MINI: Empty Tankers

0:10Speaker 1:iHeart Podcast.

0:11Speaker 2:Hear more gold podcasts, playlists, and listen live on the free iHeart app. Got anything good?

0:20Speaker 3:Hey, this is the Christian O'Connell Show podcast.

0:28Speaker 2:Now, in the middle of the show, my wife messaged me, and this happens with way too much ease.

0:34Speaker 1:My wife, Sarah, I love her.

0:37Speaker 2:But she does not respect that this is a high-skilled job. It's like you're on a safety wire every day and there's no safety net underneath me. My wife doesn't respect that. I keep saying to her, it's like I'm in surgery for three hours. Well, actually, in my heart, I could never say that out loud, Ria, but thank you.

0:54Speaker 1:For seeing what I do here.

0:55Speaker 2:My wife just sees it like most of the time I'm sat around my feet up. just, you know, yakking up in here with you. That's how it looks to an untrained observer. She said, Chris, I'm about to run out of fuel. Can you find out how many Ks are in the reserve tank of my car? I've got to make it 26 Ks.

1:11Speaker 1:I'm running late.

1:12Speaker 2:No one's ever had to do these complicated maths very quickly, whilst also hosting the show.

1:17Speaker 1:This is not the first time.

1:18Speaker 2:My wife is a repeat offender of, for me, as soon as I get the fuel gauge gets into the final quarter.

1:25Speaker 1:I'm pulling over as soon as I can, filling the car. Oh, coward.

1:28Speaker 2:No.

1:28Speaker 1:What happens in the middle of the night?

1:29Speaker 2:I need to drive a family member or.

1:31Speaker 1:Neighbor to hospital. How far is the hospital? Oh, we're just going to go by the 7-Eleven. I've just got to fill up.

1:35Speaker 3:Where are you going?

1:36Speaker 1:Alice Springs? No, the ambos are taking too long together. I'll drive you. Oh, no, I'm empty.

1:40Speaker 2:We're going to conk out. What if the zombies come? I need to go to the high country. I need to make it to Echuca and take my peoples there.

1:49Speaker 1:Okay, silly. Oh, no, I'll just run out. I'm running out in Hyatt. The zombies are coming for me.

1:55Speaker 4:Damn it.

1:56Speaker 1:I didn't factor in the zombies. No, no.

1:58Speaker 2:Always be ready for a zombie apocalypse. And you're going to need those lactose tablets.

2:01Speaker 1:Young man, as well. Have a bag ready, everyone. Be ready.

2:06Speaker 4:I don't know.

2:06Speaker 2:And there are two types of people in life. There are the empty tankers and the rest of us.

2:11Speaker 1:Who are you, Ria? Are you an empty tanker? What's in that mummy's Volvo you work around in?

2:15Speaker 3:If it hits the light, that is when I'll start to think about getting fuel.

2:19Speaker 1:But before then, come on. I feel like you have to make sure you use up the fuel. Otherwise, you get old, dusty fuel.

2:25Speaker 2:To me, it's like when you haven't eaten anything for six or seven hours and you're running on vapors and fuel. The car, when you fill it up, goes, thank you, I've got a full tummy. It's like you put a big Sunday roast in. It's like, oh, I might just loosen off these pants. Now, I have a message here from Patsy's husband, the Werribee love god.

2:45Speaker 1:G'day, Christian.

2:45Speaker 3:I heard you talking about Sarah asking you how many reserve kilometres might be left on an empty tank. At least Sarah checks with you. I swear Petrina thinks there's an infusion. infinity amount of reserve kilometres left because some days I get in the car and the needle doesn't even move up to the empty position and I don't know whether I'm going to make it to the service station, which is literally a 60-second drive around the corner.

3:10Speaker 2:You're right, my wife does love the same as you, the Patsy, the infinity tank.

3:13Speaker 1:Yes, it's like a little game. I think, you know what, I'll just run the gauntlet. Let's see how far we get today.

3:18Speaker 2:It's like you're spinning that revolver chamber. You're playing Russian roulette. It will bike you on the backside.

3:22Speaker 1:I hate filling the car. Absolutely hate it.

3:24Speaker 2:I know, but you have to do it or the car will at some moment bite you on the backside and take out revenge on you by running out.

3:30Speaker 1:No, those reserve tanks are massive. You can go age it.

3:34Speaker 2:Because you keep thinking that when you're still in that reserve phase. Yes. I remember a couple of months ago, do you remember when my wife ran out of fuel and she went, Chris, your car's run out of fuel.

3:44Speaker 1:And I actually said, so is your eye. I actually said, so is your eye. I was happy. That would have went down well.

3:49Speaker 2:This is what happens. And then she goes, can you come and pick me up? I was like, yeah, yeah, sure, where are you? She told me where she was and went, that's a minute away. Listen, princess, this dam hasn't always been picked up. Walk and then think about your consequences of your behaviour. All right, so are you an empty tanker? Caitlin, you're an empty tanker, I can tell. You run way too loose.

4:08Speaker 5:Absolutely, constantly. I actually only have 16 kilometres left today as I was driving away.

4:13Speaker 1:You've got to get back to Werribee over the West Gate. No!

4:16Speaker 2:Now, you're one of those people that breaks down and then you become my problem.

4:20Speaker 5:I haven't broken down since I was 16 years old. I haven't broken down since I was an L-plater. I run on empty constantly. I get to zero all the time.

4:28Speaker 2:No way.

4:29Speaker 1:Zero means zero. The car's not going anywhere. You're conking out.

4:32Speaker 5:No, it's lying to you. I literally get to zero and I can still make it, I reckon, 5Ks. I've never conked out. I've never even felt like the Honda's gone. It's not even doing that.

4:41Speaker 2:I'm surprised because the speeds that you run that car at. You have a lead foot in that car. Honestly, you must burn through.

4:47Speaker 1:She does.

4:48Speaker 5:I will say it again. I go at the speed that my body feels. I know what I'm doing. I can see people in front of me. I'm safe.

4:55Speaker 3:I'm aware. I'm conscious.

4:57Speaker 1:You're okay. It's the rest of us. Elderly. Trying to cross a road.

5:01Speaker 5:I'm in the slipstream constantly.

5:03Speaker 2:That's why I can go.

5:04Speaker 5:On empty fumes because I'm just gliding along.

5:07Speaker 2:You are Fast Furious Melbourne. Right now then, empty tankers. Bad time to run out of fuel. A lot of you are very proud empty tankers. You know, I think it's like people, they get some sort of weird, I would say sick perverted thrill from this. Christian, I ran out of fuel in the middle of Chapel Street at 5am. Oh no.

5:27Speaker 1:Or dangerous. Yeah, you're right. That's when the zombies are out.

5:30Speaker 2:To push my car to the side of the road before running to the servo to buy some fuel to bring back to the car. was almost late to a wedding six hours away. The second part of this is insane. Another time we brought a ute nine hours away from home. We thought we pushed the limits of the tank to make it to the next town for fuel. Sadly, the servo was closed and we were stranded in a tiny town. We had to siphon fuel from a local lawnmower.

5:57Speaker 4:Oh, God.

6:00Speaker 2:Christian, I'm a proud empty tanker, but I reset my trip odometer every time I fill up, so I know exactly how many Ks I have until I'm empty. Haven't run empty for 14 years. They're very loud and proud. Hi, Kate, in their leader. Christian, this is amazing. Vaughan, Christian, I once ran out of petrol whilst in a breath test line. Oh, my God, this guy's so drunk, he can't even start the car. LAUGHTER Let's take some stories here. Lawson, good morning.

6:29Speaker 2:Welcome to the show. Good morning, Christian.

6:31Speaker 4:I'm currently sitting on empty with a 25-minute drive ahead of me. Oh, yes.

6:36Speaker 2:A live one.

6:38Speaker 1:How could you live like this, Lawson? The stress, the fear.

6:41Speaker 4:It is stressful, but it's less stressful on my wallet.

6:46Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess so. But what if you run out?

6:50Speaker 4:Well, you know you can't, you know you can't.

6:53Speaker 1:As we always say.

6:54Speaker 2:Well, listen, Lawson, let us know how you get on.

6:56Speaker 1:But good luck. Thanks for calling the show. Have a good day.

6:59Speaker 4:Thank you very much.

7:00Speaker 1:Leanne, good morning.

7:02Speaker 4:Hello, Christian. I absolutely think every car is only polite that it beeps at you when it needs fuel.

7:11Speaker 1:It should just sing to you. Sing a little song.

7:14Speaker 2:I'm empty in my tummy. If that went on a loop and shit, you'd pull over.

7:19Speaker 1:I'm empty. And it doesn't stop.

7:22Speaker 4:And I had a car that used to politely tell me, you need to get fuel in the next 25 Ks or so. I've got a new Volvo, would you believe? And it broke down. It didn't tell me how much fuel, that I needed fuel. It didn't beep at me. And I broke down in front of a fire station.

7:42Speaker 1:Oh, no.

7:42Speaker 4:Which wasn't the worst thing, because I had to go in and say, excuse me, can you please help me? A damsel in distress. So eight burly firemen came out.

7:53Speaker 1:I might break down in front of her.

7:55Speaker 2:I think you did this on purpose.

7:58Speaker 1:I bet they were like, this has got a full tank in. We've told you about this, Leanne. It isn't happening. Please, come on now. No poles have been slided down, Leanne. Drive on.

8:09Speaker 4:I really wanted to video it.

8:14Speaker 2:Leanne, funny story. Thank you very much for sharing. It really made us laugh.

8:17Speaker 1:Have a good day.

8:18Speaker 4:You're welcome. Yeah, you too.

8:20Speaker 1:The Christian O'Connell Show.

8:22Speaker 2:Go on.

8:22Speaker 1:Podcast.