Rediscovering Purpose

0:09Speaker 1:Hello and welcome back. This season, we're looking at resilience in all its forms, how people living with rare autoimmune conditions like MG and CIDP not only face the impossible, but also find ways to move forward, rebuild, and transform. Today's guest, Tanya Cheu, is a longtime yoga teacher and wellness practitioner from Toronto. After an emotionally devastating year, Tanya's body began to shift, first her vision, then her energy, and eventually her ability to move and teach. But Tanya's story isn't just about loss. It's also about finding light at the other side of it and the courage it takes to write a new chapter when the old one closes.

0:54Speaker 1:Let's meet her now. Hi, good morning, good morning, it's so see you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so happy to be here. Wonderful. Tanya, take us back to the beginning of twenty twenty two, a couple years into the pandemic. What did your yoga studio mean to you and what was it like to lose it?

1:17Speaker 2:Oh? What a time. It brings so many emotions up. I had my yoga studio for ten years and I was so in tuned with my life, who I was, my purpose. I am a mom, but my purpose in life, I felt, other than being a mom, was to help people love themselves and to just really nourish their bodies with movement and mindfulness. And then COVID happened, and when I had to make the decision to close the studio, I had that all ripped away from me. So it was the biggest stress of my life for sure. Say I'm getting emotional just speaking about it. And so when I had that taken away, I kind of fell into a bit of a depression, which I've never been depressed in my life, because along with that, my mom had been diagnosed with cancer and I unfortunately lost her during COVID.

2:19Speaker 2:So it was really really super challenging. It was just grief upon grief upon grief.

2:26Speaker 1:How did you handle your grief?

2:27Speaker 2:Tanya, Well, yoga and meditation have been a part of my life for almost two decades, and I'm really grateful that I have that to fall back on. But I went through this stage of like, oh, I don't even like this practice because I was so emotionally imbalanced because I was going through what I know now was depression in my meditation practice. I was like, why is this happening to me? I felt like I was like such a victim, and meditations didn't even feel good because all these negative things kept popping up and I'm not normally that person. I am a person that tries to be super positive all the time and I show up for people so that they can see their light, but it just wasn't working. Once I got diagnosed with my stenia gravis, I was like, Okay, what can I turn this into? Yeah, and I decided that I wasn't going to be a victim, and there was like something bigger than the illness, and there was something that I was supposed to be doing.

3:27Speaker 2:So I was just like, this is actually a gift. This is something that I can turn into something really positive, because they say that you're throwing the things in your life that you can handle, so clearly you know. It was like, but why is this so challenging? But I was like, I know why, because I'm here so that I can help others through their journey.

3:52Speaker 1:So just to kind of break down a little bit the process, what were some of the first symptoms you experienced.

4:00Speaker 2:Yeah, so I was very physically fit prior to getting my senior Gravis and I was like a fifty year old that felt like I was twenty five, honestly. So I woke up one morning after my mom had passed away and I couldn't open my eye and I was like, WHOA, what is this. I have a friend that's a makeup artist and she was like, oh, you probably just have a sty It's super common, and I didn't think anything of it, so I just decided to give it like a couple of days, and then it wasn't getting better.

4:33Speaker 2:It was blurry, and then it was like double vision and stuff, and I was like, Okay, there's something going on here, Like I need to see somebody, and so I went to my optimologist to us up the street and everything was great of a great vision twenty twenty and then she's like, but I think there is definitely something going on. So she was like, let's get you to see this neural optomologist to figure this out. Next day, I went and the nurse took a look at me and she's like, uh, I think I know what's going on.

5:07Speaker 2:And she goes and she puts the ice patch over my eyes and then my eyelid like totally perched back up.

5:12Speaker 1:What Tanya's describing here is called the ice pack test. Just a little cold on the eyelid can make it lift back up, and that's a sign it could be MG rather than something like a STY. It was lucky that Tanya met that nurse, as we know, not all of our guests are diagnosed this quickly.

5:30Speaker 2:They referred me to a neurologist and it was confirmed through blood tests, and I was like, Okay, I've never heard of this before. And for someone that's been in the wellness space for like over two decades, I'm aware of many illnesses and diseases and stuff. I was really shocked because when I laughed, I started looking it up and I was like, whoa, this is a big thing.

5:51Speaker 1:And did you talk to anybody else about your symptoms? Not really, not at that moment.

5:57Speaker 2:Like I have a partner, he's great and everything, but I think we didn't know the scale of what was to come, that's for sure, because it was like but I also part of me was like I immediately read and then I was kind of scared. But I didn't really want to go down that.

6:16Speaker 1:Hole as someone who, as you mentioned, for two decades, lived in a sort of wellness centered life. What was your reaction to hearing those words may asthenia gravis.

6:27Speaker 2:I was in complete shock because I was just getting to a place where, you know, accepting the fact that, okay, I can learn to teach without having a yoga studio, and I was going to come online and start working with my clients. And then I was like, oh, my gosh, how am I going to teach if my body can't even walk a straight line? And like all of a sudden, I have all these upcoming appointments. I had to see a the racic specialist and then it was confirmed that I had MoMA and there was a three centimeter growth.

7:05Speaker 1:For listeners, A thoracic specialist focuses on conditions in the chest, including the thinnest gland. That's important in my asthenia gravis because some people develop a tumor there called a thioma, which can complicate the disease and often require surgery.

7:22Speaker 2:Then it was like speaking about what's the next steps. And while all that is happening too, I was having a hard tem breathing. I had so many symptoms, and honestly, I was like, who am I How is this happening to me? I was actually really upset. I was so torn.

7:41Speaker 1:I mean, as you mentioned, what was it like to lose those sort of physical abilities that you once relied on.

7:46Speaker 2:I can't even explain other than I was not myself. I showed up to my partner in a different way. It was really a really challenging time. But then I realized, okay, reading that this is an in cure durable disease, that the only way again is through deep acceptance. So I was like, if this is going to be a part of me, what do I have to do? And so I worked on the deep acceptance. Okay, this is here, it is a part of my life. Because it was the symptoms were very present every day, I was like, you know, my eyes closing, and for me too, like I have always been a person, I'm very social, I love people, and I like, I've never had like this, I need to hide myself. And then all of a sudden, I was like because I couldn't even recognize myself in the mirror. And then I just was like, Okay, this is it, So what am I going to do with it?

8:44Speaker 2:And the acceptance came again, and then I was like Okay, so what do I need to do? How do I live my life with this? So I started meditating and back to the meditation and the yoga practice again, which this time really saved me because I continue to get the news that I would have to have surgery, which was really challenging for me to accept also, but I was like, if this is something that's growing in my body that needs to be removed, this is the right thing to do. And I trusted my doctors. I just decided that I would just listen to their advice because this was completely new to me.

9:21Speaker 1:So tell us, Tanya, I mean, what is it like then? From going to be like the strong one like you said, that was always there for other people, to being someone who needed care and who needed to get help for yourself.

9:36Speaker 2:That was a tough one, but I really needed that support. And the thing that I definitely didn't need to do was act like it had no effect on me because it was life changing, like completely right, and to be able to ask for help, to be able to ask for help and to recognize that my life has changed and it is okay to ask for help. That I didn't need to prove anything, and I had a great group of friends that showed up that I never even expected. My family has been really supportive though at the beginning they were like, how did that happen to you?

10:14Speaker 1:And so Tanya, since your diagnosis has moving forward been a linear process would have been some of the ups and downs.

10:21Speaker 2:Wouldn't say it's linear. Life is never linear. So to be honest, waves, like you said, right, it is definitely waves because you know, I had to have my surgery and through that I also was told by my thoristic surgeon that I needed to have radiation. Like my doctors in the past were like acupuncturist, massage therapists and natural paths and now I have a team. But I love like my experience too with my doctors, like I do appreciate them, and I think I am in good hands.

10:54Speaker 2:But one thing for myself, recognize, like I'm really like I have always been in tune with my emotions. But I recognize too when I'm kind of going down, because some days it's challenging, you know, because everyone's like, oh, but you know, like they're always complimenting me about like how great I look and I don't look like I have an illness and and I'm like, oh, like that can beat you down too, because like we live in a world where it's like disappearance of the outside world, but like this is an invisible illness. But I've adjusted to it, Like I feel like I'm in a really good place with it now because of my practice.

11:36Speaker 1:So, yeah, Antanna, you've mentioned that journaling and having a meditation and spiritual practice has been helpful. Could you talk a little bit more about what role they played in your healing.

11:47Speaker 2:Yeah, the journaling and meditation are huge. It's a way for myself to heal, and it's the process that I've chosen. So I pretty much commit to journaling almost daily if I can, whether it's like five minutes, but sometimes I can have a little bit more. And I feel like, you know, when I look back through the stages from diagnose to where I am now, I've made huge progress and I have journaling and meditating to thank for that. And in fact, I've actually like this has come up during meditation that I would love to support other women that are going through the same thing as I am currently.

12:29Speaker 2:So I became a meditation guide on a very popular app, and I'm focusing on working with people with chronic illness. So through my meditation practice that has come up that this is something additionally what I need to do.

12:47Speaker 1:And then you went to do it and you actually got it done.

12:49Speaker 2:And I went to do it. Yeah. And so, Tanya, how did you find your way back to yoga after my surgery? I was basically starting from scratch. I knew it was the other piece that I would definitely need to return to, and it was super humbling. Like the first time I practiced after I had my surgery, I couldn't even support my body because I was super weak, right, And I was returning to it daily, just doing what I could, whether it was like five minutes, ten minutes, and I would eventually see that my strength would slowly increase.

13:28Speaker 2:And my goal was to get back to teaching right, and so I just committed to my practice. I was building it up stronger, getting stronger and stronger each day, and I felt really, really good. And then I got to the point where with my studio I had for ten years, I built a lot of relationships with my clients who have become my friends, and they showed up for me and they were so patient and they were like, we're waiting for you, So that inspired me to just get back into teaching again.

14:09Speaker 1:What stands out in Tanya's story is how her diagnosis forced her into kind of a second act. She had to let go of the life she once knew, and in doing so, she discovered a holy life. That's amazing. Yeah, it sounds like you've sort of rediscovered your purpose.

14:27Speaker 2:Yeah, I definitely have. It's teaching yoga, working with people, and helping women realize that through this time of challenge, there is a lot that we can learn about ourselves. And we have to be patient and realize that this is just something that's happening for you. And life is never linear, even when you don't have an illness.

14:49Speaker 1:That's true, And Tanya, you've said, my goal now is to spread awareness about MG and to support those who are suffering. What drives you to be an advocate?

15:00Speaker 2:I have people in my life and I know that I'm loved and I just want to continue to give that love back, and I feel like that there isn't enough awareness for it. So I have been given this gift to spread the word and to just help people going through this see that it's not always gloom and doom.

15:25Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds like it's been transformative, and so it's almost that, you know, you become an advocate and leading by example. Yeah, and it shows you that resilience that you have. And so you mentioned before about your wellness community. Could you talk a little bit more about how they responded and did you have to overcome any sort of fear of judgment that may have come around by going public.

15:46Speaker 2:Yeah. I was a little hesitant to be honest at the beginning because there was a bit of shame involved one for sure, because I thought I was like the perfect image of health and I was slightly embarrass And then I realize my clients and the patients were there for me and if my teaching would change, meaning physically, they would understand. So I remember the first time that I was in person with my community teaching yoga. It was super humbling because I was like, I can't do half of these things, but you all have been with me long enough that I can verbally queue and teach better.

16:31Speaker 2:And I to this day, I am basically there to verbally cue them. They love the vibe and the energy that I bring to a class. They don't expect me to do any of the practice and so it's forced me to be a better verbal teacher. And they see that I'm showing up in the most positive, authentic self and they actually feel that I'm the Tanya that they know. But my practice has changed physically, so I cannot get on the map as much to demonstrate like the poses and things. But this is an exercise of patients for me and humility. And I see how patient they have been with me, and that to me just equates to love.

17:30Speaker 2:They love me, so it's given me permission to love myself more with this condition.

17:36Speaker 1:It's amazing. We'll be back with more untold stories after a quick break. As a global immunology company committed to improving the lives of people living with severe autoimmune conditions, Ourgenics is dedicated to serving the myasthenia gravis or MG community through MG United. MG United was created by Urgenics to empower the MG community by providing the latest information, resources and support to address the unique ways MG can affect their lives. It also helps you connect with the community and see real stories of real people living with MG wherever you are in your mayasthenia gravist journey. MG United wants to help make today a Better Day. For more information about MG United, visit mgdashunited dot com. And now back to untold stories. Before you had raised the question about what should a sick person look like, and this is something that we actually hear a lot about on the show, that severe autoimmune conditions can be like invisible disabilities. Can you tell us more about that disconnect from how people see you and how you actually feel.

19:02Speaker 2:Yes, so definitely, this illness has led to a lot of people assuming that this isn't really anything because I can walk and I look a certain way, and what I look like and what I feel like are definitely two different things. And that is kind of what inspired me to start the t shirts because I guess a lot of people think that I should be walking faster because I look like I have a body that should be walking faster. And I made a shirt that says, don't stand so close to me because I have MG. Right, because it is an invisible illness, it's super frustrating and for me like speaking about it and letting people know that this is what illness can look like. And just because I don't have a cane or I'm not in a wheelchair doesn't mean that I don't have this illness, So it's important that people understand to be nice to everyone because everyone has stuff going on, so you don't know what they're going through, and you don't know what they're going through, and so for me, I refuse to let it rule my everyday what I look like and what I do like, I purposely am choosing to make sure I move, I'm purposely making sure I meditate, like

20:35Speaker 2:I'm doing all the things to help me because everything could change tomorrow.

20:41Speaker 1:So yeah, cause you mentioned Tanya that you know acceptance is the key to learning how to navigate a new way of life. So can you talk about how you've rediscovered joy in your personal and professional life that maybe you didn't expect.

20:57Speaker 2:I just have basically made a huge effort to ask myself what were the important things in my life prior to this diagnose and music, meditation, movement, all those things are the things that bring in brought me lots of joy and continue to So I feel like it's super important that people return to their passions. And my passion is music, movement and meditation, and I choose to take care of myself every day in that way as best as I can. And I feel like with that positivity and with these things that I've chosen, I feel like it is helped me be in a better place with this illness.

21:49Speaker 1:Yeah. And do you feel that this new life is fulfilling?

21:54Speaker 2:Yeah. We go to concerts a lot, my partner and I and how I manage myself when I go to a show now, because of the lights, I wear sunglasses all the time. People do think I look cool. I'm surprised. I've learned how to manage with and I'm just so much more gentle to myself.

22:12Speaker 1:Like that.

22:12Speaker 2:We live in this world where it's like we are told that we're accomplishing more if we rush and do more, and it's like learning to slow down and being okay with that and loving yourself and just being so much more gentle to yourself is the biggest It's the biggest radical change, and it's a practice that we could all benefit from.

22:38Speaker 1:Tongue. In the three years since your diagnosis, how has your definition of success and joy changed?

22:45Speaker 2:I was always feeling like I needed to have a certain place in my career to be doing this and to be doing this much. And it's hard not to compare yourself to what other people in your industry are doing. And I've recognized that what I'm doing is really enough and I have enough, and I know that in my heart because I wake up and I'm pretty happy. Like I get compliments all the time, and it's a choice that I've made, and I recognize that I have enough and I do enough, and I'm happy with that.

23:27Speaker 1:It's just good.

23:27Speaker 2:It is good enough, and I have deep gratitude for all these little things, like the fact that I can walk my dog, the fact that I can show up and teach a yoga class my way. You know, it's a gift. Every day is a gift the way that I see it. And every day before I go to bed, I'm just like, I do a scan of my day and I'm like, I was grateful that I did this, and I'm grateful that I did that. And I know it might sound a little wooop for some people, but it's the energy, it's the frequency in my body that I've chosen, you know, because I could, I could say with so much negativity and like resentment, but it's not my person. It's not who I am naturally, So it's not how I want to live my life on a daily basis.

24:13Speaker 1:Absolutely, And so tellya what advice would you give to someone facing the loss of the life that they once knew because of an illness.

24:22Speaker 2:Just understand that this is just a learning experience and to just stay really strong and to connect yourself with the right people. You'll notice that when you do get diagnosed that the people that show up for you are really what keeps you strong. And it can make all the difference to know that you have the best support system. So just like filter out what you need to do and just really take care of yourself, your emotional mental health of that. Like, it's so important and you are important.

25:03Speaker 2:So as soon as you recognize that you are going to be okay and your life is just going to look just a little bit different, something just changes. It really does. It is not to dismiss the fact that there are real things happening, but life is never linear, and there's going to be amazing things and then there's going to be really challenging things, and you just have to ride the wave of it all with like super super deep softness and love for yourself.

25:35Speaker 1:Right, don't hold on to it too tightly, right, you.

25:37Speaker 2:Know, because it's all energy and just focus on managing like what life will look like, and surround yourself with people that love you.

25:49Speaker 1:What I love so much about what Tanya is saying is that rediscovering joy doesn't mean ignoring the hard parts. It means learning to carry them with compassion and the right people help you through. Tonie, what mindset or habit helped you and you would recommend to somebody newly diagnosed.

26:11Speaker 2:Honestly, the thing that has really helped me is meditation. It really has. And I know that word sometimes can be scary for people, but even just like sitting and pausing and just breathing because it will pass. Everything has to pass. It's not permanent and it's the one thing in life, the impermanence of life. So the mindset just being super positive and the meditation practice it's huge.

26:44Speaker 1:Yeah. The breath work, like you mentioned just that, how your breath.

26:48Speaker 2:Yeah, just a simple action of like box breathing or just like so many things of just like it doesn't have to be super complicated. It's just like just take that pause for yourself, reckon nice, catch your feelings and honor that. Don't try to change anything, just be aware of it and then let it move through you.

27:08Speaker 1:I just learned what box breathing is. That's you hold it in. Yeah, box breathing is great. Could you just describe it as for a second. So, box breathing is a method that like you inhale for four, you pause for four, you exhale for four, and then you inhale. So it's like you're tracing a box with your breath and it helps regulate. It signals to your nervous system that you're okay. So we just have to when we're stress. Anybody should be doing this right whenever you're feeling stress, just take a moment to pause and then just count your breath. That's it.

27:44Speaker 2:It really works because we have all the answers inside. We just have to take the time to like believe in it and to access it, to access it exactly.

27:54Speaker 1:And I think that that's really, you know, the point on you, for you to be authentic and for you to be who you are. And so thank you Tanya for sharing your story so openly and honestly.

28:06Speaker 2:Thank yous a pleasure.

28:12Speaker 1:Tanya's journey speaks so beautifully to this season's theme of resilience, adaptation, and growth despite challenges. But what stays with me most is that she didn't just survive a devastating diagnosis, she built a second life, one filled with clarity, creativity, and joy. So, whether you're living with MGCIDP or another rare condition, supporting someone who is, or simply here to listen, I hope her story leaves you feeling more connected and hopeful. If this helped you, share it with someone who might benefit.

28:47Speaker 1:Until next time, take care. Untold Stories Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition is produced by Ruby's Studio from iHeartMedia in partnership with Argenics, and hosted by me Martine Hackett. Our executive producer is Yvonne Shehan. Our producer is Leah Sutherland. This episode was written and produced by Diana Davis. Post production for this season is by Tom Sullivan and Paul Videlins of Audiography