So, Are You A Popcorn Mum?

0:04Speaker 1:Welcome to Parenting out Loud, the podcast that takes parenting culture seriously, but not too seriously. We sort of talk about the news and the trends and the culture. We basically read everything on the internet so that you don't have to, and then we make sense of it.

0:18Speaker 2:I'm on a Bowley, I'm Amelia Lester, and I'm Stacey Higgs.

0:22Speaker 3:Okay, from the podcast that brought you six seven. I just have to interject with a new slang term that I think we all need to know. All right, I know how Stacey bought us six seven before anyone had ever heard of it?

0:33Speaker 1:Is this so like we haven't even talked about what's coming up on the show today is so urgent?

0:38Speaker 3:Okay, all right, guy, fifteen year old, an actual, real life fifteen year old told me about a new word that I'm actually finding sort of useful in.

0:44Speaker 2:Everyday life, and you may first.

0:47Speaker 3:I want to be first, and I want our listeners to be able to use this and embarrass themselves just like I am. Okay, the word is low cer canuinely. Oh sorry, I got it wrong, low canuinely Okay. It's a mix of low key and genuinely start So I find it hard to actually pronounce. You have to say, first of all, Stacy, say say genuinely genuinely, Now say canuinely canuinely, Now say low canuinely, Low canuinely.

1:16Speaker 1:This is not going to catch on.

1:17Speaker 3:No, it is. I'm using it. It's it sort of has a certain like.

1:20Speaker 1:Can you use it in a sentence?

1:22Speaker 3:You can? But okay, there's one Oh, yes, can you use it in a sentence?

1:26Speaker 2:Yes?

1:26Speaker 3:One rule is you cannot start the sentence with it, So you can't be like, no, low canuinely I really want a coffee. It has to be like I low canuinely really want a coffee.

1:37Speaker 1:It's just not going to catch it.

1:39Speaker 3:I challenge both of you, and also the parenting out loud listeners to use it at least once this week, ideally in a meeting with a lot of other people around, and see whether it takes off.

1:50Speaker 1:I'm really struggling with this. How would you use it in a sentence?

1:53Speaker 4:I'm trying to think how you'd say, I think I'm like ready for bed, low canuinely.

1:58Speaker 2:No.

2:00Speaker 3:Middle of the sentence, I think I'm low canuinely ready for bed. Ok Wait, So you have to use it the front of the sentence, anywhere in the sentence, but not at the end.

2:08Speaker 2:Okay, Okay, cool God, I.

2:12Speaker 3:Think we should get on with the show.

2:13Speaker 2:I actually feel very unsettled that you knew a cool word before me.

2:16Speaker 3:Look, I have an fhew and he may be trolling me, but I felt it was my duty to past knowledge.

2:23Speaker 1:I'm like genuinely into it in an Adelaide accent.

2:28Speaker 2:Yep, all right.

2:29Speaker 4:Coming up on today's show, do you change the way you parent around other people? You might just be a popcorn mum.

2:36Speaker 3:And the TV show that everyone is watching made a huge parenting error.

2:41Speaker 1:Prince Harry Hamish Blake this week. I'm on the dad beat.

2:45Speaker 3:But first, you might, even if your kids are well past this stage, still have nightmares about not being able to swaddle. Yep, you know you don't mind. You were perfect at swaddling. I can just tell. Well. TV's favorite doctor, who was Doctor Robbie on the Pit, has ignited a firestorm online because while he knows how to do all sorts of medical procedures, he knows how to intubate people and perform heart surgery.

3:09Speaker 1:On the fly, he does not know how to swaddle. I saw this because I'm a huge fan of the pit. It was the season finale last week, so everyone was watching it. This is a show that prides itself on attention to detail. There are doctors who watch this and go, wow, they really nailed that procedure and what they can't? He can't. He's just fallen at the final hurdle.

3:29Speaker 3:He just so. It was meant to be this really moving tender scene where a baby that was abandoned in the hospital waiting room is crying and doctor Robbie goes in and picks up the baby and he says, what's wrong? Do you need a swaddle? And then he proceeds to put the baby down on a blanket and just kind of fold it or flop it over the baby.

3:51Speaker 1:Oh so the baby's not secure and smart, holding its little arms like that like the Origami.

3:57Speaker 3:And then he picks the baby up and the baby stops crying. I'm sorry, that's never happened.

4:00Speaker 1:Did you yell at the screen like that?

4:03Speaker 3:I did not, because I cannot swaddle. And I think I've spoken on this show before about an amazing Australian startup business called baby or a Gami that sells swaddles for dummies, which are basically numbered so you can just like follow the numbers to learn how to swaddle. I send this to everyone who has a new baby because I find it very difficult. So I didn't yell at the screen, but did you.

4:26Speaker 1:I texted my husband. I said, he cocked up the swaddle no context? Yeah, yeah, do you know what he needed?

4:33Speaker 2:Though? Just one of the ones with the zips. I could never do it. I just gave up. We got the ones with the zips with the little with the hands out. Yeah, like, that's so cute.

4:42Speaker 3:Look in other TV news, something equally controversial. The star of Shits Creaked, Dan Levy. He has said something very divisive. He was interviewed in one of those like New York Man on the Street segments that seemed to be a dimer dozen these days, and this is what he had to say.

4:58Speaker 2:What is a hell you're willing to die on?

5:00Speaker 5:I firmly believe there should be one airline flight with no babies.

5:04Speaker 3:Mons were you offended?

5:06Speaker 1:Do you know what was really interesting was the reaction to this, because it was a lot people agreed with Dan Leeby people were saying, you know what, I'm kind of with you like I have kids, and I agree that not having the anxiety and the stress of my baby interrupting the whole plane cabin would be kind of nice. It would be kind of nice. Like when you go to the movies and they run those sessions that are just for kids. The air equivalent of that would be very helpful to a lot of anxious parents.

5:34Speaker 4:Yeah, but I also want to be on the plane with no babies. I don't want to be on a plane that's now got more babies on it because you're having your child free plane.

5:42Speaker 2:I don't want to be around other people's babies either.

5:44Speaker 3:I think you're both wrong once you get past the crying baby stage. To me, the most soothing sound in the world is a baby crying that is not my baby.

5:52Speaker 2:Yeah.

5:52Speaker 3:I would get on the plane with all the babies just to enjoy the fact that it was none of my business and I didn't have to swaddle them.

5:59Speaker 1:Yeah, guys, Prince Harry was in Australia last week. He realized had.

6:05Speaker 2:A million photos.

6:06Speaker 1:I know, and will I felt like my algorithm was full of Megan coverage, right. It was Megan this, Meghan that, And I did see Prince Harry in the periphery and I saw he went to Bondi, he went to the rugby. He kicked a football. But there was something he did which I think got buried and I'm digging it up. He did this thing with Novamba, which is you know, the mustache charity. They actually do a lot of advocacy for men's health, and they released a report last week about new dads and mental health and guys, the dads are not okay. In this report, it said three out of five dads say no, one not a doctor, not a midwife, not a friend, asked them if they were doing okay, and one in five dads is really lonely.

6:57Speaker 1:And I just want to say, it's screened for it. And that's what this men's health program are asking there, saying, Hey, we think we should probably do a post natal screening for dads like we do for mums, because there's all these dads that are just kind of falling through the gaps. And I wanted to talk about it today because I feel like we ask dads to step up all the time, and this cultural movement of good dads and great dads, and we talk a lot on this show about how dadding has changed in the last you know, decade or in this generation even, But it does feel like we want more from them, but the structural supports are not there to help them get there.

7:35Speaker 3:Yeah, and Harry actually spoke about his own challenges as a new dad. He said to the dads and soon to be dads, Yes, it's messy. You'll have a roller coaster of emotions, and don't judge yourself.

7:47Speaker 1:There's lots of crazy science behind it. Like there's all this science saying that when you become a parent for the first time, the neurological changes are the most you'll ever have in your life. Like it's really significant the way that your brain chemistry changes.

8:00Speaker 3:Well, and they've discovered also that men who have just had children their testoster own drops as well. So there's hormonal changes happening that we don't want to talk about or recognize.

8:11Speaker 1:Yeah, there's brain chemistry changes that happen where you're a min deala flies fires off a lot more so you're more anxious. Not just mums, dads as well.

8:20Speaker 4:But I have to admit when you first raised this with me, I kind of I did roll my eyes a little bit because I think I was like oh, Harry's got all the privilege in the world, Like, do I have to feel bad for Prince Harry in this situation? And then when I was thinking more carefully about my reaction to that, I think it was like a weird little bit of jealousy maybe or resentment or something, because I started thinking, well, I didn't really get asked that much if I was okay when I had my baby either, and I had you know, what would be considered a traumatic birth. I had a long hospital stay and you know, the poor overworked midwife that the community nurse that came to check on me afterwards. When I kind of half that subject, it was pretty quickly brushed over.

9:02Speaker 1:Okay, did you get the post natal screening for depression and anxiety?

9:06Speaker 2:I you remember my question naire?

9:08Speaker 3:Yeah?

9:08Speaker 2:I did.

9:09Speaker 4:But I think that it's something that needs to be looked at a lot more across the board. But Harry, I love how I'm just calling him Harry has When has raised this, it made me think a lot about my reaction now to friends of mine that have babies, because I had a hard time. Now when people I know have babies, I'm very much in their face being like, no, don't just tell me you're okay surface level? Are you?

9:32Speaker 2:Actually?

9:32Speaker 4:What can I do here? I'm going to just start doing stuff for you and you can tell me to stop if you want, but at least I'm there. But I realized I have never asked the dads. In fact, I have completely ignored the dad friends and focused in on the mum. And you're right, it's just not really considered. So there needs to be a recalibration of how like they are much more involved now, so of course they'd be more affected postpartum.

9:54Speaker 3:Yeah, it's hard though, isn't it. Because actually, just this week a friend of mine has not newborn but a toddler, and she was struggling with really serious sleep deprivation and she was sending me texts which made me think that she needed someone closer in geographic terms to her to check on her, because she was saying she hadn't slept in days. She was thinking that she'd have to like call into work and say she couldn't come into work. She was worried about even getting in the car and driving, and that kind of like amorphous issue where it's like, I'm not sleeping, I don't feel right. It's really hard as friends to know what to do about it.

10:34Speaker 1:But I think the point is that you checked in with this woman, right, Yeah, so women have this village. I know we talk in the show about how the village has broken down, but we do have some sort of village. We have midwives checking in, we have a doctor checking in on doing the postnatult screening. We have friends that all text, We have WhatsApp groups, we have social media algorithms and Facebook groups that feed us constantly. Right, so we do feel like we are in touch. Men have a WhatsApp group where they share memes with each other.

11:05Speaker 3:You know, maybe it is changing though, at least in Australia because this week Mon's You've mentioned to me that Hamish Blake came on a podcast to talk about the fact that he does lean on informal social networks to educate him or to inspire how he parents.

11:22Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right. So their podcast was Hamish Blake talking to Mark Burris on straight Talk And it's such a great listen. But if you don't have the sort of nineteen minutes free because you're too busy listening to us and the back catalogs of us, I'll give you the cliff notes. He did talk about how modern dads don't have a lot of information, there is not a lot out there for them to draw on, and he's a little bit from that.

11:46Speaker 5:Actually, I think men really do want to talk about being dads and the fact that anyone that's a younger dad or any dad is trying to do it different than their dad did it. And sometimes you're borrowing from your father's playbook, but other times, and i'd include myself in this, with all due respect to my old man, I'm not borrowing from his playbook if I really dig down it. Some of my core philosophies are just like things I overheard someone say at a barbecue and I'm like, Oh, that's a cool thing to do with you.

12:13Speaker 2:I'll try that.

12:14Speaker 5:How might do that? And I was like, I think we're doing that a lot as dads because there's not tons of resources necessarily for dads these days.

12:20Speaker 3:I love that.

12:21Speaker 1:Yeah, So, I mean this is the philosophy behind his podcast How other Dad's Dad?

12:25Speaker 3:Right?

12:25Speaker 1:He was like, there is this yawning gap where no one is talking about what they do and we're not sharing this information like women do, like mums do.

12:32Speaker 3:I guess it's almost like women are kind of overwhelmed with guidance to the point where sometimes it can feel a bit oppressive that this is the way that you should parent, this is the way you should be a mum. But dads don't have a complete dearth or vacuum of information about how to go about things.

12:49Speaker 1:Do you think it's cultural as well? Is it a bit of Australian like she'll be right, and is it kind of man up, you know, get on with it?

12:55Speaker 4:Maybe because it's that thing they say, isn't it about how women like bond face to face, like we'll lean into one another across a dinner table, across a coffee But men need to do that shoulder to shoulder like they need to be playing golf for like walking next to one another or in a car to be able to share what's going on with them, like they find it a lot harder to do. So I do think it's that thing of oh, like, just you know, you're fine, You wouldn't need that, you know, that feels like a feminine thing to do. But it's great that there are people now saying, well, no, like we where do we turn?

13:26Speaker 2:Like what do we look at?

13:27Speaker 1:Yeah? Okay, I burst into the studio today with a TikTok trend that I feel I have discovered, and I.

13:35Speaker 3:That you low canuinely feel you've discovered.

13:38Speaker 1:Absolutely, I wasn't low genuinely about it. I was super excited about it. It's called the Analog Bag and it's the smug parents substitute for screen time.

13:51Speaker 2:Have you heard of this?

13:51Speaker 3:I have? Yes?

13:53Speaker 1:But what is that face, Stacy?

13:55Speaker 4:I think one of us is kind of the the mistro the smothest of us all.

14:01Speaker 2:Look.

14:02Speaker 4:I feel like a failure in a lot of elements of parenting, one of which we'll get to later. But this is my this is my area.

14:09Speaker 3:Okay. What is it?

14:11Speaker 1:The Analog Bag? For anyone that hasn't heard of, it is a flex It is is a tiny, little like sort of linen bag that you pack.

14:17Speaker 2:We need to.

14:18Speaker 1:I think everyone I've seen so far has been why would you have plans?

14:22Speaker 3:What about my son's minecraft show bag?

14:24Speaker 1:No? I don't think that's going to fit. The aesthetic of the bag, and inside it is kind of like very wholesome screen free activities for children. So there might be a crayon, a pine.

14:35Speaker 3:Cost single that will use that two seconds.

14:41Speaker 4:Yeah, do you want to leave this to an expert and I can show you everything that's in my bag.

14:46Speaker 1:I'm so not surprised you have an analog bag because we know that you are the mother on this show who is highly organized. You also have a bag in the back of your car as well. Yeah, I do, all right, show us yourself.

14:57Speaker 2:I brought it in to show you. Okay. We call it the cafe.

15:00Speaker 4:So it's like if you're going to a restaurant or a cafe and you don't want them to make a scene. It's purely driven from me wanting my child to be quiet and behave. You'll love the things I haven't. It's quite large for any it is listening.

15:12Speaker 1:Yes, it's the size of sort of a library bag that you take to a local library, and it is chock full that Virgin Australia would have you weigh that before you.

15:21Speaker 4:It ain't got stick of books, okay, okay, mermaids the first thing mermaid sick book. This is the thing that people are always impressed by. A clipboard so that they can stick the piece of paper they're coloring on into the clipboard so it doesn't roll away.

15:34Speaker 3:Are you not sitting at a table at the cash Yeah, but just you know, stay contained.

15:39Speaker 1:We're now on vodcast. Can you please hold it up and display it to the camera.

15:43Speaker 4:There we go with texts inside so you don't lose them.

15:48Speaker 3:So that just loose paper inside, loose.

15:50Speaker 4:Paper inside to draw mini magnetic tiles to do at the table. Magnetic Everyone loves doing them, including the at all. She thinks she's better than us magnetic tiles. No, I really don't, and I don't want to be that person's like screens because we watch it a lot at home, but this is.

16:10Speaker 3:What we do out in public, so that I look like a lot of US screens at home.

16:13Speaker 4:I definitely do like poppers, fidget spines, more coloring in this little tube. Okay, oh, this is my wankiest one pine cone. This is my wankiest one. Sewing. It's little sewing kids. Sorry for the scrunch for anyone listening.

16:30Speaker 2:And slime.

16:32Speaker 3:Okay, okay, this is almost too much stuff.

16:34Speaker 2:Okay, and walkie talkies.

16:36Speaker 4:What so if she meets a random kid in the cafe and they want to play, they can go and do the walkie talkies.

16:41Speaker 1:Did you just make this up? Did you see this on Pinterest. What happened now?

16:45Speaker 4:I've just added random crap to this over the last five years.

16:48Speaker 1:Was this an idea that you came up with yourself or did you see it and copy someone?

16:51Speaker 4:No, I literally did this myself. I was ahead of the curve and now someone's just given it a cool name.

16:57Speaker 1:She is ahead of the curve, Yeah, she is. I've actually got an analog bag too that I brought in.

17:01Speaker 2:What hell did you actually? What is it?

17:05Speaker 1:Also, Linen, do you want to see what's in my analog book?

17:08Speaker 6:They're a iPad for the She stuck her finger of her Yeah, it's just a finger, it's a middle finger. That's what's in my analo bag.

17:20Speaker 4:No.

17:20Speaker 1:Look, honestly, I don't want to judge it, right, I don't want to be judging because I actually think it's a great trend. Like I hadn't seen it before, and I think I saw it and I felt this weird emotional reaction of I hate it. But I think I felt that because I was jealous and I was like, ah, I want one.

17:35Speaker 4:Yeah, I honestly, it is really handy and like I said, yes, you look a bit smug, like I do. Look smug out in public when I pull out the things when other kids are bored, and they kind of then gather around and share with my daughter. You do feel like you, but what it comes from is just wanting, you know, yeah, to have some peace. It's actually smart, That's all it is.

17:57Speaker 2:Peace. Do you think we should.

17:58Speaker 1:Merchandise some analog?

18:02Speaker 2:Bawn analog?

18:03Speaker 1:What would you put in it? What would be representative of you?

18:06Speaker 4:Is this for us or for all people's I feel like it should be stuff that we like. I would put slime. I just love touching slime. I would touch that all day.

18:14Speaker 3:I love the crayons.

18:15Speaker 2:Yeah, well you need some and some paints in there.

18:19Speaker 1:Yeah, I just go the pine cone.

18:21Speaker 4:Okay, I'm going to knock myself down a few pegs now so that you don't think that I think I'm too much of a good mother.

18:26Speaker 1:That's what you're allowed to show. What you're actually allowed to be a good mother on this show. You are. And I don't want to sound like snarky, because what we do on this show is here about all kinds of motherhood and optimizing mums and relaxed mums, and don't ever feel like you can't talk about how you mum on this show like there is space for all of it. And any time that we start even feeling a little bit snarky, we have to stop ourselves and check ourselves.

18:49Speaker 3:It's so too much self deprecation amongst mothers. Yeah I'm a mess. Yeah, well I'm about to.

18:55Speaker 1:I'm proud of what a great mummy are.

18:57Speaker 2:Okay, thank you, but this bit was not my finest.

19:00Speaker 4:I sent my daughter to school this week for school photos without her hair done. And I'm not talking like I wasn't in a pony. I'm talking she looked like Albert Einstein. I'm talking fresh out of the bed. Knots in the back of my photos was on.

19:16Speaker 3:I knew they, but parents of curly head kids have it particularly we do.

19:23Speaker 1:We do.

19:24Speaker 4:And I tried every trick in the book. I tried riberry, I tried treats. I tried pretending I was a hairdressing robot who had arrived to do her hair.

19:36Speaker 2:Nothing, nothing.

19:37Speaker 1:Did you put it in front of an iPad? Stacey didn't tried the TV.

19:41Speaker 2:I did everything. I did everything I could think. Uzzle, where's the analog? Save you?

19:48Speaker 1:Now?

19:49Speaker 4:I got so frustrated like that I ended up storming out of before I said I have to leave work now. I love you very much in the least loving tone I've ever said. It stormed out of the house, sat in my car, and ice creamed.

20:08Speaker 2:I actually did let out a scream.

20:09Speaker 4:I was so frustrated that I could not make this basic, easy task happen, like beyond irritated at myself. But when I think about this, was I that bothered that she's gonna have messy hair in her school photo?

20:25Speaker 3:No?

20:26Speaker 4:I think that's funny, Like her hair does look like that, it's funny. Was I bothered that every other parent and teacher is going to see that photo and think that I wasn't capable of doing hair? You felt embarrassed? Yes, I felt embarrassed. And it was all about outward perception, okay. And it then this article that I read a couple of weeks ago. I sent it to you guys at the time. It sprung up in my mind, and it's called are you a Popcorn Mum? So the writer Ellen Strong.

20:55Speaker 4:She tells this story about being in the park with her kids, really busy park, and a little near her started opening popcorn packets and they're flying everywhere, Like he's flinging popcorn everywhere. And I want to know when I'm telling you both that, what would be your immediate reaction if that's your kid and they start flinging popcorn?

21:13Speaker 2:What are you doing or what are you saying?

21:15Speaker 3:I would be aghast. I would be like shouting. I would be doing the opposite of gentle parenting for some reason. This would like really bother me that the popcorn was everywhere at the park, and I would hate myself.

21:26Speaker 1:I'd scrambled to clean it up.

21:27Speaker 4:I reckon, Yeah, I would be on my hands and knees scooping that stuff up before I even did anything else.

21:33Speaker 2:And that's what she says as well.

21:35Speaker 4:She says, that is what I immediately envisioned in my head, saying.

21:38Speaker 2:You need to pick that up straight away.

21:40Speaker 4:Like she said, she would have been down there trying to figure it out. And this mum had no reaction to the popcorn, pulled the son over and said the kids with good behavior get to go on the slide, and he said yes, and she said, well, I'd be picking up the popcorn, bud, and he went and did it. But my favorite quote from this is that she said Aside from being in total or of this woman, I was struck by how she didn't seem to notice anyone else the witnesses. The whole experience made me realize I care way too much about what other people think about parenting in public. When all of us are in a mood, it feels like a full on performance. And don't you just think that is exactly what it is. When you start to notice that other people are perceiving your parenting, you start narrating so that they know that you're on top of it.

22:25Speaker 2:Like you'll be like, oh, you're very.

22:27Speaker 4:Tired, aren't you. Oh yes, no, no, we don't do that in our house. Like you start vocalizing everything.

22:34Speaker 3:This actually just happened to me this week. I took my kids to the museum for an exhibition that I'm sure they found very edifying, and I noticed that I was saying that thing you say when a lot of kids want to use the one screen in the museum. By the way, museums just stop putting screens in their exhibitions because it's all kids want to look at. It. Be like, Okay, we're spending fifteen seconds here and then we're moving on.

22:57Speaker 2:To the next with that, and then the.

22:58Speaker 3:Parents were kind of out out educating each other with their kids. This is how this particular insect works, you know, and like narrating the exhibition, and I was part of the problem.

23:10Speaker 1:Yeah, what were you saying?

23:11Speaker 3:I think we were all trying to prove to the other parents how wonderfully stimulating our company is for our kids, and how we were so generous and considerate of other kids when our kids want to see a particular exhibit.

23:24Speaker 2:And it just turned me into a bit of a punish.

23:26Speaker 1:Why are we doing it? Is it because we feel like we're being surveiled all the time because we live in a world where everything is content and everything shared on social media, and so we're used to having screens in our faces all the time, filming us. We're filming our kids, we're filming ourselves. Is it that? Is it that we are putting.

23:45Speaker 3:Easies walking around like judging us because our kids are making noise?

23:49Speaker 1:Is it just are we just performing NonStop?

23:52Speaker 4:Yeah? I think so, And I think it makes you a worse parent, like because I think if you think about that woman who was very chill on the bench, like she got the end result, She got the result that her child listened to her and cleaned up himself, whereas all of us would have immediately jumped in to try and either fix that or make that very clear to everyone around us that we knew that it wasn't okay and that we were going to get get rid of it, that it was all going to be done.

24:17Speaker 3:It doesn't even have to actually be as strangers. I've noticed that I do it with my parents when they're around to proveuve that I'm an amazing parent, and also with friends. And sometimes that's why I prefer not to socialize with my friends and their kids, because I worry that they're going to judge my parenting or decide that it's not as good as theirs, Whereas if I'm hanging out with other parent friends from say school, it feels less judgmental.

24:47Speaker 1:How do we break the cycle of being a popcorn mom? Because I'm Matt, I'm a mega popcorn mom.

24:52Speaker 3:Once is eating popcorn, he's.

24:54Speaker 2:Brought popcorn in. Is she going to start throwing it? Are we going to start correcting you? You're going to freak out.

25:00Speaker 3:I think the problem is not that you know, obviously you've got to teach a kid's manners, and you've got to teach them not to fling popcorn around. But I think the problem is that it's very counterproductive the way that we act in these situations because we end up shouting, we end up performing. It's very over the top. And as the story that you told at the start illustrates Stacy, you don't get the best results from kids when you harayu and shout them. You don't get the best results from anyone when you're harangung and shout at them.

25:27Speaker 1:Yeah, Popcorn parenting is where you parent for other people instead of putting your child at the same of it. And you're right, it is what we are doing in public. And so I guess.

25:38Speaker 3:That that's so well put. That's exactly what it is.

25:41Speaker 1:Yeah, And so I guess it's about a discipline of going. I don't I'm not going to pay attention to what people are thinking or they are, what all these other people are, what's swelling around me. I need to just focus and hone in on my child and give them what they need in this moment. But I was my biggest pop comparenting moment was when you know when you're totally gets in a tantrum loop, and no amount of like reasoning with them will work because they're stuck in the loop. I remember I was in a shopping center, really busy shopping center, and my child got stuck in one of these tantrum loops. And because everyone's staring, I got down on my knee and I said, Mmmm, you're having some big feelings, aren't you. She's not hearing what I'm saying, just stuck in the loop. What needed to happen was I probably just need to pick her up and walk out, because there's no changing, there's no coming back from that situation. But instead I just did what I thought people would expect a good parent to do in.

26:34Speaker 3:That moment, and it didn't actually happen.

26:35Speaker 1:It doesn't work.

26:36Speaker 2:But I think that's what it is.

26:37Speaker 4:What she was saying about it being a performance, That's what it is. I think it's like the way you would be able to change it is to go Would I say this to her if we were at home.

26:46Speaker 2:Probably not.

26:47Speaker 4:You know, like, if you're not doing it in that way, then you are performing, You're outwardly performing.

26:52Speaker 2:How are you parenting? That's the part we need to stop.

26:54Speaker 3:Or all else fails. To shout out Jessica.

26:56Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that'll work too.

26:59Speaker 1:You know the other way U popcorn parent is when like at the doctor, I'm like safe, thank you for the flu shot, Darling. No kid wants to say thanks for a flu shot.

27:07Speaker 4:Oh.

27:07Speaker 3:I actually have a little bit of a suggestion on that. A friend pointed out to me that you can just sit instead of asking a child to say thank you or please.

27:15Speaker 2:You just model it.

27:16Speaker 3:You just say it, and then that's actually much more powerful than you forcing them to say it.

27:21Speaker 1:Actually, that reminds me. It is flu season. We're coming into flu season and all the reports are saying it's going to be a bad one. So if you haven't booked in for your flu shot, do it. Kids under five are free, and that's a great one. Yeah.

27:35Speaker 3:Robert F. Kennedy Junior just came out and said he doesn't like it, so that probably oh.

27:38Speaker 2:God, it's excluded.

27:40Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, let's move on to recommendations. This is the part of the show where we bring you the things that we love sick that we would kind of text each other in a group chat and say you've got to get on this or try this, Stacy, what have you got mine's weird.

27:50Speaker 4:This week, I'm doing an anti reco I'm going to recommend you stop something to save money.

27:56Speaker 1:Right, I'm going to make some money saving tip.

27:58Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, So tip is just stop doing your nails. Just stop. I stopped.

28:03Speaker 4:Were you in a bit of a cycle? I was in a cycle. I was in a shellac pyramid scheme. I could not get out of it. I was going every two weeks and sitting there for forty five minutes and then chewing them off three days later, like it was the stupidest cycle. It's not me time to sit in a salon with a million other people around me that you don't know. It's not it's not a good use of your time alone, the use of your time with the kid there even like scroll your phone, No, no, you can't. You're stuck in those little finger solariums.

28:33Speaker 2:I hate them.

28:34Speaker 4:So I just stopped and the sky didn't fall, and nothing's happened. They don't look great, especially now we're on camera, but that's okay, there they are.

28:42Speaker 1:I think it's the new flex. I think new nails is a new.

28:46Speaker 4:Spoke about it on mom and mir out loud this week as well, that all the cool girls. All the Vogue girls are not doing their nails anymore. So there's your permission, just stop. You never did my nails, so that's good. My recommendation is The Secrets of Bees.

29:00Speaker 3:It is a documentary on Disney plus so boring.

29:04Speaker 1:What bees don't have any secrets. We know what they're doing. They make the honey, they get the pollen, like it's.

29:11Speaker 2:Real Housewives of bees in the hive. Yeah.

29:15Speaker 3:Look, I was sick of my kids watching documentaries on YouTube that were probably like enlisting them into the manisphere. So I wanted something big budget. I wanted something beautiful. I wanted something that we could watch intergenerationally. You know, that's hard with the grandparents and the parents and the kids. That's really hard to find something that everyone wants to watch. And I'd seen an ad for this new lavish Disney production, The Secrets of Bees. It features a soothing British voice.

29:41Speaker 3:It features sweeping panoramics cinematography, and a lot of weird bee facts which I won't bore you with.

29:47Speaker 1:No, they're not boring their greats.

29:49Speaker 3:Let me give you one.

29:50Speaker 2:These are actually incredibly smart, I know.

29:52Speaker 3:And there are these scientists who've set up these tiny little obstacle courses for the bees to get like to get to sugar. Now, you might think that if there's anything bees good on, it's a sugar hit. But apparently the bees also love sugar, and they like go through the odds to cook a horse and find the sugar. And I'm telling you that at least two generations of people watching the.

30:10Speaker 2:Show gasped at that particular scene.

30:13Speaker 3:Now, it was not, unfortunately the project of this podcast the children. But you know what, eventually they're going to say, thanks mum for introducing me to the secrets of the bees. That was really fascinating. And when that moment comes, I will be smug.

30:27Speaker 1:Any more secrets you want to spillfud.

30:29Speaker 3:Just tell the bees secrets. It's not they're not my secrets to Townlands. I'd like you to watch the show and report back.

30:36Speaker 1:I like the title, like they had to give it something kind of clicking, like I do want to watch it.

30:41Speaker 2:You know what they were doing.

30:42Speaker 4:They were getting the basic bitches like me that watch the Secret Life of Mormon Wives and.

30:46Speaker 3:You go a little bit like, yeah, I think that what's the name for swinging in that show?

30:51Speaker 2:Taylor Frankie poul who does swinging.

30:53Speaker 3:Yeah, there's a bit of sauce swinging. I'm going to leave it at that.

30:56Speaker 2:Oh, I mean, but it's family.

30:57Speaker 3:Friendly sauce swinging.

30:59Speaker 1:Has it made you want to get a hive? Yes?

31:01Speaker 3:You know. The other fascinating thing is bees just want love. They're just like all And there's this woman in there in Mexico who's so lovely and loves her bees, and they crawl all over her hands and they never sting her because they love her and she loves them.

31:15Speaker 1:Is this then you remember that octopus that came there.

31:18Speaker 3:Not quite as good that my octopus, teacher, It's not quite as good as that, But you know, the bees they deserve a second look.

31:24Speaker 1:That's a lovely recommendation. Honey, thank you.

31:28Speaker 3:Okay.

31:28Speaker 1:I do have a recco other than the Hamish Blake podcast with Mike Buris. Do you have a child that struggles with socks?

31:36Speaker 3:Yes?

31:37Speaker 2:Oh God, and hair, if you've got any two.

31:40Speaker 1:I have a very sensory child struggles with socks. I've tried every sock under the yet.

31:44Speaker 2:I thought this was just my own cross to bear.

31:47Speaker 1:Jetproof sensory socks. They are a seamless sock. You buy them online in a pack of five, ten you can buy them in a pack of twenty. That's where we're at. These socks have changed mine mornings, my marriage, my will to live. They are they? Honestly? Whoever invented these socks? Like? I want to I want to give them a way am I want to embrace them? It has really been such a game change of Plass's secret.

32:15Speaker 3:So I have a question because when you mentioned this to me, I ran, not walked, and went to the website to order the socks. It had one of those like minimum delivery situations on it, and I was clicking around, and I guess it's a whole shop devoted to sensory products, not just for children, but also for adults. Yes, and I noticed that for children they have these plush blankets that I was thinking of giving his birthday gifts.

32:37Speaker 2:Okay, everything on there looks lovely.

32:39Speaker 3:Have you used any of the others?

32:40Speaker 1:Yes? Was it a set like a heavy weighted blanket? Yes, I've also got a weighted blanket. But with weighted blankets you have to be you have to take into account the child's size and weight, because you can't give them too heavy a blanket, so just no. So just make sure that you are getting the appropriate size and weight for whatever child you've got.

32:56Speaker 3:That's really important.

32:57Speaker 2:Tip one hundred.

33:01Speaker 1:I am your neuro affirming correspondent. I am, yeah, of that rack.

33:06Speaker 2:I would like a way to blanket. Actually, I'm going to get myself for.

33:08Speaker 1:The best, all right. And if you're looking for something to do this weekend, can I recommend baking my ans biscuit recipe.

33:16Speaker 2:You're famous for these biscuits slip.

33:18Speaker 1:My one legacy on the internet is my famous ANZC biscuit recipes, which I won the Blue Ribbon that the Royal Adelaide's show for. And I also when I was on the Great Australian Bakeoff, I won Star Baker that week for my amazing.

33:32Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm determined to find these episodes of you on Great Australian Bakeoff.

33:35Speaker 2:I want to see you on the recipe.

33:38Speaker 1:It's on the mum of Mere website and we'll put a link in the show notes. Great, well, that's all we have time for this week on Parenting Out Loud, and I will say like, if you are interested, we'll put all the links in the show notes, the socks, the analog bag, the popcorn mums, all of it so that you can read and go deeper on anything that you like. And if you're a new dad listening to this or you know one, just ask them how they're going.

33:59Speaker 2:Yeah yep, just low canuinely how are you doing? Yeah yep?

34:04Speaker 1:All right, have a great week, enjoy your weekend if you get a long one, and we'll see brighton shiny back in this feed next week. MoMA Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.