“How do I ask for a pay rise after maternity leave?”

0:00Speaker 1:It's okay to change. And it's also okay to take a step back and be like, maybe full time isn't where I want to be. Maybe financially we can afford three days and that would fill my cup. Perhaps you've gone back part time and just thought, I don't love it. And maybe it's the workplace.

0:13Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm always thinking like a checklist in my head of like where you break it down to like people slash environment, the actual work itself and the constraints around it.

0:24Speaker 1:This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation, the land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons and daughters. Always was and always will be Aboriginal land. Hello and welcome to Dear Radio Not, the show where we answer three of your questions on making work work alongside motherhood.

0:41Speaker 3:I'm Lo.

0:42Speaker 1:And I am Loz. And today you are asking us all about asking for a pay rise back from mat leave, feeling like a stranger in your own job after returning back to work and how to deal with a colleague who thinks you're too young for your role.

0:54Speaker 3:God, we get good questions every single week. Let's get into it.

0:58Speaker 2:First question comes from Summer. I'm back four months after having my first baby, doing four days a week. My review's coming up. I got my last rise in 2024. I've been on leave through 2025 and into this year. Can I ask for one and how?

1:13Speaker 3:Yes.

1:14Speaker 1:You can ask for one. Absolutely. The how, I always think to myself, you have to show value. So it won't help if you say things like my last pay rise was two years ago. Yeah.

1:27Speaker 3:Yeah, they don't care.

1:28Speaker 1:Can I have a pay rise?

1:29Speaker 3:Yeah.

1:29Speaker 1:I'll be like, nah, soz, mate.

1:31Speaker 3:Yeah, it doesn't work like that.

1:32Speaker 1:See you later. No. But if you can showcase your previous work before you went on mat leave, because I'm sure it didn't coincide perfectly with the financial year.

1:39Speaker 3:Yes, great point.

1:40Speaker 1:And say, these are the projects that I worked on. These are the deliverables from those projects. And if you can also showcase... your future potential. So what that looks like in terms of what initiatives you'll be working on, where you'll be spending your time, how you're setting your goals to overachieve. I think there's no reason why you can't be very black and white around. This is what I've done. This is what I'm going to do. I would like to discuss this. pay that's in line with that.

2:04Speaker 1:I would also say it always helps to benchmark. It always helps to look up what your role at a similar organization is going for. So there's so much industry data out there on LinkedIn or Glassdoor or Reddit threads. People like to discuss their wages. Use that information to say, I have done some research. My role in a similar industry is going for around this much. I'm currently here. What can we do to ensure that I'm getting paid fairly as per market rates?

2:35Speaker 3:Love it. I don't have anything else to add. You've covered it perfectly.

2:38Speaker 1:I mean, I'm just trying to think if there's anything else that I would say.

2:40Speaker 2:I mean, you want to go back and focus on the skills, as you said, that you have presented that have added value to that business.

2:46Speaker 3:And you also want to look forward. I feel like there's not much else to add.

2:50Speaker 2:The one thing I can't figure out with this question, I think I've answered it in my head myself as you were talking. Is she saying that her baby's four months old and she's just getting back or she's been back for four months, do you think?

3:00Speaker 3:Because if you've been back for four months.

3:01Speaker 1:Oh, no, I think she's been back for four months.

3:03Speaker 3:Yeah, so there's also four months worth of data as well to build upon. Yes. Like since your return.

3:08Speaker 1:Part of me too is very much on the line of thinking if you don't ask, you don't get. And if you don't get, in this case, you may not, but if you don't, at least it's putting on their radar that it's something that you're actively thinking about and would like. So in a year's time, it's not going to be, oh, she's asking for a pay rise. You're probably going to go back and say, we spoke about this last year. These are things I've delivered in the interim.

3:33Speaker 1:I would like this amount of money, bump it up, add some mayo. They're never going to give you what you want. And at least you're getting something, which is better than nothing.

3:38Speaker 3:Yeah.

3:39Speaker 2:And at least also it shows like the different goals you have for yourself. Because if they're like, oh, we just thought you wanted to ease into returning.

3:44Speaker 3:It's like, no, no, no. I showed you what I wanted. Yeah. Get me there, motherfuckers.

3:47Speaker 1:I do always grapple with the fact that women take parental leave and not only getting no money really for the time that you're out. Well, you are, but you're not getting paid that full year. Yeah. You're also not in the workplace, so you're not visible. Yeah. But you're also being penalized when you get back.

4:02Speaker 3:It's a lot, isn't it?

4:04Speaker 1:It's a lot because for me, for example, I went off on mat leave in May. So our review period is July to May. So it's like I missed it by 30 days.

4:13Speaker 3:That's so frustrating.

4:14Speaker 1:Right? But then you get your review in September whenever it is.

4:18Speaker 2:Yeah.

4:18Speaker 1:I was in a very fortunate position where my boss is an absolute legend.

4:22Speaker 3:Yeah.

4:23Speaker 1:Legend. And she was like, submit your review before you go and I'll touch base with you throughout the year because you've done the work. You've been here. You've been here for the entire year. I don't think many people are in the same position, but it is shit. So you've got to push for yourself. You do have to push for yourself.

4:34Speaker 3:It's another thing to add to your list.

4:36Speaker 1:It is, but it's worth it because it's money that's going to set you up for the future. So don't ask, don't get. Question two, a non. I just had my third baby. I'm back part-time and I feel like I'm an alien in a job I used to love. I have no idea how to recalibrate or make it work anymore. I am shocked that I feel like this helped.

4:55Speaker 2:Oh, I wish I knew how long this person had been back and how many days a week because my initial feeling is this might pass, this feeling. Yeah. And if it doesn't, then it becomes a problem. So I wish we had a little bit more info here. You could also actually be a changed person. Like something might have happened with this third child either like emotionally, spiritually or time constraints wise and you just think this job no longer serves you. Yeah. Oh, I wish I knew how much time she'd been back so that we could go a bit deeper on that.

5:25Speaker 1:Look, I only relate to my own experience. I have said this before. I felt more motivated than ever after my first child. My second child, I had less time. And so I probably bought less into bullshit in the workplace. I was like, I don't have time for that. I'm happy to forego a Friday night gig. Friday night drinks just pay me more, really, if I'm honest.

5:44Speaker 2:Yeah.

5:45Speaker 1:And then third time around since I've had gas, I really do feel like work is something that I do for me.

5:49Speaker 3:Yeah.

5:49Speaker 1:And I have an incredible team that I love. I genuinely enjoy going to work. It does, for me, feel like a break. And I wonder sometimes that if I didn't have that, would I enjoy it as much? Like it's not about the actual work for me at the moment as the work that I do is challenging enough to be stimulated. But if I was truly honest and I've had the same conversation with my boss, I could definitely push myself more in terms of seniority. I have to be realistic with my circumstances. I have a partner that travels a shitload for his own work. You have a side project. I have a side project. I take on a lot of other family responsibilities outside of my own, like I'm the eldest daughter. There's a lot going on in our family dynamic. Yes. I just do not have the extra emotional capacity to give my best version of myself to work in a more senior role at this point in time. But my foot's still in the door.

6:45Speaker 1:So when the time comes, which it will, I am ready to ramp up then. To this person, it is okay that you have gone back and you're shocked. I felt the same thing. Like I genuinely went back and it was like, oh, I don't give a shit really about the work itself. I really deeply care about who I'm working with. Yes. And what my manager's like and the environment. They are so important to me. And if you feel the same, I don't think you're alone. It's okay to change. And it's also okay to take a step back and be like, maybe full-time isn't where I want to be. Maybe financially we can afford three days and that would fill my cup. Perhaps you've gone back part-time and just thought, I don't love it. And maybe it's the workplace.

7:22Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm almost thinking like a checklist in my head of like where you break it down to like people slash environment, the actual work itself and the constraints around it. So like family constraints, like time constraints, how much you need to be in the office and try and figure out what it is about the role that has you feeling this way because then you can figure out what the next step is.

7:43Speaker 3:Yes.

7:43Speaker 2:Like is this just a moment in time or do I fucking hate my team now?

7:47Speaker 3:Yeah.

7:48Speaker 2:Or like do you work in an industry that you find a bit soul-sucking now because you've like been through these experiences with your kids and you're like, fuck, I don't care about selling X, Y and Z.

7:57Speaker 1:Or on the flip side, maybe you just love being a mum.

8:00Speaker 3:Yeah.

8:00Speaker 1:And perhaps your heart yearns to be a stay-at-home mum. There's also nothing wrong with that.

8:05Speaker 3:Absolutely.

8:06Speaker 1:There's a bit of a lie. I personally think that if you're a stay-at-home mum, you're out of the workforce, you're never going to get back in. I have known many a person that has taken two years, three years off, I'm not off in inverted commas, and has gone back refreshed, reinvigorated and absolutely thrived.

8:20Speaker 3:Figured out what they wanted. Yeah.

8:22Speaker 1:So, Yeah.

8:23Speaker 2:Basically, we've just normalized it for you.

8:25Speaker 1:And I'm not shocked you're shocked.

8:26Speaker 3:Yeah, we're not shocked by your shock.

8:28Speaker 1:I think everyone goes through it in a different way.

8:30Speaker 2:Question three from Susie. Do you have any tips for dealing with women at work who are older than you, may have grown children or no children, and do not respect your need for flexibility?

8:39Speaker 3:We hear about this all the time.

8:42Speaker 2:This woman is an equal to me in my role in another functional area and and often tells others I am too young for my role. She questions my commitment because I can't attend 5.30 to 6 p.m. meetings.

8:53Speaker 3:She has even told members of.

8:54Speaker 2:My own team that I manage that she thinks I'm too young for the role I'm in. I just can't avoid this person. I have to figure out a way to work with her.

9:02Speaker 3:Any tips?

9:03Speaker 1:You've said this before, and I do think it's more important than people think it is. Find some form of commonality. Mm. Even if this person sucks the life out of you, find something that you can have a conversation about that you can relate to on a personal level, not on a work level, and try and build some rapport.

9:20Speaker 2:I think that is the best tip. And it's hard because it's like, why do I have to be the big person here? Well, unfortunately, she isn't. For whatever reason, if this person has children, or maybe if she doesn't, you are a symbol of something that she didn't get.

9:32Speaker 3:Yeah. And she's taking out her resentment. toward you.

9:36Speaker 2:Even like in our Monday episode, how I was talking about Hayden used to be my symbol of anger towards inequality and sort of like male-female dynamics. It's almost like this. And then I realized it was a societal thing, not him. It's almost like that. It's like you unfortunately have become the symbol for how times have changed. And she's like, well, in my day, we didn't get that. And so she's threatened by you. She's annoyed by you. Unfortunately, besides finding commonality, I don't really know, like keep your head down and keep doing a good job.

10:03Speaker 1:You can always have a conversation around it if you're that way inclined. Most people are not.

10:06Speaker 3:Yeah.

10:07Speaker 1:If you wanted to chat with her and say, look, it's come to my attention that it might feel frustrating for you that I'm unable to make 5.30 to 6.30. To give you some context, I have two young children. I don't have the support network to pick them up. I will put them in daycare or someone else to pick them up. So it does fall on me. Just wanted to alleviate some of the frustration that you might be feeling towards me because I promise you, like, if I could be there, I would be. And that kind of shifts the dynamic where you're like, well, fuck you.

10:38Speaker 1:You should feel sorry for me instead of being such an asshole.

10:41Speaker 3:Exactly.

10:41Speaker 2:And even if it's more of an emotional thing, like I have this time away from my children, it's really important to me that I'm back at this time on these dates, on these days of the week.

10:51Speaker 3:I feel like playing the emotional card.

10:52Speaker 1:It works.

10:53Speaker 3:As in not to be dramatic, but just like heart to heart.

10:57Speaker 1:Yeah, heart to heart. So you can either ignore it, hope that it gets better, call it out in a soft manner or, yeah, just hope that it goes away.

11:08Speaker 3:Yeah.

11:08Speaker 1:Which it probably won't. People like that tend to be quite noisy. Yeah, I feel like, as you say, there's sort of like thresholds.

11:14Speaker 2:It's either ignore, go for the soft heart to heart approach or go for something a bit more like, communicated through either a manager or whoever it is.

11:22Speaker 1:Yeah, it does blow my mind in this day and age where women like that are not supporting other women.

11:28Speaker 3:It pisses me off.

11:28Speaker 1:It pisses me off. Like if you've got grown children, I get that maybe it was harder for you back in the day, but you should be celebrating the great structures that we have in place now to allow that person to pick up their kids.

11:37Speaker 2:And we've got different types of hard, like have sympathy for us where we need it and we'll have sympathy for you when.

11:42Speaker 3:You need it.

11:42Speaker 1:Amen, sis.

11:43Speaker 3:Oh, son, I sigh from that. All right.

11:45Speaker 1:If you've loved today's episode, please leave us a positive review. Keep submitting your questions. We love to see them. And see you next week.

11:52Speaker 3:Bye.