Things I'm Unlearning

0:00Speaker 1:Hello, gorgeous, it's La La Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally Lala Hey Bams, welcome back to the bonus episode of Untraditionally Lala with myself and tit Hey. So I asked you guys because I was thinking what would be a good bonus episode because I miss getting our listeners involved. So if you guys don't know, make sure you go and follow Untraditionally Laala Pod. I'm going to be posting there every week to ask you questions and whatever. The topic is this Monday, it's things I'm unlearning. And we were flooded with people telling us what they are trying to unlearn.

0:50Speaker 1:And what's so hard is I feel like sometimes you just come into the world as you are right actually for the most part, So when you think back on behavior that you're like, this is not serving me. You're having to unlearn something some things for me that have been happening for the past fucking twenty years. How the hell do I unlearn? And I was thinking as I was going through this topic, I'm trying to just like unlearned being me like very intense. There's so many things on a regular basis that I go through in my mind because I'm a virgo and I beat myself up and I like obsess over every detail of when something went wrong, and how can I change myself? What can I do? It's like, okay, we have to we have to still like tap into self love, like you don't need to change everything about yourself, but how do we tweak it just enough so this shit doesn't keep happening?

1:43Speaker 1:So I would say, gosh, I want you to go first tea.

1:51Speaker 2:Mmm, what are you unlearning the definition of successful?

1:57Speaker 1:Walk me through that, because I actually really like this one, and I feel like we've talked.

2:00Speaker 2:About this, yeah, and maybe a lot of people feel like this, but you know, for me, it was always like, I don't know what you see for a man is like success is like financially taking care of a family, making you know, it's money based, and I'm trying to understand that honestly, money is like the least important thing. Okay, you know, yeah, success is like me being there for you when you need something. Success for me is like being there to take my mom to doctor's appointments, being there for your kids, just like a firm like man in the house. So like just things like that I'm trying to relearn that that is success because I'm helping out many of people, and especially these little girls, to show what a man should do, how a man should treat women and hopefully send them off into the world with a little bit of an understanding. And to me, that's successful. So, yeah, it doesn't because it was always money for me, like how can I and not billions or you know, it was just like I want to be able to take all of you guys on a trip and little things like that, and it was like, you know, it's tough. Money is hard. We all know

3:13Speaker 2:it's hard to come by. But like I would beat myself up over that, and then as time went on, I was like, I need to redefine this or I will fucking lose myself. And so being there and like, honestly, redefining the success like money has been easier in a sense, if that makes sense. Okay, So I don't know, redefining it like success for me is being present in the lives of everyone around me that I enjoy and being somebody who they can call upon if things get very dark, right, So that is where I'm trying to retrain. Is just like being a good person, being present and doing things with purpose.

3:55Speaker 1:I love that you brought this up as something that you're un learning because we have this converse a lot, and like you wanting to, you know, make your mark and all of these things. And as you were talking about all the things you want, which I think is great, and I am here to support you and whatever you want to go and do when it comes to that. But I think society has taught us that success means you have money, you have something like a business to show for it. And I had to point out to you because you were really beating yourself up, like what you bring to this family every single day with such a selfless heart, like you are the only I mean, I don't want to discredit Ocean's dad, but without going there, you are the only male figure that my kids, especially Sosa have.

4:58Speaker 2:Yeah, and here's the thing I know about the other side before Ocean was even born, you know. Yeah, we were over there, so I saw things and like it is what it is. But the one thing that I can be for Ocean is always there, yeah, right, and that in present, because I feel like that's what she needs, is just a man who is present.

5:24Speaker 1:Right, And I say that you do that with a selfless heart because you You don't do it because you have to. You do it because you want to. And like that means everything to me. Like when you come out of your house and I see like your blonde dreadlocks is king over to like start the morning, like I get excited and happy. I'm like, oh, my friend, Yeah, Like you're such a bright light. So although you have all of these things you want to go and do, I don't want it to ever be lost that you've already reached the highest lifelevel of success you can get to.

6:01Speaker 2:Thank you for that.

6:02Speaker 1:And you are very much appreciated. And the hard work on it, whole family.

6:07Speaker 2:For real, thank you still working on it. Go into my AA. Good for you doing this thing. We're doing this thing, doing this thing. It's not very It really is rough.

6:17Speaker 1:The money is hard to come by, it really is.

6:19Speaker 2:And everybody I feel like listening will know that it's it's hard to start a business. It's hard to figure out what you really enjoy, what you are passionate about, and just getting up under like getting up and out of under the man. You know. Yeah, it's it's very hard, and it's you know a lot of people are doing it, and I hope success comes to everybody who's doing it. It's just very very hard, very hard.

6:43Speaker 1:But I think if you just strive for like happiness and passion.

6:48Speaker 2:Guess what, me and mom because Lisa b we we were talking and in the past month she's made a huge leap. We're getting back in two blondes and bends. So don't you worry. We're back.

6:59Speaker 1:I know, looking and I'm like, where's we're gonna be back?

7:02Speaker 2:We're going to be back.

7:03Speaker 1:I'll share my uh unlearning at the end. So this is what our listeners submitted. People pleasing and being a doormat. That's a hard one to unlearn, and I feel like a lot of people.

7:16Speaker 2:Have that because whom learns well to whoever learns. I don't know the whom and all that shit. I don't care to.

7:25Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes it's who instead of whom.

7:28Speaker 2:And I don't know if it's who or whom, but to whom it may concerns. Yeah, if you figure that out, let me know, because.

7:36Speaker 1:Like, well, sometimes it's just easier to eat it, right.

7:40Speaker 2:It is, but like not every time, not every time, And like here's the thing, it's being out and about and standing up for yourself, but in a way that you don't look like an asshole. Like that's how I'm taking that. It's like I'm a people pleaser, even out and about, like oh no, you go ahead, and it's like I'm gonna rush fuck you, you know, but I still let it happen.

8:00Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like almost my flight. But that's fine.

8:02Speaker 2:Because you're happier than me right now. Yeah fuck you. Yeah, yeah, I can't do it anymore. I got to be like, nah, motherfucker, I got to catch this thing too. I get it, you know. I like that one.

8:14Speaker 1:This person wants to stop punishing themselves.

8:18Speaker 2:Figure that one out.

8:18Speaker 1:Tell me to relate to that, like, let it go.

8:22Speaker 2:Let it go, let it go. I know, I kind of wish I was Dory just forgetting, just forgot.

8:29Speaker 1:Not really not having any ability for short term memory sounds awful.

8:34Speaker 2:Well, I'm not talking about all of it. I'm just thinking, like, if I did something I didn't like, just Dory.

8:41Speaker 1:Just keep swimming. I relate to that one because I I I punish myself pretty heavily. And I've told you guys this. I talked to my sponsor and I would loop and obsess, and she finally was like, Lailah, you're on the verge of a relapse. If you continue to punish yourself, You've got to fucking let it go. It is not that big of a deal. Like it's fine, I was your side of the street, clean and move on.

9:10Speaker 2:What success. I was like, that's if I didn't change it, that's where I was going to be headed. Yeah, because you just beat yourself up and you got to get away from you and how do you do it?

9:20Speaker 1:Everywhere I go there, I am what a nightmare?

9:25Speaker 2:What a nightmare?

9:26Speaker 1:Just because their family doesn't mean you have to love them.

9:30Speaker 2:I agree, Lisa.

9:34Speaker 1:No, but like it's so true, like growing up in Utah with such a big family, like I don't talk to any of my cousins, any of my aunts and uncles. My family is I don't even.

9:48Speaker 2:Talk to my dad anymore. I thought it was a good one. Why not to throw it in In eight years I've heard from that, haven't heard from at all.

10:00Speaker 1:You just it's like, are you okay, buddy, you're dead or something?

10:06Speaker 2:Fucking croke?

10:07Speaker 1:Get sure you're alive, Sure you're not dead.

10:11Speaker 2:But I do agree there are some shitty families out there, Yeah, right, them off them off? Because you can your friends.

10:19Speaker 1:Blood is thicker than water?

10:22Speaker 2:What well I can clean the blood with water, so no, but what is.

10:28Speaker 1:Blood is thicker than water?

10:30Speaker 2:Well? My friends are my blood. I guess water.

10:36Speaker 1:I obviously do under your blood. That person's just water, like, I got it. But like, but water goes down the throat much better. I'm not trying to be up in here vampiring my ass off.

10:49Speaker 2:And swimming in water is much better rather the thirst.

10:54Speaker 1:All right, I have fun when Wow, I.

10:56Speaker 2:Rather quench my thirst.

10:58Speaker 1:So I'm taking beautiful all right. To not wait on my husband hand and foot, I am a wife and partner, not a chef and nanny.

11:08Speaker 2:Bitch, you better get it.

11:10Speaker 1:It is the best thing I have ever heard.

11:14Speaker 2:What I think you do is get a ladder, get on your roof when he gets home, you shout exactly that, and then you get down. We can cook them up.

11:21Speaker 1:That is so good. To not wait on my husband, hand and foot. I am a wife and a partner, not a chef and a nanny.

11:28Speaker 2:Amen, who is this man? I'll have a word.

11:33Speaker 1:I don't think she needs you to have a word. She's got it covered. You better work, bitch. My opinion matters too, That's a great one. What I have to say is just as important as everybody else's.

11:47Speaker 2:I kind of want to print all of these off and put them on so I can read them every day and be like, I'm not going to care about that, you know.

11:55Speaker 1:I think that that's one thing, not one. There's many things that I absolutely adore about filming a reality TV show. I love I get a high off of those moments of disagreement. I love debating back and forth.

12:15Speaker 2:The one thing that I feel like Bravo has done for you guys and all of that is like a safe space for you to do it well.

12:21Speaker 1:Our production team is everything, right, those are our people who, Yes, we're here to make a show, and I entertain.

12:31Speaker 2:Even because me and you talking on this about mom so much easier than just like having it, I know, because this is protecting. Yes.

12:39Speaker 1:But what's great about reality TV is they sit there and they are asking you what do you think? And sometimes you're like, I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. It's like I'm gonna need you to think about it. What do you feel? How do you feel about how this person did this, and you you do start realizing like, oh my god, my voice fucking mass. There's gonna be people who agree with me, there's gonna be people who don't. Then you watch it back, because that's the other thing, perspective, and.

13:07Speaker 2:You're like, oh, wow, I don't agree with myself.

13:09Speaker 1:Perspective is everything how I approached someone and how they respond Like for me, I could feel like I totally handled it the right way and that they just didn't, you know, receive it that way. When you watch, you're able to look back and be like, wow, that actually wasn't my proudest moment. I could have been a lot more delicate. Our conversation with Mom in the car so delicate. If I had to watch that back, I think I would probably be mortified.

13:37Speaker 2:I don't think you'd be very happy. But I have to say that I kicked myself because I also was a little frustrated. Here's the one thing that me and mom did talk about yesterday, and I said, Lisa, the one thing that irritated Lauren, that irritated me, That is why we had the conversation is when she brought out your phone and you said sorry, I just so worried about everyone else. I said, right there is where you fucking clock the both of us. And that's why we had the conversation. And she was like, you own you're right.

14:11Speaker 2:And I was like, that's fine that you're like doing things and she was like and she was like, well, I grab the credit card and I was like, that's great, but now you gotta grab your phone, you gotta grab your glasses, you gotta grab it all. I was like, so that you sang, I was worried about everyone else? Is what fucking.

14:28Speaker 3:Sparked me and Lauren, yes, and that's and she got the door open and I was like, it's the little things mom in the car and I was gonna come back out and clean up.

14:40Speaker 2:She wasn't you got me fucked up? Love verdada, but little things like that, but that. But I told her that that's why we and she was like that makes sense. I was like, because Lisa, you have to know you not taking care of everyone.

14:53Speaker 1:Did you see me yesterday? I was lathering the pancakes for her, putting syrup because she was like, the table pancakes on all of them. So I'm like feeding Sosa, lathering the pancakes ocean knee eater eggs, but she wants it with toast. I'm trying to cut that. Like I felt like an octopus and granted love.

15:11Speaker 2:It best part to the best part.

15:14Speaker 1:Tell me what is the best part.

15:15Speaker 2:So as she's octopusing around me, well, no, she doesn't know. Sosa is doing something you can't even remember. And Lisa just looks it over and then goes, Lauren, your daughter needs that, and it's.

15:30Speaker 1:Like, Lauren, she's about to pull her water. I was like, you're right across from her, stand up and help me, Like it's so overwhelmed, so overwholmed.

15:40Speaker 2:But she's been helping everyone. So that is where that started.

15:43Speaker 1:But I did point in her opinionated mind, she was going to do X, Y and Z. I think opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. But you know what, all shit don't care. I'm going to voice mine. If you're going to voice you, I'm going I'm going to voice mine, and we're gonna have a back and forth about it until I feel like i'm right or until I see your point. If you can make sense to me or I can make sense to you, we're good voice your opinion. It does matter, delays can actually present opportunities you weren't focused on. Wow, I saw my whole thing is like, no, got to do it now.

16:31Speaker 2:If I saw a quote and it was like it was like God, delaying things in your life is to make the things that you don't seem unimportant important. They're important. Like the quote was amazing kind of on that thing, and it was like He's these things aren't working because they're not that important and you're not seeing the real importance. Oh, so that's what it will show you the time.

16:56Speaker 1:Can I tell you this presents something much grander to me, which is putting faith in something bigger than you. There's always a reason, I know, and you know what outside I think I say this all the time, me believing in the universe or whatever. And it could be just to make myself feel better.

17:21Speaker 2:I think that's all of everything is Without that, what do we have nothing? You have nothing.

17:27Speaker 1:It's okay to be in your thirties and single.

17:31Speaker 2:I'll say that louder.

17:32Speaker 1:Please, No, Can I tell you she's onto something? When I meet these young girls and they're like, oh, I want to have a baby by the time I'm thirty, Yes, I got it. Biological clock totally important. I didn't even really know who I was until probably this past year.

17:55Speaker 2:I don't know the hell I am.

17:56Speaker 1:Like, I truly think thirties are your new twenties, forties are the new thirties, and so on and so forth, and it is totally fine. And I'm not just saying this this. I have spiraled on this a lot where I talk to my mom and I'm like, I'm fucking thirty five. I'm gonna be thirty six next month. I have never been married. I've never experienced true partnership. And you want to know what my mom pointed out. She said, Lauren, look around you. Most people right now are in that stage of getting divorced.

18:33Speaker 2:Something's in the air.

18:35Speaker 1:No, but this is when you start seeing divorces even in their even forties and fifties. We're watching people, you know, ending their marriages of fifteen, seventeen, twenty six.

18:45Speaker 2:Years Cayl Richards.

18:47Speaker 1:Yes, so every nothing is promised. People are starting over in every age group, like, yes, be single in your thirties, have fun and let me tell you something. I have two babies right now and I love it. But if you are in your thirties, single noe kids. Go live it up because the moment that you find your person and you have your babies and now you'll probably find a great guy because you know exactly who you are, you're not going to compromise. You're independent, You've got all of the things that you're supposed to fucking have before you find your mate, right because you're one hundred percent, you got to find your other hundred. But literally, your whole life changes. I can't just call a friend right now and say, fuck it, let's go to Mexico next week.

19:34Speaker 1:I can't because I gotta worry about school starting. I gotta worry about who's watching Sosa, all the things. If you are in your thirties, live it up, baby, Take the hot doorman home if he's safe. Of course, protect yourself, always move in a safe manner. But go have fun. My god, we deserve it because once you're locked down, it's great. I wouldn't know when it comes to a man, but with kids, absolutely fantastic. But you lose freedom. I will say that I do making myself too available. I relate to that. Not my ason's the canceled king, so am I though husband is in rehab Coddling him isn't always helpful.

20:24Speaker 2:We get that about my mother.

20:26Speaker 1:She's not in rehab. She should be in some sort of rehabilitating. She's rehabilitating. But I get that it's a tough love. I'm actually happy that I read this right now, because no matter what, anybody in a vulnerable situation, I'm going to let you know that I love you when I'm here for you. But we gotta buck up. Got to buck up, take the bowl by the balls. I'm really really praying for you and your husband. I hope that he I'm assuming that it's rehab like addiction, one day at a time. Don't feel guilty when you're not coddling him. He's got to keep himself sober. But I am praying for you, guys, and wishing you the bus.

21:06Speaker 1:How to be so hard? I am trying to be more soft. Oh I need to get hard, get hard. I get that.

21:14Speaker 2:Yeah, you can get that. I'm more of a softy you are. I feel like I got more soft because you are tougher.

21:21Speaker 1:Yeah, good tough. It's very difficult over here with I see this person. I need to be softer too. Not everyone is going to like me and I can't change it. I know you're not everyone.

21:34Speaker 2:To thank you, but here I'll say I do like I don't want to leave a place where somebody's like that kid was an asshole or that kid. But it's like a friend to everyone, it's a friend to no one. But then again I can be I stay cordial.

21:48Speaker 1:I think being a civilized human being is one thing. But if everybody likes you, that means that you are You're not vocal about how you feel. You just stay very piecy in Switzerland, and your feelings matter. You don't stand for anything, which everyone stands for something, whether they choose to vocalize it or not is up to them. But that's also how you find your people. Like, if everyone likes you, we got a real problem because I'm a cancelor. I just need my core group of friends who we can go toes together and come back from it.

22:25Speaker 1:We can talk about everything, things that are super uncomfortable. Yeah, but that's a tough thing to learn because I think we learned from the time where like small children that like you have to be nice, person's.

22:39Speaker 4:Not gonna want to play with you, and it's like the fuck, then we beat the we beat honesty out of kids by telling them that, yeah, ocean walks up and she's like, why is her ankle so fat?

22:51Speaker 2:And it's like, all right, well it's honest, but we know we got to be nice. But it's like refine fine.

22:58Speaker 1:I talked about that with a emmer today, like I try to incubate but refine societal standards of beauty. I am the first person like I just got my lipstunn the other day. But guess what, it's because I wanted it. No one told me that I had to do it. No one told me you'll look better with this. I knew that it would make me feel happy, and it did. The moment I looked at him, I was like, I'm happy. I love it. Now. Do I think it's necessary? No, it was probably very unnecessary. And I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of people saying, stop touching your face.

23:46Speaker 1:I'm gonna touch my face if I want.

23:48Speaker 2:Everyone thinks you got a nose job too, How funny?

23:51Speaker 1:You know what? It does look like I got a nose job though in photos. I know I would tell you guys if I got a nose job, trust me, I am toying with putting fat in my ass. By the way, you guys will be the first to know if I actually do it. No, I don't. Going back to the societal standards of beauty, I don't think anybody needs to touch their face. I don't, But I also think it's important for people who do touch their.

24:19Speaker 2:Faces, I've touched minds or whatever.

24:22Speaker 1:To tell people that this is what I've done, so that no one thinks. And obviously you can tell that I've touched my lips. You can probably tell that I get botox because I can't move my face and I like it that way. But I think people have to be honest about what they have done.

24:35Speaker 2:Well, yeah, because if I want the same fucking work, I'm gonna need a recommendation.

24:39Speaker 1:And also it's very important to go to the right person because not everybody knows what they're doing, and I will only trust skin tied aesthetics. I go to Lee Godfrey and she's been on the podcast for peptides on an unlikely affair?

24:51Speaker 2:Does she do? Do they ship peptides out from that?

24:55Speaker 1:I don't know that. I don't know that. But also doctor Diamond, those to my go to. I won't go to anybody else well, there's obviously a lot of people that are great, like Beverly Hills plastic surgery, doctor Daniel Pohorr, has Don Bibbs, doctor Lakey pinned my ears back.

25:16Speaker 2:It depends what you what you're needing done on your body for the correct doctor. So there's a lot of amazing ones you'll go to.

25:24Speaker 1:Yeah, this one's really funny, like who the.

25:26Speaker 2:Fuck did what's her name? Who Kim's mom?

25:33Speaker 1:Oh, she looks great.

25:34Speaker 2:What's her name?

25:35Speaker 1:Chris Jenner in New York. It's like one hundred thousand dollars facelift. I think Lindsay Lohan went to him too.

25:42Speaker 2:He's doing something right over there.

25:46Speaker 1:I really like this one.

25:47Speaker 2:It's really good.

25:48Speaker 1:How to not let my face show my disgust and boredom?

25:52Speaker 2:You need to change that, bab No, I like it.

25:55Speaker 1:Oh, this is who did?

25:57Speaker 2:Uh? Doctor Steve Levine.

26:00Speaker 1:That's who did Chris Jenner's faceless God damn it? Wait crushing it. I don't think you need to, babe what. I think this is awesome. How to not let my face show my disgust and boredom?

26:11Speaker 2:No, let it happen. Let let it happen. Everybody says that because I don't say much and people are like, you said a lot with your face. I don't even know.

26:19Speaker 1:Yeah, I kind of like it. I'm okay if you don't change that about yourself.

26:22Speaker 2:No, I don't. That's unique that and I rather talk to you and your facial expressions telling me yes or no, and me just being able to read the room.

26:31Speaker 1:Like if someone's facial expression looks like they're bored, then I need to pivot, right, I can't. I don't want to be the bitch too bored.

26:37Speaker 2:Like, yeah, what if I go up to you and I'm like, did you see that bitch Caitlin back there and she looks.

26:42Speaker 1:At meing people a disservice and she looks at me, did discuss I'm like, she looks amazing instead of talking more shit.

26:48Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, see, all right.

26:50Speaker 1:We'll tie up the comments with this, and then I'll let you know what mine is very briefly, because we're out of time. Being delusional is the best thing you can do for yourself, amen.

27:01Speaker 3:I know.

27:02Speaker 2:I wish I could be more delusional.

27:03Speaker 1:That's now going to be a compliment to me. When someone says to me, you're delusional. Good, that means I'm on the brink of fucking epic success.

27:12Speaker 2:Because do you ever feel like you're so in reality aware that it paralyzes you in life.

27:19Speaker 1:In fact, that's what I want to change about myself. What I'd like to unlearn is from the time I was a child, I prepared myself for let down and I didn't speak what I wanted because God forbid if I didn't get something that I wanted, I didn't want to have to explain why I didn't get it. I don't want to feel the shame. I don't want anyone to look at me like I wasn't good enough. Fuck that. I am now going to vocalize what I want instead of saying all of the things that I don't want out of protection, because I do that a lot. I think for a long time I was saying I don't want to meet my person, and it was because I wanted to protect my heart and my piece, which is great.

28:05Speaker 1:But in reality, if I take the thirty thousand foot view, I do want to find my person. I do want to you know, develop things and have an iconic fucking brand that just stands the test of time, that's totally detached from this person I want those things, and I'm going to be so delusional until those things are going to happen. Yeah, there's not a question. It's not a question of if. It's a question of just like when I love all of these, let's go out into the world and delusion, love ourselves, be delusional and the little things.

28:43Speaker 2:Don't be a doormat, and.

28:44Speaker 1:Don't be a doormat. And I'm wishing you all the unlearning of toxic traits and things that are not serving you you guys. Quick reminder that Untraditionally La La Bonus episodes air every Monday. On Tuesdays, we have Sex Unlocked with myself and Sally Carson. Wednesday's a regular old episode of Untraditionally Lala, and Thursdays are an Unlikely Affair with myself and Amber Childers that airs at nine pm. You can catch it the next day Friday. Whoop whoop, love it, Love you guys. Have a great week. Take the bull by the balls, baby, Let you bae.

29:27Speaker 2:Bye.