Divorce Rage

0:15Speaker 1:All right, Okay, so we know that when people are going through a breakup, they're going through a divorce, sometimes it can be like a lot of little things that end up being kind of the final straw. Yeah, but I think the little things are symptoms of something underneath of a bigger thing, and it just happens to be the timing that's the thing that pushes you over, right, Yeah, So it's usually it's usually not that you know, they leave the lights on or whatever, leave the toilet set up, that is just the thing that's the catalyst after like you know, a series of like just a lot of conflict building up, right, of bigger things totally. And so we are we're gonna be talking about divorce today, and you can also apply that as a breakup, right for those that are not married, not I dissolution, dissolution of a partnership. So we're gonna get into some of the bigger stuff, but I want to get into some of the smaller stuff with you right now. Like let's go what are some like relationship rage triggers like on the like on the day to day, like the little mundane ship that can like set you off.

1:39Speaker 2:Talks during movies, fuck that terrible, Like literally, especially if it's not if you got one thing to say, we're like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. But people will literally they'll talk. I can't. Like, you're fired, you're canceled by people, yes, correct, Carol, Carol, Yeah, okay, all right, Oh I'm with you.

2:06Speaker 1:Because number one, if you're not the one who's talking, but you're being talked at, yeah, you're like, now we're those people. And then number two, when you're like you're now thinking about how you're those people, you're not paying attention to the movie, right, You're like, oh my god, we're those people, and then you've missed significant pop ploogast.

2:23Speaker 2:I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

2:25Speaker 1:It's the worst. And then also like when I'm being asked what's happening, I don't fucking know. I haven't watched this movie before. I'm watching it for the first time. Remember how we bought tickets for a movie that just got released, So how do I know what's happening? I didn't. I did not work on this film.

2:41Speaker 2:Right, right, So I wait that too. I also hate like when there's hair in the drain or the sink and they just leave it there.

2:49Speaker 1:It's so gross they leave it there.

2:51Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like, wait, you you did this and now you're looking at the aftermath. Doesn't it look gross to you? And you you just think it's.

3:02Speaker 1:So grass hair is just generally so gross.

3:05Speaker 2:Makes you want to vomit? Yep I okay, now you do your two?

3:09Speaker 1:Okay? Do you have a third?

3:10Speaker 2:Well? I kind of like when you secretly watch ahead on a show that you're supposed to be watching together. Uh huh oh that takes.

3:18Speaker 1:Me when someone when someone jump and don't fake it with me, no, utuh, you'll know because you'll know. You'll see their body language when they're watching that, Like you know, you did not jump enough. That was scary. Shit, you did not jump enough?

3:29Speaker 2:Exactly? Yeah, Like, no, we made a deal we watch it together. Yeah, what's going on here? I mean it's like, and if.

3:38Speaker 1:It's a breach of contract right there, thank you, And if you don't.

3:41Speaker 2:If you don't, if you don't, you know, tell me the truth about it, that makes it even worse because it's just a TV.

3:46Speaker 1:Show, right, What else are you lying to me about?

3:48Speaker 2:Thank you? Okay.

3:50Speaker 1:One of my big ones is do not clap when the airplane lands, do fucking clap.

3:59Speaker 2:Sometimes it's really scary landing's and then you're like, thank god, we.

4:05Speaker 1:Made okay that I'll give a little bit of a concession with you, though, But the clapping on landing. Number One, some people's xanax is wearing off. They don't need jarring sounds coming at them. Number Two, how do we know that the pilots don't find it patronizing, Like, guys, I'm just doing my job. I'm just doing my job, Like, let's not make a big fucking deal. Or even worse, they're like, I didn't really do it. The computer landed the plane, and now I have imposter syndrome, Like just just chill out because.

4:34Speaker 2:It's auto chill out. Here's the thing. I'm like, well, pilot, if it was really turbulent, which I know you can't control, but sometimes it's like it's it's torture. Yeah. And then when you very specifically happens if you're flying from LA to Vegas or back, oh yeah it is. You literally think you're going to die. Oh and so when you are on the ground, some people are.

4:57Speaker 1:Like O yeah, but guys, just maybe keep it in, maybe save it for the rental car, save it for the rental car line or whoever's picking you up, and you can tell them all about it. Yeah, but we don't need it. We need to get to our We need to get out, get our bags and go.

5:13Speaker 2:Okay, here's here's what we'll do. The deal is, if somebody else starts it, we it's okay to join in, but your person can join in.

5:21Speaker 1:I'm not joining in. I'm not encouraging. I'm not encouraging this behavior. What if it was terrible the fact I said, I will give concessions in rare situations. Okay. Number My second one is do not not pretreat laundry and then have our family. You know what I'm talking about walking around with stain clothes. You know what that says. It sends a message we've given up, we don't care. I'm with you, we're failing and flailing.

5:48Speaker 2:Yeah I don't. I don't feel that strongly about pre treating, but maybe I should now, and maybe I have been walking around with staying clothes. Never seen it.

6:00Speaker 1:I've never seen it. R Nope, never seen it. See it. I see it on Ben, see it all my kids, see it on my clothes. Never seen it on you. Okay, I know, listen, I know, and I know how. I've seen you when you eat and you like and with you. We're both animals. But I haven't seen I haven't seen you walk onto a scene with stained clothes because you if.

6:19Speaker 2:They're negligent in it's going in the truck.

6:23Speaker 1:It's going in the track. I know, I know it. And then my last is, do not clean the actual sink with the sponge that you clean the dishes with?

6:32Speaker 2:Who who does that?

6:35Speaker 1:I'm not going to name names. Ben, I've had to call him on it many times.

6:39Speaker 2:You do not do that.

6:40Speaker 1:I thank you at all.

6:43Speaker 3:God.

6:43Speaker 2:The feeling of validation.

6:45Speaker 1:Is so validating.

6:47Speaker 2:Gross, so gross, dude, I'm telling you, yeah, that that's the little thing that goes. You might be looking at divorce papers, sir.

6:54Speaker 1:I know, well you'll know what. You'll know what did it.

6:56Speaker 2:You'll know what did it? Sure will.

6:58Speaker 1:All right, let's just drop into this podcast.

7:00Speaker 2:Let's do it. Welcome to the Rage Pod.

7:03Speaker 1:Where we rage against the serene.

7:05Speaker 2:And all the things in between. I'm here with the bar.

7:09Speaker 1:And I'm here with the Tara Erickson. I like how I think I'm going to do it a lot it's good.

7:15Speaker 2:Frendy Wendy's also here. She's gonna be chiming in.

7:18Speaker 1:Oh really quick. I want to get this out of the way. A wrong but strong. There was an episode we did where we talked about the floods in Texas. We referenced the Texan governor, I very confidently said Jim Abbott. Jim Abbott is a famous pitcher for the Angels. The governor of Texas is Greg Abbott. So apologies to Jim Abbott and his family. We can move on.

7:46Speaker 3:Well done, wrong but strong.

7:49Speaker 2:That's strong?

7:51Speaker 1:Is this segment of wrong but strong?

7:53Speaker 2:It was?

7:53Speaker 1:It will come up many times.

7:55Speaker 2:It's really good. It's really good. All right, Well, so you got you gotta you gotta tease though, because we do got kind of the Week coming up later, and you got to tease him with a little bit of that. But if you've forgotten, kind of the Week stands for courageous, unapologetic theorios instead up a woman slash nan slash d a M slash animal whatever you want.

8:15Speaker 1:I mean, it could be a paperweight. We don't we don't care. We don't care, So our our cunt of the week. I'm just gonna say this. Yeah is a badass, artistic mud slinger.

8:27Speaker 2:Leave it at that, all right, leave it. Let's let's freakin rock and roll. We also got the Rage Hotline combing up. And if you guys, yeah, haven't left us, She's gonna let you know what number to call in the email.

8:38Speaker 3:Two one three two nine three five nine nine five. You can also send us an email at Rage at the ragepod dot com or shoot us a DM.

8:47Speaker 1:And Freendie Wendy's available for FIO gigs. That was perfect, It was very good and just you know, if you all aren't aware, Friendy Wendy is our incredible producer who chimes in with probably the most insightful content on this podcast.

9:04Speaker 2:I don't think the debatable at all. She's not on camera, but she's not. Really we should be switching, we should we should be never heard it suld just be I agree, put us in the corner.

9:15Speaker 3:Absolutely absolutely absolutely not absolutely.

9:18Speaker 1:She just said absolutely not. Okay, let's just do it, all right, So we're gonna check in with our good friend Frendy.

9:24Speaker 2:Wendy on the old Rage hot Line.

9:28Speaker 3:No no, no, no, you've reached the Rage Hotline. Please leave us a message. We got a call here.

9:35Speaker 4:It is what's up ladies? Rage Pod? I got off the Instagram. My beef is about all my DoorDash deliveries, and they give me my food. We have our interaction. But then a lot of them would turn around and be like, yo, give me five stars, and it's like, bruh, I was already gonna give you five stars. That wasn't something I think about. But now you demanding it from me. Well, now have to analyze whether that was a five star interaction. Maybe you didn't smile enough. Anyways, I got to pick up Samantha.

10:09Speaker 1:But yeah, why do we need to know that he's picking up Samantha? I don't know why, Like, you can just leave, Like that's the whole point of leaving a voicemail. You don't need to share that information.

10:22Speaker 2:I actually really liked it, and I hope that he goes back multiple times and lets us know you're picking up because what if it's not Samantha every time?

10:32Speaker 1:Or can we get follow ups on Samantha what she's doing when she becomes a big part of this podcast?

10:38Speaker 2:Yeah, like where are you taking her?

10:40Speaker 1:Yeah?

10:41Speaker 2:Like, what are you picking her up for? Is it like a doctor's appointment or you taking her to Disneyland?

10:46Speaker 1:Is it a date or something like Samantha to you call us back, call us back and let us know.

10:52Speaker 3:He must post it, keep us posted.

10:54Speaker 2:We got to know. And you know what, I actually do kind of agree with him on that because it's like, don't come in my face and be like give me five stars. I find you really annoying. And just rented a car because my car went to crap, and like they keep Enterprise, keeps like texting me, and then you're on a call being like, listen, you guys sent me the wrong bill and they're like yeah. And also, by the way, at the end of every call, and I've had to call them ten times. By the way, we're gonna get you're gonna get uh what do you call it, survey survey. It's gonna take up more of your time.

11:23Speaker 2:And we really hope that you give us ten starts. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll give you whatever the fuck you want. Let's just leave me a little done. Jesus Christ.

11:30Speaker 1:Yeah, I think there's like something Okay, I get it. This door dash or whoever, Like they're just they're trying to make as much money as possible, they keep up their stars, they're gonna you know, get more orders and whatever. But there's something about like like in inflicting that requirement of somebody to do that that's like really unappealing.

11:51Speaker 2:It's gonna push you opposition reflex. You're like, well, now you've told me, I'm going the other way.

11:56Speaker 3:But you guys, what about when we tell people to like like follow us.

12:00Speaker 1:Yeah, I bet it's fucking annoying. I bet it's really fucking annoying. Subscribe the subscribe all platforms, yes, but yeah, no, I mean it's true, Like I know, and this is like the idealized version of a customer service call. But when someone gives me really good customer service, I like proactively want to help them too, and it's like what can I do? What can I do? And then they do that's the best. But that's obviously not going to happen all the time, and they're being pressured to get these stars. So it's like I get it, but it is also annoying.

12:30Speaker 2:It's annoying. You know what. I'll tell you. I had a Target deliver I get my groceries from there. I the groceries were left at my door because just by the way, Target has the cheapest produce and meats left in my door. I pick it up and then there's a card laying there. It says tara E. And I'm like, what the heck this must fell out of my mail. I open it up. It's from the door dasher and it says thank you so.

12:51Speaker 1:Much for shopping with me.

12:52Speaker 2:That's signed his name.

12:54Speaker 1:That's right.

12:54Speaker 2:How was the sweetest thing you can he puts in. He doesn't just deliver the extra mile. He has to go one like five stops if we're used to my house, like I see in the tracker. Uh, And I'm like that means he's writing cars, all of them.

13:06Speaker 1:And he has to purchase the cards, right, yeah, the.

13:12Speaker 2:Envelope around and give me a break.

13:14Speaker 1:Yeah, that is going next.

13:15Speaker 2:That's nice.

13:17Speaker 1:Wow.

13:17Speaker 2:I support him. Five stars, five stars, five stars for you don't even have to ask me for it. Five stars calligraphy.

13:25Speaker 3:All right, All right, guys, we put a call out on our Instagram stories to find out what made people rage this week, and this is what people wrote. In ice recruiting with bonuses and annual salaries. That should be what we pay teachers.

13:40Speaker 2:Oh holle.

13:42Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, I had an ice latte today and I was I felt so much excitement because I fucking hate ice in every single way. Get out of my drink and get out of my fucking city. And I just had this thought. I was. I took the ice out so it was just a cold latte, and I was like, I get the fuck out of here. Okay.

14:03Speaker 3:And Jeff says work healthcare and the sadist who came up with serving sizes, what.

14:11Speaker 2:Like the serving sizes are too small for him.

14:13Speaker 3:I don't know, Jeff, you need to be more specific. Is it too big? Too small?

14:18Speaker 2:I don't think anybody's going to say it's too big because you can take it home. He's probably thinking it's too small.

14:24Speaker 1:Is this about the size of what you're eating? Or is he upset that like when you look on the nutritional label that the serving size. Do you know what I'm saying?

14:33Speaker 3:Maybe talking about health like like work in healthcare, work.

14:37Speaker 1:In health care care, And so maybe he's like.

14:40Speaker 2:Yeah, because serving sizes of oreos, you eat too the sleeves. Obviously, I'm not eight caping it to five oreos.

14:46Speaker 3:And then that's your calories, calories.

14:48Speaker 2:For the whole day.

14:49Speaker 1:Yeah, and then here's my here's my rage with serving sizes. It's not uniform, Like if you go look at cereal and you pick out one box, it should just be it's all ways based on one cup or half a cup. Sometimes it's like it's three orders of a cup here, and then it's like half a cup here.

15:07Speaker 2:I agree, And they do it to fuck with you, so.

15:09Speaker 1:You don't know.

15:10Speaker 3:I want the equivalent of what I need to do to burn off the calories of that serving size. So if I'm going to eat two sleeves of oreos, I want to know how long I have to go on the peloton to cancel it out.

15:23Speaker 1:So you need to have a biosensor on that that box of oreos so that they can take in all of your information to let you know that answer.

15:31Speaker 2:Okay, well yeah, Yeahatty, you'll know.

15:36Speaker 1:Just chat just chat it, chat it, just chat it, chat it.

15:39Speaker 2:Do we have anything else from the rage? That is it? You guys?

15:42Speaker 3:So make sure to uh call in and let us know so we can talk about it.

15:45Speaker 2:And when we come back, we're getting divorced.

15:49Speaker 3:Are you pissed off? Do you have something you want to rage about? Call us on the hotline and tell us all about it at two one three two three five. You can leave us a voicemail, send us a text, or shoot us an email at the Rage Pod at gmail dot com.

16:08Speaker 1:We are going to be getting divorced because we will be talking to the woman that is the divorce Planner.

16:15Speaker 2:Yeah, Alex Betty, she gets you through it. She's a divorce prep coach, founder of the Divorce Planner. She basically helps you to keep like burning a bunch of money because you're you know, like she keeps you from that because she she gets you a plan to make you look ahead.

16:34Speaker 1:To prep instead of being in a paralyzed state going into a divorce.

16:38Speaker 2:Yep, yeah, and we're so ready. We love her. She's great.

16:42Speaker 1:Yeah, and which is great. She always says money equals feelings, right or money money equal feelings?

16:47Speaker 5:Does it?

16:48Speaker 2:What does she say?

16:48Speaker 1:I should tell guys? She's gonna tell us in her own words.

16:52Speaker 2:Yeah, because what if you don't have a lot of money but you have a lot of feeling But.

16:58Speaker 1:I think that's her point, is like financial financial equals feelings any whether it's a lot, a little, or oh it really does any triggering of feelings anytime somebody says money doesn't matter, and then this shiver goes up for a spine, it.

17:15Speaker 2:Makes life easier, I'll tell you that. Yeah, all right, too.

17:18Speaker 1:Much as a whole other thing. But okay, let's get into it. Welcome Alex. We're so happy to have you here.

17:24Speaker 3:Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to talk to you.

17:27Speaker 2:We want to know, let's just get to it. We want to know what inspired you to become you know, the divorce planner that everybody in La La Land used.

17:34Speaker 5:That is such a good question, like most things personal experience, like so going through my own divorce. But actually before that, when I knew the shit was hitting the fan and I didn't know if we were going to stay together or if we were going to end up breaking up, I realized I was feeling really out of control right because everything was unknown. So I decided to really focus on what was in my control, and that was kind of preparing for things to go either way. And so I started pairing for what if we do end up divorcing, and what does that entail?

18:03Speaker 3:What do I have to do?

18:05Speaker 5:And so I just started kind of dealing with it on a practical level, like administratively gathering up paperwork and like documents and all that kind of stuff. Financial planning really kind of fine tuning what my budget was, how much was coming in every month and going out, because one of the biggest triggers in the divorce process is money, and money equals feelings.

18:26Speaker 1:So I think I said emotions, but then we got back to feelings, but it's the same thing.

18:33Speaker 5:By doing that work in addition to kind of dealing with all the emotional triggers that were coming up, I really put myself in the best position that no matter what happened, And a lot of my clients come to me this way, they're not sure if divorce is what's next. But I knew whatever decisions I made, we're going to come from a place of really being present, knowing what I wanted, knowing who I was, and understanding if my partner and I were in alignment anymore, as opposed to oh shit, how am I gonna be able to afford to live and what's going to happen to the kids and all this other stuff which can really influence a lot of decisions that people make about their lives and completely understandable, but in order to really live a life that authentically aligns with who I am, which is what I advocate everybody to do. You know, it just made sense for me to get all the things that we're going to add to fear based decisions taken care of.

19:25Speaker 2:So you had to get down to the nitty grity born shit like you're talking. I got to save my sanity plan for the finances, but also worry about self care before I can worry about the rest, because you're saying, if you put yourself in the forefront, then you'll really know, like what you want at the end of the day to carry through with that divorce and the kids and all that.

19:45Speaker 5:I love that you brought up self care because you know it is a really important component obviously of any kind of balanced life. But when you're going through any kind of life challenge, divorce, anything else, people lose jobs, people get sick, all of it. If you're not actively building strength than resilience by investing in yourself and your mental health. With the shit everyone always talks about, exercise, journaling, getting out into nature, experiencing awe mindfulness, all that kind of stuff, you're not going to be able to get through hard times as best as possible, and decision making suffers from that, and people end up making emotional decisions rather than kind of practical exactly.

20:26Speaker 1:Which can help your emotions. And I think something that you touched upon at the beginning, which is obviously of a lot of interest to us, as you said, you felt out of control when you were, you know, looking at appending divorce. And you know, we obviously talk a lot about anger and rage here, and the core of so much anger and rage is feeling out of control. And so I think this is a really good example of how do you attack your rage. Well, let's first start with Okay, you feel out of control. How can we maybe take a beat and see how you can regain control? And that's kind of it's like putting your clients in the driver's seat instead of feeling like a car crash is happening to them.

21:07Speaker 5:Yeah, one hundred percent. And you know what I do specifically with clients is literally prepare them practically, emotion emotionally, financially with everything they're going to need if they move forward with a divorce, to give to a divorce attorney or a mediator so they can get to work. It's everything they need. So by doing that, you're already cutting down on like billable hours. You're also educating yourself and you are dealing with more knowns. But one of the kind of emotional side exercises I do with clients is getting them comfortable with the unknown, embracing that, because that's the name of the game of life. Like, yeah, all we have is this moment, and anytime we're kind of worried about what is going to happen or what could happen, that's anxiety based and that's not actually being present in what is actually happening. And that's important because when you're going through divorce, here's the thing, it's the end of a relationship. And everyone knows, sometimes for a season, sometimes for a reason. Sometimes relationships end. But then you also have to go through a legal process where you're basically

22:14Speaker 5:kind of trying to nullify a partnership agreement, right, And so those two things don't go hand in hand. You know, they don't feel good together, right, So it's just about grounding yourself understanding that shit's going to happen that's out of your control, So focus on what's in your control, because that gives you a place of certainty in a time that feels really uncertain.

22:36Speaker 2:And freedom too. In your show, like what you can control, You're like freedom, Like I got this part, but the rest of it the unknown. Everybody's afraid of change, you know, I think literally everybody. But like having you there to prep someone you know, just a prepper, then you're like, well you kind of have a partner in crime a little bit, you know, to get through the shit to then take it to the professional and feel like you got your shit handle where you're like, listen, I already had aux preppy, less and roll.

23:02Speaker 3:I love that you called me a prepper.

23:03Speaker 1:I am you are a prep Oh my god, you have gallons of water and a flare gun.

23:10Speaker 3:I need a flare gun.

23:11Speaker 2:Oh my god, she doesn't have a flare gun air you gave her.

23:14Speaker 1:Clearly, I am not a prepper because like I ran out of differences, and I don't think.

23:19Speaker 2:God, water and a flair gun.

23:21Speaker 1:A flare gun isn't even that helpful. I don't think no, Like, what about batteries and a night weapon? Weapons? Okay, okay, speaking of weapons, Oh my god, Frendy Wendy's propeller is going. I wanted to say one thing before we move into terrors in my divorce, which is is going to happen? I think you brought up you know that it's like a business agreement. And I think something that happens with people is even though when they get married they don't think of it this way, when you get a divorce, there's that contract element that feels like it might be cheapening the relationship and we don't want to we don't want to think about that part of it, like, oh, we were just like part of a business deal. It's like, yes, but that's not your relationship, right. I think maybe distinguishing between the two would help people that maybe are afraid of like looking at that.

24:18Speaker 5:After having gone through my own experience, I had completely shifted my view on a prenup. I think look, I got engaged in my early thirties, and at that time there was an idea of like, oh, if you have a prenup that means you think the relationships doomed, or oh if you have a prenup, like do you not really love me? Or am you know? Am I a number? Like am I only worst? So much like what does that mean? And what I've learned over time and experience is a prenup is the most loving, goddamn thing you can do before entering into a marriage, Because I think what a lot of people don't realize is if you don't have a prenup in place, then the laws of your state become your prenup. People don't get married, you know, after they read what the divorce laws in their state are.

25:04Speaker 5:So would you ever sign a contract without having an attorney look it over?

25:12Speaker 1:I mean, what age? What age?

25:14Speaker 2:What age?

25:14Speaker 1:Are you asking me? Would I do that right here?

25:17Speaker 3:And now?

25:17Speaker 2:Oh?

25:18Speaker 1:Now I'd have seven right, seven attorneys?

25:21Speaker 5:Yeah, because it's a binding legal contract, right yeah. And so a relationship, an idea of wanting to build a future with somebody and signing a partnership agreement, they seem like they are two opposite things. But honestly, I think the most loving thing you can do is to sit down and have a prenup because it's going to force you to have some really uncomfortable conversations, and those conversations tell you a lot about are we in alignment? How do we feel about money?

25:52Speaker 2:Oh?

25:52Speaker 5:Wait a minute, I didn't think about this. If we do have kids, somebody is probably going to have to sacrifice who's going to do something, And it's going to give you so much more information about your relationship. So as as difficult as it might seem like something like that would be, it's one of the most important steps you could take because it's going to inform what kind of relationship and partnership you're getting into and how you guys are going to navigate things as a married couple.

26:21Speaker 5:Can we communicate? Can we hold space for each other? Can I understand somebody's coming from another point of view and then take the time to sit with that. It's in money, like I said, is everyone's idea of what it means and how to use it and what their goals are are very different. And money is a big part of divorce. And you know, when we're more comfortable having these conversations, especially with people we're picking, the most important choice you make is like who you're going to partner with, like literally giving your life to somebody else you're.

26:52Speaker 1:Going to that's true, you know need you.

26:56Speaker 2:We're going to get to that. I just have to tell her. The McBee Dynasty Okay show on Rocky Coock. Here we go, Here we go. Everyone Okay, there's a bunch of there's three there's three brothers and then the dad. But the dad he's cuckoo bananas. He got divorced and like they didn't have prenup and now he's dating fifteen Russians. Nobody knows.

27:14Speaker 1:It's chaos.

27:15Speaker 2:The FBI's after him. Now listen, nobody knows.

27:18Speaker 1:By the way, what we're talking about right now. I know, but it's to be done.

27:21Speaker 2:Here for it and when you know, you know it's the reality show. Now listen to the one kid who is like the good kid. He has been with his girlfriend for eleven years and she and they have lived together. They're all on the ranch. Finally he proposes, after like all of this time, and then he tells his brother. He goes, I'm not gonna do it. I don't think it's it's not gonna be good for the relationship. They own two helicopters, fifteen ranches.

27:46Speaker 1:They are necessary, by the way, just putting it out there, it's a million dollar, if not billion dollar company that the brother is trying to go.

27:54Speaker 2:We own a quarter of. And now, if you were to break up with with Ali, I believe her name is, she's gonna be able to decide what the ranch is about. And that's not not her job.

28:05Speaker 1:She's a nurse.

28:06Speaker 2:So I'm just saying McBee Dynasty, they got a hook up with Alex the divorce planner, because I'm telling you right now, I.

28:11Speaker 1:Mean, it could be a big client.

28:13Speaker 2:It could be, It could be. And I don't know if the show has ended, if the season has ended, but if it hasn't, we've got Tobe. They got it.

28:23Speaker 1:They got that client's going to take all your time, though, they will. You know, it's gonna you're in.

28:28Speaker 2:Any of your clients. It's just gonna be the b Dynasty.

28:31Speaker 5:We will be meeting over zoom. I will not be on that Hell I love that, right.

28:36Speaker 2:But Alex, I want to go on the helicopter. Okay, fine, we have to move on.

28:39Speaker 1:Yes, And speaking of I know we mentioned Lala Land, but you brought up a good point, Like you do sessions, I don't anyone anywhere, right.

28:47Speaker 5:Yeah, I have clients all throughout the United States, and that's great, right, Like That's one big positive thing that has happened since twenty twenty is we're all more comfortable meeting online and it makes it really easy for everybody to have access to anybody at all times.

29:03Speaker 1:Right, A one less boundary to to prepping for your divorce. And now a quick word from the people who keep our lights on. You know, we we talked about prenups. We're gonna get into post nups in a in a little bit.

29:18Speaker 2:We gotta get divorced.

29:19Speaker 1:We are getting a divorce. You brought up custody of children and this is so I am coming to you. You need to leave. I need this is my preper only day. It's not your fucking preper only day.

29:30Speaker 2:That's fine.

29:31Speaker 1:You can go watch and you can go try to find the produce double Dynasty, and then you get her some business after your you get her some business. You get her that referral to the dynasty, and then maybe she will also see you. Tara and I were in love and now we absolutely hate each other. Here's the thing. We share a cat together. Victor Hugo is an incredible part of our lives. Victor Hugo is It's so nice and loving. He makes Betty White look like a sociopath.

30:04Speaker 1:So Tara brought Victor Hugo into the relationship. But I really feel like the past few years I've been the main caretaker. I'm doing the litter, I'm doing the food shopping. I really want to keep Victor Hugo and the dissolution of our relationship which has really degradated. You know, I got to say, how do I come about this? What do I do? Alex?

30:29Speaker 5:The best thing that you just did was you identified like what a priority was for you during a huge one. Yes, and taking time to go through everything that has to do with your life is really gonna kind of clarify what things are really meaningful and what things you can kind of let go of, because the last thing you want to do is get hung up fighting over bullshit stuff. You know, your partner brought this little fur baby into the relationship. Now you've been in a long term relationship now and you've both contributed to you know, the well.

31:01Speaker 3:Being and thing more than her.

31:03Speaker 5:But yeah, so this is something I would absolutely want to mediate over, Like, this is a point thing you want to talk about and you want to offer some options, right, so I.

31:12Speaker 1:Want too many?

31:14Speaker 5:That's actually very true, you know, kind of like a toddler. It's like too many options, Like a todd It's going to be like overload and people shut down when they're treating.

31:22Speaker 1:Our relationship as a toddler.

31:24Speaker 5:Would this is like why streaming is a problem because too many choices. I just won't watch anything, but I would have you kind of come up with what your best case scenario would be, because it fifty to fifty right or nine?

31:40Speaker 1:So when I go on vacation, she's available the rest of the time, Victor Hugo is with me.

31:45Speaker 5:The goal when you're negotiating, and especially during mediation, even if it's attorney, you know, driven is equity. Equity is the name of the game. Everybody goes into a divorce or split thinking I just want what's fair, but fair is subjective.

32:01Speaker 3:Ninety five five is fair, So you also are going to want to take into consideration. You already know your partner, you know how things are going to land. So in order for you to negotiate smartly, you need to prepare and so you need to kind of come up with some options. Understand that if you present that ninety five five percent, it's going to be a no go.

32:25Speaker 5:So what I tell people is, if you want to get here on you know, on your divorce with things that are important to you, start here because then she's going to feel like she's getting something. You're going to feel like you're getting something. So that you get to this point. So there's a give and a take.

32:41Speaker 3:Which is eight. Okay, look, we'll keep working on this.

32:47Speaker 1:What would you say, though, what would you say that I should best do to prepare for that mediation?

32:51Speaker 5:So, first of all, you know, there are lots of different kind of processes that you can go through divorce. You know, it can be mediation, which I'm a huge props and of. It can be you get an attorney, your spouse gets an attorney, and the attorneys go back and forth, which can be a lot more expensive and time consuming. Or you can go to court, which I want people to avoid at all costs because you know, the most enraging thing, if I can bring it back to the pod about divorce, is it's a billion dollar industry and the average cost of a problem free litigation in the US averages for normies like US at twenty thousand dollars.

33:35Speaker 3:A pop.

33:36Speaker 5:And that's problem free and nothing ever is. So what I want you to do is by preparing before that mediation, getting access to all of like the financial information of your life, writing down what your goals and priorities are you identify that with Victor and being able to come up with then your what would be a parenting plan right, how to share customer?

33:56Speaker 1:Got it?

33:57Speaker 5:How are we going to split ongoing expenses or victor moving forward? Also, you know, providing your attorney with every statement and tax return over the past three to five years, because are all things that are going to require of you. But when you do this work in advance of starting that process, you're saving time and money in billable hours. You're educating yourself about what you actually have and what kind of plan you would like going forward, and then you're able to become your own best advocate, and then you get a lot more comfortable. I want you to write down the questions you have if you can't find certain financial information that maybe your partner's withholding, but you know what exists. You're going to make a list of that, just so that you from the get go get comfortable with being part of a team. Now for mediation. Good news for you. Mediation can go a lot of different ways.

34:52Speaker 5:It can be in person, it can be online.

34:55Speaker 1:Well, good news, we're going to do it in person. Let's do it you've got Tara and I are doing we're doing a mediation. I'm gonna let you write no right now, I'm gonna let you know right now, it's ninety five to five. That's what I'm putting on the table for Victor Hugo. Ninety five five you get, and that's being generous.

35:15Speaker 2:I get him ninety five percent of the time.

35:18Speaker 1:Absolutely not. Are we living in the upside down?

35:21Speaker 2:I now, listen, I just want the people to know that I was sitting off to the side, and what she basically said was, you go, you go high to make me feel welcome, So you would go, I get the cap fifteen percent of the time, meaning you get eighty five. I give you five, and then I get all the rest of the time.

35:42Speaker 1:You get the VET visits and when I go on vacation.

35:45Speaker 2:See how I'm reasonable, she is. But I'm saying, you know what, I would go into it, saying, listen, you get sixty percent. I get forty percent. But you get none of my decorations. No, not even one Halloween decoration, not one Christmas decoration. You know that's thousands of dollars.

36:02Speaker 1:I get the ornament.

36:02Speaker 3:I jump in for a second, Yes, how are we doing? Actually not not too bad.

36:07Speaker 5:But here's what I will tell you. Here's what I would tell you. Use the mediator.

36:13Speaker 3:The mediator is.

36:15Speaker 1:The kind of the saying we need help.

36:18Speaker 2:Is the is.

36:19Speaker 5:The master of ceremonies, right as the person who is leading the circus. You talk to the mediator about what you want. She's going to talk to the media about what she wants, and the media is going to say, Okay, here's what we have on the table. Let them guide the conversation because things are already at nine or ten when you walked into mediation.

36:38Speaker 1:Sure for sure, and she knows she knows.

36:44Speaker 5:I'm just saying you have also set reasonable expectations because I think a lot of people go into the divorce negotiation process and they I'm going to make them pay or I'm I want X amount, but we only actually have hyunt. You know, It's like you have to go in with clarity about what your best case scenario is. Again, get clear on your goals and prepare in advance because the process can be really triggering and maybe in the middle of it, your ego is going to come into play.

37:13Speaker 5:It's going to say I don't care really about the point. I just want to be right, and that's why a neutral third party like a mediator is a really.

37:20Speaker 1:Me which is really important with kids, whether they're fuzzballs or actual kids, Like are you is this about you winning? Or is it in the best interest of the pets or the kids? And I know it's in the best interest of Victor. Hugh go to be with me all of the time. Thank you so much. I think we know how this is going to go. We want to play a little game with.

37:38Speaker 2:You, because it's not going to go. Keep it or give it away?

37:41Speaker 1:Yes, that's the game.

37:43Speaker 2:So it's about prepping for divorce, removing the emotions. As you said, the laws of these state prevail if you haven't signed up for a prenup. We learned that real quick.

37:52Speaker 1:Okay, pet, keep it.

37:53Speaker 2:Giving it away?

37:54Speaker 3:It depends on the attachment and can you financially afford Absolutely, okay, couch give it away?

38:02Speaker 2:Four oh one k Absolutely keep it the lake house.

38:06Speaker 5:Financial planning, maybe give it away, Like can you handle that expense on your own after divorce? That's why financial planning is so expensive. Excuse me, so important.

38:15Speaker 1:I can't because I've got so much to cover for Victor Hugo that visits.

38:19Speaker 3:And stuff, give it away if necessary.

38:21Speaker 1:Vintage wine collection, that's all her.

38:24Speaker 3:I mean, here's the thing.

38:25Speaker 5:If you have a spouse who has collectibles, the the value of those are going to be assessed, like you want to actually have a professional come in and give you what the market value is. And that is the asset value. So when you're going through like so, yes I would. If it's not mine, I want to give it away. But if you collected all of those fancy bottles of wine during our marriage, and there's two thousand dollars worth of wine there, well, one thousand dollars needs to be equalized.

38:54Speaker 2:Here's where you need the prenup. Husband faked having been in the military, okay, to impress his wife while they were still dating. Her dad was military. He went to great lengths to continue his life as the relationship progressed, meeting leg for years. He wore a military uniform to wedding, to the bit to the wedding, faked timelines in his life about war. Okay, after the wedding was already in and then I think the wife was like, we've got to get you a g I loan, like We've got to get it. Because he was like, let's do the education.

39:29Speaker 1:Then she sounds smart.

39:31Speaker 2:That's when the stud it all falls apart. He can't get it, and it turns out he bought that uniform off of eBay. What do you think she wanted? She wanted a prenup and a posting up, all of it, all.

39:41Speaker 1:The nuts, give me all the nups, all the nups she wanted to she wanted a midn up.

39:47Speaker 2:I'm gonna tell you that story makes it mean you and Victor Hugo and our fight seem like nothing.

39:52Speaker 3:Could you imagine? God, could you imagine that deceptive? You know what it's called. It's called stolen valor.

40:00Speaker 2:The name of this story or.

40:04Speaker 6:Military soldiers military exactly.

40:08Speaker 5:So completely shocking. And my jaw was on the floor when you told that story. But I'll also say, look, if you are in an intimate relationship with somebody, there had to have been some flags or some shit that you didn't want to talk about because you were like, I really just want this relationship to work, all right, check this one out.

40:25Speaker 3:I found this on Reddit. So the divorce lawyer told the story of a couple that spent months and months and many tens of thousands of dollars, fighting over absolutely everything, all the way down to a single ceramic ashtray. He couldn't remember the significance, but somehow it had come through the husband's family, even after everything else had been decided. They spent many more months in nearly one hundred grand fighting over this ashtray. Then, after a court hearing, the wife finally won the ashtray. She promptly strode out to the courthouse steps and as left the pieces all over for the husband to see on his way out. I mean, think about it, one hundred grand to win an ashtray only to smash it in spite.

41:12Speaker 2:That is wage gots. You know what, I'll do it out of spite. I love that. I love it.

41:21Speaker 1:She probably needs to work in a lot in therapy, but I do love it for our.

41:25Speaker 5:Entertainment, understood for sure. But what I tell people all the time is, you know stuff can be replaced, your sanity can't.

41:33Speaker 1:That's right, So.

41:34Speaker 3:Is the cost really worth that experience?

41:37Speaker 2:There's this warmon couple. They had an extreme lack of sex ed okay, as in they didn't know it's surprising about their wedding night I know, right, soaking that's the thing.

41:48Speaker 6:Oh god.

41:49Speaker 1:Okay.

41:50Speaker 2:Their expectation was that they would get married, get naked, lay next to each other on the bed, and God would do like a magic something for the pregnancy to That's what the cuckoo bananas thought. When nothing happened, the dude went out and he got advice from the male friend of what what should have been happening? Right, And that's literally the moment where he realized, like penetration would have to happen. That's the moment from his friend.

42:18Speaker 1:The magic guys.

42:20Speaker 2:They were both so disgusting by the idea. They got the marriage annulled the next day.

42:30Speaker 5:Y'all what Okay, I'm kind of into that because you do need to have that intimate component be a part of your relationship.

42:39Speaker 3:So good for good on them friends.

42:41Speaker 1:Right, Okay, So I don't normally do reality. There's one show I do watch, Welcome to Platform, and I do. These two are getting married, not even they haven't even kissed.

42:53Speaker 2:Haven't even kissed. It's terrible.

42:56Speaker 1:So it's terrible. Good good luck, Well, Alex, we could talk to you for days and days and days. This has been amazing. If there was like one, you know, one message you wanted to leave with people that are maybe considering getting a divorce or are they know that they're going to get one and they're about to take that next step.

43:15Speaker 5:Invest in educating yourself from the jump. I mean, I want you to be in a position where you're again not blowing a shit ton of money if you do end up divorcing, and just start small, right because then if you do get to that point, then you know you've made time throughout a longer schedule to gather everything that's going to be necessary and educate yourself about the process, so you're not going in blind. And that's the most important thing. Like just information is everything, as that Mormon couple would attest to.

43:44Speaker 1:Like yeah, and avoid what divorce day? Yeah, oh my god, oh my god.

43:50Speaker 2:And you can get all your information from out She's got a blog and a website and you have, you know, things that they can purchase for very cheap under one hundred bucks. It gives them a whole plan, which is awesome.

44:01Speaker 5:What's your website www dot thedivorceplanner dot net. And yes, I have so many free resources on my blog. I have digital tools. But also if you just want daily content and to get some little tips and tools.

44:14Speaker 3:Follow me on Instagram.

44:15Speaker 2:That's right. Well, we'd love to have you here.

44:17Speaker 1:Thank you so much, Thank you so much, Alex.

44:19Speaker 3:Thank you.

44:19Speaker 1:It was so fun. Infos of us and I get to keep the cat.

44:24Speaker 3:Okay, we're going to work on this.

44:25Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll work on it.

44:27Speaker 3:Hey, ragers, We're not done yet. Stay tuned to find out who are Cunt of the Week is after this commercial break.

44:34Speaker 1:Either you're a teenager and you have too much oil, or you're reaching menopause and all you want is oil because you lose it as you age. Funep.

44:44Speaker 6:Finding skincare that works for you is a tough except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie. It has seven mushrooms, it hydrates.

44:55Speaker 2:It's full of nutrients.

44:57Speaker 1:Guess what you get a discount on Neon Hippie for listening to.

45:00Speaker 2:Our podcast, the Rage Pod.

45:02Speaker 1:Use the code rage for twenty five percent off at neon hippie dot com. So that was so cool talking to Alex. Yeah, and I think one of the overriding benefits of working with her is that you're doing this from a place like a calmer place, because you feel more in control instead of again for them like, oh my god, our relationships falling apart. I just got either you in a rash moment, say I want to get a divorce, or the other person in a rash moment says I want to get a divorce. And so I think it can make the process a lot less painful.

45:39Speaker 1:Like I didn't know that there's this thing called divorce Day, which is right after the holidays. It's like in early January, and it's because people kind of have known that they want a divorce or they're just like at their wits end, but they make it through the holidays. They make it through the holidays, and that to me feels like, oh, that's because people aren't setting themselves up and they just kind of like, all right, I'm done. Yeah, I got through that shitty jello mold, and now we're getting a divorce, you know what I mean.

46:13Speaker 2:I love that.

46:14Speaker 3:I also think taking your anger and channeling it. I think it's a really good opportunity to take your rage to help get you through it. I had a very good friend years ago who went through a horrible divorce, and I was telling my mom about it in real time when it was happening, and my mom would always later check in and say, how's your friend doing. Is she angry yet? Yea, is she angry yet? Because as soon as she gets angry, that is going to help push her through to get to the next phase.

46:41Speaker 1:So you got to get I think what we heard from Alex though, I was like, like, you get angry and then let the anger dissipate and then you get tactical. Yes, yes, because we know right when you're doing stuff in midrage.

46:55Speaker 3:You don't want blind rage.

46:58Speaker 2:We are going to get into kint of the week, which is everybody's favorite time, because cunt stands for courageous, unapologetic, notorious, tenoment them says, animal says whatever you want. You said paperweight earlier. I'm with you, who are you a fo?

47:14Speaker 1:I don't know?

47:14Speaker 2:Whatever you want down tell them.

47:17Speaker 1:Today's cunt of the week is this awesome woman named Camille Zapata and she is Governor Gavin Newsome social media director. And we're gonna just walk through why she is all the things that make up cunt of the week. Yep, why is she courageous? Well, she wears a bold necktie and I'm here for it, me too. She's rocking a velvet, a satin cravat or ascot.

47:44Speaker 2:I prefer ascot. We've had this comment.

47:46Speaker 1:We've had a debate about this. She does not like the word cravat. It makes her uncomfortable. She thinks it's very.

47:52Speaker 2:Even says that very yester wearing.

47:57Speaker 1:She's very fine with ascot, like ask for everyman.

48:01Speaker 2:Word ascot is in those like when you watch the TV show and they're like they're rich and they got horses and they're like that. They're in the the white tent and they're serving like Besney's cocktails. They've got an ass caught on.

48:14Speaker 1:But they're also probably there's some people wearing a cravat in that scene. Move on, anyway, Ascot's usually in crosswords, so i'll give you that, Okay. So she's courageous with her accessories. She also has like these awesome hats that she wears, and she's got a dog named Bear Rock's blue hair. Hell yeah, that rimped anyways. Unapologetic, she has been quoted as saying about the campaign that she's putting out, which is a direct like it's a direct response to Trump's dumb content that he puts out, and she's been quoted as saying, We're coming for their necks. Yes, she doesn't give a shit.

48:52Speaker 2:She's so sad.

48:52Speaker 1:She is like, we are going for it. We're gonna fight fire with fire.

48:56Speaker 2:I love it.

48:57Speaker 1:And I just heard this recently. I didn't that the kind of content that she's putting out has been labeled as dark woke. Have you heard this before?

49:07Speaker 2:Well, I have not heard that. Are you going to explain it to me, because I'll give you what is dark woke. I watched a reel that she that she it was behind. It was amazing. It's Trump going newsome. He talks with his hands, lodge a lot of hands action. I don't know what's going.

49:20Speaker 1:On that does he really does. It's like air traffic control.

49:23Speaker 2:And Trump's people are like the way in the background, and then there's just there's Trump speaking and there's a close up on his hand. It literally looks like he has gangreen all over it. Oh yeah, no, I'm not joking. It is not is dying.

49:36Speaker 1:He is not dying.

49:36Speaker 2:Real thing. It's purple and it's green and it covers his whole hand. And then cut to the other close up where they're covering it with makeup that does not match his skin tone, and they've powdered it on top so that you couldn't see it. It looks like the most awful thing. And I was like, I love this reel, like because just don't be a dick. But then if you're a dick, all right, well here you you asked for.

50:00Speaker 1:We're coming for your next and we're coming for your hand. And also, I bet makeup artists everywhere are like, what the fuck happened?

50:09Speaker 2:Did that?

50:09Speaker 1:Never allow them on my set? Nope, yeah, no, I know exactly what you're talking about, because if Trump is not dying, his hand definitely is for sure. Anyways, So yeah, I think that is a good example of dark woke. I can only imagine that it basically means like, hey, we're gonna be woke, but we're gonna bring some dark comedy to it, and I am here for that.

50:31Speaker 2:I lead to sign me up. That's like part of the notorious leads into exactly, so her whole social media strategy is notorious in.

50:42Speaker 1:The best way. Marie Claire did a whole feature on her. That's how notorious this is. She's basically taken the dumb like king like uh uh was his name king? Like Napoleon complex that Trump has he puts out in all of his like tweets and shit, like always using caps and referring to himself that clearly he thinks that he's like the fucking king of the world, right, And so just mirrored it by like putting out the same thing but with Gavin Newsom. But clearly it's parody to be like, you're a fucking idiot, right, And so it's like putting his face on a Mount Rushmore image or making him Jesus yeah, yeah, like in a painting. And it had like whole Cogan and Tucker Carlson and Kid Rock like just a trilogy of dumb dumb behind him. But then Gavin Newsom's at the bottom as Jesus, so she's just really like gone for it, you know, and then puts everything at all caps too, which is like just like we see you Trump and you're dumb.

51:52Speaker 2:All caps yeah yeah yeah.

51:54Speaker 1:And then oh also did it put him on the cover of Time magazine Gavin Newsom, which is just great.

51:59Speaker 2:Oh, I love that so great. That's what makes her ten of a woman. Yep, all around that's our kind of the week.

52:04Speaker 1:She's that artistic gunslinger. Well one other thing, ten of a Woman. She leads the next gen of California's Woman's List.

52:13Speaker 2:And if you want to see her work, go to Gavin Newsom's instagram. That's what I was looking at. And she does. She's all behind that and it's it's great, it's funny stuff. And you you know me thea wa I don't really look at social media. I don't look at news, but like, friend you one you and Eriko were like, please just look at this for us and I and I went and I went like, oh my god, this is very it's very funny.

52:36Speaker 1:It was.

52:37Speaker 2:It was wildly entertaining. I was on there for a good five minutes and you.

52:40Speaker 1:Were like, no notes, no notes, fucking ten, ten of ten of a content, ton of a woman.

52:46Speaker 2:I'm with you.

52:47Speaker 1:And she was like, she's also a say your name again, Camille Zapata, Yeah, camille' zapata.

52:53Speaker 3:Love.

52:53Speaker 1:She's she's very much championed other Latino creatives, Latina creatives, and I think that's really awesome. She's just not afraid to get out there and be like, hey, we're gonna call bullshit and we're gonna you know, all boats rise kind of energy again.

53:10Speaker 2:Fucking go. That's right, we ride it, dawn.

53:14Speaker 1:All right, that's our kind of the week.

53:16Speaker 2:So follow us at the Ridge Pod on Instagram and YouTube, where you can watch full episodes on the old YouTube, but also we're everywhere you find your podcast obviously, Apple, Spotify, all the good things. We love you if you're joining us, we'll have for anyone.

53:31Speaker 3:You take us out, all right, guys, deep breath in, two three, rage, screaming to your pillow,