being too, And imagine how many followers you get from that. Imagine the social media clout you can't. That's why they're doing it. So you know, if you're a young influencer, if you're someone who doesn't have the type of exposure that you want, this is a great opportunity for you, Kyle, to get a lot of exposure. Now for entertainment, this is incredible.

10:38Speaker 1:They've partnered with DreamWorks, the makers of Ants with a Z starring Woody Allen, but in this case they have their bigger star track who will be serving hot fries by the freezing pool. And we've partnered Machine allowing passagers to dump fast fashion into a floating garbage island in the which President Trump is worth.

11:02Speaker 2:I've always wanted to do that, and people now pay for that experience.

11:06Speaker 1:That's incredible. Well here's you know, think about that. We're so fortunate that we lived in the world. But you could dump for free, because now people are paying for it, pay to dump. They're paying to dump. And you know that island. President Trump I could announce now is preparing to make the floating garbage island in the Pacific the fifty first state in incredible get out, get on that quick, by your property now. So if you're old, if you're an old oh yeah, okay, So if you're an old, dying fuck or a single asshole Kyle looking to get absolutely railed on the open water, Dizne is for you.

11:47Speaker 1:If you're going to worry anyway, why not worry with us. There's no cruise lines. I think that's hit it up, folks, Yeah, hit it up today, offer code Kyle. How about that, Kyle? What do you think about that they did you as the offer code? Haha? Oh so anyway, well, it's a shame that you didn't get on there. But maybe it's actually fortunate, Kyle, because cantavirus is just one of a number of dangerous viruses that are spreading right now around the world.

12:22Speaker 2:So what is hantavirus anti virus.

12:26Speaker 1:Well, first off, the name originates from the Dutch word for Santa Claus, which was Hanta Klaus.

12:32Speaker 3:Oh shit, yes, yes, And Hanta Klaus was actually no, no, his Dutch Dutch he was actually you know, in Christmas is considered a quarantine event in the Netherlands.

12:51Speaker 1:See Hanta Klaus would spread disease, disorder, death, and.

12:55Speaker 2:Sickness instead of presence. Yeah, oh my god, disease.

13:00Speaker 1:Ohka. Yeah. So you'd open a gift, you'd go, oh, well, what's in my stocking? Oh, mama, mama, what's in my stocking? Right? But they would say it in Dutch, you know, and they would go up and they'd pull out polio. It would be just a cube of polio and then they would eat it. Credit.

13:17Speaker 2:Wait, so okay, So polio used to come in cubes.

13:21Speaker 1:Right, All diseases used to come in cubes. That's crazy. And when did it turn invisible? The industrial revolution would break all the cubes up and then spread the disease everywhere. You see, it's fucked up. Back in the day, diseases were in little blocks and cubes and you'd have to break them up to get sick, which is why only coal miners are people who were in caves got sick, right, and everybody else lived to a very ripe age. Come like baby Jessica. Baby Jessica was in the tunnel, she was in that little well and she got sick.

13:58Speaker 2:Now was baby Jessica a cube?

14:00Speaker 1:Yeah, well, she was a baby and she ate cubes inside the well, which is why she then became And this was the first case of inoculation cited at a study he done out of Kansas City in nineteen ninety two, proving that if babies eat cubes of disease early enough, it inoculates them and it's the natural way. And that's how Picasso. Yeah right, that's when that's right.

14:44Speaker 2:Okay, So tell me how does hantavirus spread and what does it look like?

14:50Speaker 1:Well, first off, Kyle, I don't know if you've ever seen a sexy mouse or a rat, but I know I have. And Minny, I'm going to say, Mini's the finishing mountain comes to my head. Yeah, well, and minie mouse, let's just face it's open for business now I heard, and this is is this true?

15:10Speaker 2:That mini mouse used to have huge tits and they had to you know, take them down, like minimize the tits.

15:17Speaker 1:Yeah, they got too horny around mini. Well, Walt Disney was one of the first cases in the twentieth century if antovirus because a lot of people don't know, and it's coming out now because it's been along the statute of limitations on his personal sexual history have run out and now it's public domain.

15:36Speaker 2:Why is this why they started on Disney cruise lines anti virus?

15:41Speaker 1:Yes, it's because he used to. He would have he would have sex with all the rats and mice that were on the ships, and that was how you got the Disney Seal of Approval, So the Disney and cruise so and also you have to remember cruising before it was a ship, right, just cruising for pussy, right right, So, so he was cruising for rat pussy and he would fuck it. And then of course you know when you have sex with a rat, the pussy juice backs up into your penis hole and then you get HANTA from that.

16:15Speaker 1:See it's backed up pussy juice up the dick hole. That is what changes. And this is all medical terminology. So I see, I see, okay, And that's the gift that Santa gives that would be that's what we used to well, you know, and they used to that was the gift Santa gave and that's the old store. Yeah. So what what does hantavirus look like?

16:37Speaker 2:You get it? You get that juice. How does it show itself?

16:42Speaker 1:You can also get it from heavy petting, kissing, you know, any sort of rubbing an ratting about it. I was going to just say also a lot of people, I think we all know this. Our moms used to do this. They would get on the floor and they would sweep up all the rat shit in the kitchen and then they would suck it up with their mouths like a cartoon vacuum. And uh, you know, often mommy would get sick from hand to right and have to sleep for a long time, or you know, she would she would die, uh, which is what most women die from hantavirus. Actually, it's the number one killer of.

17:19Speaker 2:Women, number one fucking killer.

17:21Speaker 1:Yeah. Oh yeah, and that's above men. Oh yeah, well no.

17:27Speaker 2:More than men do That's crazy.

17:30Speaker 1:Yes, Hanta kills women more than men. But men are I'll tell you their neck and neck. And I'm rooting for men to take.

17:37Speaker 2:Me to I'm rooting for men too. I don't want them to die of hantavirus. I hope men take the lead again. Now tell me what are the symptoms of hantavirus.

17:46Speaker 1:Well, hantavirus, you have a number of symptoms, itchy armpits. Uh. Scale you get on a scale and you can't get an accurate weight. It's always changing. There's gray scale. There's gray scale, yeah, from Game of Thrones. Yes, which wasn't real until Game of Thrones came out, and then people started getting gray scale and becoming statues at the end of their you know, at the end of the progression. Uh. There's also gray scale where you actually lose your tint, so as you move along. There's two types of gray scale.

18:24Speaker 1:Should break them down. And you know, the Dutch Institute for Hantavirus is all on the website. You can see this gray scale, which is the Game of Thrones disease. And then there's gray scale, which is losing your actual color tone and becoming Back in the early days of the silent movies, in black and white films, a number of actors actually had hantavirus.

18:48Speaker 2:So you turn into steamboat Willie essentially.

18:52Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you do, the old man, the old rat. Essentially that's fucking creel rat. Well that's what the is to say, I got the whole. You know, they go Someone would see some guy begging on the corner with his coal lung, and he'd go, oh, pallio, how you doing. He goes, not, well, it's the depression and I'm waiting for Hitler to get more popular in Germany. Save us all. And he'd say, oh, I got the old rat, and we'll talk to me. Talk to me about the cruises, because why do they happen in a cruise? We know cruises are fun, we know their places, people get fucked, we know their places. People have margarette ties.

19:33Speaker 2:Yeah, so why does why does the hellda virus grow? And I think the people listening want to know why does the hantavirus? Why is it like a peek uh pee tree?

19:46Speaker 1:Uh uh no, No, I'm gonna get it. Oh are you trying to guess something? Yeah? Pete petree piano tree like dog Davidson, Pete, Pete Davidson's in tree. Pete, it's tree. Well, when it is funny when I think of Pete Davidson, the first thing I think of this biss right right, Okay, So why is the why is the uh cruise Pete Davidson a dish? Oh, I know what you're trying to say. You try to say pete tree dish? Right, Sure, that's a place where bacteria grows.

20:26Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, Why is that a pete.

20:28Speaker 1:That's originally called Pete Davidson? Yeah?

20:32Speaker 2:Why is it a Pete Davidson dish out there?

20:35Speaker 1:Well, you have to think, first off, the type of people who go on cruises are disgusting and disgusting. Right, they're often the most grotesque and old, flabby and old, and you know, they're already stinking of other diseases, and they have a muskiness. And then you have young gross sort of you know, child to fuck people, stinky well ready to fuck. Yeah, oh yeah, well the old people are ready to fuck the children. You know, good luck to you on a cruise because you can.

21:03Speaker 2:Okay, so they're so what I am assuming is happening is a mouse gets on a cruise. These people who are dying a fuck or too old to realize what they're fucking, are having sex with a rat well or the yeah, okay, and then a disease just spreads because they're stuck on this fucking boat.

21:27Speaker 1:Well, you have to consider it this way. First off, they're having sex with the rat because they love the rats. They they grew up where sexuality with a rat or a mouse was a totally normal thing. It was the right of passage. Let's talk about the rat.

21:42Speaker 2:Is a rat hot?

21:44Speaker 1:Yeah? Oh yeah? Well, I mean my father took me to a rat, you know when before he died. Yeah, and I had sex with the rat to learn what is.

21:55Speaker 2:Technically the sexiest part of a rat? Is it the tail?

21:59Speaker 1:Oh no, it's not the tail at all. It's actually the engorged glands that are on either side of its thigh. Now that's where they sit. Yes, it's the fat upper thigh. There's no fat upper thigh.

22:15Speaker 2:The okay, the foot and now the Now tell me something, does it get That's.

22:20Speaker 1:Where you get fat and mouth disease? If I don't know if you've ever had as a child, I've had fut and mouths. I've heard about it. Yeah, that's where you get it from as a child. We don't understand our especial yet. Oh yeah, they spray, they spray it, but it's it's just you know, it smells like petjuli oil mixed with like a it's like a musky pechuli. It's really fucking foul.

22:47Speaker 2:Yeah, in a good way, the same way you know.

22:50Speaker 1:The sex smell is delicious and it's it's a lot of people in the industry perfuming industry don't know that. Actually, rat fut is probably the number one ingredient all clones and perfumes, especially high end ones. But you know, I think that the best way to answer these questions, Kyle is to bring on. I can't wait for this. He's a cruise director currently of Disney Cruises. His name is Rot Funty.

23:17Speaker 4:Yes, I do work at one of the bigger cruises, one with characters and costumes and a lot of magic, right, but I've worked at many other cruise directors in the cruises in the past.

23:32Speaker 1:Yeah, your name is Rot Funty. Correct, Yes, so Rough Funty. Okay.

23:36Speaker 2:What the fuck is going on on these goddamn cruises? Why are they such a hotbed for disease?

23:44Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, tell us Rot.

23:45Speaker 4:There's a lot more going on on cruises beside the spread of disease from rodent feces and urine. We have five incredible ships cruising all over the Bahamas, most out of Florida. We go to our private island owned by the company that I work.

24:02Speaker 1:For, island Epstein Island.

24:07Speaker 4:It's not Epstein Island, No, it's not far from what people call Epstea in the island, which is Little Saint James. But now private island is called Castaway K castaake k castaway K. That's our private Bahamian island that all of our cruise ships make a portocol to.

24:24Speaker 1:Listen to me, how long you think you're going to stonewall Kyle and I telling us to your bullshit about where the hell you go on your cruise and the family friendly crap. I want to understand how the hell disease is spreading the way it's spreading on your Disney cruise lines. You can sugarcoat it all you want and wallpaper over it and paint it up and pave it over, and then take some wood paneling and install it, and make sure to put in solid wiring in the interior of the walls. And then then what but the frame and make sure that that wall is and you're covering it up in a secret safe hidden by that wall that you constructed with tenang steel plants at a copper.

25:10Speaker 4:Anytime you put large groups of people in a confined area like a ship, if there is an exposure to any sort of human human transmissible virus, that is a situation where diseases can spread, whether it's the common cold or a novel disease.

25:27Speaker 2:Now you run Disney cruise lines, is that I'm.

25:30Speaker 4:A cruise director for a large company, a company with the presents in Orlando and Anaheim.

25:37Speaker 2:Does Daisy Duck have STDs?

25:40Speaker 1:Is that what's going on here? Well?

25:41Speaker 4:No, none of the characters are real and the costumes don't have you know, genitals or a coagula or anything like that.

25:48Speaker 1:So you're saying specifically you design the Disney characters to not have pussy's and dicks orse or coagulate. Yes, but a cloag Is this a clogged cloache? Never forget it. It's what my mother used to tell me when I was sick.

26:05Speaker 4:None of our characters or cast members, whether costumes or appearing with their real faces, are engaging in any illicit activity with any of the guests. What they do in their free time among themselves.

26:20Speaker 2:Why do you specifically request that these animals don't have genitals? Is it because that's what you're into, and you don't, is that what you like?

26:28Speaker 1:Yeah? Used kind of bob pussy free.

26:30Speaker 4:Though in traditionally at the Disney Company, and I don't speak for the entire company. I've been a cruise director for cruises run by many different companies that offer those types of services in the world, But speaking to the Disney Company in particular, they saw in the early days with the Mickey and Minnie Mouse costumes that you know, rodent penises and vaginas are buried under a layer of hair. They're not really visible. And in fact, one of the tough ways to find out whether you're dealing with a rodent that has that is a male is to pick it over on its abdomen and press on its sternum, and it's little pienis will pop out and show you that it's now And there's no way to There would be no way to translate that to a character design, you know, there'd be no and and even so, you know the engineering problems, and at what point would anybody be laying Mickey Mouse down on his back and pressing on his sternam and seeing if his little pa shows up.

27:25Speaker 4:That they thought about it, They rejected it, and then they just carried that policy through for all the rest of the characters.

27:30Speaker 1:Well, is that a fun thing you do on the cruise, because I know there's always a lot of fun activities on cruises, and is one of them getting rats and having the children push on the sternum?

27:41Speaker 4:No, No, we don't normally have that either for our larger, you know, human sized characters, or or the actual rats and the actual rats aboard the ship. That's that's a problem that the ship fearing folk, sailors and stuff have dealt with for hundreds of years. You go to a port, trade supply US, you resupply rats get on the ship. That's how Norwegian rats got into the United States.

28:17Speaker 1:You guys started the hant of virus, right, So you guys a hant of virus started. You guys started that.

28:23Speaker 2:So tell us how you did that and how you got it to spread so quickly.

28:29Speaker 1:That's a great question, Kyle. In Sison, we did not know.

28:32Speaker 4:The best information that we have in the industry is that someone went to a dump to watch some birds and was exposed to rat feces, rat urine.

28:42Speaker 1:You expect us to believe that a man got exposed to rat urine and not to believe that you actually started this shit. And I want to know this. This is one of my primary Have you ever had a disease? Have you ever had a disease on a ship and then spread it to these innocent old people and young children who don't know where their parents are.

29:03Speaker 4:We make sure that the children know where their parents are. I once had strep throat and I quarantined myself, but I may have spread.

29:09Speaker 1:It as here we go, here we go. Now we're starting to uncover something. Tell me something. How long have you had a tail?

29:16Speaker 4:Sir? I don't. I don't have a tail.

29:18Speaker 2:Are you a fucking rat?

29:19Speaker 1:No? Oh, sir, how can you disprove it? Can you disprove you have a tail? I don't see how you could disprove it.

29:25Speaker 4:Well, I'm not going to stand up and show you my rear end, but I promise I don't have a tail.

29:29Speaker 1:It would clear things up if we could see your cloaca.

29:33Speaker 4:I'm very easy to google.

29:34Speaker 1:Google.

29:35Speaker 2:Are pictures of your genitals on the internet, sir?

29:38Speaker 4:No, but you can find profiles of me from trade magazines in the cruise industry, and the authors of those pieces would have mentioned if I had any kind of prehensile tail or bird genitals.

29:49Speaker 1:I don't know if you know this, and maybe you can actually help out. I take a break from the interview to intercede on Kyle's behalf as a high rank in government official' recently auditioned for a second city cruises and due to an unfortunate incident that happens in improvisation where a woman is in the scene, he got into a little bit of trouble. No more details, please, guys.

30:14Speaker 2:Well, I little legal Harry legally here, it.

30:17Speaker 1:Would be great. Legal Harry was probably the problem. And so what I would say is maybe you could step in and talk to Walt Disney's dead body or something about getting him on the ship to improvise. And I think he would gladly even work on the underground prostitution ring that exists on the lower decks of the ships. Will you deny that.

30:40Speaker 4:That was before my time? That was well before my time, and I sure precluded from speaking to it under the terms of the settlement. But I mean I could get you on the ship if you want to be an entertainer. We need a new downstairs dale.

30:55Speaker 2:I would love to be. I would love to be on the ship. Can I make horribly insensitive jokes?

31:02Speaker 4:You're pretty muffled inside the costume, so as long as it sounds like mutters and chipmunk squeaks, it doesn't.

31:08Speaker 2:Oh you're talking about I would be I would be an animal, is.

31:11Speaker 1:What you're saying.

31:12Speaker 4:You'd be down below deck. Dale. We've got a Dale who's up by the water slide, and then we've also got a Dale who's below deck at the restaurant, and we need a new Dale. The last one got.

31:22Speaker 2:Handed that Dale is the tall one who's sort of he's the tall silly.

31:26Speaker 4:One, right, Yeah, with the rounder nose, the more the round.

31:30Speaker 2:No, Yeah, he's the AA and he's he walks around and he laughs like like that.

31:36Speaker 1:You understand what he's doing, Kyle right now? Do you understand what he's doing? What to do and chip are just forms of rats. And he wants to move you the Patsy Lee Harvey Oswald for Disney cruises. So he dressing you up by Dale, And what do you think downstairs? Dale means, Kyle, It means the guy who everyone takes downstairs, the rat that they take downstairs and they do dirty, and they go down and they go downstairs on them, and that's how you spread hand to virus. You see, this is fucking sick. This is sick. This is shit.

32:14Speaker 1:You sun up a bitch. You come on here and you lie to us, You lie to us about it, and now you're not gonna tell me right now you're not quarantined in your ship because there's a massively bowl of spread that's happening right now on the Let It Go Cruise. And that's where young mothers who don't want their children anymore go on this Disney cruise and then drop them off the railing once they're in an international wallers we'll Let It Go plays.

32:40Speaker 4:The Disney Corporation obeys all laws, national and international and international territory. If any woman is moved to throw her infant child off of the deck of the ship during our Frozen Fireworks programming in the evening, that's their business, and that's enforceable under maritime law, but not not by the officers on the ship.

33:01Speaker 2:But you do allow it.

33:03Speaker 4:We allow any legal activity.

33:05Speaker 2:I bet you they fucking encouraged that shit, Bobby. They encourage it.

33:10Speaker 1:Yeah, he encourages it. Look at him. Look at him in his little cruise cabin. Didn't you ever think pal that maybe you're the one on the short end of the stick. Look how tiny that goddamn cabin is. I mean, you got barely enough room for your murphy bed.

33:25Speaker 4:I like it.

33:27Speaker 1:I don't believe you. I like it.

33:29Speaker 2:They won't even let you hang a picture.

33:31Speaker 4:It's my pleasure to be aboard the ship.

33:34Speaker 1:Now. What are the cruise lines have you worked for and what diseases broke out on them?

33:38Speaker 4:I have worked for Carnival, Right, we did have a rabbit dog.

33:43Speaker 1:Massive rabies outbreak that happened on a Carnival cruise.

33:47Speaker 4:No, not a massive raby isn't just one rabbit dog that needed to be put down aboard? Okay, I worked for the Norwegian Cruises during the COVID outbreak. We sailed around for quite a while.

33:56Speaker 1:Disgusting that you did that, That you even pretended that COVID real.

34:00Speaker 2:Everything coming out of your mouth feels slightly sexual.

34:04Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.

34:05Speaker 4:Nobody's ever said that about me before.

34:07Speaker 1:Do you think that the submersible that collapsed with the billionaires on it would not have collapsed under the pressure of the ocean if they had a competent cruise director on there.

34:17Speaker 4:I would have advised everyone in that ship not to depart with a video game joystick controlling a experimental submersible that could not handle the pressure of the ocean. Yes, I would have blown the whistle, so to speak. Though it is a literal whistle that allows me to object to us departing or embarking on.

34:39Speaker 1:Oh, let's dig into that. So you have a literal whistle sort of like Willy Wonka that you play when there's an issue on the ship.

34:48Speaker 4:All the officers do. Yes, we all have a little whistle and we whistle if there's a problem, and then everything stops and we talk about it. Now, I can't demonstrate for you here because if I blew it, everybody would come down and ask me why.

35:03Speaker 1:And you don't have enough room in your quarters for everyone to be in there. It's so small, so I would assume that, uh, you couldn't fit Anyone's incredible I've ever seen about life.

35:14Speaker 4:These types of conversations.

35:16Speaker 1:Why do you still have a job.

35:18Speaker 2:I have a question, why do you still have a job if if you're the one who started hantavirus, get the.

35:28Speaker 4:I didn't start the hand virus.

35:30Speaker 1:You did it?

35:31Speaker 2:You didn't start it specifically, you, I didn't.

35:34Speaker 1:Yeah, you just yeah, this is a man. How come you don't have a disease? How come you don't have hand virus? But everyone on your fucking boat, everyone else hand virus. Doesn't it seem strange that.

35:46Speaker 2:You're the only thing the one who didn't get it?

35:50Speaker 1:Oh, you have got piss in your legs.

35:52Speaker 4:Most people didn't get it. Only a few people get it. I have gout, yes, because I eat all the rich food in their buffets and two dining rooms. I'm on a cruise ship all the time, so I'm eating cruise ship food. I don't have a lot of help. So yes, I've got a big swollen achy breaking big feet from me feet.

36:09Speaker 1:You're eating fucking tomatoes you got while people are walking around fucking mods Kyle, You realize what he's doing. He's telling us he's worked out a Disney cruise. He's got this beard clearly to cover up his giant bill. He's got yellow piss filled feet from all the food he eats, just like a particular duck. I know who's uh yeah, who's uh uh? I what you're fucking daffy. He's not daffy, but he likes disco. I think we are actually talking to one of the chief lieutenants of Disney, the Gerbels of Disney, Donald Duck, Are you, sir, gonna tell me that with your clear bill, your beard that disguises your face, which could clearly easily be feathers, you're working weird voice, your weird voice. You got a crazy voice, you got a crazy ass voice, and you got yellow piss filled feet.

37:07Speaker 1:That's a Donald Duck if I ever saw one. Total, this is a total snow jack.

37:12Speaker 4:I'm not Donald Duck.

37:13Speaker 1:Describe your ideal woman. Yeah, describe your ideal woman. We'll see if you're really Donald Duck or not.

37:20Speaker 4:Sort of coquettish, pale skin, purple skirt, little purple dress, boner hair.

37:26Speaker 1:We're boner hair. The fuck boner hair. You've never seen boner hair.

37:32Speaker 4:Boner hair, boa, Oh, purple sundress, boneed her hair, batty eye, left boner. That's what I like seeing a lady.

37:43Speaker 1:Interesting, And you're not Donald Duck. No, I'm not, okay, but you like a gal who talk about your family for a second, Yeah, tell us in your family. Yeah, who's in your family. Who what's your uncle?

37:55Speaker 4:Like, My uncle passed away a long time ago, left me a considerable amount of money, which is what I was able to follow my dreams to be a cruise director.

38:02Speaker 2:Yes, you got any nephews, asshole.

38:04Speaker 4:That's none of your business. If I have nephews or.

38:06Speaker 1:Not, that's it. Get him out of here.

38:08Speaker 4:You're welcome aboard our cruise at any time.

38:10Speaker 1:Wow, that was incredible. I mean, I can't believe that we met Donald Duck. That's met Donald Creez. Yeah.

38:18Speaker 2:We heard a lot of fucking shit today, right, A lot of bullshit from the the director of Disney Cruises. We heard a lot about the hantavirus, a lot about Second City. Why don't you give us a little wrap up diagnosis about to the public about what we should be doing about Hanta and cruise lines.

38:39Speaker 1:You know, today we learned a lot about not only health cruises, the contribution of Disney to disease in the world, but also how difficult it is to book an improv job on a cruise. And let's weave together this apostray. What we know is that cruise lineers are actively disease spreading systems, much like if the Earth is a big fat guy, which we've determined it is that the Hanta virus which resides on a ship, or whatever disease you want asars imers, a polio, doesn't matter, take your pick, means those which isn't a rail disease that these cruise liners act as suppositories, moving around the Earth distributing disease to the bobulation that cruise directors are often actual mascots of whatever company they represent, So if you're on a princess cruise, the likelihood is that your cruise director is a princess in disguise, and that means that not only is she royalty, but she has clean blood that can't be affected by disease. And this is the trap. Cruise lines hire people to run the cruisers who are immune to the diseases they're spreading. And the way that we call the population is by bringing the old and the

40:12Speaker 1:young on these ships and exposing them to horrible disease, and then natural selection takes place. Those who can't survive are to die at sea. And it's also a test of our sexual vigor. Do we have the ability to resist the sexual haunts of a rutting rat. Do we look at the beautiful swollen breasts of the young female mouse and learn how to turn away so that we aren't exposing our family to horrible disease. I think the challenge is to you. I know here at the CDC, in partnership with the FDA and the other departments that I'm not aware of the names of, that we are working in concert with the cruise lines to create a more orderly way of bringing people onto ships, exposing them to diseases, and then dumping them in the ocean. The ocean is a great graveyard. It's very deep, and no one's ever seen the bottom of it except for those billionaires, and they died the minute they saw the bottom of the ocean. The way that when Icarus flew to the sky, his dad said, you have wings made of wacks, and then he flew into the sun and became another planet.

41:37Speaker 1:However that works. But finally, and most importantly, the greatest disease that's spread on all cruise ships around the world is the disease of bad improv comedy. Millions of people every year are exposed to terrible and boring, misguided scene wars. People who couldn't even stand on a stage in a major city and get a laugh. But somehow they're allowed to be on a boat to bore the shit out of all these pork pies who are ready to die from some respiratory illness or a heart attack in the middle of the night. Preach bit. I think that we saved our co star today, our co host. I think we saved our co host today, Kyle, You've been saved from a terrible death, a disease worse than any communicable virus, which is the improviser trapped on a boat, the improviser sliding his hand up some lady improviser's thigh saying, Oh, I like this corduroy. It makes your thighs really sexy.

42:50Speaker 1:What do you say? We go on to what's going on with the bottom of the boat, and we'll find ourselves. Folks.

42:57Speaker 2:Before Bobby creams in his shorts, I'm just gonna say what Mickey Mouse always said to say goodbye, And he said, that's all, folks, that's right.

43:08Speaker 1:Oh I made Hanton my panthers. Good Science is a production of Silly Gilly, Big Money Players, iHeart Podcasts and one thirty seven LTD, hosted by anthony A Tamadak as rfk Jr. And Gil O zari As Kyle Quim, Senior producer and audio engineer Emma heard Brink Supervising producer Victor Wright. Our executive producers are Lindsey Hoffman and Jack O'Brien. Created by anthony A. Tamadac and Gil O Zara and special thanks to our AI therapists Terry and Michael. New episodes draw every Tuesday and follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Good Science Pod, and follow, like, and subscribe our YouTube channel, Good Science Pod