Podcast · Health

Pillow Talks

by Vanessa & Xander Marin · English · Health

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship whil

New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 1 hr
Latest: 15 Oct 2026
Language: English

Latest episode

15 Oct 2026 · 54 minNew

E282: Is This Normal? He Made AI Sex Videos of Us, and I Have Questions

Your husband creates AI videos of the two of you having sex. You're only having sex four times a year. Or you tried a new position once, hated it, and have absolutely no interest in giving it another shot. Is this normal?! We're back with another round of Is This Normal?, where we answer your real-life sex and relationship questions and get into all the things you've been wondering about. And this week's questions are giving us PLENTY to talk about. We're unpacking some pretty interesting bedroom situations and sharing our thoughts on what's worth exploring, what deserves a conversation, and…

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Earlier episodes 29 most recent

8 Oct 2026 · 1 hr
E281: Am I the Asshole? Kissing After Oral, Weight Gain, and Bad Sex
Would you kiss your partner after they went down on you? What would you do if your partner wasn't enjoying the sex you were having? And how would you handle it if weight gain started affecting your physical intimacy? Oh, we've got some opinions about these ones. It's time for another round of Am I the Asshole?, where we read your real-life relationship stories, unpack the bedroom disagreements, and give our verdicts on who's in the wrong. In this episode, you'll hear: The husband who loves going down on his wife, but has some very specific rules about what happens afterward Whether refusing…
1 Oct 2026 · 47 min
E280: The Initiation Mistakes You Don’t Even Realize You’re Making
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with: 🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does 🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment 🚨 Waiting…
24 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 2 min
E279: Ask a Sex Therapist: Kink Icks, Spicy Pics, and Vanilla Sex
Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time? Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today. We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud. From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of…
17 Sep 2026 · 52 min
E278: How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan
Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too. So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up. In this episode, you'll hear: The difference between a rut and a red flag The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here,…
10 Sep 2026 · 52 min
E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers
Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again. What if that wasn't luck? In this episode, you'll hear: Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets The four things about your orgasm you can actually change What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short Why the window for a second orgasm stays…
3 Sep 2026 · 50 min
E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)
At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort. So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore? In this episode, you'll hear: Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous…
27 Aug 2026 · 50 min
E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers
It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee. In this episode, you'll hear: Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down? A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag? Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal? The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely…
20 Aug 2026 · 1 hr 6 min
E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This
We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including one accusation we still can't believe we had to respond to. In this episode, you'll hear: The one line in that reel that set the whole thing off The accusation that hurt more than anything we've ever been called online The ball of clay explanation that changes how you understand your own anatomy The percentage of women who actually orgasm from penetration alone (it's not what you've been told)…
13 Aug 2026 · 1 hr
E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood
This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pillow trick that changes everything, plus how many positions you actually need for great sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 🛏️ How to introduce new positions when you've been together forever ⭐ The most underrated position, and no, it's not missionary 🎬 Why switching out of missionary sometimes kills the mood 🍆 What to do when he goes soft during a transition 🛋️ The best pillow and furniture for…
6 Aug 2026 · 57 min
E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off
It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better feedback in bed. Plus, we’re giving you questions to share with your partner to help you get on the same page and build your goals for your sex life! 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 🔥 Do men actually prefer rough sex? 💬 The most misunderstood thing about men and sex 🕯️ How to use the 5 to 10 minutes right after sex for more connection 🗣️ Do men really want feedback in bed? 🍑 Reverse cowgirl,…
30 Jul 2026 · 51 min
E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed
You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list. We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you tell us that you struggle to actually do that. So we're saying something a little controversial this week: "just let go" might be the worst sex advice out there. Listen in to learn what actually helps you feel present and connected to your partner during sex. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why "just let go" tends to backfire and pull you further into your head The real reasons your brain won't…
23 Jul 2026 · 57 min
E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates
We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners. This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at intimacy, plus the small shifts that bring you back to each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The full D.R.I.F.T. Framework and why that 67% roommate stat lands so hard for so many couples 📱 How the average person's 144 daily phone checks can turn date night into two people scrolling side by side 🔁 When "who's grabbing the kids?" takes over and the deeper conversations start to disappear 😐 Why…
16 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs
Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the disagreements they just can’t seem to settle with their partner, and today we’re weighing in as your official referees. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 💋 Is oral foreplay or the main event? 🐾 If the pet falls asleep on your lap, are you officially off chore duty? 👀 Can men and women really be just friends? Our take. ✂️ Who gets the final say when it comes to grooming and body hair? 🕯️ Want more…
9 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 7 min
E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments
It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions! This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest reactions, beyond real talk, and more than a little oversharing? 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether we've ever set foot in a swingers or sex club If we’re starting an Only Fans Is it weird that our parents know intimate details about our sex lives because of what we do Our honest answers about giving each other the Ick Who really initiates more between the two of us Our favorite time of day…
2 Jul 2026 · 55 min
E267: The Hygiene Episode
Should I shower first? Is this normal? Why does it smell like that? This week we're going there with zero judgment, answering your real hygiene and sex questions one by one. Nobody taught us how to actually take care of our bodies for sex. Not our parents, not health class, not anyone. And so we've been left to piece it together ourselves, often while carrying a whole lot of shame that doesn't belong to us. That's exactly what this episode is about. We got flooded with questions from our Instagram audience on hygiene and sex, and we're answering all of it, honestly, warmly, and with more…
25 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows, Squirting, and Standing-Up Sex
You send us your most "I can't believe I'm actually asking this" questions, and we live for it. So we're back with the third edition of Ask a Sex Therapist, going rapid-fire through as many of them as we can, with real answers, tips, and stories. No question is too awkward, too niche, or too "is it too late to ask this at my age?" 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What "tossed salad" actually means, because it's never too late to ask How to tell if you're about to squirt or pee, and whether squirting is even real Is the G-spot orgasm real? We settle it Sex pillows and spit as lube: the honest…
18 Jun 2026 · 57 min
E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs, Secret Texts, and Sneaky DMs
Have you and your partner ever actually sat down and defined what counts as cheating? Most of us never do, which is exactly why the gray areas get so complicated. We're back with Part 3 of Is This Cheating?, weighing in on your trickiest, most "wait, is that okay?" scenarios. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why every couple has to define cheating for themselves, and the talks most people skip Real listener dilemmas: late-night drives, a secret sex-shop trip, and disappearing text threads The female-friendship situations that blur the line between platonic and something more Our honest take…
11 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 5 min
E264: What Women Really Think About... Part 3
So we're back with Part 3 of What Do Women Really Think About…?, giving you the honest answers women don't always say out loud. From the mental load to mirror selfies, nothing’s off limits. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether women actually want a "book boyfriend," or if that fantasy is better left on the page? The real deal on mental load: is it running in the background every single day? Cum on the face: hot, not, or total depends? We give you the honest answer. Dick pics and mirror selfies: what reads as sexy vs what gets an instant delete? Blowjobs before a shower: the candid take…
4 Jun 2026 · 57 min
E263: How to Have More Fun in Your Relationship
When was the last time you and your partner did something purely for fun? Not productive, not logistical, not about the kids, just fun. If you had to think about it for a beat, you're not alone. Most long-term couples slowly drift from enjoying each other to managing life together, and fun is usually the first thing to quietly disappear. In this episode, we're talking about why couples lose the fun, why it matters way more than most people realize, and 5 surprisingly simple ways to bring it back. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why fun is one of the most underrated forms of intimacy (and how…
28 May 2026 · 1 hr 8 min
E262: The Sex Personality Quiz Every Couple Needs (And What Your Type Says About You)
Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking totally different languages when it comes to sex? One of you wants spontaneity, the other needs to feel emotionally close first. One of you craves novelty, the other finds comfort in what already works. Here's the thing: it's probably not about compatibility. It's about your sex personality types. In this episode, we walk you through all five types, what drives each one, the superpowers they bring to a relationship, the shadows that can quietly cause friction, and how knowing your type (and your partner's) can completely change the way you…
21 May 2026 · 59 min
E261: ED, PE & Everything In Between: Your Performance Problems Solved (Part 2)
The response to our first episode on penis performance problems was so big that we knew we had to come back for round two. In this episode, we're getting into the practical stuff: what to do in the moment when things aren't going as planned, how to keep your sex life feeling connected and fun even when performance issues are in the mix, and how both partners can show up for each other without making everything weird. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether you need to tell your wife you're taking ED meds How to get out of your head before sex when PE anxiety is already spiraling Practical…
14 May 2026 · 1 hr 5 min
E260: How To Orgasm Like A Man: Breaking The Blocks That Keep Women Stuck
For a lot of women, orgasm feels like this mysterious thing that either happens or it doesn't. Nobody taught you how. And somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that your pleasure is complicated, too demanding, or just... less important. But here's what we want you to hear: that's NOT true. In this episode, we reframe the whole conversation, asking what it would look like if women approached their own pleasure with the same expectation men do. No apology, no overthinking, no putting everyone else first. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The mental blocks that pull women out of the…
7 May 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)
This one's for the sleep-deprived, the time-starved, the diaper-changing, homework-helping parents who still want to feel like a couple. We see you. And we asked our community to help us show up for you in a big way. In this episode, we're reading real responses from real parents — practical, doable ideas and a little tough love for making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we talk about parenting and intimacy even though we don't have kids ourselves The #1 thing our parent community says completely changed their sex life (hint: it…
30 Apr 2026 · 1 hr 5 min
E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire
Whether it's a glass of wine to take the edge off or a gummy to get out of your head, a lot of people use substances to feel more relaxed, more connected, or more in the mood. But there's a lot more happening under the surface than most people realize. In this episode, we're pulling back the sheets on how alcohol and marijuana actually affect desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm — including some real talk from our own experience and candid responses straight from our Pillow Talks community. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we're upfront about our bias as sober people — and why some…
24 Apr 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming
One of our favorite series is back. You sent us your wildest, messiest, most "wait… am I the problem here?" relationship stories. And we have opinions. We're talking about a wife who's been sharing intimate details about her husband with her entire family for years (but only good things, so it's fine… right?). A partner who was a little too honest about his wife's body (brutal). Neighbors banging on the ceiling mid-sex. And a whole lot more. Some of these had us genuinely torn. Others? Not so much. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Is it okay to talk about your sex life with friends and…
16 Apr 2026 · 1 hr 2 min
E256: Doggy Style: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure
Let's talk about doggy style. It's one of the most popular positions out there. It can feel intense, wild, and incredibly hot. But it also comes with a lot of questions. Is it supposed to slip out that much? Why does it feel too deep? What if you queef? What about the… view? Yeah. We're going there. In this episode, we're covering everything you need to know about doggy style. How to get into position, how to move, how to adjust the angle for more pleasure (or less pain), and how to actually feel confident doing it. Plus, we're answering your real questions from Instagram and sharing some of…
9 Apr 2026 · 43 min
E255: The Sexiest Thing You're Not Doing in Bed…Mutual Masturbation
Only 36% of our audience says they've tried mutual masturbation. Which means most of you are missing out on one of the most erotic, intimate, and surprisingly easy things you can do with your partner. It sounds intimidating. Maybe even a little awkward. But here's the thing: it doesn't have to be. In this episode, we're breaking down what mutual masturbation actually is, why it's so hot, and exactly how to try it for the first time (even if the idea makes you nervous). 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why mutual masturbation is one of the best ways to learn what your partner actually likes…
2 Apr 2026 · 54 min
E254: Couples Coaching: Why Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life
We're back with another real-life couples coaching session. Have you ever gotten to a point where sex doesn't just feel uninteresting… it feels like something you actively resent? Where you love your partner but the thought of being touched makes you want to crawl out of your skin? That's what's going on here. And there is so much underneath it. We're talking about what happens when orgasm has always been a struggle, when postpartum and hormones change everything, when porn creates unrealistic expectations, and when "just doing it anyway" starts to backfire. Because this isn't really about…
26 Mar 2026 · 1 hr 7 min
E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex
We do weekly “ask us anything” boxes over on Instagram… and let’s just say… you all really show up with the questions 😏 Today, we’re bringing your q’s to the podcast and diving into them for real. We’re talking about everything from sex pillows to dry spells, morning sex mismatches, body confidence, toys, and what to do when your partner just isn’t that into the resources you know could be helpful. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The pros and cons of sex pillows (and whether they’re worth trying). How to think about a “dry spell” in a relationship (and what’s actually normal). How to…

About Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks is a English health podcast from Vanessa & Xander Marin. Melo plays each episode straight from the publisher's own feed — no ads added, no account needed — and remembers where you stopped, in this browser only.

Publisher: Vanessa & Xander Marin
Language: English
Category: Health
New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 1 hr
Latest episode: 15 Oct 2026
Feed: RSS — paste into any podcast app
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1569466131
Rights: 2024

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