Emotional Abuse Changes Your Brain S4 ep35

0:01Speaker 1:Look up, we've come all the things up on the bottom. Oh oh wow, is you you're my favorite views? But that's nothing, and we are back.

0:24Speaker 2:Welcome back, bumble bitches.

0:26Speaker 1:Uh. Season four, episode thirty five. I think we are so behind right now and editing that I have no idea where we're actually at. So it's thirty five or thirty six, we're up there. We're getting close to the end of season four that we are closer to the end than we were to the beginning when you think about it, which is pretty wild. Today we're going to be doing emails, and when we're done with emails, Patreon is going to get some exclusive content where we are going to talk about the control dramas. That's not something that's going to get posted to YouTube anywhere else. It's just a document where we are going to be talking about the Celestine prophecy and the four control drumas in the book. And then five more that I created, which I think is going to be a really good conversation piece for you guys.

1:06Speaker 2:They wanted us to tie that into parenting. Do you still want to do that?

1:08Speaker 1:I did? Oh yeah, I've been since three this morning. Okay, So I created the entire document, and I figured we could read it and just have discussions about it. And there's going to be a lot of things in that document that are relatable to both of us because of our childhoods, and I think it actually would create some pretty intense conversation if we were honest about our childhoods with the abuse and things that went on in that nature. But I don't know how far I want to get into that. So either way, even if we don't get into our childhoods and we just talk about the control dramas and what's been created, it's it's I and I think it's I believe I did a pretty good job putting that document together. This is what happens when I don't sleep. Yep. Got up at three, was at the gym by three thirty. It was home by a little after four. I've just been fucking going since.

1:56Speaker 2:My tablet died, so I have to wait for it to power on.

1:58Speaker 1:Okay, do you have any house keeping anything you want to talk about before we get into it. Your chief feels off to me today. Uh, yeah, Jim had people there at three am today though. Yeah, there was actually more people in the gym today than normal, and the people that normally show up at round four thirty five were there when I got there at three this morning. I wonder if that's a certain thing too, the people this is fucking weird man, Shana said Peter, getting closer to being the woodsy Wooo lady, and I love it.

2:26Speaker 2:Thank you.

2:27Speaker 1:I believe we have a package waiting for us at the post office from her, but I didn't get the the delivery thing from them in case, you know, I always get that text message. I love the document based content. I'm glad you guys enjoyed that. I'm so self conscious about those documents. We're so used to having back and forth in conversations that when I'm just sitting here reading and we're not talking to each other, it feels like I'm giving a lecture. And I don't I don't know how I feel about it, Like it's just very.

2:52Speaker 2:Well when you think about it as a lecture.

2:53Speaker 1:Yeah, it feels off putting to me. I mean, they're enjoying it, but I don't know. I think that's just one of those things that if I looked at it like a you know, thoughts from the Chair episode and not a podcast episode, it would be different.

3:05Speaker 3:Why.

3:06Speaker 1:I don't know, because the thoughts from the chair stuff is I know, it's just me venting my thoughts. I'm trying to teach people shit with these documents. The other ones were passion projects or whatever you want to call it. You know what I mean. So you're a laugh your I've had your tablet booted back up.

3:20Speaker 2:Yep.

3:20Speaker 3:I'm in the emails now. We still don't have any for Patreons. I'm going to move into the viewer one sweet. This one is titled I need advice or to see things in a different perspective. Hi, Christ and Peaches. This person included their name. We believe in anonymity, so I'm not going to say your name. I'm twenty one years old and I've been a quiet listener of your podcast for a while now. Something's been nudging me to write in. Not because I have it all figured out, but because I'm finally ready to take my voice back. I've lived too long in silence, trying to survive, and I'm tired of carrying shame that has never that was never mine to begin with. So in us doing this and in me living my own life, my husband his life, us sharing our stories. There really is a pattern in the human lifespan. By the time you're twenty one years old, you should feel like you want to break the chains and start living your own life and discovering who you are and putting down the things that don't belong to you.

4:15Speaker 3:Childhood can be super rough. We don't choose the environments that we are born into. Not going to get into the conversation, right, I kind of believe we do, But that's the whole spiritual thing. And I'm not going to get into the spiritual thing. But looking at it from the human perspective, as children, we are not asking to be abused, We are not asking to be touched, we are not asking to be put into fucked up situations.

4:42Speaker 2:We are not asking for any of that.

4:44Speaker 3:We want to be loved, we want to be nurtured, we want to be protected, we want to have security and foundation. And once you become an adult, like, oh God, when you have a fucked up childhood, you see the worst of the world and you see the things that some people don't and they may not want to believe you over that. And that's a whole nother level of trying to write.

5:04Speaker 2:It's a lot.

5:06Speaker 3:I say all that to say, I believe you're exactly where you need to be in all of this, even though it feels.

5:10Speaker 2:Like shit and it feels awful.

5:13Speaker 3:By the time you're twenty five years old, your life is going to look totally different. You're going to be a different person. By the time you're thirty forty fifty, you're on your deathbed. I know I'm going to speak for myself. I know that I'm going to be thanking the Lord for everything I've gone through, the good, the bad, the ugly, the transcendent things, the things that almost broke me, because my life has been a masterpiece. Great art doesn't come from just sitting on the couch. It's from living your life and having your heart broken, love and heartbreak then and seeing birth and death and all of those things.

5:47Speaker 1:Yeah, I believe that. Tell everybody all the time you want to see a man do something great, break his heart, it's where it always comes from. It's where the fuck you I'll show you comes from. It's where the new body comes from. It's where going to therapy comes from. Yeah, always comes from devastation. That's where we rebuild ourselves. It's like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Yep, well, said babe.

6:08Speaker 3:All right, continuing, I was in a relationship for five and a half years. The first year was solid, filled with connection, vulnerability, and what I believe to be love.

6:17Speaker 1:So at sixteen years old, right, okay, man, when you guys are sixteen, you have no idea what life is going to do to you. Yet it's puppy love at that point. It's pure.

6:28Speaker 3:Yeah, it's innocent. Yeah, haven't been hurt yet. God, I remember the first time I had my heart broken. I had my mother and my grandmother in the household, and nobody made me feel better. Right, I had two generations of heartbreak to try and try to try and help me get through that, and I just wanted to kill myself. Fourteen years old, Yeah, I was going through a lot. It was rough, big emotions and such a tiny, inexperienced body. Have been dating at fourteen years old, right, shouldn't have been doing the things I was doing at fourteen years old.

7:05Speaker 3:I was in adult situations that I was not emotionally capable of handling yet without feeling like it was the end of my life, the end of my world. Yeah, Well I was not. I was not prepared. I was not the goat from hoodwinked.

7:22Speaker 1:I think that twelve thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old is when kids should start having boyfriend girlfriends, but it shouldn't be like sexual relationships. Yeah, and there needs to be an explanation before the heartbreak of this. The feelings that you're about to go through is going to be very intense. You are very hormonal right now. You're going to be a feeling an attachment to another human being that you may not know how to deal with. And there needs to be a lot of conversations leading up to that, because everyone gets their heartbroken as a teenager. That first time that somebody tells you that they don't want you fucking sucks. And everybody thinks when they meet that person when they're young and they start falling in love that that's there forever person. You know, It's just not reality.

8:05Speaker 3:And I already had abandonment issues leading up to that. Oh God, I was a fucking mess. I am so grateful for not only the things that I've gone through, but for the growth that I've gained from it and the knowledge that I've gained. Because the likelihood of our children experiencing the things that we have gone through is very, very slim.

8:24Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. I agree. There's a whole lot of shadow work, self reflection in our works that has been done. It could there have been more, absolutely, absolutely, Like I don't deny it, especially on my part, right, But there's also leaps and bounds compared to where I was fifteen years ago, you know what I mean?

8:45Speaker 2:So yeah, all right back into this.

8:48Speaker 3:The first year was solid, filled with connection, vulnerability, and what I believed to be loved. He mirrored my emotions, my pain, my dreams. It felt like he truly understood me the beginning created a deep emotional bond that I kept clinging to, hoping it would return.

9:03Speaker 2:Is sixteen the correct age?

9:05Speaker 1:Well, she said she's twenty one now and she's with that person for five and a half years, So, I mean, I don't know how long they've they've been apart. It could have been fourteen fifteen, depending on how long they were not together.

9:17Speaker 3:Just trying to play right, because age does matter when it comes to the way that you are conducting your emotions and all those kinds of things. Yeah, saying that he mirrored everything, there's a very particular way to word that because as humans, we mirror that. It's how we learn to read, it's how we learn to talk, write, all of those kinds of things. I guess I'm trying to decipher did you mean that in a negative way, where like, were you trying to or were you just simply stating that he mimicked? Was he his own person or was he building himself around you to make him seem more attractive to you? I guess is what I'm trying to ask, because that matters. A sixteen year old boy with who he believes is a hot girl interested in him, fucking reminds me of what's his face from young Sheldon?

10:08Speaker 2:Can't Georgie?

10:09Speaker 1:Oh Georgie. Yeah, I actually didn't take it that way, but now that you said that, I can see your point. I took it as they both went through a lot of the same shit. Yeah, so they had the same traumas and the same triggers in the same behavioral patterns.

10:22Speaker 2:Or there's like a kinship there, yeah.

10:24Speaker 1:Which is not a relationship you want to be in. Two fucked up people never work. But it just doesn't work that way. You become super fucking toxic towards each other. That is not a healthy scenario at all.

10:36Speaker 3:So continuing for the next four and a half years, the relationship was on and off. What starta's love became emotional chaos. He didn't try to control how I dressed or acted around others, but he did control how I felt.

10:49Speaker 1:That's because you gave your power away.

10:52Speaker 2:That's exactly what that is. So people can't control how you feel.

10:56Speaker 3:They can suggest how you feel, and then you get to decide whether you're going to accept that or reject that. That was one of the hardest things for me to work through in our marriage was you trying to I don't know what's coming to my mind is putting your hand in a black bag, feeling what's in there and then guessing what it is. Right because I haven't told you how I felt, so you saying are you mad is not telling me how I'm feeling. You're trying to figure out how I'm feeling so you can help, But me taking that as you're telling me how I'm feeling.

11:23Speaker 2:It caused a lot of ways I had to work through that.

11:25Speaker 1:Well, it's because I had to learn how to talk to you too. I would always say, you're angry, I can tell something's wrong. You seem angry, and that's me assigning an identity to your emotion instead of trying to probe Earlier, I was like, your chee is off. That's a fair statement because that could mean a gambit of fucking things. But that opens the door for if you want to talk to me about it, you will, And when you're ready to talk to me about it, you will.

11:49Speaker 1:I now know that there's something that's enough for me. I'm not in the dark anymore. Like that's a big thing for people. But I'm also not a needy bitch, Like I know that if there was a problem with you and I, you would address it. Yeah, so I know it's not a me problem. It could be a me problem, but it's not a you problem. It's obviously not a big me problem, right, It's.

12:11Speaker 2:A disturbance in my field.

12:13Speaker 3:Yeah, son, just a side tangent on just for my husband. I had fucked up dreams last night. Yeah, And I woke up this morning and I saw the grossness in the sink and it fucked me up even more, gotcha. And then the overwhelm in my life is stacking on top of it. I'm emotional. My IQ is dropping not just my intelligence but my emotional IQ.

12:38Speaker 2:My chie is off. It's the fucking cern.

12:43Speaker 1:I had. I saw something this morning that said women have the cheating dreams men have. The apocalypse is happening, and women won't listen to us, and we wake up angry at you dreams. I've actually had that dream where I was like, you wouldn't fucking listen to anything.

13:02Speaker 2:I remember you talking to me about that.

13:04Speaker 3:You do get pretty salty about those cheating dreams, though, yeah, oh you have more dreams about me just being a nasty bitch to you.

13:10Speaker 1:Yeah, I do. It's rarely cheating. I rarely have you have dreams of you cheating on me. It's always you being a super fucking cold megabitch and like, you don't ever treat me that way. So like, I don't know what that is. Like there's something repressed there that I haven't worked through yet, and when it happens, I'll be like, oh my god, you know what I mean. But like, until that thing comes up, I don't know where that's coming from.

13:33Speaker 3:Right, So, so back to the conversation of people can't control how you feel? How did you phrase that? He did control how I felt? So like my husband said that you've given up your power, and I agree. You will either stand your ground or you will be the ground that they walk on. Right now, there are a lot of outsides of this.

13:56Speaker 2:You said the.

13:56Speaker 3:First year, So we're assuming at sixteen years old, one year and you're seventeen years old, you're still a minor. Anybody who is young listening to this, if you have adults in your life who are fucked up and you can't trust them, I promise you that there are trustworthy adults elsewhere. There are phone numbers that you can call. You can reach out to the To Be Better podcast and we can give you some direction on who you can reach it. For outsources, there are school resources that you can look into. I know that every campus has an officer on it. Right if you are a minor in an abusive relationship and you have somebody and you don't know what to do, you can talk to somebody.

14:34Speaker 3:I promise you are not stuck in these situations. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself, and if you do not stand up for yourself subconsciously, your nervous system believes you as an abuser. Your nervous system can't tell the difference between somebody else telling you that you're a piece of shit and you telling you that you're a piece of shit.

14:55Speaker 2:It's all the same thing.

14:57Speaker 3:If you have betrayed yourself so many times people please to avoid an argument, to not deal with somebody, whatever the case may be, you are sabotaging the trust within yourself, and you are giving up your power. All you have is your power, your word, all it's all yours.

15:16Speaker 2:And if you.

15:18Speaker 3:Say yes, when internally you're screaming no, you just gave up your power. It makes you a slave if you have no power, if you have no willpower, and your life is awful because of everybody else and the things that they tell you to do and the things that they tell you to feel.

15:36Speaker 2:I'm gonna be honest, I don't view you as a victim. I view you as.

15:40Speaker 3:That version of Lord Voldemort, shriveled up under the sink, this weak, helpless little You've cut your own limbs off to make other people happy. And there is a pity there, There is a sadness there, because I know what it takes to get to that point.

15:55Speaker 2:I've been that voltemore under the sink.

15:57Speaker 3:But there's also a level of you know what you're doing. I knew what I was doing. You're allowed to stand up for yourself. You're allowed to say that I don't want this, or you're wrong, you are not the expert of me.

16:10Speaker 2:I live in this bitch.

16:13Speaker 3:And real shit. As a woman, you're allowed to be combative. You can say I don't like this, or you're you are not. What's how much? How much I'm getting myself heated up now?

16:25Speaker 2:Right?

16:26Speaker 3:Because for centuries women have been told that, And we're in a different time now, We're fucking living in twenty twenty six. Take advantage of it. We had women fleeing countries, sailing across the ocean and wooden ships praying that they make it to this new country. And yes, America, the United States, not America. The United States has its flaws within its system, but we are the freest country that I fucking know of. And I could call the cops for my husband tomorrow and they will believe me. I can.

16:57Speaker 2:I could beat the shit out of a guy in a public street. I probably get.

17:01Speaker 3:Arrested for it, but I'm not gonna get lashings. I'm not gonna get a limb cut off for it. Like, we live in a society where we as women have so many rights and we have the liberties to stand up for ourselves.

17:16Speaker 2:I conceal carry, I have pepper spray.

17:19Speaker 3:You can't have pepper spray in the UK, I believe, or taser can't protect yourself over there. If you're a woman, you got your hands, good luck, hopefully carry a brick in your purse.

17:29Speaker 2:Stop giving away your power.

17:31Speaker 3:So many women, not just in your lineage, have fucking died praying that one day their granddaughters won't have to do what they're doing. And we don't have to fucking do what they're doing. We don't have to do this. Janay said, I feel my country is free or laugh my ass off.

17:47Speaker 1:You know what.

17:49Speaker 3:Canada does that got their shit together. I am slightly jealous of the things they got going on up there.

17:55Speaker 1:Some of them, some of them. Yeah, you can always find certain things in certain places that are different that you can view as a better thing. Yeah, but you know, you looking at individual aspects versus the entirety. I mean, people are gonna feel like their countries are better others to it. Yeah, if we had the opportunity to leave the US. I have other places I would much rather live.

18:18Speaker 2:Yeah, do you have anything to add to that?

18:20Speaker 1:Was Valdemort really under his sink? And of so? Why so?

18:24Speaker 3:I want to say it was in one of the So The Deathly Hollows was broken down into two separate movies, and I can't remember which movie it was in. But in The Deathly Hollows, when they are finally getting to the point of dessuring all of the horre cruxes, Harry finds out that he's to find a horror crux and a piece of Baltimore.

18:38Speaker 2:It's living in him. That's why he didn't die when.

18:43Speaker 3:Him that version of Baldemort, right, because Valdemort is this massively terrifying entity in the real world. He has this tiny, little, shriveled up, fucking baby looking defenseless, sniveling creature at the end of the day, like that was one of the that is a version of Voldemort.

19:04Speaker 2:He he split himself.

19:07Speaker 1:I remember the Horcrux thing, I just didn't remember. I only watched all those movies once. I gotta be honest, I didn't really care for the Harry Potter series, gotcha, because I was an adult already when those things started coming out, so I just it's just one of those things that I didn't remember. So when you said that, I was like, what are you talking about?

19:22Speaker 3:All right? Now I gotta look because somebody said it was a bench, and now I feel challenged.

19:29Speaker 1:A lot of people are saying it was a bench.

19:31Speaker 2:The fucking sern man.

19:34Speaker 1:Ye, that's funny.

19:38Speaker 2:What the fuck? I'm picturing it clearly in my mind. The scene is white.

19:44Speaker 3:He's talking to Dumbledore and there was a fucking sink with a mirror in front of it, and he picked up the piping was exposed. I have a very clear picture of what this scene in the movie was. Y'all can't tell me it was a bench.

19:59Speaker 1:They're saying it was a bench.

20:01Speaker 2:Was it in the book? Did I make this up? Damn?

20:07Speaker 3:I have to adjust to this new reality continuing Yep. Anytime I was sat upset or overwhelmed, I was told I was too emotional, overreacting or just being dramatic. I began to feel like I had to hide my feelings just to avoid conflict or criticism.

20:23Speaker 2:Y'all don't have to be in relationships like this. There's another option, I promise.

20:27Speaker 3:The other option is put up with this person being an asshole or not be in this relationship. Staying in the relationship with somebody like that is so much more detrimental to you than being alone. And you're fucking sixteen, seventeen years old.

20:41Speaker 2:We're making this up. We don't know when you guys started dating.

20:43Speaker 3:You're twenty one now, could have been a five and a half year relationship and you broke up when you were eighteen, right, But psychologically, as children, we are not built to handle that kind of demon. I'm currently reading Women who Run with the Wolves, and she calls that thing that that causes that people feed into, right, that they don't care about abusing people, the narcissistic traits, the selfishness, all of those kinds of things. She called it blue Beard, and blue Beard is something that eats that the souls of both men and women. This isn't just something that women suffer from the abuse of this thing. Men suffer from the abuse of the blue Beard too.

21:24Speaker 2:But that.

21:26Speaker 3:Verbal abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, physical, all of the things, all of that that grossness you can turn away from, and it's meant to corrupt you, because then you will start to corrupt others with my borderline. I was a victim of abuse for a very long time in my childhood and then becoming adult getting into relationships and trying to protect myself, I in turn would abuse people. That is the goal of blue Beard, if you want to get religious about it, that's the goal of Satan. Negative energies, the negative forces in the universe, whatever you want to call that, It wants to spread. And all you have to say is I'm not dealing with this. And before anybody can start talking about, well, it takes seven times for a woman to leave an abusive relation. That's what That's not what we're fucking talking about right now. Not everybody is in a situation where they're getting beat with motorcycle chains or having their face smashed against the sink.

22:17Speaker 3:Some people are just assholes who talk shit that you can walk away from.

22:23Speaker 1:I think the reality is is you can walk away from those other people too, even if it's not safe to do so. You just have to find an out. People choose their chaos. People that take seven times to finally leave their abuse, or they're making a choice over and over and over again to go back. And this chick did the same thing. It wouldn't take seven times if you choose not to go back the first time.

22:45Speaker 3:So continuing the emotional manipulation ran deep. I was blamed for things that had nothing to do with me. One of the most painful moments was when he told me that his overdose was my fault because I gave up on him. See that shit wouldn't work on me there at one point it would have because I was so damaged and broken. I felt like I was it was my job to make everybody be okay.

23:09Speaker 2:Real shit.

23:09Speaker 3:If somebody came up to me and said my overdose was your fault, too bad you didn't fucking die. Wow, Like, who the fuck do you think you are coming over here trying to put that on me. I'm I'm really angry today.

23:21Speaker 1:I can see that there's nothing wrong with this. Sometimes angry as a necessary, a necessity. Sometimes it's you know, it's gonna pull something out of you that you're gonna work through later today, who knows. Yeah, but that's I mean, I real shit, I'm also an angry person and I understand that mindset, so like, it's just weird hearing it come from you, because normally it's me saying shit. Like that. Yeah, I don't have sympathy for people who who try to blame shift like you own your fucking shit. This This is one of those things that you have a very flawed young woman.

23:53Speaker 2:Who was failed by her parents.

23:54Speaker 1:Right, who has decided to start dating and found somebody who's also fucked up, and because they mirror each other. As she put it, she's tolerating a whole lot of shit because she thinks somebody finally gets her. She no longer alone. Somebody understands the abuse, They understand the triggers and the trauma. The problem is when they understand these things, they can manipulate you.

24:14Speaker 3:Yep, they know how it works better than anybody. Oh shout out to Janey. My best friend in the chat said love my fucking ass off. I love you, Peach. I would have had a similar reaction. I was just putting myself in the shoes of how I would feel if our daughter came to us and a man said this to her that, Yeah, I would really have to take a second to cool the fuck down, because that would be the first thing that I say to him.

24:35Speaker 2:Yeah, how dare you? How dare you?

24:38Speaker 1:Yeah, it's gonna be a very difficult situation. I know that we like to believe that we've got it all figured out, and that as our kids grow up, they're going to have different situations than us. But we don't know what's going to happen between now and the time they're eighteen years old.

24:51Speaker 2:Are you talking about us? Yes, I don't think I have everything figured out.

24:54Speaker 1:I didn't say you did. You just said I know that think we like to think that we've got things figured out. We like to believe that we're good parents. We like to believe that we're emotionally regulated, that we've done a really good job at instilling emotional like control in our children, that they are good communicators. But we don't know what's going to happen between now and the time that they turn eighteen years old. So all of the things that we've done to prepare them for the world can be done or undone, I should say, can be undone by a single individual in their life that they attach themselves to, because they're going to have new role models, new heroes, new things that they think is cool.

25:37Speaker 2:I think about this regularly.

25:39Speaker 1:Yeah, Yeah, it's a lot to think about. So, like, we can believe we have as much of this figured out as we do, but until a situation like that comes up, we have no idea how we'd ever actually handle that, and real shit like that's one of those things that as a father, you want to protect your daughter and like, you know, you can't run around putting your hands on minor, right, but at a sixteen year old kid, like I would consider it putting them through a wall. Like, there's a whole lot of like that's fucked up. But what are you going? How far are you willing to go to protect your child? And is that the right move because now your kid sees it, you're the whole considered Bruce Banner, There's a whole lot that goes into all that, And when you really think about it, it's fucking hard to be a parent. People.

26:19Speaker 1:It doesn't matter how much preparing you do, how much fucking classes you take, how great your parents were, your unique individual circumstances with your children are going to be yours. There's nothing that anyone can do to prepare you for these things. And there's only so much that you can do with your children. You can only correct behavior so long once they get to the point of twelve thirteen years old. What are you going to do around them? They're gonna run away? What can you do about that?

26:45Speaker 1:You can't do anything.

26:46Speaker 2:I had that conversation with our son the other day.

26:48Speaker 3:Yeah, so our children are getting older, so we are starting to allow them to watch like actual television, not just cartoons. So our children watching Young Sheldon with us appropriate episodes And there was an episode where one of the kids did something and one of the parents was trying to control them over it. I think it was the older kid, Georgie. He had his own car at that point, and the mom was trying to stop him from doing something and he left anyway, and our son was like, why didn't she stop him?

27:21Speaker 2:And I was like, because she can't.

27:23Speaker 3:And You're like, but she's his mom, and I was like, right, but he has a car that he paid for. Doesn't matter that he's a minor, or that he's sixteen years old. Yeah, doesn't matter that he still lives there. Realistic, he could sneak out of the window if he wanted to, and their daughter did, right, And their daughter did, And that led to a conversation of I can only do so much as your parent, Like, realistically, I can tell you to do something and you can get in trouble for it, you can get consequences for it. But you could keep doing that thing and then one day you're not going to live in my house anymore. You could do whatever you want then, But then the quality of your life depends on how you choose to live it. Right, Your life is good now because you're living in my roof.

27:59Speaker 3:Right one you are out of my roof and you want to lie and steal and cheat and gamble and all those kinds of things. You're going to lead the life that you live, and I will love you and all those kinds of things. Right, And that's getting a little too intense. That's not how I phrased it for him, But there was a very big conversation. If I trust you to act properly, and in turn, your life is going to be super dope because of it. I like having fun with you when you're a fun kid. When you are throwing temper transtrms because you didn't get your way over a train set, or you're screaming at your sister because she asked you to repeat something like. Those are the kinds of behaviors that, yes, you can have them.

28:41Speaker 3:But in turn, I've also told the children like I don't talk to a lot of my family, and that's based on the choices that you make. And that led into a conversation of one day, Georgie may not want to talk to his mom anymore, yep, because of the way that she treats him and the way that he's acting.

28:55Speaker 2:All these kinds of things.

28:56Speaker 3:There's really big, emotional, intelligent conversations that have and now with the children in and the real there is a very real understanding in them that.

29:05Speaker 2:I can't make them do anything.

29:06Speaker 3:Yeah, I want them to listen because they want to be good people when they're twenty one years old. If they want to be drug addicts, I can't stop them from being drug addicts. Right, my child's seventeen years old and wants to sneak out of the house and steal my car, and I'm asleep, What the fuck am I going to do?

29:25Speaker 2:Right?

29:25Speaker 3:The only thing I can do is after the fact, the consequences of that, and then my response to that versus my reaction is going to dictate how they behave in the future.

29:32Speaker 2:It's a whole fucking thing. Yep. I can't remember why I got on that diatribe, continuing.

29:38Speaker 3:Yep, I carried guilt that didn't belong to me because I had done everything I could to be supportive and present, but nothing was ever enough, and the weight of his emotions became my responsibility.

29:48Speaker 1:That's also choice.

29:50Speaker 3:Yeah, as an adult in their thirties and a very happy, successful marriage. For a relationship to work, for it to be good, for it to be a peaceful homeostasis, both people in the relationship have to be okay, right, And I'm not saying that you have to be perfect and healed. I mean you have to be able to handle your shit. You have to be able to not project onto me. You can have a bad day, you can be angry, you can be upset, but you're not gonna yell at me.

30:24Speaker 3:You're not going to gaslight me. You're not going to turn things around on me. You're not going to try and suppress me. Right, This young man is an abuser. He is, I'm gonna read this right. So she said that he's shut down, he's disappeared emotionally, given her the silent treatment when she needed a connection the most, and then he'd come back like nothing happened and expect me to pretend to if you haven't listened to the videos about the attachment styles. We have a whole playlist about the attachment styles that will explain a lot about what he's going through. Right, And people who become like this young man aren't born this way. People are the product of their environments. That doesn't mean he gets a hall passed to behave this way because he has childhood trauma.

31:10Speaker 3:There's an explanation as to why people behave this way. We've talked about it before. There are distinguishable patterns of behavior within humans. That's why Carl Young was able to make.

31:22Speaker 2:The archetypes right. It was Carl Young who did that.

31:24Speaker 1:Ye shadows.

31:26Speaker 3:There's a reason that people behave like this, But you do not have to tolerate people like this in a relationship. A man or a woman who behaves anything like this or anything that is detrimental to relationship. Once my husband gets into later the control dramas, right, this person's a vampire. This person should not be in a relationship with anybody right now, and so they get to a point that they can't bleed on others. You can tell others that I'm wounded, and you can ask for helping up the cleanup.

31:54Speaker 3:But we are not just going to walk into a room and allow our god, diseases and civil list and all the other things inside of our blood just spray on people.

32:03Speaker 2:This is a past relationship for her.

32:05Speaker 3:She can't fix this, the relationship for anybody who's in a relationship like this, You don't have to be in a relationship like this at all. You don't have to tolerate it. You can walk away from it. People can judge you, people can talk shit. Drop them too, Fuck.

32:15Speaker 2:Them every buck.

32:18Speaker 3:Everyone who wants to feed on your misery to nourish their lives to be a little bit brighter because they themselves are a broken light bulb, fuck them. There are levels to being a human being in my mind, yeah, and behaving like this young man is a lower level form of being a human being.

32:36Speaker 1:He is a broken young man who's not lived life yet.

32:40Speaker 3:Yeah, And that could speak to the fact that maybe he didn't have a dad, or maybe he did have a dad and his dad was a massive piece of shit. Maybe he had a single mom who was addicted to drugs and didn't care about him. A whole lot of things, a whole lot of fucked up situations, and it's not your job to fix this person who's gone through those fucked up situations. You can be there, you can love them, be understanding. Right, you can't expect somebody to be perfect right off the bat. Once they recognize something is wrong, there's always going to be a relapse. But somebody who used to scream and yell and the last year's only yelled three times and they've apologized for it every single time.

33:18Speaker 3:That's fucking growth. And there is an understanding thereof I understand you used to be this way, and I appreciate the effort you're putting in.

33:24Speaker 1:Yeah, that acknowledgment matters.

33:25Speaker 2:Yeah.

33:27Speaker 3:Continuing yep, I became addicted to the little moments of affection, even though they were surrounded by instability and pain. I was constantly walking on eggshells, terrified of saying or doing anything wrong. By the time I finally left for good, I was so disconnected for myself that I didn't even trust my own thoughts. That's because you've self sabotaged for so long. Your nervous system was telling you that this shit's not okay, and you overrode your nervous system for whatever reason, you continued to want to stay with this guy, and you trained your nervous system that you are also an abuser to yourself. It's going to take time to learn to trust yourself again. It's going to be a rough, fucking rocky road to learn to trust yourself again. It's just like trying to learn to trust somebody after they infidelity in a marriage. It's fucking rough to find that trust again. But people who want to make it work make it work. You have to learn to trust yourself again, and it's going to be a rough thing to train your body that you are safe for you. But you have to do things for yourself that are actually safe

34:21Speaker 3:for you, like setting boundaries and telling people know and coveting your self care. My God, one of the biggest things that my husband loves about me is the way that I care about my body.

34:31Speaker 1:Oh yes, and before you go on rocky road, thank you? You got a fucker.

34:43Speaker 2:I got nothing else to say. Do you want to add anything to that?

34:46Speaker 1:No? I want to say rocky road again?

34:51Speaker 2:What made you say that?

34:52Speaker 1:Goonies, You said rocky road. It could be a rocky road, and all I can see is sloth rocky road.

34:58Speaker 2:I didn't even hear myself say it. I was on the flow just.

35:01Speaker 1:Then here you go. Oh man, this.

35:08Speaker 2:Is getting a lot of my bad energy out.

35:10Speaker 1:Good. It's great for me.

35:13Speaker 2:I feel really angry. Am I being super angry?

35:15Speaker 1:Uh no, nope, this actually works for me really well too, because I did two episodes yesterday, so I get to just relax until I have to do my next one. So this is great.

35:27Speaker 2:Am I being intelligent?

35:28Speaker 1:Yes? There's been a couple of times Clip that. A lot of times people have been like, Clip that you're perfect Peach. I agree, she's perfect. You guys should feel her skin. It's great.

35:39Speaker 2:Assertive, not angry.

35:43Speaker 1:Good.

35:43Speaker 2:I think you're being stern but fair like a mother figure. All right.

35:47Speaker 3:I need to work on that too. Seeing the change and the kids in young Sheldon makes me fucking realize, my kids aren't gonna love me for My kids are gonna love me forever, but their hormones are going to be a fucking bitch. I remember what I was like during my teenage puberty, but I also remember what my childhood was like, so I think it was less of my hormones and more of my environment. And I'm just praying that that's a thing for our kids. Remember we are unicorns and fairies and rainbows. Don't set it on fire.

36:18Speaker 3:You can be mad, but don't hit me. Young Sheldon's so good. Now that he's a teenager, I'm not as into it. It was funny when he was cute and eight. Now he's thirteen and he looks like a man, and this is just Big Bang theory. I am enjoying the backstory of the family though. I looked at my husband, I was like, I was not expecting the show to get into all of this. Yeah, and it is. And it's it's more lore for Big Bang theory. It's fucking really show it is.

36:49Speaker 2:It's great.

36:54Speaker 3:I'm enjoying the plot line of Young Sheldon just as much as I'm enjoying House of the Dragon.

36:59Speaker 1:Yeah, it's funny.

37:00Speaker 3:Yep, all right, back into the email. By the time I left for good, I was so disconnected from myself. I didn't even trust my own thoughts. I question whether it was really abuse or if I was just the problem. That's the hardest part, how emotional abuse can leave you unsure of your own reality. I pray that you are able to learn a lot through this breakup. Because yes, emotional and psychological abuse can fuck with your reality, but it's because you gave your reality that person.

37:31Speaker 2:Y'all can miss me with that bullshit now.

37:33Speaker 3:Like me fifteen years ago, I would have fell for everything because I was so desperate for love and validation. I am my own wealth of everything now, So you better be a real special fucking person for me to want you around me, because I get.

37:46Speaker 2:Everything from me.

37:47Speaker 3:Now, you have to provide something really awesome for me to want you to be here.

37:52Speaker 2:I said this on an episode the other day.

37:54Speaker 3:There are some things that people will say to some person to one person, and I'll walk into the room and it's a completely different story.

38:00Speaker 2:I have a really good example.

38:01Speaker 3:I had a friend who was dating a dude, massive piece of shit. I could hear their arguments through the door, but the moment that that man was speaking to me totally fucking yes, ma'am, all of that kind of shit.

38:13Speaker 2:No, I would never do anything like that.

38:15Speaker 3:Like he was on his p's and q's when I was around, but when he was with her, he was a massive piece of shit because he knew he could get away with it.

38:21Speaker 1:Right.

38:22Speaker 3:Once you become a person of authority, I've heard this my whole life. I can walk into a room and I people just look at me. There is something about me that draws people to look at me, And now I am certain that it is my confidence, my self authority, my self power. I recognize how precious fire is for life, and I am protecting my fire until I die.

38:47Speaker 1:It's a good way to word that, because you do have to tend to a fire right. It's not something that you can just ignore. It does take constant effort and attention.

38:54Speaker 3:Thinking back in the days you would have to boil your water before drinking it. It's how you would heat your meat. That's how you would have warmth at night, light warmth, warmth during the cold, and light at night. Without fire, millions of people died. Yep, keep giving up your fire. You're gonna have absolutely nothing but ash.

39:12Speaker 1:Before you go back on the show that you guys are talking about is Stuart saves the universe.

39:17Speaker 3:Jinney in the chat said yes, thank you, Prometheus back into the email. That relationship wasn't an isolated wound. It was built on old ones. I grew up in a household where emotions were unsafe, where I learned to shrink myself just to survive. I never truly felt heard, protected, or validated the shape the kind of love that I thought I deserved, love that demanded more grace than it gave, that only saw me when I was useful or quiet.

39:43Speaker 1:My interrupt you for a second, guys, if this is something that is striking you as familiar, this is going to be a very big conversation for Patreon after this episode is done. If you guys, sign up to our Patreon and just go in there and search control Dramas, you'll find this video. And at the end of this episode, like the lie part of this, when she goes gets her hair done, I'm going to be reading a document about control dramas. And this document is going to get into everything that this young lady's going through with the life that she was living at home, and it explains a whole lot of energy and vying for power that happens between parents and children. And if you're not a member of Patreon, you're gonna miss that episode. Patreon dot com forward slash to be better And if you haven't yet liked the like the video, like comment, subscribe all that fun stuff. Everything that they tell you to do on YouTube. It helps.

40:30Speaker 2:I'm going to do my own control dramas.

40:32Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, I wanted to be a part of that process.

40:36Speaker 1:Well, I mean I thought you were going to. You told me this morning to just do it without you because it's a document.

40:40Speaker 3:So well, you have it all figured out. Like I wanted to be a part of the I just wanted to be a part of it.

40:46Speaker 1:My bad, It's okay. I created it and thought we were just going to sit down and go over it the way that we have been.

40:51Speaker 3:Back into the email. Yep, now I realize I didn't learn what love was. I learned what surviving around other people's chaos was a very good way to put that. I've been doing the work. I'm reconnecting with myself and especially my inner child, learning how to mother her the way no one else did. I'm setting boundaries, choosing peace over chaos and rebuilding myself worth brick by brick.

41:12Speaker 2:But it's not easy.

41:14Speaker 3:Sometimes the guilt, the triggers, or the urge to go back to what's familiar, creeps in, so I want to pause.

41:20Speaker 2:There.

41:20Speaker 3:There's a difference between guilt and shame. I feel guilty if my husband tells me something and I snap at him. I react versus I respond. I'm apologize for that because I feel bad. That's not who I want to be as a person. That's not who I want to be as a wife. Right If I leave somebody who was abusive to me and other people who don't know the full story are judging me for that, that's not guilt, that's shame. Shame comes from other people's opinions of how you should be conducted bide. Shame comes from other people's opinions on how you should be processing or conducting yourself through something that somebody told me that at one of my women's retreat and it blew my mind. Guilt derives from you doing you knowing you did something wrong. Shame is derived from other people telling you that you did something wrong.

42:06Speaker 2:Anything to add.

42:07Speaker 1:To that, Nope.

42:09Speaker 3:I'm also cautiously exploring dating again, but I find myself over analyzing everything, trying to make sure I'm not falling back into old traps. Some connections feel promising, but I still question what's real versus what's my trauma flaring up? I guess I love to hear your perspective on how to truly trust yourself again after emotional abuse. On navigating love when your blueprint for it has always been distorted. How do you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop?

42:32Speaker 3:How do you know what's real when your nervous system is used to survival mode. I'm also curious how do you rebuild a sense of safety in yourself when your past constantly tells you you're never safe. That's not your past telling you that you're never safe. That's your nervous system telling you that you have not been safe. If you're twenty one years old and you have never been safe, it's because you've been in positions in your life more than likely out of your control that's put you in unsafe positions. You're now an adult, and you get to choose where you want to be right as a woman, it's a whole fucking conversation about it. But as a woman, I will never go to Miami by myself, to a club at three o'clock in the morning and just accept drinks from anybody. I would never buy a drink at a club at three o'clock in the morning in Miami by myself. It is so easy for somebody to slip something into your drink knowing that there's a possibility of something happening to me.

43:21Speaker 2:I'm not gonna be anywhere near that shit.

43:23Speaker 3:You can now make choices to keep yourself as safe or unsafe as you want to be.

43:29Speaker 2:Anything to add to that, She.

43:31Speaker 1:Said a lot, And I didn't want to interrupt you because you kept going. But there was I don't remember what she said. There was there was something in there that triggered or thought, it's gone, It's okay.

43:41Speaker 2:Do you want me to read it back?

43:42Speaker 1:No?

43:44Speaker 2:Well, she asked us a bunch of questions. I'm gonna go back and read it anyway. I waited.

43:47Speaker 3:I thought you were gonna jump in, and when you didn't, I just kept going, Okay. How to truly trust yourself again after emotional abuse? On navigating love when your blueprint for it has always been distorted. You don't need to be figuring out love with another person right now. You need to be figuring out how to love yourself properly. You cannot ask somebody to love you and then tell them how to love you if you don't know what that looks like. When your blue print for love has been distorted, you need to burn that blueprint and start all over. We're getting out the rulers and the compasses and the pencils and the erasers, and when we are starting from scratch, and we are going to experience love our self firsthand and not by what other people tell us what it should be. Do not look at movies, Do not look at songs or TV shows or whatever the case may be. Fill in the blank for marketing love to you. Love will have it up and ups and downs. There will be frustrations and joys and hard conversations and amazing loving conversations. Just like there's a duality in life. For every person who's curing cancer, somebody is

44:46Speaker 3:getting murdered. And every relationship there is going to be astronomical, amazing moments, and there's going to be moments where Wow, that fucking hurt and I didn't think that you would do something like that.

44:56Speaker 2:It's all.

44:57Speaker 3:It's a beautiful thing in a relationship. When both people are dedicated to me, the relationship be peaceful. You can have conflict and still have peace.

45:05Speaker 1:Yeah, there's something to be said about somebody who's lived through abuse. Once you've gone through something like this, you can recognize the patterns as it's happening, and you can make different choices. You're going to go through things in life. That's just all there is to that shit. And what you do with the information and the data that you've gained by going through those things is going to determine the future of your existence. And if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

45:28Speaker 1:If you don't want to be abused and you find somebody new and you start to see those patterns, get the fuck out of there and then go, Okay, what am I doing here? What was the catalyst that made me pick somebody that did the exact same thing that I went through before? Because once is a misnomer, like it happens second, third time, it's a pattern. Now you have even more data, Like you are picking fucked up people? What does that say about you? Right? You were the common denominator in the situation because you were the person when that was with the two or three people that were fucked up. So you have work to do, Like it's just I don't know. You guys can look at these as failures or you can look at them as life lessons. And that's how I view this situation. Every fucked up relationship you ever have is one more building block into the foundation of the way that you want to live your life.

46:17Speaker 3:The next question is how do you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

46:21Speaker 1:I'm not gonna live in fear. I don't fucking need anyone. And that's a toxic trait because I fucking know I don't need anyone. I know that no matter what happens in my life, I'm gonna be all right having somebody in my life because I want them there, and having somebody in my life because I need them. There are two different things. One of them gives me power and the other takes it away. When you need someone, you give up your power to their whims, to air all of their once, all of their frustrations, all of their traumas or their triggers, they're ugly whatever. When you want somebody there and they mistreat you, there's a difference because you don't need them. I want you here, but I don't want to be treated this way either. So you're either going to act accordingly or you can't be in my life anymore. Sorry. The relationships run its course like there's nothing wrong with that.

47:10Speaker 3:This so that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is your nervous system frenzied out. The alarms are blown, the sprinklers are going like they're mass chaos within your body. Right now, there needs to be an acknowledgment that there is not another shoe, right, but there is always going to be another shoe, and that that's the breathing of life. For every inhale, there's an exhale. There is always going to be some type of disruption in life. And once you move away from it being people, right, the only other shoe dropping in our life is fucking RV need something, or we have to change a tire, or suddenly the AC's out at the tattoo shop. Those are the other shoes for us. It's not chaotic people anymore.

47:54Speaker 3:Life will always find a way to inconvenience you, but you get to decide if it's the people or not. You also have to acknowledge that, like I said, there's not another shoe. If you have left this person shoes gone, you are now cultivating your own life. And if you are creating a peaceful life for yourself, right, you have a routine, you are taking care of your body, you're brushing your teeth, you're exercising, you have hobbies, you're working, going to school, whatever the case may be. You have a routine that your body can rely on, and you are not providing other shoes to drop. Your nervous system will acclimate to this new homeostasis of your life, and you have to acknowledge that there wasn't another shoe. So if you go to bed tonight and you wake up tomorrow morning and there was not a massive inconvenience like right, maybe you stubbed your toe or you had to use a different card at the store because you had to call your bank, acknowledge that yesterday was a good day, and you may be inconvenience today, but if you're not being abused, you're not fill in the blank for whatever the other shoe fear is, today was a good day.

48:57Speaker 3:Affirming that to your nervous system will help ease you out of that survival mode. The next question is, how do you know what's real when your nervous system is used to survival mode.

49:08Speaker 1:I don't have anything on that one. Okay, that nervous system shit is your forte, not mine. I understand the nervous system I don't understand it to the same degree you do. I believe that our nervous system is developed at by seven years old, and all the behavioral traits that we learned as a child at that point become cemented. But I don't believe that it's forever. I believe that you can learn new behavioral patterns and new personality traits that's going to get you through things. And if you think that this is a problem, you have work to do. Yeah, how you do that is going to be dependent on the things that are going on in your life. I don't know enough about this email or other than what she's putting this email about a previous relationship to even begin to touch on her nervous system. So I got nothing on that one.

49:50Speaker 3:We've all seen videos of somebody hitting, like turning on the radio on the car starts honking, or they hit the brake and the radio turns on. There's a miswiring in your nervous system right now. This is not going to be a fast process, and this is not going to be a smooth process. Your nervous system is miswired and it's backwards. So it may believe I'm not gonna say it does because I don't know your living situation right now. Your nervous system could believe that safe things like being able to be open and honest with your partner, or having hard conversations without escalating into massive arguments or fights, setting boundaries or telling somebody no right, those safe activities are no longer safe because you've been abused for doing those things. The first things that are coming to my mind are, you have to start You have to start doing tiny trust falls right, scratch that. First, you have to identify what you're fucking okay with. You now know what you are not okay with. So what is the opposite of somebody gaslighting you about your emotions as somebody who I hear that you're upset right now. I didn't

50:58Speaker 3:mean to do that thing that hurt you. I'm sorry for the way that that I behaved. Going forward, I'm going to change my actions and if I do it again, please let me know, check me in the moment so I know what's going on. So identifying what is actually safe for your nervous system, and then you have to train not just your nervous system, you have to train your mind. So thoughts of example, all men are pieces of shit. All men will abuse me.

51:25Speaker 2:Those are scary thoughts.

51:27Speaker 3:Thoughts that you can't leave your house and be at a gas station full of men because all of those men want to fucking hurt you.

51:32Speaker 2:Will further fuck up your nervous system.

51:35Speaker 3:You have to check yourself in moments of that's a dangerous thing or that's not a safe thing, right, and you have to test the waters. So I don't know, go to your mom and your mom asks you this Saturday, so and so is coming over. And I wasn't expecting it. Now my life is a mess and I need you to come over and help me. But Saturday, you had plans because it's your only day off in the last three thirteen days, to take a bath, read a book, and make some pizza rules. But you're scared if you tell your mom no, and she knows that you have Saturday off because you've been talking about it the last ten days, if you say no to your mom, it's gonna be a massive fucking conflict. So in word, your nervous system is telling you that you are burnt out.

52:20Speaker 3:You need a break, You need time for yourself. You have to allocate your energy for you and if you ignore that right and you say yes to your mom, for every yes, there's a no.

52:32Speaker 2:For every no, there's a yes.

52:33Speaker 3:So instead of telling your mom no, you told your nervous system no, which in turn you told yourself no, which is going to further tell you your nervous system that it can't trust you. You're gonna have to do some scary shit like tell people no or set boundaries of I'm not comfortable with that, and then uphold it. Those little trust falls will teach your nervous system. You will be teaching your nervous system is what is not safe and what is safe? And you deem what is and what's not For the last five and nuts half years, you deem the things that this man was doing to you is safe. And you have to rewire that. Like I said, I lost my train of thought.

53:11Speaker 2:It's gone. Do you have anything to add to that.

53:13Speaker 1:Nope.

53:15Speaker 3:Thank you for holding space for people like me. Whether you read this or not, writing it is a step forward towards freedom for me, and I am.

53:21Speaker 2:Proud of that. I believe that you should be proud of that.

53:24Speaker 1:Even if you guys don't send the emails, you should write them. Get a lot out. It's no different than journaling. They tell you when you're anger, write the email and delete it.

53:31Speaker 2:Yeah, write the letter and burn it.

53:34Speaker 1:Yep. My only thing with this email or is that you're twenty one years old, so young, and I know that, Like I know at eighteen nineteen, twenty twenty one, y'all don't want to hear you're young. You think you're fucking grown.

53:45Speaker 2:I didn't want to hear it.

53:46Speaker 1:I still don't want to hear that shit. I'm forty five now and I don't want people telling me nothing. Yeah, but I've been like that my whole fucking life. Unless I respect somebody, I have a really hard time taking their advice. It's just all there is too that And I've been that way my entire life because I've been on my own since I was thirteen. I've had to figure the shit out on my own. You at twenty one years old, you're ignorant to life. You haven't gone through a lot of hardship. Shit. You know, you might go through a heartbreak, but like the reality of you being evicted, being fired from your career, not a job, but a career like that, you don't know yet, Like you have a whole lot of this is just part of the process. This is part of growing up. This is these are going to be the life lessons that's going to get you to where you want to go.

54:34Speaker 1:But you have to actually go through them. You can't just side skirt it and hope for the best. There are people out there who get lucky that marry their high school sweethearts and actually have great relationships, but that's less than a half of a percent of people. Like when you think about it, that is a very very very very small percentage of people that can actually say that they did some shit like that.

54:54Speaker 2:I'll do another email.

54:56Speaker 1:Do you have time?

54:57Speaker 2:I have to leave at.

54:58Speaker 1:Eleven ten o'clock. I mean you we can do it a short one if you want, Jenny says, I think you should leave it here. This was a good episode.

55:05Speaker 2:I'm okay with that.

55:07Speaker 1:So do you have anything else that you want to add before we wrap up?

55:11Speaker 3:As a young woman who has failed in her childhood, I got myself into some pretty fucked up situations because I didn't know any better, and as a kid, I was just crave in love and to be seen. I was not only failed by the people within my household or by the extended family. I was failed by the people I would try to go to in school, I was failed by the women teachers I would try to talk to. There is a level of that's not my problem that we have in society that fucking fails our kids.

55:48Speaker 3:I believe we, as women, we are meant to heal humanity. I believe men are meant to do that too, in a different way. But as women we are we give birth. We are poor from the heavens. If we shut ourselves off because people have hurt us, or fuck all men, or trust no bitch, whatever the case may be, we continue to feed into everything we went through. So if you have young girls in your life, or you're working in a feel that you have access to children, just be mindful. Be mindful of the way that you talk to them, Be mindful of the way you conduct yourself, be mindful of the expectations you lay out. And if you see a young girl hurting, fucking pay attention to her.

56:38Speaker 3:We don't need to hear that there's a boy out there, or there's fish in the sea, or there's a knight in shining armor who will come and save us. Right, we need to hear that we as women are fucking powerful and that we are capable of keeping ourselves.

56:50Speaker 2:Okay, I grew up in a world where women.

56:54Speaker 3:Hated men because they believe that they had something to prove. Because of that anger and aggression, I lost all of the opportunities to gain emotional intelligence because they were just so angry. Let's be better as women, and that's my final thought.

57:13Speaker 1:And with that being said, guys, remember you were the author of your own life. So grab a pen and we will see you on the next one.

57:19Speaker 2:By guys,