Shadow, projection, and transference: demystifying coaching psychology

More from The Coaching Question All episodes →

1. 

   S5 · E12 · 6 Jan 2026 · 38 min

   How Do We Help Clients When They're Really Stuck?

   We explore why even highly capable, motivated clients can stay stuck despite knowing what they want to change. We introduce Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s Immunity to Change model, which reveals how unconscious competing commitments can quietly block progress - not through resistance, but through self-protection. The model is brought to life through a live example, as Sarah works through the four-column process and uncovers the hidden assumptions shaping her behaviour. The conversation shows how these protective patterns develop for good reasons, and how the model connects with Transactional…

2. 

   S5 · E11 · 11 Nov 2025 · 34 min

   Why taking your time in coaching matters

   We explore why taking your time at the start of a coaching session is one of the most powerful, and most frequently overlooked, skills in coaching. We unpack the common tendency for coaches, especially those under pressure or early in their practice, to leap toward solutions the moment a client states a goal. Through rich metaphors like the tandem bicycle, the pencil sharpener, and the Bake Off proving drawer, we show how deeper exploration at the outset creates clarity, focus, and stronger outcomes. We link this slow, spacious beginning to the ICF competencies, highlighting why establishing…

3. 

   S5 · E10 · 14 Oct 2025 · 33 min

   Narcissism: tools for coaches and their clients

   In this episode we explore how coaches can support clients who are dealing with a narcissistic boss . We unpack what narcissism truly means - beyond social media clichés - and discuss the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic tendencies that may still create toxic dynamics at work. We highlight common signs that a client might be working for a narcissist, such as self-doubt, confusion, or feeling “never good enough,” and examine the systemic factors that can keep such leaders in place. We emphasise the importance of reflective practice and supervision to help…

4. 

   S5 · E9 · 23 Sep 2025 · 35 min

   Contracting in coaching: beyond the tick box

   In this episode we unpack contracting as a living, multi-layered practice rather than a one-time formality. We explore three distinct levels of contracting: Administrative – The essentials: when and where sessions happen, confidentiality agreements, cancellation terms, fees, and note-taking. Professional – Clarifying goals, purpose, scope, and whether to involve other parties such as a line manager or HR. Psychological – The unspoken relational agreements, unconscious patterns, and “felt sense” of the coaching space. Drawing on real-world examples, we show how unconscious dynamics - such as…

5. 

   S5 · E8 · 5 Aug 2025 · 31 min

   Discounting: how clients unconsciously keep themselves stuck

   In this episode we discuss how clients can inadvertently keep themselves stuck by ignoring aspects of themselves, others or the situation. Discounting is a classic topic that emerges in coaching sessions. We share how using Julie Hay’s “Steps to Success” model can help to shed a light on a client’s discounting beliefs and create more enabling ones. This approach is versatile in its application, but can be practically applied in-person through using physical cards on the floor and walking side-by-side with a client, helping them to embody each stage in the process. We offer useful coaching…

6. 

   S5 · E6 · 8 Jul 2025 · 25 min

   Coaching in turbulent times: self-care, supervision & preparedness

   In this episode we explore the impact of global turbulence on our coaching practice. With ongoing uncertainty in the world, including recent political events, we discuss how these external challenges affect both coaches and our clients. We dive into key themes such as emotional impact, self-awareness, supervision, and the importance of reflective practice. Sarah reflects on her approach to media consumption, questioning whether avoiding distressing news is self-protection or a way of disconnecting. We discuss how world events shape our clients’ experiences, particularly those facing…

7. 

   S5 · E5 · 24 Jun 2025 · 26 min

   How should we end our coaching engagements?

   In this episode, we discuss the often-overlooked topic of endings in coaching relationships. This is an update to a special we did when Gregor’s Coaching At Work article was published but we’ve updated and expanded on our thinking since. So we’ve explored how endings can impact both coaches and clients, offering practical insights and tips on how to approach this significant stage of the coaching process. Also, we reflect on how clients may struggle with letting go of the coaching relationship and how coaches can approach this phase with care and thoughtfulness. We talk about how integrating…

8. 

   S5 · E4 · 10 Jun 2025 · 25 min

   Empathy vs. compassion in coaching

   In this episode, we dive into the critical distinction between empathy and compassion in coaching, exploring how these concepts influence the effectiveness of coaching sessions. Drawing from our own coaching and supervisory experiences, we discuss the importance of boundaries, self-awareness, and personal responsibility in both coaching and supervision. We touch on how coaches can maintain their energy and emotional resilience in their practice. As usual, we share our 3 top tips. If you found this episode useful, please consider leaving a positive review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback…

9. 

   S5 · E3 · 27 May 2025 · 35 min

   Reflect, transform, lead: the power of inside-out coaching

   In this episode, we explore the dynamics of "inside-out" versus "outside-in" coaching approaches and how these impact sustainable transformation for leaders. We discuss the nuanced process of recognising when clients are ready for deeper, reflective work and using "safe experiments" to help leaders overcome resistance and embrace deeper transformation Touching on frameworks like Immunity to Change, we highlight the importance of creating space for reflection, especially in high-pressure roles. We also delve into the evolving journey of coaches themselves, offering valuable insights for…

10. 

    S5 · E2 · 13 May 2025 · 28 min

    The delicate balance between support & dependency in coaching

    In this episode, we dive into the nuanced dynamics of coaching relationships, exploring the importance of progress markers, autonomy, and the delicate balance between ongoing support and the risk of dependency. We discuss how effective coaching isn’t just about achieving goals, but involves creating a "thinking partnership" that helps clients broaden their perspectives, especially at senior levels. We emphasise the value of supervision as a critical tool for coaches to manage relational boundaries, maintain client autonomy, and address potential dependencies on both sides. Whether you're a…