Do not pass go, do not collect $200

0:00Speaker 1:Unless you could get a really great stay-at-home parent salary, money's always going to be out of line and the world is literally ruled by money. So that was my overwhelming feeling. I was like, it's one thing for us to value care work properly emotionally.

0:12Speaker 2:But then you've got to pay for it.

0:13Speaker 3:Be financial. Like it's never going to be fucking valued as financially as it should be.

0:19Speaker 4:This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation, the land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons and daughters. Always was and always will be Aboriginal land.

0:30Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to Ready or Not, the show where two mums try to figure out how to make work work.

0:35Speaker 3:I'm Lou. And I'm Loz.

0:37Speaker 1:And coming up on today's show, I am on the wrong production schedule.

0:42Speaker 3:Don't do it that way. Do it my way.

0:44Speaker 1:I've spoken a lot, Loz, on this show about the fact that sometimes weaponised incompetence, which is someone pretending they can't do something, and maternal gatekeeping, which is more like, no, no, no, sweetie, you're doing it the wrong way.

0:55Speaker 3:It has to be done my way. It's all part of the same problem.

0:58Speaker 1:When we look at the standard, we expect a partner, particularly secondary caregivers, to do things too within a household and with our kids. So today I'm going to provide you with a whole lot of examples, some from my world and some from our communities, of partners not doing things the way that the primary carer wants them done and whether this person deserves to go to jail for that or if it's play on and we all need to like just fucking not worry about that thing or not.

1:24Speaker 3:Okay. What do you reckon?

1:26Speaker 2:I like it. As you know, I love games. So this is my time of year.

1:30Speaker 1:I'm actually too tired and uninspired at this time of year to do anything other than listicle reactionary content.

1:36Speaker 3:Okay. So expect that from me.

1:38Speaker 2:Okay.

1:38Speaker 3:Stunning. What's been happening with you? Okay.

1:41Speaker 4:I have two opposing things that have been going on at the moment. I have had a really weird woo-woo week, which doesn't usually happen for me, but I know I say this a bit. I do feel like the older I get, the more spiritual I get.

1:56Speaker 3:I'm honestly surprised you aren't in a low disposal.

1:57Speaker 2:I know. I am.

1:58Speaker 4:I am surprisingly far more woo-woo than people would ever expect.

2:04Speaker 2:It's strange. Like I do some weird shit.

2:06Speaker 3:Like what? Can you give us an example quickly?

2:08Speaker 4:Yeah, so I like to charge my crystals under the moonlight and set my tension.

2:12Speaker 2:I fucking love it.

2:13Speaker 3:Are you joking?

2:13Speaker 2:I wash them to clear any energy. Yeah, I love this shit.

2:17Speaker 3:The fact that you're doing that and I'm not is.

2:19Speaker 4:When you blow cinnamon at your doorway at the start of a month, it's like.

2:23Speaker 2:Do you actually do that?

2:24Speaker 1:Yeah, I do.

2:24Speaker 3:I don't know if you're taking the piss at the moment.

2:25Speaker 2:No, I'm actually not.

2:26Speaker 3:Wow, yeah, this is so off-brand.

2:28Speaker 1:No, I do.

2:28Speaker 3:I love it.

2:29Speaker 2:And I love like birth charts, star signs.

2:32Speaker 3:Love that shit.

2:33Speaker 2:I'm really into it. I don't necessarily believe it all.

2:36Speaker 3:Yeah.

2:37Speaker 4:But I just find sometimes I like the idea of hope. I think that's what I'm trying to say.

2:41Speaker 3:That's nice.

2:41Speaker 4:I really like believing in something that isn't necessarily tangible.

2:45Speaker 2:Yeah. I think it gives me hope if I'm in a bit of a rut.

2:47Speaker 3:What star sign are you just quickly?

2:49Speaker 2:Yes. Oh, you're not a star signer, so there's no point in this.

2:52Speaker 1:No, I am a star signer, but only for the ones that are relevant to the people within my house.

2:56Speaker 3:You know what I mean?

2:57Speaker 2:I think it's very obvious.

2:58Speaker 3:I know that's your birthday.

2:59Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a Sagittarian.

3:01Speaker 3:Oh, I was about to guess that.

3:03Speaker 2:I think I'm a very quintessential in line with my star sign. I actually don't know much about Sagis. Oh, we're the best.

3:09Speaker 3:We're going to have to do it. Let's do it. Star sign episodes. I would love that. I would love to get someone to come in. Look at ours, our partners, because they're the same. Yes.

3:15Speaker 1:They're the same birthday. And then we'll look at our kids too. Yes.

3:18Speaker 3:Let's do it. Oh, God, yeah. Okay, sorry.

3:19Speaker 2:I'm taking you off. Okay, so a couple of things. Listen to this.

3:22Speaker 4:This week these three things have happened to me in no sequential order.

3:26Speaker 2:Number one, I had a school mum over.

3:28Speaker 4:Our kids had a play and she is also a bit like, it's so weird. Sometimes I say things and they happen. This is the conversation that we had in the morning. I'm like, I don't mean to be a woo-woo and freak you out.

3:38Speaker 2:We don't know each other that much.

3:39Speaker 4:But I have this strange thing that it happens to me too, like super weird.

3:43Speaker 3:You're both manifestive. Right?

3:45Speaker 2:But it's not even manifesting. It's like strange.

3:48Speaker 3:Okay. So weird.

3:49Speaker 4:She asked me if I had a set of shoes for this school play because it was split by surnames and our kids are top and tail.

3:55Speaker 3:Okay.

3:55Speaker 2:So you could have borrowed from each other. And she's like, I'm thinking Blundstones. I was like, I do have a pair. I got the pair out. She's like, oh, I think they're going to be too small for her son. I was like, okay. She's like, I might just go to the op shop. And she's like, I bet you I'll find some. She sent me a photo.

4:10Speaker 3:No joke.

4:11Speaker 4:15 minutes later, brand new Blundstones shoes.

4:15Speaker 2:They had not a mark on them. $ 6.

4:17Speaker 3:Fucking oath.

4:19Speaker 2:Like, come on, guys. It's weird.

4:22Speaker 3:That's weird.

4:22Speaker 4:The next day, Zave has been talking all the time about wanting an orange bike for Christmas.

4:29Speaker 2:All the time. Orange specifically.

4:31Speaker 3:Orange.

4:32Speaker 2:He really wants orange.

4:33Speaker 4:When he's like, for Christmas at Torquay, I've got my orange bike. He's like, we got off hard road.

4:38Speaker 2:It's so gross. I got a big dinosaur head on it. Oh, my God.

4:41Speaker 4:I cannot hate it. But it doesn't have training wheels. And we thought to ourselves, we'll just grab it. We'll leave it at the caravan. You know, hopefully he's not using training wheels.

4:48Speaker 2:Yeah.

4:49Speaker 4:The next time walking down the street, what is in the front window at the Salvos? Brand spanking new.

4:55Speaker 2:Bike, $ 54 or some strange price like that. Definitely under 60, but it was like an odd number.

5:01Speaker 1:Yeah.

5:01Speaker 2:In the front window built with training wheels on it. Never been ridden.

5:05Speaker 3:Is it orange?

5:06Speaker 2:It's orange.

5:07Speaker 3:Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

5:09Speaker 2:It gets better. I was sitting with a girlfriend of mine who you know really well, the other day, Karina.

5:14Speaker 3:Yep.

5:15Speaker 4:We were having a coffee with Gus and her daughter Zoe, both babies. This lady approached us and said, girls.

5:22Speaker 2:This is so beautiful. You know, sometimes you get that. You're like, oh, yeah, yeah.

5:24Speaker 3:How cute.

5:25Speaker 2:She goes, I have to give you something. I have this very small collection of four-leaf clovers.

5:30Speaker 3:Oh.

5:31Speaker 2:Very small.

5:32Speaker 4:And I give it to people, particularly babies, if I ever see them that I feel like will bring luck or that like they're a lucky baby or that luck is going to be bestowed upon you.

5:41Speaker 3:I'm like feeling woo-woo. Woo-woo.

5:43Speaker 4:And then we sat there and she goes, oh, you know, if you're gone by the time I get back, don't worry about it. And I thought, oh, she'll never come back. Like Karina and I were both like, oh, how cute.

5:50Speaker 2:Nothing of it.

5:51Speaker 4:She came back five minutes later and handed us both like this pressed four-leaf clover.

5:56Speaker 3:You should frame that.

5:57Speaker 2:I did frame it.

5:58Speaker 3:Oh, my God, you've already done it.

5:59Speaker 2:I have framed it.

6:00Speaker 3:That is unbelievable.

6:01Speaker 2:But tell me that's not strange.

6:02Speaker 3:That's unbelievable.

6:03Speaker 2:Weird.

6:04Speaker 3:So where was she going to get this four-leaf clover from? I don't know.

6:07Speaker 2:Back home? Like I think she must have. I don't even know. Maybe she had it in her handbag. I'm not even sure. It's the whole thing was so strange.

6:13Speaker 3:Oh, my God.

6:13Speaker 2:So weird.

6:14Speaker 3:Anyway. I love that.

6:15Speaker 2:And I feel like there's some like.

6:16Speaker 4:Positive energy in general at the moment.

6:20Speaker 2:Things are happening. Spring has sprung.

6:22Speaker 4:I don't know what it is, but I just want to let anybody else in this bit know that some strange things are happening to me.

6:27Speaker 1:For people that are weird about woo-wooism or, like, anti-woo-woo rhetoric, I'm like.

6:31Speaker 3:How do you think we all got here?

6:33Speaker 2:I know it's bizarre.

6:34Speaker 3:Like, have a bit of hope and, like, embrace magic. Yes. Because, like, this is pretty wild that you and I are here today on this earth. It's weird. It's weird. So embrace it. It's crazy. Great story.

6:43Speaker 2:One other thing. I'm going to New York soon. I have decided that I would really love to meet you if you listen, so please reach out. A couple of you already have, which is, like, so weird and also so cool.

6:52Speaker 3:Are you, like, what, you want to hang out with?

6:55Speaker 4:So if you know of anywhere in New York to go, if you want to catch up for coffee, I might do a small meet-up. There's probably going to be, like, four of us there.

7:01Speaker 3:I love it.

7:01Speaker 4:The three people that have reached out and me already. But if there's any more of you... Let me know.

7:05Speaker 2:I would love to catch up.

7:05Speaker 3:That's so exciting. I cannot wait to see a photo of you all catching up. Oh, it'll be exciting.

7:09Speaker 2:It'll be like me and like, they'll be like, I couldn't make it.

7:12Speaker 3:My kids will see.

7:12Speaker 2:It'll be like me and one other.

7:13Speaker 3:Weird. Honestly, you've got to start somewhere. You could just put up a selfie being like waiting for them to arrive.

7:18Speaker 2:I know how awkward.

7:19Speaker 3:If no one shows up and we'll just pretend. Yeah.

7:21Speaker 4:Next, you and I have spoken about this, but I don't even need to get this off my chest, but I wanted to say it in case you ever come across a similar situation, not you particularly, but anybody listening.

7:31Speaker 3:I'm nervous.

7:32Speaker 2:Yeah, I would be nervous too.

7:34Speaker 3:If you're me or if you're a listener or if you're anyone?

7:37Speaker 2:No, if you're anybody.

7:37Speaker 3:Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.

7:39Speaker 4:Lou and I have a real pet peeve and I wanted to share it in case anybody resonates.

7:43Speaker 3:Yeah.

7:44Speaker 4:There is nothing worse than when someone says to you, she thinks this or we all think this.

7:52Speaker 1:Love.

7:53Speaker 2:Or he said this.

7:54Speaker 3:Love.

7:55Speaker 2:And you speak on someone else's behalf.

7:58Speaker 3:We were talking about this. It must have been off mic, was it?

8:00Speaker 2:Yeah.

8:00Speaker 3:Did something happen in real life to make you say this? Yes. Interesting. Yeah. Because, yeah, we were saying like the idea. Not to me personally. Not to you personally. I should say.

8:09Speaker 2:No, but it happened recently.

8:10Speaker 3:Yeah.

8:11Speaker 1:I was saying to Loz, I can't remember if it was on mic or not, but I was saying that my brothers always said the worst trait is when someone says like, we all think.

8:18Speaker 3:Yeah.

8:18Speaker 1:And then you give someone the negative feedback. It's like, no, no, no, just make it from you.

8:21Speaker 3:Yes. You don't speak on anyone else's behalf.

8:24Speaker 4:I would love to know from you, the listener, if you think that type of communication is acceptable when you've seen it in action and how has it landed?

8:33Speaker 1:Yeah, it's giving group mentality bullying.

8:35Speaker 3:Like that's almost what I'd call it now that I've had a thought.

8:38Speaker 2:I can't stand it.

8:39Speaker 3:Yeah.

8:39Speaker 2:I actually think it's the lowest of low.

8:42Speaker 3:Oh, it's awful.

8:43Speaker 1:And that person's like, oh, great, everyone thinks this. And now I feel like shit.

8:46Speaker 2:Also, anyone can say that. I could be like, oh, yeah, we all think.

8:50Speaker 3:Spoke to those. This person thinks.

8:52Speaker 4:My girlfriend said, my husband thinks, I would never do it because the conversation that you have with one person is exactly that.

9:00Speaker 3:It's gross.

9:01Speaker 2:Don't be that person.

9:02Speaker 3:Oh, my God. Do I know about the conversation that you had and I'm forgetting? Yes. I think I am because that's what brought up this conversation. Yes. And I'm like, what was that? I've got the worst memory. Cannot wait to find out off mic.

9:14Speaker 1:Sorry to everyone listening that wants to be in that conversation.

9:16Speaker 2:And Lou, what's been happening with you?

9:18Speaker 3:I just want to give a.

9:18Speaker 1:Shout out to Really Simple Skin Care. I've been using QV for the kids and me. I've gone back to absolute basics.

9:24Speaker 3:Yeah. And I'm really enjoying it. Affordable. Simple.

9:28Speaker 2:It doesn't have a scent. It doesn't irritate your skin. We used it a lot.

9:31Speaker 4:UV was a big brand for us when Gus was really little. He actually still has eczema now. Would you believe it? Sorry, I don't know if it's food related. We're going down a whole track of that. If anyone has any dietary tips, I think that's what I'm looking for now because I feel like I'm.

9:43Speaker 3:Is it much tomato? I know I'm being annoying and, like, prescribing.

9:47Speaker 4:This sounds so bizarre and this could be completely incorrect. Number one, he's allergic to egg, which is a fucking drainer.

9:52Speaker 2:Everyone's like, he'll grow out of it.

9:53Speaker 3:And I'm like– Can he grow out of it today?

9:55Speaker 2:It's, like, really annoying.

9:57Speaker 4:But he seems to really flare up when he has citrus fruits. like interesting strawberry or orange are okay no bueno because.

10:04Speaker 1:It seems to often be tomato when i hear of these oh this is probably the same acidity maybe yeah acidic things i was like acidic vegetables it's bizarre tomato i still can't wrap my head around it being a fruit but it is so that's just a Shout out to like simplicity and to doing less and to spending less on skincare. So that's from me. And now some correspondence from Kathy. I loved this comment that I found on Spotify. It was about our episode that sort of went into the sort of myth of 50-50 parenting in a world that is not even for men and women.

10:32Speaker 1:So particularly in mom, dad dynamics.

10:35Speaker 3:This is what she said.

10:37Speaker 1:I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on 50-50 through the lens of a society or even just an individual home. that truly believes that all work is valuable. I think if we truly valued the work in the home, you could achieve 50-50 in a scenario where one partner works full-time and one partner stays home full-time. Does the work need to be split to 2.5 days outside and 2.5 days inside each for it to be 50-50 if both types of work are work and needed for the household?

11:02Speaker 1:Love to the ep.

11:04Speaker 3:I thought that was a really interesting point.

11:06Speaker 2:Thoughts?

11:07Speaker 1:Feelings?

11:08Speaker 4:I mean, I'm never going to know because I don't feel like that's ever really truly going to happen, but I agree with her sentiment on it.

11:13Speaker 3:I love the sentiment and it really made me think in a different way.

11:15Speaker 1:The sad thing that I thought was until like money doesn't.

11:20Speaker 3:Rule the world, I don't unfortunately think.

11:23Speaker 1:It would be fully 50-50 because unless you could get a really great stay-at-home parent salary... money's always going to be out of line and the world is literally ruled by money. So that was my overwhelming feeling. I was like, it's one thing for us to value care work properly emotionally.

11:38Speaker 2:But then you've got to pay for it.

11:39Speaker 3:Be financial. Like it's never going to be fucking valued as financially as it should be, which is sad.

11:44Speaker 2:Well, it's not financially valued at all.

11:46Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly. But even like. Well, not free.

11:49Speaker 2:It's obviously a load.

11:50Speaker 3:Yeah, unpaid.

11:51Speaker 2:That's exactly right.

11:52Speaker 3:Yeah.

11:52Speaker 1:So that's probably my answer, Cathy.

11:55Speaker 3:I love the sentiment. I think it's a great conversation.

11:57Speaker 1:But until the world is not ruled by money, I just don't see how it works, which is a really grim answer.

12:02Speaker 2:Well, not yet. Let's just put it that. Let's add the yet.

12:04Speaker 3:Bit by bit. Love it. Give me some good news on that note.

12:08Speaker 2:Good news.

12:09Speaker 4:EndoThrive has just launched Australia's first endometriosis-friendly workplace accreditation.

12:15Speaker 2:Have you heard of this?

12:15Speaker 3:This is sick and no, I haven't.

12:17Speaker 4:Since it launched in February, it trains staff and accredits workplaces to actually understand and support endometriosis. One in seven women have it and diagnosis used to take six plus years. Chopo was an early adopter, which is quite cool. New staff have said that having a trained team made an immediate difference. This also sits alongside real government money. 33 endometriosis clinics are now running nationally. PBS Medicine is down to $ 25 a script.

12:44Speaker 2:Still expensive, but not too bad.

12:46Speaker 4:And 6,700 plus women already have saved $ 4. 9 million on treatment this year.

12:52Speaker 3:That is something that's moving in the right direction.

12:54Speaker 2:Exactly right.

12:55Speaker 3:Great news, my friend. Yes. Now let's get into it.

13:01Speaker 1:So as I said up top, I'm going to give you all these different scenarios and you're going to decide if this secondary caregiver, normally a daddy.

13:09Speaker 3:But not always.

13:10Speaker 2:I hate when you say daddy.

13:11Speaker 3:I actually was going to get.

13:12Speaker 2:It actually makes me want to vomit. I'm so sorry. That's literally why I said that. I need to move past that.

13:16Speaker 4:It's just I don't know why it feels sexualised and also very creepy.

13:21Speaker 3:I literally say it to creep you out. So maybe I should stop baiting you. I might. As you have a sip of your yummy drink. Yummy daddy. Go.

13:32Speaker 2:All right.

13:32Speaker 3:Sorry, we'll get back to it.

13:33Speaker 1:So the rules for this game are I present you with a scenario and we figure out if this person is going straight to jail or playing on. If they have a jail sentence, you're either giving them six months or life in prison.

13:45Speaker 2:Right.

13:45Speaker 1:So this all came about because Hayden, bless his soul, is unbelievable.

13:50Speaker 3:He's always trying hard.

13:51Speaker 1:And there's some things that he does around the house that I'm like, is my standard too high or is his too low?

13:57Speaker 3:And I think we're going to get to a bit of both in some of these.

13:59Speaker 2:Okay.

14:00Speaker 3:Sometimes I'm like, I don't know if it's legal to fold the towels that badly. Okay. But maybe it should be. Maybe we shouldn't care.

14:06Speaker 2:I feel already that I'm a much harsher critic than you are.

14:11Speaker 3:Which is good.

14:12Speaker 2:Naturally, I think that you are more relaxed.

14:14Speaker 3:Well, I'm not as clean. You've made that.

14:16Speaker 2:My standard is clean. I don't mean that.

14:19Speaker 3:No, no, no. You've just said it much kinder than it is. And it's that I'm messier than you.

14:24Speaker 2:I'm sorry.

14:25Speaker 3:You are.

14:25Speaker 2:You definitely are though. Only because I am extremely clean.

14:29Speaker 3:I'm not offended.

14:30Speaker 2:Like I am off the scales.

14:31Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. The bar is high over there.

14:33Speaker 2:The bar is very fucking high.

14:34Speaker 1:So I put this to Instagram and I was originally going to read out a list of mine, but they've almost been embedded in this list that the people have provided me.

14:42Speaker 3:So I was like, I just need to read out everyone else's. So first one, Lozzie.

14:46Speaker 2:Yeah.

14:46Speaker 1:Suggesting I make lunchbox during school hauls for days I'm at work and he's at home with the kids.

14:52Speaker 2:Do I even need to say this?

14:54Speaker 3:Jail. Sweetheart.

14:57Speaker 2:Are you kidding?

14:59Speaker 1:You've probably been the birther of these kids. You're probably the one that took the parental leave.

15:02Speaker 2:Make a fucking lunchbox yourself.

15:04Speaker 3:Yeah, make it yourself. Give me your also first.

15:07Speaker 2:Or just don't make a lunchbox and just give them whatever you want during the day.

15:10Speaker 3:Literally. They're on holidays.

15:12Speaker 2:Yeah, they're on holidays. Let them live.

15:13Speaker 1:Literally like I want to throw lunchboxes out on holidays because I'm like you get so sick of making them.

15:18Speaker 2:Look, I don't mind a lunchbox. As in I do. I like to have a routine. You like to take one out with you. Yeah, I like to take one out with me. But I'm also a bit like if he is looking after the kids and you're at work, I give a shit what the kids eat. You sort it out. If you want to do McDonald's for every meal.

15:32Speaker 3:Yeah, go for it. Go for it.

15:33Speaker 2:Does that grate me slightly?

15:34Speaker 3:Sure. Yeah.

15:36Speaker 4:But also, as long as that mental load of preparing food isn't on my plate, do whatever you want.

15:40Speaker 3:And you're not calling me about it? Yeah, whatever. Just go forth.

15:42Speaker 1:Actually, on that, Hayes made dinner the other night and it was sort of mostly leftovers and random things that he bought at the store.

15:48Speaker 3:Yeah.

15:48Speaker 1:And there was not a single vegetable on the plate, which normally for me.

15:52Speaker 2:So what was the dinner then?

15:53Speaker 3:It was like a bit of chicken, a bit of, I'll tell you what.

15:56Speaker 2:It was actually.

15:57Speaker 4:I love how you said it was all this random stuff in the fridge, but not a vegetable. I'm like.

16:01Speaker 2:Was it literally chicken, rice and a sauce?

16:03Speaker 3:It was leftover pasta. It was a bit of leftover chicken.

16:06Speaker 2:Yeah.

16:06Speaker 3:And potato jam.

16:09Speaker 2:I love a potato jam. It's the most underrated food on earth.

16:11Speaker 3:We eat them pretty often in our household. Yeah, it's delicious. Or at least Hayden with the kids does when they do steak night.

16:16Speaker 1:But I was almost a bit peeved because lately Hayden has been particularly busy and doing less dinners.

16:21Speaker 3:And I was like, sweetie, I'm making sure the kids have vegetables. Oh, see. What's this shit?

16:25Speaker 2:I actually couldn't care less about that.

16:27Speaker 3:Yeah, I actually felt in that moment, like it's one dinner out of a million. Yeah. He doesn't deserve to go to jail.

16:32Speaker 2:No, he doesn't.

16:34Speaker 3:So we're saying that my standards were.

16:35Speaker 2:Too high there. Yeah, but he doesn't.

16:36Speaker 3:If it happens every night, sure. But if it's a one-off, whatever.

16:40Speaker 2:Yeah, he doesn't. But that other person, jail.

16:42Speaker 3:That other person's going to jail. You get locked up. I'm not happy with that. Yeah. Yeah, you're allowed to be unhappy with that, dear listener. Next one. Leaving his toothbrush and toothpaste on the bathroom sink every time he brushes.

16:55Speaker 2:I couldn't cope with that.

16:56Speaker 3:I would be like, don't you have any respect?

16:58Speaker 2:Yeah, but is it jail worthy?

17:01Speaker 1:It's hard to be sure, isn't it? Because like technically.

17:04Speaker 2:I'm going to say yes.

17:05Speaker 3:I actually think it is because.

17:06Speaker 1:You go to brush your teeth, of course you have to clean it up.

17:08Speaker 3:You're not going to leave it in there. No, no, do you know what?

17:09Speaker 4:This is my distinction. That's a public place, the vanity. When people come into your home and they need to use the toilet and wash their hands, if our wifey-o did not clean it, they would have to wash it and look at that.

17:23Speaker 2:If, however.

17:24Speaker 4:You, dear listener, your husband or whoever your partner is, left that in the shower facility?

17:32Speaker 3:Yeah, that's, yep, that's play on. Possible. Gross for me, but play on.

17:35Speaker 2:Yeah, play on. I agree.

17:36Speaker 3:I think that's a really good distinction. Thank you. Next one.

17:39Speaker 1:Leaving cupboards and drawers just slightly open instead.

17:42Speaker 3:Of closing them fully. Okay.

17:44Speaker 2:I don't think it's jail worthy.

17:45Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's fucking annoying.

17:46Speaker 2:It's so fucking annoying. I also, I have this real thing and I say it about Ryan.

17:50Speaker 4:It's not me talking about it behind his back at all, but I would say there is an archetype of husband and I like to call that husband 80% man. And that 80% man has the best intentions and he's an incredible partner. They always seem to get 80% of the way through a task and.

18:08Speaker 3:Yes.

18:08Speaker 4:And there's 20% off. And I want to be like, oh, yes, you did it. But that's a great example. When you close the cupboard and you just marginally miss it.

18:18Speaker 1:Well, it's like deep down inside you without realizing 80% husband that.

18:23Speaker 3:Someone else will do it for you.

18:24Speaker 2:I don't even think it's that.

18:27Speaker 4:I think it's the fact that They get so close to finishing a task that they're like, it's done.

18:32Speaker 2:But I'm like, it's not quite done.

18:33Speaker 1:But isn't that subconsciously because they know someone else will do it, even if they're not thinking it consciously?

18:38Speaker 2:No, because, for example, I'll give you an example. Ryan does this all the time.

18:41Speaker 4:He does tasks or like he'll unpack the dishwasher, right, and he'll unpack it fully. So a dishwasher is 100% unpacked. But there might be some items like lunch boxes that don't dry properly and he'll put them on the bench.

18:54Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's like to dry for later. Right.

18:57Speaker 2:So for me, I'm like that's an 80% task.

19:00Speaker 3:Yeah.

19:00Speaker 2:Because you have unpacked the dishwasher to 100%.

19:03Speaker 3:100%.

19:03Speaker 2:But you've left 10% of those items.

19:06Speaker 3:Grab the tea towel. Dry them out. On the bench.

19:08Speaker 2:And then the other 10 is the fact that you leave them there to dry and then I have to put them away.

19:12Speaker 3:Yeah.

19:12Speaker 1:But I think without him realising he's being a see you next Tuesday about it.

19:17Speaker 3:Yeah.

19:18Speaker 1:He's like, oh, I'm off to work now. This will get done later. And maybe he thinks it will be him that does it later.

19:23Speaker 2:Potentially, yes.

19:24Speaker 3:But you know what I mean? It's like the assumption that someone's doing that.

19:27Speaker 1:And, like, you're never going to let that sit there all day if you're working from home because you're not that type. No.

19:30Speaker 2:And I'm like, just dry it.

19:32Speaker 3:Just pick up a tea towel and dry it. Then it will be 100%.

19:35Speaker 1:Hayden did so much folding this morning, like an obscene amount, and he washed the windows and he did all these things with the kids with him while I was walking the dogs. So, like, I'm genuinely not having a go at him in this context. And he ran out of time. But he didn't put the clothes away and.

19:48Speaker 3:It is annoying. Again, it's 80%.

19:50Speaker 2:Exactly.

19:52Speaker 1:And it's like he did so much and I was out for a walk But it's still, it's just.

19:56Speaker 2:Like, oh.

19:56Speaker 3:Just complete it.

19:57Speaker 2:Now I have to put it away. Just complete the task. It takes another fucking few minutes.

20:00Speaker 3:It's annoying.

20:01Speaker 1:Yeah.

20:01Speaker 3:Okay, next one. Oh, we're only like three in. I've got so many to go. Oh, yeah, this one's Hayden. Okay.

20:08Speaker 1:Doing bath time but leaving the bath toys in the bath rather than draining and stacking.

20:13Speaker 2:Oh, this is so Ryan.

20:15Speaker 3:It's a crime. Because, like, toys get mouldy.

20:19Speaker 2:Oh, I was about to say the same thing. Anybody listening to this would be like, these chicks are fucking insane.

20:24Speaker 3:You're like, Lucy, I didn't know you cared about mould.

20:26Speaker 2:Chill out. Chill out. But, yeah, I agree.

20:29Speaker 3:Jail.

20:30Speaker 1:It's actually gross, that, though, because, as I said, mould. We don't want mould in our fucking kids' baths and in their toys.

20:36Speaker 2:Yeah, but, again, I think it's the visibility factor for me.

20:39Speaker 3:Oh, I see.

20:40Speaker 1:For me, it's the yuckiness of build-up. Like, I'm like, grime builds up in that and I can't handle that.

20:44Speaker 2:Yeah.

20:45Speaker 3:Because I don't care about the aesthetic of the toys in the bath. Oh, I see. Which is why I used to actually let it go. But then I was like, no, the toys get yucky if they're left like this all the time.

20:54Speaker 1:Yeah, they do.

20:54Speaker 3:That's interesting.

20:55Speaker 1:We've come at that from different angles. I'm going to call this one jail before I even read.

20:59Speaker 3:It out to you. What is it?

21:00Speaker 1:Not replacing toilet paper roll or replacing it but the wrong way.

21:04Speaker 3:Jail. Yeah, jail. Wrong way.

21:05Speaker 2:Which way is the right way?

21:07Speaker 3:Okay. I like it coming from under. Pull out. I knew it was going to be wrong for you. No, I don't. No, I like it from over. I actually like it from over. Sorry. Damn it. Of course. It would have been better if I liked it from under. Of course.

21:20Speaker 2:You like it from over. I need to know. Okay, here's a poll.

21:24Speaker 3:You like it from under.

21:25Speaker 2:Over?

21:25Speaker 3:Oh, you like it from under. Are you insane? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're on the same page.

21:28Speaker 2:Okay. Here's a poll to our community.

21:30Speaker 3:Yeah. How does toilet paper go?

21:33Speaker 2:How does toilet paper go? Is it over or is it under?

21:36Speaker 3:Yeah.

21:36Speaker 4:I simply must know. I think I have been to one person's house ever that was an under once. And I was so shook that I wanted to change it.

21:45Speaker 3:Yeah. But I feel like it would fall more if it was under. Yeah. It would fall more easily. Okay. That's jail. Yeah, now I'm over. Okay. Yeah, not replacing toilet paper is actually just fucking rude. Yeah, it's gross. Like you think there's a maid in the house.

21:58Speaker 2:It's a necessity too. Come on.

21:59Speaker 3:Yeah.

22:00Speaker 2:Everyone needs to use that.

22:00Speaker 3:Yeah.

22:01Speaker 1:Next up, tearing open frozen chips or peas like a frigging bear.

22:06Speaker 3:Peas all over the freezer. What the fuck, man?

22:08Speaker 2:Do you know what?

22:10Speaker 3:That's possible.

22:11Speaker 2:I think I do that.

22:12Speaker 3:I think I can be a bit flitty in those ways.

22:14Speaker 2:Yeah, I can do that. As in I would love to have scissors.

22:17Speaker 4:Sometimes I'm stressed and I'm like, I should get scissors to cut this open and I don't and it goes everywhere. It's a design of the packets.

22:23Speaker 1:Yeah, and in the freezer it's less like gross because it's still going to be frozen in there and we can just throw them out later.

22:28Speaker 2:Yeah.

22:28Speaker 3:Not great. I understand why you're annoyed, listener, but... Yeah. One out of two for this one. So there's two parts. Okay.

22:34Speaker 1:Always giving our toddler a big bottle of milk instead of a half bottle of milk when I've asked a million times because she's three and a half and we need to wean her.

22:43Speaker 3:I get the frustration here a lot.

22:45Speaker 2:I'm going to say it's a pass.

22:47Speaker 3:Yeah.

22:47Speaker 4:The only reason why I'm going to say that, though, is because I'm also in the same boat.

22:52Speaker 2:So Zaev still has a bottle.

22:53Speaker 3:Yeah.

22:53Speaker 2:He's nearly four.

22:54Speaker 3:Yeah.

22:54Speaker 4:It's a comfort item and I feel so much repressed guilt about it, which is ridiculous.

22:58Speaker 1:I give my kids a half water, half bottle, half milk bottle every night. Is that wrong that they're over?

23:03Speaker 2:No, it's not.

23:03Speaker 4:I don't think it's wrong, but I think there's this real underlying thing that after the age of one, kids shouldn't have a bottle.

23:09Speaker 3:Interesting.

23:09Speaker 2:And I have felt so much pressure.

23:11Speaker 3:It's like a baby and your child.

23:13Speaker 2:Yeah, to ditch it.

23:14Speaker 4:So I would almost say some of your frustration is probably coming from the fact that deep down you want.

23:17Speaker 2:To get rid of that bottle.

23:18Speaker 3:Yeah.

23:19Speaker 4:When in fact, it's like not a big deal. Your kid's not going to be sucking on a bottle at 15.

23:22Speaker 3:Yeah, forever.

23:23Speaker 1:I give it a pass too, but I will say I really understand the resentment of when you ask your partner to come on board with something you're trying to do and you're the primary parent and they don't listen because it's like, well, you step into primary parent then and I won't listen to you. So I agree that it's a pass, but I get your frustration deeply. Next one, just shoving our kids' clothes in any drawer rather than folding them into their spots.

23:47Speaker 3:Jail.

23:48Speaker 2:Lifetime sentence. Yeah, lifetime sentence. Lifetime.

23:52Speaker 4:Personal story for you. I always used to do our washing for many, many years. But when there was two of us, mainly because I'm pedantic with how I like things washed, there's a certain type of cycle.

24:01Speaker 2:You know what I'm like.

24:02Speaker 3:Yeah. Gatekeeping. It's maternal gatekeeping. It is.

24:05Speaker 2:But before I had children, I was like this.

24:07Speaker 3:Before you were maternal. I was.

24:08Speaker 2:Before I was maternal. Like I just needed to do things a certain way. I have a specific wash I like.

24:13Speaker 3:Anyway.

24:14Speaker 4:And I used to fold the clothes. And then I used to watch Ryan put them away. And he would just grab them and shove them. And when we had kids, I was like, I can't do that anymore.

24:24Speaker 3:Yeah.

24:25Speaker 4:I actually can't even fold your clothes because you don't appreciate it. And I asked him, do you want me to fold your clothes?

24:29Speaker 2:He goes, I don't really care. It's fine.

24:31Speaker 3:Yeah.

24:31Speaker 2:Don't even worry about it. And I was like, how have I not asked this to you before? Yeah. Like he does not care. So I put them in a pile and then sometimes he folds them and puts them away. Sometimes he doesn't. Like he'll just throw them away.

24:42Speaker 3:Yeah.

24:42Speaker 2:And I'm like, they're not even my clothes. I'm not even wearing them. I don't care.

24:45Speaker 3:Why do I care? Yeah.

24:45Speaker 1:100%. However, putting things in the wrong drawers, again, is just giving like, oh, someone else.

24:50Speaker 2:It's so annoying.

24:51Speaker 3:I agree.

24:51Speaker 1:Or I'll just make the morning harder for that person who's trying to find something.

24:55Speaker 2:Agree.

24:55Speaker 3:Not a vibe.

24:57Speaker 1:This makes me laugh so much from a listener. Fuck, how much time have you got? Okay, here's a doozy.

25:01Speaker 3:Yeah. All of a sudden, man started leaving up the toilet seat. Gross.

25:06Speaker 2:Jail.

25:07Speaker 3:That's wrong.

25:07Speaker 2:Put that shit down.

25:08Speaker 3:That shows no respect to women.

25:10Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't. Have you ever fallen into a situation? I've done this once and it's so disgusting.

25:14Speaker 3:Where you accidentally sit on the toilet.

25:16Speaker 2:Yeah.

25:16Speaker 3:I reckon I've cussed at Hayden if I've done it.

25:18Speaker 2:And it makes you want to vomit.

25:20Speaker 3:Literally could vomit.

25:20Speaker 2:And the room is so small and it's so fucking cold and you're like, I know there's piss on this and it makes you sick.

25:26Speaker 3:There's nothing more disgusting than that. Yeah, it's gross. It's so yuck. It's happened to us all. And I'm glad you admitted that because you're the clean freak. Oh, it's so yuck. It's so fucking gross. I reckon lifetime. I'm giving that lifetime. Yeah, lifetime. I agree. Next one.

25:36Speaker 1:Gets baby out of bed early and turns on the lights immediately.

25:40Speaker 3:This is a weird ick for me. I totally get this one.

25:43Speaker 2:Yeah, nah, mate. Leave them in their cot while they're happy and do your shit.

25:46Speaker 3:Don't make the house look like the MCG at 5am. It's too much.

25:50Speaker 2:I'm not going to lie.

25:50Speaker 3:I hate to boast. But I will.

25:52Speaker 2:I feel like.

25:53Speaker 4:I've never really had my children, aside from during the night, wake up at the crack of dawn to experience that.

26:00Speaker 3:Yeah, they've either woken overnight.

26:02Speaker 2:Yeah, they've either woken, exactly right.

26:03Speaker 3:They're not like 5am-ers. Nah. It's like up all night but then sleep in the morning.

26:07Speaker 2:Yeah, but if someone turned on the light at 5am, I'd be like, shut that shit off.

26:13Speaker 3:It is too bright. It's too bright.

26:15Speaker 1:Hayden is in this real fucking annoying habit of reading on his phone. Like he'll buy a book on his phone and read it on his phone. And I hate, I'm very worried with phones in the bedroom. They do not exist in the bedroom. For some reason, my iPad feels a bit different if I'm reading on my iPad, which sometimes I am, but I hate seeing his phone there. This morning he needed to read in the middle of the night and it was 3.40am and he woke me up and he's reading and.

26:37Speaker 3:And then I go, what's the time? He goes off 4, 4.30, I think. And so I'm like, okay, well, I fell asleep earlier last night.

26:42Speaker 1:I'm just waking up. I can feel I'm really awake. Then it's 3.40 and I'm awake for the day.

26:46Speaker 2:Oh, no. I'm sorry.

26:48Speaker 3:Leave the room if you need to read that.

26:49Speaker 4:I woke up at 3.15 and did a wee and then I looked out at the dark night and I was like, whoa, it's bedtime.

26:57Speaker 3:Back to bed.

26:57Speaker 2:No, why would I wake up after that?

26:59Speaker 3:I know. Once I'm awake, I'm really awake. It's so bad.

27:02Speaker 1:Well, I read for an hour hoping I'd fall back to sleep.

27:05Speaker 3:Didn't happen. Okay. Saying I'll do the dishes in the morning. Hate. Yeah. Straight to do.

27:11Speaker 4:I mean, I feel so bad. We're not giving any passes here. But that's a hard non-pass for me.

27:15Speaker 3:We've got some pretty bad ones to be fair to us. To let things just sit and get grimy overnight, it doesn't help anyone.

27:23Speaker 2:I don't care about the overnight. I don't give a shit.

27:25Speaker 4:It's the fact that the next morning comes and something comes up and it doesn't get done. I have this real thing and I know this is a bad habit of mine, but again, this is why I use the term immediately. When I ask for something to be done, it's not because I can't do it myself.

27:38Speaker 2:I absolutely can.

27:40Speaker 4:But it's because the timeframe that I want it done is specific. So whenever I ask for something and it drives around absolutely fucking bananas, rightly so, but I'm always like, can you do this now?

27:49Speaker 3:Yeah.

27:50Speaker 2:Do you mind unpacking that? straight after dinner. Like I'll always put a thing.

27:55Speaker 3:I love it.

27:56Speaker 1:You have to make the request because you're the primary carer. So I'm like, if you want to put a timeline on it, go for it, sweetie.

28:01Speaker 3:You're caring a lot.

28:02Speaker 4:The in the morning thing, if that was me, I'd wake up in the morning and be like, straight away.

28:06Speaker 3:Are you doing the dishwasher?

28:07Speaker 1:Yeah. I've never said this to you actually, but one of the best things I've learned about you is like, if you have the time to.

28:12Speaker 3:Do it, just get it done.

28:13Speaker 2:I always get done.

28:14Speaker 1:Because you're really good like that. Whereas I'll put things off sometimes. Like I'll be organized for big things.

28:17Speaker 3:But like... Actually, we'll have a joke.

28:20Speaker 2:I cannot.

28:21Speaker 3:Well, it's not this one, sweetie. It's next week's, remember? Even this one.

28:25Speaker 2:Lou has done the production schedule for this and this is what it says. Look at phone notes. I was like, okay. I can't prepare for this at all. I can't wait to hear what this is about.

28:34Speaker 3:I did text you. You did, you did, you did.

28:36Speaker 1:But do you know what's the funniest thing about Loz and I? In the production schedule, I'm often later now, which is funny because it used to always be me.

28:42Speaker 3:Yeah.

28:42Speaker 1:But you're busier than me so you're just so much quicker than I even, I haven't even got to them and I'm like, oh, no, fuck, I'm meant to set them.

28:48Speaker 2:Up, not you. No, because I allocate a time blocker.

28:50Speaker 1:Well, and also you're working so much further ahead than me because you are busier than me. But it's really funny, like Loz in the past has used different fonts and whatnot and I'm like, I can't handle it.

29:00Speaker 3:I know, you always change it. But I'm weirder with pedantic in completely different ways. It's so funny. Next one.

29:07Speaker 1:Wants gold stars for shopping the pantry first to keep grocery costs down.

29:12Speaker 3:Okay, now I sound like a wincher. Okay. Well, look, maybe you don't need gold stars for it, sweet husband.

29:18Speaker 2:I think a pass for that.

29:19Speaker 1:I think it's actually a great thing to be doing.

29:21Speaker 3:I agree. I love the frugality of it and the less is more.

29:24Speaker 1:But, yeah, like you don't need a pat, unless you're going to pat your partner on the back for everything she's done.

29:29Speaker 4:No, but I do appreciate that. I actually do like that. So that's a pass.

29:33Speaker 1:Keeps buying products with preservatives when I've told him which products are cleaner.

29:37Speaker 4:Okay, that's also going to be a pass for me only because it's fucking annoying. If you've told and you're like, come on, mate, I've given you the option.

29:45Speaker 3:Yeah.

29:46Speaker 4:But I'm also a bit like, I feel like preservatives don't end. There's so many things to look for. And I find that quite confusing on the back of a packet.

29:52Speaker 3:It's bloody confusing.

29:53Speaker 4:So if that was me, I'd be like, Unless you tell me the exact product to replicate it with, I can't delineate. I can't go through and like figure out all the facts of that.

30:02Speaker 2:I cannot do it. I need someone to tell me, which is even more annoying.

30:05Speaker 3:Yeah.

30:05Speaker 1:I sit on both sides of what to do here because I'm like, it is frustrating when someone's not hearing you. And obviously this is like for this person, like an important thing.

30:13Speaker 3:But at the.

30:13Speaker 1:Same time, I'm probably giving a pass while saying that that is really fucking annoying.

30:17Speaker 3:Yes. Basically, I just repeated you. I didn't need to say any of that. Yeah, well, you know, same, same. I did not need to say that.

30:22Speaker 2:Same.

30:22Speaker 1:Doesn't put things away. So there's always clothes, plates, peanut butter, et cetera, around jail.

30:28Speaker 3:Jail.

30:29Speaker 1:What? So they're just not putting anything away?

30:31Speaker 2:What's it called? Solitary confinement. Put your shit away, mate.

30:35Speaker 3:I cannot.

30:35Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. That should have been an option. And if you don't want to pull your stuff away, stay in a room with no shit in there. Yeah.

30:41Speaker 3:It's the worst.

30:43Speaker 1:I think it was on a Shameless episode they were talking about petty things and someone said their housemate was going away but left dirty pots in the sink.

30:49Speaker 3:Yuck.

30:49Speaker 1:And that person as their petty act. Put pots on the bed of the housemate.

30:55Speaker 3:And I thought that was brilliant. I just threw them out. Like, what are you doing? Gross. Okay, last one here.

31:01Speaker 1:I cook six out of seven nights, but he does the easy meal, i.e.

31:06Speaker 3:Pie in the oven.

31:07Speaker 2:I'm going to say pass.

31:08Speaker 1:It's a really tricky one for me because I'm like, if he's doing other stuff with that time and he's like being with the kids and he's cleaning up, I'm actually okay with it because everyone's standards of cooking and what a meal.

31:20Speaker 3:Is are different. Yes.

31:22Speaker 2:I would also say, unfortunately, that's me. I have to be real. If there's one thing I don't accelerate at.

31:28Speaker 3:Excel at.

31:29Speaker 2:Excel, not accelerate. Excel at. It is cooking. I like baking.

31:33Speaker 4:I would love to enjoy the process of cooking, but with three young children, I simply don't. And Ryan is so much better than me at providing like a home-cooked meal. Often I'll be like, oh, I'll just pick up lasagna. He'll be like, Daz, you could make the bolognese. Or use the bolognese I've made in the fridge and just put the pasta sheets on.

31:49Speaker 3:It's too hard. Yeah.

31:51Speaker 1:Yeah.

31:51Speaker 3:Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, you two are so different like that. So different.

31:54Speaker 1:It's actually a shame that he has to work so much because there's no different meals.

31:57Speaker 3:You'd come home to.

31:58Speaker 1:I know.

31:58Speaker 2:It would be so nice. I can tell he gets home and he's like, fucking hell, this is so grim.

32:03Speaker 3:Yeah. Sorry. As long as he doesn't say it, I'm fine with that.

32:06Speaker 2:You're fine.

32:07Speaker 3:That's all we have time for.

32:08Speaker 1:I'm giving that person a pass too because I'm like they might value meals differently.

32:12Speaker 3:It's annoying. I totally get it. Yeah. But I'm giving a pass.

32:14Speaker 2:Me too. Me too.

32:15Speaker 4:If you've loved today's episode, please leave us a positive review. Follow us on ReadyOrNot.pod and see you next week.

32:21Speaker 3:Bye.