Its over. Now what?

0:01Speaker 1:Look up, We've come all the things we do it on the bottom all, Oh wow, is you you're my favorite view? But that's nothing and we are back.

0:24Speaker 2:Welcome back, bumble bitches. Uh.

0:27Speaker 1:We are doing Friday content tonight. Today.

0:29Speaker 3:We posted into the discord and asked some topics for Friday content and what they would like to see, and some of the things that we got were they would like to see the I versus you statement revisited, which I definitely think that we should do, but I want to prepare for that. I think that we should like try to come up with scenarios where it's really hard to find the I statement and then try to like navigate that now. Yeah, yeah, And I think that that would do really well. The some of the other things that came up was co parent which I really would like to revise the co parenting episode. A lot of things have changed in our lives with the co parenting situation since the first episode, and it's become it's it's very different and very difficult for people when you have animosity between households, and like, I think that would be a good discussion to have. Something else that came up, which is what we decided to do tonight is the healing after a breakup and when do I know if I'm ready to start dating again.

1:29Speaker 1:I think that's a great discussion.

1:30Speaker 3:I think that there's a lot of people that have listened to our podcast that realized that they were this way for toical drinking. I don't know if you guys could hear her drinking, but just in case, I do too. So there's been a lot of people in our community and a lot of people that I believe have listened to the podcast that realized that they were in a shitty situation that they need to be in, whether it was in compatibility or abusive, or maybe the relationship just ran its course and they weren't happy anymore and they've moved on. And I know that there's some single people in the discord, and I know that, you know, obviously we hear people all the time. I'm like, hey, I left my ex he was abusive or she was crazy, and I'm now single and working on me. I personally, we personally know somebody recently that is filed for divorce and is going through it, and I think that this might help them too. So I have to find the document though, because I was in here earlier doing voice of the Broken content, right, and I just put put together some things and hopefully we can just make this like a talking thing. Guys, if you haven't yet, make

2:28Speaker 3:sure that you like the video. If you're new here, subscribed to the channel, and please share the content. It really helps us do what we're doing. And if you find value in this, leave a comment on the video telling us what it was that stood out to you, so that we can get some sort of feedback from you. So the question is when should I date again? When I think the better question is is who am I bringing into the next relationship? And I don't mean that in like, who am I finding to bring into that relationship?

2:53Speaker 3:I mean what am I? Who am I bringing into that next relationship? Most of you don't know yourself. Let's say you spent five years in a relationship. Two of it was married, three of it was courting, dating, whatever. Right, during that five years, you become very enmeshed with another human being. The things that they like are things that you originally tolerated that you then overlooked and just became a thing. And it's a normal part of your life.

3:19Speaker 3:So maybe all of the TV shows I control the remote, right I do, And there's shit that she'll want to watch, and sometimes I'll sit down and watch shows with her. But for the most part, I just kind of control the TV. And when I get feedback, what do you want to watch? You know, you in fire country tonight, Sheriff country. You want to watch some dune ranch? Like what we are we doing? The mob shit right right? We want drug dealing TV shows tonight? Like what are we doing? So we have a discussion, but we for the most part, I do kind of pick what's on.

3:46Speaker 3:I've been watching a lot of The Last Ship lately. That's been my thing. But knowing that I handle the television the way that I do, in the event that I wasn't around here anymore, you would have a whole lot of shows to catch up on because you would be in control of the remote again. So you guys realize that you are not engaging in entertainment for yourself. You're doing it as a cohesive household where you're trying to make sure that everything is copesthetic.

4:13Speaker 2:Woh good word.

4:14Speaker 3:We're not trying to have You're trying to keep the peace in the household. You're trying to make sure that everybody is on an even keel, so you don't live for you anymore. You might be able to read the audio books that you want to read, but even if you're in the car with your loved one and if your radio is on, you're listening to things that are mutually agreeable. When we're in the car together, I turn my audio book off unless I'm starting a new one that we get to listen to together, because if we're starting on chapter thirteen of a sixteen chapter book, I'm not going to recap the last thirteen chapters in this one hour drive so that I can listen to fifteen minutes of book right like. It just doesn't work that.

4:50Speaker 2:Way, which is something I would ask you to do.

4:52Speaker 3:I know you would, and for on a seven hour drive, I would gladly recap that book because I could give you the bullet points and we can move on. I can finish that book and then we can start another one. But just driving around our hour and a half, it's just not viable. So we get to a point where we forget who we are.

5:08Speaker 1:Right.

5:08Speaker 3:The whole point of all of that is we begin living for another person and we lose our own identity, and I do believe that independence and relationships. Doing the hobbies and the things that you like is important to maintain a healthy dynamic between two people. It also gives you things to talk about, right, Like, when you get super into whatever you're super into, if I'm not super into that, and we have conversations about our hobbies, those are life conversations that we would have otherwise never had.

5:36Speaker 3:And if we can get each other involved in each other's hobbies, that's a super dope thing as well, right, anything before I move on? Okay, guys, we do record these episodes live in front of our Patreon audience. If you are not a member of our Patreon or a Discord, I highly recommend that you go check it out Patreon, dot com, forward slash to be better. We have multiple tiers men and women's mentorship programs over there. Discord with over one thousand people in it that have everything from home studying to homeschooling, to religion and everything. Like, we got a discord that has chats for fucking everything. Our being is even in there, And if you guys want to go and check out that community, become a part of it, and become part of the to be better tribe.

6:14Speaker 1:It's a great time to do it, all right.

6:16Speaker 3:So when people ask how long should I go before I start dating again, there's no such thing as a said amount of time.

6:24Speaker 1:You could have been somebody who was with you could have been with.

6:27Speaker 3:An actual narcissist, not what the Internet calls a narcissist, but like a true narcissist. You could have been abused, You could have been There's so many things that could have happened in your relationship that just made you not okay, and it could take you a whole lot longer to recover from that than someone who has. So the question is not the time that matters, it's the amount of healing that you have done since then, right, One person can be ready in three months because they've done the work, and another can still be carrying their ex into every new relationship they have over the next five years.

7:00Speaker 2:Keep picking up the scab, it'll never.

7:01Speaker 1:Hear it's true. That's true, and go ahead.

7:04Speaker 2:I also want to relate this to write.

7:08Speaker 4:A first degree burn from me cooking is gonna heal a whole lot different from somebody who suffered third degree burns on eighty percent of their body.

7:15Speaker 3:First that I think needs to happen, as you need to grieve before you replace. So many of us, you guys, get into them long relationships five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, and now you're sitting alone at night, staring at the fucking ceiling with a cold bed next to you. And this isn't just for breakups. This could be a death thing too, write and your life has been shattered. All of that normal shit that you've done for you know, however long it's been, has your normal. Now there's a whole lot of oh god, I'm alone. And people don't do well with that shit, so they start looking to feel voids phil to fill voids versus working to heal before trying to bring somebody else in. And then they wonder why they find themselves and loops and repetitive patterns.

8:03Speaker 3:Too many people confuse distraction with healing. It's way easier to distract than it is to do the work. They jump into another relationship because they don't want to be alone. The problem is that loneliness doesn't disappear because someone knew is texting you. That's a distraction, You guys, need me to read that to you again. The problem is that loneliness doesn't disappear because someone knew is texting you. Distractions are a thing.

8:28Speaker 4:Yeah, it is a How do I want to phrase this? So many thoughts going at once. I feel like I have four different colored trains and I need to pick which one I want to You're texting them because of the loneliness, or you could be right. I'm not going to speak in definitives. You could be texting them because of the lonliness. Speaking from my own experience, I've spoken on this before. I could text anywhere between ten and twenty people at once, having multiple conversations going, and that's all I would do. I would work, I didn't have the kids. I would be on my couch just texting people.

9:02Speaker 4:And it's because I was uncomfortable sitting with myself. Once you get to a level of I accept and love me, the people that you communicate with, or the people that you're texting, or whatever the case may be, becomes an enhancement to your life.

9:16Speaker 2:It's not filling a void.

9:18Speaker 1:That was one train. Yeah, you want to hit the other three? Are you good?

9:22Speaker 2:Oh?

9:22Speaker 4:No?

9:22Speaker 2:I said goodbye to them.

9:23Speaker 3:Okay, Yeah, So here's the way this works, right And some of you are doing this in your marriage.

9:29Speaker 1:You're laying there waiting.

9:30Speaker 3:On that secret message to come through so that you can get a little bit of a dopamine, because the person on the other end is showing you more attention than the person that you said.

9:38Speaker 1:I do to right.

9:40Speaker 3:So here you are waiting for that text message to get a little bit of a dopamine. Hit your loneli as fuck. You get a little bit of distraction, ten fifteen, twenty minutes, you are bread crumbing another individual, giving them just enough to continue to get them to feed that need of I'm alone and desperate right now, and you are bringing another human being into your fucked up world because you haven't done the work to learn to sit alone and love yourself enough. Because when you love yourself, being alone by yourself is great. I love being by myself because I love me like I can do all kinds of fun shit alone. I can go to the gym, I can read a book, I can listen to music sing, I can dance in the kitchen and no one's gonna know. Like, there's all kinds of fun shit that you can do by yourself. But you have to enjoy being with yourself ye.

10:26Speaker 3:For that to be a thing, you have to like who you are. Yeah, And you are bringing somebody into your unresolved pain, right, and you were going to meet people that are much further along in their healing journeys than you are. And when you do that, you are effectively harming another person. And at the time, you may not realize you're doing it, and I'm sure they don't either, because there's a dopamine that's happening right now. But when things fall apart, and they inevitably will. You knew this was coming because you didn't take the time in between to work on You.

11:00Speaker 2:Repeat that one more time. The hurting each other, You were using each other.

11:05Speaker 3:However, you will inevitably hurt each other because you're chasing dopamine hits and you're not. You haven't done enough work on yourself to truly make something like this work.

11:13Speaker 2:I got it. So the dopamine hits.

11:16Speaker 4:We've heard this a lot, right, And I've even experienced this with my borderline when I was younger.

11:21Speaker 2:After a year, two years, I don't know how they became this person X y Z, whatever the case may be.

11:28Speaker 4:Those dopamine hits can feed into a fantasy or illusion that you're building this person up to who will fail the expectations that you're placing onto them.

11:38Speaker 2:Can't live from dopamine.

11:39Speaker 1:Hits, you know.

11:41Speaker 3:And that's why the honeymoon phase exists for a lot of people. Yeah, it's because they're chasing things and they're refusing to see the red flags in the courting phase of things. It's also because people don't take the time to really learn each other.

11:52Speaker 1:Guys.

11:52Speaker 3:We have a courting questionnaire on our website. It's free if you if you're in a new relationship, if you've been in somebody less than two years, even if you're in a relationship for less than two years, you should download the courting questionnaire and actually ask the questions. You'd be surprised at the honest conversations that come about when you're not afraid to ask a question, and it could really show you very early on, especially if you're only courting or trying to get to know somebody, how compatible you are with someone, and do it. If you can do it before you have sex with them, that's even better because there's no you know, physical attachment at that point.

12:25Speaker 1:Yes, the next thing is learning the difference.

12:27Speaker 4:Where you continue on, okay, touching on before having intercourse quitus.

12:34Speaker 2:I'm becoming Sheldon. I like that. I like that word so much more.

12:38Speaker 4:There's a there's an energy exchange there, right, And if you go, oh, well, no, there's not, there's nothing many name near near Those butterflies you feel in your stomach when you think somebody is attractive and they actually approach you, that's that physical energy feeling.

12:54Speaker 2:Why are you smirking.

12:57Speaker 3:Because those butterflies you feel in your stomach, I'm just thinking with my digs, I couldn't resist that.

13:13Speaker 2:Oh you're such a delight in my Life's funny? What was I talking to?

13:17Speaker 1:Butterflies in your stomach?

13:19Speaker 4:The energy exchange, right, and then like you finally kiss that person for the first time, and there's that spike of energy. That's an energy exchange first time that they touch you. The kind of emotional and subconscious tie that comes from that massive dopamine and oxytocin.

13:39Speaker 2:Release in the brain.

13:41Speaker 1:Yep, yep.

13:43Speaker 4:You may not consciously begin to depend on this person, but emotionally, your nervous system recognizes this person as someone who can keep me safe just from that one super intense interaction with each other and you don't even have a life together yet.

13:56Speaker 2:It's a lot.

13:58Speaker 3:They've actually done studies, and I know you know this, but for those who are new here, they've actually done studies that say that the way that the men's oxytocin brain works after orgasm is that we need physical contact with the thing that made us come so that our brain will recket register I tsk that's where it came from. So if you come and go and you're driving home listening to music and you're on your phone, your brain doesn't know what's happening right now. It's trying to figure out where that oxytocin and the dopamine it came from.

14:26Speaker 3:It's important that you guys have aftercare or sexy time cuddles. That that shit matters like it needs to happen relatively quick. So and again there's been studies. You guys can google that shit if you want to. I'm not just talking out of my ass anything else.

14:41Speaker 1:Okay.

14:43Speaker 3:The second is learning the difference between missing your ex and missing companionship still kind of falls into being alone, but there is a difference. Many people don't actually miss the person, they miss having someone to eat dinner with someone that they can text god warning to someone that they can share life with. And if you're honest about which one of those you're grieving, you will actually start to make healthier decisions. Your partner, your husband or wife, should be your best friend. You should have other relationships with friendships and ship, but your wife or your husband should be your best friend. And if you've built a good life together, all of the things that you do, you should be doing with your partner. When you no longer have a partner and you no longer have that life that you've built, you find yourself really fucking lonely.

15:32Speaker 3:Because other people have relationships with their best friend, and if they're single, they're hunting for their thing. They're trying to find the person that's going to fill the void that in their life that you are currently experiencing in yours. There's a whole lot of oh God, what do I do now? Right? So it's not that you miss the person, it's that you miss being able to do all the things that you once did with them, and you find yourself feeling even more alone because of it.

15:58Speaker 1:Anything on that one, no, all, right.

16:00Speaker 3:Another thing is to stop romanticizing the relationship. Our brains are wired to remember the highlights. Everyone will remember all of the good times. You'll remember the bad too when somebody wants to bring up some negative shit. But for the most part, when you think about your past, you tend to lean positive polarity in your thinking. So after a breakup, we replay the vacations, the laughs, the intimacy, but conveniently forget the arguments, the disrespect, loneliness, the incompatibilities.

16:29Speaker 3:And if you find yourself putting your X on a pedestal, you need to make a list of reasons why the relationship ended and put it somewhere where you can see it. It's really easy when you're not hurting to let that shit go. So when you guys are going through the rough spots, when you're laying in bed at night crying about what was going on, and you're really thinking about all the horrible things they did, journal about it. Cement that shit in your memory. And this isn't about demonizing your person or your ex. This is about establishing pattern recognition for yourself so that you don't repeat these things in the future and that you you can realize that maybe you were incompatible with that person. It's just and that's okay. So another thing that you should do is ask yourself, are you trying to choose or trying to be chosen? And I think that matters too. Right, there's a whole lot of some of you are are so broken that you're willing to accept anything that comes along.

17:29Speaker 3:And that could be a loneliness thing, it could be a self worth thing. It could be that the last person you were with told you for decades that you're never going to be good enough and no one will ever love you like I do in all of that fucking psychological warfare, and somewhere along the lines, you believed it.

17:45Speaker 1:Right.

17:45Speaker 3:You obviously believe that to some degree because you heard it so much. Some part of you believes that it's lowercase true, lowercase te true, real shit.

17:56Speaker 2:Am I about to say this with my full chest? I don't know.

17:59Speaker 4:I'm gonna say it and then see how I feel about it. Maybe I'm a Maybe I'm gonna say it with a shoulder. I'm a full chest right. I think that people who derive their sense of control in life from degrading other people are lower intelligent forms.

18:17Speaker 3:I agree lower Yeah, I'm gonna say it with my chest. It's a superiority complex. It's the people in life who have never won at anything looking for somebody that they perceive as a weaker version that they can bully and pick on because it's the only time in their life that they can feel superior to somebody else. Because people that do that shit only do it to people that can't defend themselves.

18:42Speaker 4:You know.

18:42Speaker 3:It's like men who only beat on women, right, it's the same concept there. There is a whole lot of little boy energy in that. Like, you know, real shit.

18:55Speaker 4:I have experienced weak men who would intimidate weaker women and then the moment I show up, they cower down. Oh well that's not how I meant it. She took it super personal. Na say that shit that you said to her to me and see how that goes.

19:14Speaker 1:Yeah.

19:14Speaker 3:I have actually seen men's energy change when you've come into a room too.

19:18Speaker 2:Really.

19:18Speaker 3:Yeah, before even before we dated. Yeah, like there there was a lot of people are fake. Everybody had well it's the three masks. Yeah, everybody has a way that they want to be viewed, you know. But you can tell when somebody is not going to tolerate your bullshit and you act accordingly. You know, so again you should ask if you're trying to choose or be chosen. Someone desperate to date again is usually seeking validation. They're asking will someone want me? Someone further into their healing journey is going to ask, is this someone who aligns with my values, goals and the life that I'm building? And that is a massive fucking difference in mindset. You can you can be looking for mister Wright or mister right now.

20:00Speaker 3:They're not the same fucking person. Yeah, anything on that Nope?

20:05Speaker 1:Okay.

20:06Speaker 3:Breakups often leave people asking who am I now? Spoke about this earlier in the episode. They built routines, friendships, hobbies, even their future around another person before dating again. Rebuild yourself, rediscover what makes you laugh, find hobbies, strengthen your friendships, and create a life that is worth inviting someone into instead of needing someone to create your life for you. Too many of you are looking for somebody to be mister or fix it. Not everybody that's in your life needs to be Bob the Builder. Anything on that one, Nope?

20:40Speaker 1:All right. The next one is accountability.

20:43Speaker 3:Every breakup has lessons, even if one person was clearly more responsible, Ask yourself. What did I contribute? Maybe you ignored our flags, you avoided conflict, maybe you over gave. Maybe you became controlling, distant, anxious, or complacent. If you don't identify your patterns, you will repeat the with someone new. As Adler would say. For those of you who don't know, I'm a big fan of ad leering psychology. Adler says, our private logic follows us until we challenge it. So if you guys have not read The Courage to Be Disliked, I recommend that you do. But you should read choice theory first. And I have a quote from choice theory here as well, and it's that choice theory teaches us that we can only control ourselves. So read Choice Theory, doctor William Glasser, and then read The Courage to Be Disliked.

21:27Speaker 3:It's got a red paint circle on the cover. It's written by somebody with a Japanese name that I'm not going to attempt to say good books got.

21:37Speaker 4:I had something. I'm still really hung up on. The hung up on the lower intelligent life forms who derive their sense of self worth and control from putting down other people or even like abusing them. Right, And I just keep thinking like that's little baby, bitch boyshit, I'm trying super hard to pay attention on form thoughts. Binkie no, binkie baby, I know, and I know a temper tantrum when I see one.

22:03Speaker 3:Yeah, all right, So for those of you who are not watching this live, you can pause this at the end of the ease and write these down if you want to. I have some journal prompts that I would like you to finish the sentences on, and they're easy. I know I'm not ready because and then finish the sentence. The next one is I'll know I'm ready when, and then finish the sentence. One after that is the biggest lesson my last relationship taught me was and then finish the sentence. And then finally, I refuse to ignore this red flag again, and then finish the sentence. The answers from those questions are going to reveal a lot about your mind state, about the previous conditions of your relationships, the things that you tolerated and shouldn't, And ultimately it's going to let you know if you really truly believe you're ready or if you're just trying to fill avoid in your life.

22:57Speaker 4:God one of the because I have borderline. At one point, I was super unhealed with my borderline. And there is nothing more like gut wrenching and soul fragmenting than recognizing that I have used somebody to fill voids in me, and now I have to break their heart because I don't want to be with them. So now I have to decide am I going to end this now? Or am I going to continue to pretend to be in this relationship with somebody because I don't want to hurt their.

23:25Speaker 1:Feelings all because you were chasing dopamine, all.

23:28Speaker 2:Because I was chasing dopamine.

23:29Speaker 4:Yeah, that was one of those things that I really had to come to terms with with the Hellian blaze that I created, had to come to terms with the way that I affected and even traumatized other people, hurt other people, tore down other people.

23:46Speaker 3:It was a lot and a lot of it comes from you not being okay with being you. Ye okay, I hated myself, right, and that's there's an honesty in that, and real shit, there's nothing wrong with admitting that.

23:57Speaker 1:If you can't admit that, how the fuck are you going to fix it? Right?

24:00Speaker 3:Yeah, there are also some signs someone else probably isn't ready to date yet. So if you are in the courting phase and you're talking to somebody and maybe you're wondering if they're healed, these are some things that you can look for. If they're still checking their excess social media. If you go to dinner and that's all they talk about, why X did this and I saw today that they're dating someone new and it's ruining my day and blah blah blah blah blah. They're not mentally over that situation yet they're still holding onto strings. And in the event that you try and maybe say you really like this person and you're trying to do the thing, what happens if this person comes back and apologizes, there's a real possibility that they're going to fucking dip out because they still have love for this person and you're the new thing that's that's filling that void of silence, loneliness, and dopamine while they're trying to recover their life. If they're dating hoping to make their ex jealous.

24:54Speaker 4:Ooh yep, you ew it's bathroom sticky ass shit.

25:00Speaker 3:People be like, well, how would you know that? Well, when you go out to a friend event and they have a different personality because their ex is there.

25:09Speaker 2:Or they're more flirty and touchy with you in front of the ex.

25:11Speaker 1:Exactly exactly what I was getting at.

25:14Speaker 3:If every conversation somehow comes back to their ex, if they need constant validation to feel.

25:21Speaker 1:Worthy anything, Um, are you done?

25:24Speaker 2:What that?

25:25Speaker 4:No?

25:25Speaker 1:There's more, but you look at you're gonna say something?

25:27Speaker 2:No.

25:28Speaker 1:Right.

25:28Speaker 3:The next one is if you're if they're looking for someone to rescue them from their loneliness. This is what are you doing? I'm bored. If you get those text messages all the time, you're a gap filler. If you get a text message, Hey, how's your day going? I miss you, that's a very different conversation.

25:44Speaker 1:Excuse me. Then I'm bored, right right.

25:47Speaker 3:That's exactly what that is. That's exactly what that is. Do something court jester, right, yep, dance monkey, Yeah. And then the last one is if they're comparing every new person to the old one. You find this out in the courting phase by the way that they talk. I don't believe that those are any those are signs of readiness. I believe that those are signs that healing is underweight or maybe not even started yet. Those are definitely red flags.

26:12Speaker 1:To mem HM.

26:14Speaker 3:And then on the flip side, signs of readiness do look different.

26:17Speaker 4:So before you move on, I would add on to that list of not readiness from another person is if they sit down with you and they go, my ex is my best friend, I would I would stay as far away from that as possible.

26:31Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not. I want nothing to do with that.

26:33Speaker 3:And that's not even an insecurity thing, like honestly it's not.

26:37Speaker 1:It's I'm not doing that.

26:38Speaker 3:I'm not going to die or compete for somebody else's attention with you, right, especially somebody that you once were fucking, Because I'm never going to trust that you guys aren't having sex, Like why would I trust that because you say that it didn't work out, Like you guys are hanging out together on a Saturday night, going to the bar and hanging out until too in the morning, drinking together.

26:58Speaker 1:No fuck that?

26:59Speaker 3:Like yeah, right, no, absolutely fucking not. Absolutely not. So on the flip side, signs of readiness do look different. They look like you've accepted that the relationship is over, that you can think about your ex without an intense emotional swing if you find yourself going, fuck that bitch, Oh my god, I miss her. Right, it's not you're not there yet. Like, that's a very big fucking indicator that you're not emotionally on an even keel. You have built a fulfilling life on your own. You're no longer looking for somebody to come in and fix what you've broken.

27:35Speaker 3:You want somebody that can add to the joy of your life that you have already built. Right, I don't need somebody that's gonna come in here and take I don't need somebody to come in here and try to fix. I've got my paradise and it's peaceful, and I want to experience this with somebody that's not gonna fuck this up.

27:53Speaker 1:That's the difference.

27:54Speaker 3:You're genuinely excited to get to know someone new instead of trying to replace someone old. You know your boundaries and your non negotiables, and I'm gonna get going to come back to that. If I forget to come back to that chat, I need you to remind me to come back to the boundaries and non negotiables. The next one is you'd be okay if dating takes a while because your happiness is not dependent on finding someone new. I also think that it's worth addressing the fear of being alone, because so many people stay in unhealthy relationships simply because they're afraid of not having somebody around them all the time. They end up finding themselves in unhealthy relationships, rushing into new ones, all because solitude is unbearable. But being alone isn't the same as being lonely. Learning to enjoy your own company is one of the strongest strongest predictors of choosing healthier partners. When you're comfortable by yourself, you're much less likely to tolerate disrespect just to avoid an empty house.

28:52Speaker 1:Yeah.

28:52Speaker 3:So to summarize, guys, I mean the gist of this is the goal is to find somebody that is going to be to enhance the joy of your life. And it's not about being quick. It's about quality over quantity, right, And and I do remember that I want to get into the boundaries and the non negotiables because I'm done with the document and there's a whole lot of things that we need to cover with that. You, guys, I'm a big proponent of lists. I think that you should have your division of labor written out so that there can never be I didn't know that was my job, and I think that it should be updated. I think that your division of labor really should be included in the check ins on like a bi monthly basis, every other month by monthly, so that in the event that work schedules have changed, kids got therapy and football now, and like there's two or three nights a week that one of the parents is at home and like they're becoming overwhelmed. You should be talking about division of labor and finances regularly. Finances should be a weekly thing. So I am a big proponent.

29:53Speaker 1:Of of lists.

29:55Speaker 3:You should the division of labor, pink jobs, blue jobs. Oh, another thing somebody would like us to do is revisit traditional values. Okay, so that would be another episode Danish. If you could put that in the document, that would be great. Having those lists. Looks like I won't date somebody who plays video games. Every time we make a video game clip, the gamers come out of the woodworks and fucking shit all over us. The truth of the matter is is if you find if you're a gamer, and you find somebody that doesn't want to be with a gamer, and you start dating them and they bitch and complain about you gaming, and like how fucking miserable they are because you don't spend time with them. You did that to yourself, Yeah, both of you did so.

30:40Speaker 3:Like of, I don't want somebody that's going to play games more than one or two nights a week. I don't want somebody that's addicted to their phone. If that's one of your non negotiables and you go to dinner and they pick up their phone four times in an hour, unless they've got a babysitter watching their kids and it's their fucking babysitter calling, there's no reason for the phone to get picked up. And pro tip, if you guys are going out on a date, put your phones in the middle of the table upside down, and whoever picks their phone up has to pay the bill. First person touched their phone pays. That's a great way to make sure that nobody's on their fucking shit. And then obviously, if you guys make it throughout the date and nobody picks their phone up, then the men should pick up the tab. But that would be Yeah, I think I do think that men should still pay for dinner. The more you understand yourself, the easier it's going to be to understand the things that you're not going to tolerate.

31:30Speaker 3:Those lists look like my ex played video games for six days a week from four point thirty the moment he got home until the moment we went to bed, and we didn't have sex for seven months. I don't want that in my life again. I don't want a gamer. I don't want somebody that doesn't take care of their physical body because I know that if they're extremely overweight, their testosterone and estrogen's probably not in balance, they're probably not going to have a high sex drive. And that's important to me, right, So then you can start looking for these things, and the more you understand you, the more easily you'll be able to understand the other things.

32:04Speaker 3:Setting your boundaries is not about control, and I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you. Anyone that tells you that your boundaries are controlling is using you. Yes, they have a problem because you have now set a fucking standard for your existence that you're not going to bend or break to give to somebody else, and they can no longer take advantage of you. They're saying that I liked you when you are a fucking doormat, and now that you have standards, you're controlling. I believe that shit.

32:30Speaker 2:I agree.

32:31Speaker 3:There is a difference between saying telling somebody that they cannot do something and telling somebody that I have a quality of life that I expect for myself and the people in my life, and if that's how you want to live, I have to reevaluate my future. That's not a threat. That's me telling you that this behavior is unacceptable. And that's all there is to that shit. Have a great day. You figure that shit out early on while you're still courting, and you don't find yourself in fucked up relationships because of it. And again, these things need to happen before you start having sex. Guys, slow the fuck down. You guys need to establish a four date and minimum, and I mean real date, not dinner one night, Netflix and chill. The next night you're at the apartment night three, I mean four actual dates. Go to dinner one night, three days later, go to dinner again, four days later, go on a hike five days later, go somewhere else. Use the time in between those dates to think about the conversations that were had think about the type of person that you're interacting with, pay attention to the

33:36Speaker 3:way that they interact with other people. Be observant, use your cognitive thinking abilities to think about what's going on in your life versus thinking about fucking getting dicked down or having or throw it back on you. Either way, this is a short episode. I don't have I literally have nothing else on this and that was forty minutes. So I guess my summary of this is, I don't think that there's timeframes. I think that you need to be doing the work. We could talk about doing the work.

34:03Speaker 3:What that looks like? Okay, do you have anything you want to add before before we change the subject? What does doing the work look like for you besides the non negotiables and boundary.

34:12Speaker 4:Yes, it looks like taking a checks and balance of the things you've done in your life. When I started doing the work, I had a mental breakdown in my apartment. I was.

34:25Speaker 2:In my early twenties, single mom, two under two failed marriage, under my belt, two failed relationships after my my failed marriage, and.

34:36Speaker 3:Then I came along and fucking save the universe. They call me Super Chris and she calls me Daddy.

34:43Speaker 2:That's good.

34:44Speaker 1:I couldn't help. I had to.

34:47Speaker 3:She told me earlier that I'm the reason that she has a neil trauma because I don't even remember what I did. And I looked at her and I was like, that's bullshit. I'm the reason that you're as healed as you are.

34:56Speaker 2:The fuck did you do?

34:57Speaker 1:I don't know. Oh it was I said, I was gonna call you by your government name.

35:01Speaker 2:Oh yeah, my nervous system that.

35:02Speaker 1:You're like, you're the reason my nervous system is an eeled.

35:05Speaker 4:Yeah, I don't remember what I was saying.

35:09Speaker 3:You were talking about two under two, two failed relationships after the divorce or the failed marriage you had.

35:16Speaker 4:Yeah, Okay, I was sitting in my apartment. I was working crazy long hours, got to see my kids less than I see them now. And yeah, I was sitting on my couch, had Rick and Morty playing in the background.

35:33Speaker 2:I got stupid stoned, and then it kind of all hit me once, like a brick wall, like I am the common denominator in my life. I am not.

35:41Speaker 4:A victim to the people that I allowed in my life. I am the perpetrator of my own suffering. You read me an article and this person said, This woman said, I don't understand how I keep attracting this type of person, And you're not a tracting that kind of person. You attract all kinds of people. You just decide which ones you're attracted to. You turn people away, you allow people in. And if you are noticing a negative pattern of the people that you are allowing to infiltrate.

36:15Speaker 2:Your bubble, you don't have a type. You got a pattern.

36:19Speaker 4:And this is the pattern that you are allowing into your life for whatever reason. Right, And now we're going to look at the shadow of things. If we're doing this inner work on the journey, why am I allowing people in my life who hurt me? Why do I give multiple chances?

36:37Speaker 2:Do I think that I am not worthy of boundaries? Do I think that.

36:41Speaker 4:It is unrealistic for me to say that you can't treat me that way? Do you, on a certain subconscious level, believe that you are less human than everybody else?

36:51Speaker 2:A lot of things to work through.

36:53Speaker 3:Do you believe that you can't love somebody if you don't truly love yourself?

36:57Speaker 2:Yes?

36:57Speaker 4:Why in order few to truly understand what love is and what it means to heal somebody. You have to heal and love yourself first, otherwise you don't understand the medicine you're giving to other people.

37:09Speaker 1:Believe you can't pour from an empty cup.

37:11Speaker 3:Yeah, and if you have spent your entire life thinking that you're not worthy of anyone, and you finally get somebody and you think that you are in love and you become infatuated, you will tolerate a whole lot of things because you believe that this person is out of your league and you don't deserve them right, And at that point, you're holding on to a hope of something.

37:29Speaker 1:And I agree.

37:30Speaker 3:I don't believe that you can love without loving yourself. And I think that a lot of people find themselves in the situations that they're in because they don't truly love themselves. They tolerate themselves, and it's not the same thing. So what else does the healing phase look like?

37:45Speaker 4:I would say that there is a level of isolation and containment that has to happen. I took a massive break from social media's I was doing a lot of attention seeking, posting multiple pictures of myself a day, trying to get the likes and the comments and the compliments and all those kinds of things. And I had to detach myself from the wells that I was seeking affirmations from and begin to give that to me because I didn't believe anything anybody was saying, because I wouldn't believe me when I said it. I was reaffirming that I'm ugly, I'm a piece of shit, nobody loves me, I'm not beautiful, whatever the case may be. No matter how many times you try to put frosting or sprinkles on top of a burnt cake, that cake's going to be burnt.

38:27Speaker 2:You can't change it.

38:28Speaker 4:If you don't, If you don't restart the baking process with pure ingredients and the correct temperature and all those kinds of things, like your thoughts, you will never get the end result of actually being able to believe the compliments that you receive or the things that you.

38:44Speaker 2:Digest within you.

38:46Speaker 1:Do you realize how much of your power you give away when you do that.

38:50Speaker 2:The big validation from others, all of it.

38:53Speaker 3:Right, and on a deeper level, when you think about that, like if you are if you're lonely, right and you are desperate and you are just trying to somebody to validate that you are worth something, and everyone that validates that worth something as Captain Sweatpants or they're morbidly obese, and you can tell that they don't brush their teeth or hair or whatever, and like they are disgusting individuals to you. They may not be to somebody else, but to you, they are. All of that validation doesn't mean anything.

39:19Speaker 3:It actually further depresses you because the people that you are interested in are not interested in you. So in putting yourself on the internet like that, and social media marketing is very real. When you're posting selfies or like if you're posting yourself in new outfits every day, you're thirst trapping. You are looking for the validation of other people on the internet. You are giving up your power to those people. You are putting your self worth in the hands of other people. And when the people that you're looking to give you that validation doesn't, it makes you feel worse. You basically sold yourself for nothing at that point. Yeah, yep, it's crazy to think about. I want to continue on the healing aspect of things, but somebody in the chat and I took a picture of it, said that we should talk about when kids are involved.

40:02Speaker 3:So I took a picture of that, and I don't want to forget because that's a great conversation as well. Okay for me, since you did too, I'll do one or two and then we'll go back and forth. I agree with the isolation aspect. Put your phone down. You are going to do more harm psychologically to yourself being on the internet, checking your ex, checking your friends. After a real breakup, if you guys had real time together, your friend group is enmeshed, and your friends now have to choose a side because if both of you are going to dinner at different times with those friends, they're hearing all of that because you both need a shoulder to cry on. So the friends are getting all the fucking tea, they're picking up all the energy. There's a whole lot ugly there. There needs to be. You need to start meditating. I don't think that your healing phase begins until you can make it at least two weeks without crying, right, And if you're not a crier, then that night time laying in bed re playing the events of everything is the exact same situation without the purge.

41:05Speaker 3:So two weeks without laying in bed dwelling about what the other person may or not may may or may not be doing. So for those of you who are not criers, that are not emotionally raw, because I know people who are in marriages for twenty years and got divorced and didn't fucking shed a tear from it, but they still people still think about, you know, what could I have done better? What are they doing right now? Getting mad because they showed up on somebody else's social media feed and they're hanging out together. Now you're mad about the friend group doing the thing? So isolation, I agree with that's that's one of mine, and journaling is gonna be another one. And if you can't sit down and think of things to journal about, as much as I hate to say it, get on chat GPT and be like, I just fucking got divorced. I need to help processing my emotions. Can you give me the top ten journal prompts for overcoming my ex or what the fuck ever? And look for a journal prompt that strikes a nerve. You need to read it and be like, huh, I don't want to do that one, and then do that one because something in there needs to be worked out.

42:03Speaker 3:You're avoiding it, and I think that would be the second step, so isolation and journaling.

42:09Speaker 1:You need two weeks.

42:10Speaker 3:Without crying or you know, dwelling on the relationship or wondering what's going on with that person. And if you can't make it two weeks, you're not over them yet, You're not even You haven't started.

42:18Speaker 1:Your healing face.

42:19Speaker 3:That that open wound that is bleeding still has a tourniqueit on it, and the bandages are still being changed until that is no longer weeping weeping, and it has started to scab over.

42:29Speaker 1:Your healing face has not started yet.

42:31Speaker 2:I agree with that. I like that.

42:33Speaker 4:I would say the next part is ingesting as much mental health and understanding your nervous system as much as you can, understanding your traumas, your triggers, why you do the things you do, why you allow the things that you allow. There is a lot of free therapy on the internet, a lot of therapists, a lot of psychologists out there who want to get the information out there and help the people who cannot afford individual sessions.

42:59Speaker 3:Yeah, my next one will be fine, new friend circles, new hobbies. You need to rip the band aid off. Real shit block the people block your X. They don't need to be seeing what you've got going on in your page. You don't need to see them in friends photos and being tagged and see them in comment sections, and like, all of that doesn't need to be a thing. All of the hatred and venom and all the drama that comes along with that, if you remove yourself from it, it goes away. All of that hatred doesn't impact your life until they do something physically to impact your life. So like all of the internet nonsense, sixth grade fucking lunch room drama, you can literally just step away from that and call it a day. So that would be my next thing is to block on socials and like actually remove myself and find new social circles, new hobbies too, learn to love something new that's going to take a part of your day to work your brain.

43:51Speaker 2:I want to go back to the meditation thing. I learned something.

43:54Speaker 4:So if you recognize that you have a hard time meditating and sitting in silence, and the first meditation is not about sitting with nothing in your thought.

44:03Speaker 2:It's about being scratch up. It's about allowing thoughts to flow like a river.

44:09Speaker 4:Right, You're sitting in a forest, there's a river in front of you, a leaf doesn't hit the water, and then just sit there. The leaf hits the water and you watch it travel until it goes out of sight. That's what meditation is. Your thoughts come, they flow down the stream. You go, oh, look a leaf, and then the leaf continues and it's gone, and you don't linger on it. You don't try to force it to stay. You're not jumping in the water trying to drown yourself catching the leaf. You notice it and it's gone. If that's something that you are having a hard time sitting and doing, you can get a little tiny sand zen garden.

44:38Speaker 4:So there are studies that have shown that doing the zen garden activates the brain the same way meditation does. So moving and creating the patterns activates one side of the brain, and then the other side of the brain activates by trying to feel the textures through the stick as you're moving it, and that keeps your your thoughts from You can't do multiple things at once, right, It's like you can't have resentment and gratitude at the same time.

45:08Speaker 3:That's actually a good good thing. I didn't think about the I didn't realize my mic wasn't very close. I didn't think about the texture of things with the rake. I have always wanted one of those, like I I if when we not if when when we end up with land, I want a maze and I want a rock garden with a big fucking boulder in the middle of it.

45:27Speaker 2:I like that. Yep, we're gonna have a really dope property.

45:31Speaker 1:Eventually all of that shit will come into fruition. I believe it. So you got another one.

45:37Speaker 2:Let's see what's my other one? Do I have another one?

45:41Speaker 1:I have one more.

45:42Speaker 2:I'm gonna say, you need to start working out and exercising.

45:45Speaker 1:I agree. Actually that wasn't mine, but fucking yes.

45:47Speaker 2:And eating right and getting your gut health and order.

45:50Speaker 1:Yeah.

45:51Speaker 3:I feel so much better after going back to the gym, and like, I know, I'm not a monster anymore, Like I'm not lifting heavy at all, but the fact that I'm going and doing the work every day. When I come home, I feel great.

46:00Speaker 2:You look great. Thank you smell great.

46:03Speaker 1:After the gym. I smell great.

46:04Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah, you know you're my woman because you're like fairmones. Yes, my my last one is you. You are in the midst of your healing journey when and this is if it's being you have to be honest about this. If someone can ask you what happened and you can give them an answer without blaming your extra trauma dumping, it just ran its course. I did X, Y, and Z and that was the end of it right there. If you can have if you can take real accountability and not blame shift about the things that was going on in your previous relationship, there's a whole level of peace that comes with it, because, like we've said on the podcast for almost five years now, which is crazy to say, Yeah, you can't change anyone. You're not responsible for somebody else's thoughts or their actions. People will always do what they believe is best for them. And the at the end of the day, when you are facing your maker and they say how did you live your life? You have to atone for your sins, your actions, the things that you paid attention to and all of that everything else.

47:12Speaker 3:Your God's not going to go well, Chris, what do you think about your life? Well, God, it was great except for all the shit that other people did to me. You don't want to hear that shit, right, Other people's choices and their catalyst and distortions are theirs. Their polarity is theirs. The choices that you make in this life is the reason that you're here to live this life, to have free will to make decisions. You don't get to blame other people for your shortcomings. This is your existence, so God doesn't want to hear that shit. When you get to the point of being able to be like I did these things or you know, it just it wasn't right for us, and the relationship ran its course and we decided it was best to move on and leave it at that without bashing another person. There's a whole lot of healing in that.

47:52Speaker 1:Now.

47:53Speaker 3:There's a difference between faking that shit to try to look like you're some fucking better than your ex because there are people out there that will do that shit. That's why I said it would be better to take accountability for your shit. I did these fucked up things, and because of that, the relationship failed. I learned from it. It's the best that can happen. Like we said on the Voice of the Broken, if it's your fault, it's the greatest thing that can happen because you can fix you can't fix other people. I don't have anything else.

48:19Speaker 3:We got to do the kids talk. Okay, we're almost done. We have We're almost to an hour, which is great. The chat said, and it was from Danish. She said, Oh, how to know when you're ready with children? And what should that look like? I actually wanted to read this because I wanted to say that when you go through a breakup or a divorce and you are processing your emotions, you are doing so from a more emotionally regulated mind state than a child is child having to bounce between houses and having to worry about why mom and dad don't like each other anymore, and why the step parents can't get along, and hearing all the negative conversations in the car when you think they can't hear you, or dealing with the broken heart of one parent and the aggression of the other parent. There is so much that goes on inside of their little bodies that they can't even begin to articulate yet, and especially if they're under ten years old. You were doing so much damage to their nervous system by bringing people around and doing the boyfriend thing and having your mood swings and your highs and your lows and not emotionally regulating yourself, and your

49:25Speaker 3:children fucking see everything. You may act like they don't. You might like to pretend that they don't know any better. They fucking know they see it all. You were a child, once you remember that shit, You think that because you're now the adult, that you're somehow hide in it better than your parents did. You're fucking not. Kids become background noise when you've been drinking. The ugly that goes on inside of their life from the people around them fucks with their nervous system and it makes it very difficult for them to be able to even explain to somebody what's going on because they're in a fight flight freezer fawn almost all the time, especially when they feel defenseless right or if they're being made to pick sides. There's a whole lot of things that go into that. And I truly believe that if you were jumping from a relationship to relationship and letting people meet your children on a regular basis, you're really going to fuck up their.

50:24Speaker 1:Idea of stability.

50:26Speaker 3:Stability right, absolutely absolutely, and you could take it a step further, and it teaches them that relationships are willy nilly that it's not a big deal to bounce from person to person to person.

50:38Speaker 1:Do you really want that for your daughters?

50:40Speaker 4:I want to add onto the conversation of children as nervous systems. I'm going to take it as far back as children being in the womb and developing the emotions and the way that you get heightened and all of the things that you go through in your pregnancy is building the foundation of what your child's nervous is nervous system is going to expect outside of the womb. So if you are in constant fighter flight mode during your pregnancy, your child is learning in the womb that the world outside of my mother is scary and terrifying, and I have to be in fight or flight when I'm born.

51:11Speaker 3:There's been a whole lot of studies that are done that the birthing process, like the they're so real shit even see sections see shall she Shall be Sure Sea sections actually affect part of the neurodevelopment of the child sensories. I didn't know that, and I actually think that you told me and then I did the research on it, because it was like, there's no way that being pushed through.

51:32Speaker 2:A birth canal orients your nervous can do that body to.

51:35Speaker 3:A nervous system, right, like if you were born natural birth, you once had a vagina stretched over your head.

51:43Speaker 1:Just saying.

51:45Speaker 3:That true. Yeah, like a late text balloon, little comedy to ease the tension of the conversation. Yeah, there's a lot that goes into that. And you're right, the birthing process that creates a whole lot of things. They say that the way that your children's nervous system orients itself by the time that they are seven years old dictates the way that their nervous system will work their entire life. So if they grow up watching you get your ass beat and they are fearful in the home because they never know what Doctor Jekyl or mister Hyde they're going to get, they will live in a constant, fierce state, like the constant race cortisol levels, like this is going to make them this will actually kill your kids early.

52:28Speaker 3:And I'm gonna say they'll die as kids, but like they're not going to live as long living with that type of fucked up nervous system compared to people who have a regulated household.

52:37Speaker 2:The levels of cortisol in the body, that the strain that it puts on the heart a lot.

52:42Speaker 1:Yeah. I don't think that you should be bringing people around your kids until you've been with them for a year.

52:47Speaker 3:M h. And if people are like a whole year, oh my god, that's so long. I've never even had a relationship for a year, then why you got kids? Ooh? Right, Like tell me you don't make good decisions without telling me you don't make good decisions.

53:00Speaker 2:He said it, and I support it. Do you have anything else to add?

53:04Speaker 3:I'm thinking if there's anything that's relevant to this conversation. I hope that this has been a good episode. I feel like we gave a lot of information. I don't think that we've done one of these yet, so we are kind of just winging it. We also decided to do this like an hour before we sat down, so there was not a lot of prep. I just threw down a couple of things that I was thinking of off the top of my head, and then we free flowed it, and I do feel like we did good.

53:27Speaker 3:We tell people on the podcast all the time that the biggest decision you'll ever make in life is who you choose to marry. And though I agree that is the most important decision. I also think that it's tied for who you decide to have a kid with. You Guys are running around fucking having children's children before you're even really capable of taking care of yourself. And this isn't a shame thing. I did it, right, we both did. This is not a fuck you you're an idiot. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that we need to be more aware. And there's no amount of prep a pair and can give a child because teenagers think they fucking know everything and we don't know how to talk to them. We somehow forget what it was to be a teenager, you know. And there's also the level of the kids are afraid to talk to their parents.

54:14Speaker 3:Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me. Your kids say that. If you ever hear your kids say that shit, you have failed as a parent. It means that you're not safe, right. It means that they think that you're gonna really fucking harm them somehow, like that's not a.

54:26Speaker 2:Or make their life really fucking hard for.

54:28Speaker 1:Them, right right.

54:30Speaker 3:We reward honesty if the kids do something wrong and they don't lie about it. They don't get in trouble unless it was something really bad, and there needs to be some sort of punishment that happens so that they can understand that that fact. But for the most part, I'm more concerned about the integrity of their word than the behavior of them drawing on the wall or leaving their fucking toys outside. They're gonna get new toys. Those toys are gonna break one day anyways. They might speed it up, and yeah, it could have been expensive, but it's their fucking toy. I don't lose it if they don't play with it. I bought it so that they can enjoy it, and if they break it, they don't get to enjoy it anymore. That's choice theory. You did that shit, that's the you problem now.

55:07Speaker 2:Yep, money's gone either way, right Yep.

55:11Speaker 4:Our daughter shared something with me I would have never known right happened underdad's supervision at a different location. Would have never known this has ever happened. And she shared with me, Mommy, I watched this thing, and I know you don't want me to do that, but I want you to know that I did it, and it's because I got permission over there to do it, and I take a big deep breath on that one, and there was a thank you for telling me that I know you know better than that I need to take some deep breath.

55:44Speaker 3:I remember that situation, and I also remember that there was a conversation about why you don't want her watching those things. I remember you asking her about a very specific scene in that movie that was very tragic. There's a whole lot of they understand that it's a protection thing and not a because I said so thing. There's a real difference when you understand the why, because you're going to conduct yourself differently when you understand it. If somebody just tells you not to do something, they're violating your free will. Right If you understand that the consequences of jumping off of a roof and how you know you could break your legs, and you do it anyways, you knew what was coming. You made an informed decision.

56:21Speaker 3:That's very different than my mom said I couldn't. Yeah, and I can respect the decision to jump off the roof or not jump off the roof when the information is there a whole lot differently than I followed my friend because they did it right. But that speaks to us and our ability to parents. Right, So all of the things that you have done with the children and then knowing that they can come to you and have these conversations and not get in trouble for it.

56:44Speaker 1:You got to have a real conversation with her over that.

56:47Speaker 3:I actually think that you do need to do that parent thing with the kids for a Patreon episode. Okay, I think that it should be two separate episodes. I think it should be the same, like ten questions. It doesn't have to be long, fifteen twenty minutes, just so that people can see, at seven and eight years old, the way that our children, you know, conduct themselves.

57:05Speaker 2:Yeah, and you.

57:07Speaker 3:Know, and not have them on camera obviously for you guys who are listening to this. But we can sit one of them in my chair, turn the camera, turn just your camera on and they can sit here and talk into the microphone and be little podcasters and have fun with it. They you know, every time you're back here, if they can sit in one of the chairs, they do. It's it's allowing them to be a part of our world in this aspect, and they're also getting to the point where you know they're gonna want to start learning this ship. Yeah, I don't know, man, this is this is, this has been uh this. I do think this was a very productive episode. I hope that we've given you guys some some good information. If you guys have other things that we didn't touch on that you think that would be good, leave it in the comment section. If you guys can afford therapy, I would recommend going to therapy after a breakup, especially if it was a long time, especially for men. We tend to stick a cork in it and just pretend like shit didn't happen and that it'll just go away. Body remembers, your mind may not bring that shit up, but when something happens ten years

58:04Speaker 3:from now, it's going to trigger the past that you didn't work through and get over, and you were going to make somebody else pay the sins of your inept ability to deal with your emotions. Danish said, if you can't afford therapy, to check out the videos on YouTube. Peaches covered that earlier, which is why I added to go to therapy if you can afford it. Do you have anything else that you want to get into before we wrap up? Because I think I'm good.

58:26Speaker 2:I do not I want to go cuddle on the couch.

58:28Speaker 1:I don't know.

58:29Speaker 2:I'm ready to go to bed and cuddle in bed and read my book.

58:33Speaker 1:Sounds get your Amelia Earhart and oh god.

58:36Speaker 2:That book's insane. So many dropped balls, so many miscommunications.

58:42Speaker 3:Somebody asked if you were going to be doing your Vietnam book tonight in the discord when we said we were going live there, like is this the Vietnam Chat or the Vietnam Book? And I was like, nope, that's that's different content. We're doing Friday episode. Have you started doing your biked with a book on the Vietnam book?

58:56Speaker 2:No, we did? You? Okay, I want to do like a hit history segment about Vietnam. We did. Uh, if you're talking about like the book, zoom call that that came and went, that's done.

59:08Speaker 1:Okay? Was that the Vietnam thing?

59:09Speaker 2:That was the Vietnam book?

59:11Speaker 3:Oh yeah, Vietnam request over here at lol, can't wait to hear about that book. Well, well, I'm sure that we'll start doing some history content. We want to start doing more for Patreon. There's a lot of more freedom for us to have discussions on Patreon, and I have to worry about it, and we have other things that we want to do that we can do for Patreon that doesn't have any real anything to it, and if people don't like it, they just don't watch it. But it's not like we don't have to stay on brand for that. We can literally do whatever we want for Patreon.

59:39Speaker 1:Guys. Remember you are the author of your own life and we will see you one the next one.

59:44Speaker 2:Bye, guys.