Self-Sabotage, Boundaries and Choosing Better Relationships with Mandeep Dhillon

0:00Speaker 1:You're in mob land. Well, in that case, fuck off. And you've been in some girls. CSI Vegas. Ignore what you're feeling. Focus on what you're finding. But there are so many reasons why I want to do this interview.

0:15Speaker 2:Because I feel like I've experienced a version of you that not many people actually get to experience.

0:20Speaker 1:I feel like it would be so wonderful for you to be able to express that. Thank you very much for the opportunity. Mandeep Dhillon is a British actress and singer. She's known for her roles in Mobland, Afterlife, Some Girls and CSI Vegas. She also happens to be my best friend and I'm so excited to share the incredible journey that has brought her to where she is today. There's two versions of me. There are the version that everyone would have seen, which is hyper, in your face, performative and doing accents and all of that. Figuring out if I'm going to go on a date, but I don't know where it's going to take me. but then there's also another version which no one saw which was sad when my bedroom door would close that's when I was probably like my most saddest fuck it this has happened to me I'm gonna drink vodka before I go to school I'm gonna smoke weed around the corner I'm gonna escape reality to then go on a journey of becoming who I am now.

1:10Speaker 2:I feel like you've been through so much in your life and to have got to know you and understood what you've been through and then fast forward to who you are now, it's the craziest journey and also one of the most beautiful stories for women who have been through a lot in their life to see what light at the end of the.

1:25Speaker 1:Tunnel can look like. Welcome to A Really Good Cry podcast. A Really Good Cry is here to help you understand your body, feel confident in your skin, manage your emotions and take back control of your health. Because growth doesn't always start with answers. Sometimes it starts with a really good cry. Mandy, welcome to A Really Good Cry. Thanks. I'm actually so happy that you're here.

1:46Speaker 2:For anyone listening, this is a very interesting interview for us because Mandy is incredible in so many ways, but she also happens to be my best friend. And so doing this interview, we've been giggling. before even starting it. But there are so many reasons why I want to do this interview. One of the reasons is obviously our deep friendship and how many incredible conversations that we've had together. I feel like every single day together is like a therapy session or we get to explore parts of ourselves that we don't often get to generally. And I feel like having those conversations where people can hear hopefully will be useful for them. But also because I feel like I've experienced a version of you that not many people actually get to experience.

2:24Speaker 1:And maybe don't.

2:25Speaker 2:Know by looking at your Instagram or by observing you. And so I feel like it'd be so wonderful for you to be able to express that.

2:31Speaker 1:Thank you very much for the opportunity. Which I'm really.

2:35Speaker 2:Excited about because to be real, I feel like you've been through so much in your life and to have got to know you and understood what you've been through and then fast forward to who you are now. It's the craziest journey and also one of the most beautiful stories for women who have been through a lot in their life to see what light at the end of a tunnel can look like.

2:57Speaker 1:Thanks. Yeah.

2:58Speaker 2:So I kind of want to get into it from that point of view. And I kind of want to go back to someone we talk about quite often in our conversations, which is little Mandy.

3:06Speaker 1:I know we love her. Love her. But how would you describe yourself as a child? Oh, that's interesting. There's two versions of me. There are the version that everyone would have seen, which is hyper annoying, in your face, performative, very like, oh my God, look at me, look at my dress, don't you love it? And doing accents and all of that. But then there's also another version which no one saw, which was sad. Yeah. Really. When my bedroom door would close, that's when I was probably like my most saddest, which is why I've had to do so much work for her. Do you feel like what you were as a child and the sadness that you went through and the things that you went through created...

3:49Speaker 1:the version of you that you are now or what you wanted to become in your life. Yeah, and no, and it's really interesting because there's some times when I'm in my luteal phase. Like now. Yeah, basically, where I will sometimes feel that same sadness at night and I'm like, huh, interesting. What it did do, having that sadness, enabled me to form such a beautiful relationship with God. Because when I would be younger and be on my own and be sad in bed or whatever, I would be talking to God the whole time. And so I'd be praying to God or whatever or like frustrated or speaking to him.

4:22Speaker 1:And then the next morning I'd wake up and be like, thanks God for not taking that seriously. Do you know what I mean? And then crack on with my day. So I feel like the blessing of it is me and God are like that because of that.

4:34Speaker 2:I've noticed that so much in our conversations. Actually, one of the things that I think connected us the most when we first started talking was that We're from different faiths, but our connection to God was something we really connected to each other over, despite how we speak to God, despite the language that we might use, despite the faith that we're practicing.

4:56Speaker 1:It felt like one, which was so beautiful.

4:59Speaker 2:And the way that you would speak to God would always make me feel like I found it so endearing because it reminded me of how my grandma used to speak to God, her best friend. And I feel like when you end up journaling or when you end up speaking to God, That's something I wanted to go into later, but I feel like we should talk about it now, is what built your relationship with God and how do you end up connecting to God on a daily basis?

5:19Speaker 1:I think it definitely started from being little, for sure. Also, being like, I mean, I wasn't alone a kid. I wasn't. I had so many friends or whatever. But I always felt very different to my immediate family in a sense of I didn't have their experiences really or whatever. So I always felt a little bit separated from them. It meant that I really had my imagination and God. It's so odd because I always had a deep knowing that there's a higher power or knowing whatever before I was even told about it or taught about it, really. This is my thing. I'm not a type of person who can be all like prim and proper when it comes.

6:00Speaker 1:Like when I watch people pray in church or if I've gone to a friend's house and we're all eating food and we're about to pray, I don't want anyone to look at me to do it because I... will start off being like, hi, God, how are you? Like, I literally am like, whereas other people like, Lord, Father, blah, blah, blah, American, Lord, Father, thank you. Like they do it and they do it so like professionally. I'm not that. I've never been that. So therefore, my prayer shouldn't be that, I think.

6:26Speaker 2:I feel like there's two different types of communicating with God. It's like awe and reverence where you are speaking in that way, which is like, out of respect and there can be quite a disconnect in that where it's more of a father figure yeah then it is a friend figure and then there's a version that you're doing which is like hi best friend.

6:43Speaker 1:Yeah and father he's a father that I physically don't have he's also a best friend as well in that so it's sort of both I think yeah and you know what what's so interesting as well is going like that there were definitely times where I 100% turn my back on God or would be like really Really? This has happened now? Are you actually, okay, cool. I'm livid with you for a bit. But then that always leads me around the corner to then see his glory and be like, oh yeah, okay, no, sorry.

7:13Speaker 2:You mentioned God as your father figure or like someone that you considered a father. And I know obviously we've spoken about the idea of growing up without having a father figure in your life, which you did.

7:24Speaker 1:Did you notice that leave patterns or remnants in your life from a young age? Oh my God. Unbelievably. I don't think when I was younger that I quite realized how much of an impact it would have as a grown woman not having a father. The name father or dad was a taboo in our house. And I think there was some part of me that knew that he had caused pain or whatever. So me not wanting anyone to feel pain or whatever just would never mention dad. It even feels icky. Like it would feel icky to say the word dad. Yeah. I'm getting better at it now.

7:59Speaker 1:The first thing, so it felt shame. I felt shame around how I really felt about not having a father or wanting a father. Or even like, I remember he lived in the same town and sometimes when I'd be in town, I'd stalk him. Yeah. Like a little weirdo. Like I'd go stalk him and his kids around the town just to get a glimpse, which is crazy. Isn't that crazy to the Zay? It's not. It's something that we're just so, it's a natural instinct to want to feel connected to the people that we feel we've come from. Yeah.

8:27Speaker 1:And I think I spent a lot of time as a child I guess questioning myself. And I only realize it now that I've had so much therapy and looked back that little man would have been thinking, oh, it's her fault as to why she doesn't have a dad. And that's taken so much time to let her know. No, it's not. Actually, it's not your fault. But as an adult, oh, blimey. I mean, you know, dating, daddy issues. Like I've been in a relationship before where I've transferred a father's love without realizing it. And then only realized it after and was like, and that's sad for them and for me because I'm like, oh, my bad. You know, it was a beautiful relationship, but that's ultimately what I'd done without me realizing. So there's things like that, which you don't realize or you settle for shit and you settle for someone who's awful and toxic and any bit of attention you think is love, any bit of like possessiveness or control or anything you think is, oh my God, he loves me because you've not had that from a man before.

9:27Speaker 1:So it feels, amazing you're like oh that's love and it's not love and I've had to learn that the hard way do you think the things that you went through in your life created the desire to be an actor or perform in that way or like when did you know that oh this is what I want to be doing I think I knew quite young that I wanted to be a performer whether that be an actor or a singer and I think that honestly the first the why behind the why wasn't because I just loved acting or love singing it was 100% to be loved it was validation I know that Yeah, it was to be loved by the world, or just loved. in general and that's really interesting when you get to a certain age and you do all the work where you realize okay you don't need that you are loved and I went through a phase where I had to ask myself do I want to act do you actually want to act if that was your why behind the why luckily I.

10:15Speaker 2:Do yay yeah because you're so good at it thank you You're in Mobland and you've been in Some Girls and you've been in CSI Vegas and you've been in so many incredible things where you've had to play so many different types of roles. And when we first met, I actually didn't know about Some Girls. And then when I started watching, I was like, wow, she was like, how old.

10:36Speaker 1:Were you in that? I was actually 20 and 21, but playing like a 15, 16 year old.

10:41Speaker 2:Yeah, you were, I mean, 20 years old, but still talking about sex. being in situations where it was awkward and like the things that you had to play or say on screen. And I remember watching it thinking, oh my God, she's South Asian and she is talking about all of this stuff and has, looks like she does not care at all. How was that for you playing a role of like a South Asian woman that was talking about all this stuff that usually, you know, in our community we just don't talk about or we have to pretend like doesn't exist?

11:12Speaker 1:I 100% believe we should all be talking about sex. I think we should all be talking about all of those taboo things that people don't talk about. I think it's important. And also, my upbringing was different. Like, my mum will 100% talk to me about sex. My mum is like, she's got more game than I've ever had in my entire life. Yeah, your mum's a gangster. If my mum was out here, she would be cleaning up on the dating. She would. And she's, like, so good at it. So for me, playing Sazh, I was like, oh...

11:43Speaker 1:I get to just be a normal teenager. Also, my friends or whatever, I thought, because I didn't grow up really with those sorts of cultural South Asian things, I had that sort of upbringing where I was behind Morrisons getting paralytic like a waste man. I was, you know, pranking people. I've lived my little, like, I've been a little git, right? Yeah. Big time. And I loved that. I had such a great childhood because of that and school life. Um, So I wanted to show that on TV and what a great opportunity that I got to do that through Sazh. I love playing Sazh.

12:18Speaker 2:I love when we're out and about in London and you've done so many things since, but the thing that most women recognize you for and are obsessed with you for is some girls. And it made me realize what an impact that role had on so many girls of feeling like, oh my God, it was so nice that you played someone who wasn't like trying to be the most beautiful person in the room. He wasn't trying to, it was just such a simple role of a girl. genuinely just trying to make it through her teenage life yeah.

12:45Speaker 1:Again that show I feel like really was one before its time but two was like even now people I'll still get DMs or as you say people will stop me and be like one they'll say who they were like oh my god I was this person I was Sazh or I was a Holly or I was a Viva and then secondly it's can you give us another season please like still now they're still asking for or like a reunion which I'm really trying to get made I'd really like that to happen. Yeah, that would be so good. I think it would be so good just to see what they're like. Like, Saz in her 30s, what is she doing now? That has to be like a Little Sex and the City remake.

13:19Speaker 2:Right?

13:20Speaker 1:But, like, done better.

13:21Speaker 2:The one thing that really struck me when we actually started our friendship was how, like, I got taken aback by how honest and vulnerable you were with me. And it really, it made me get my guard down. But I never experienced someone be that honest and vulnerable. Like, you told me about a lot of your life very fast into our friendship.

13:40Speaker 1:Yeah.

13:40Speaker 2:And it completely changed the trajectory, in my opinion, of our friendship because it allowed me to then feel like, wow, if she's being that open and honest with me, and it always takes one person in a relationship to do that.

13:50Speaker 1:Yeah. God, I have to be open and honest with her. I can't not be.

13:53Speaker 2:I guess my question about that is when you've been through so much in your life, what work have you done in your life that's truly helped you? If someone's been through a lot of trauma in their childhood, what has allowed you to be so open and vulnerable, but also feel like you've changed the trajectory of your life through the work that you've done?

14:13Speaker 1:Like, what have you done in your life to help you with that? A lot of therapy, a lot of being that which I'm not, being not the version of myself that I would like to be. I've been addicted to weed. I've been smoking. I used to smoke cigarettes. I've probably, like, I definitely didn't have a healthy relationship with food growing up. Like, I was like, I'd have like six packs of Wotsits a day. Love Wotsits. But I think that I've been the versions of myself that I don't want to be. Right. Not taking care of myself, like not even like skincare routine, not even a thing or water. What was water? Like I've completely, when I look back to even the 15 year old version of me is so different. I was so in a self-sabotage state, unknowingly, obviously, but it was like, I just pressed the fuck it button.

15:03Speaker 1:And that was the only way I knew how, because it was more comfortable to be like, fuck it, This has happened to me. I'm going to drink vodka before I go to school. I'm going to smoke weed around the corner. I'm going to escape reality. Yeah, like I've completely been that which I'm not to then go on a journey of becoming who I am now. And I'm so grateful that I've been that and experienced that because sometimes you have to, otherwise you don't quite know how good you can feel like now. I'm like, great. But it's taken a lot of therapy. Did you do mainly just talking therapy, like having a therapist that you're just talking to regularly? Yeah. And not even till I was, I didn't start therapy till I was 27. So it's quite a lot of time of not doing it and just, you know, just doing life. You had every excuse.

15:51Speaker 2:Like I feel like a lot of people that go through trauma when they've been younger and you've been through a fair amount. To easily blame it on that. Like, I can be exactly whoever I want to be. I could be a really damaged, distressed version of myself if I want to be because, duh, I've been through so much.

16:06Speaker 1:I deserve to have this. Yeah. I deserve to smoke weed. I deserve to drink. I deserve to, like, act however I want to. I can be angry.

16:13Speaker 2:I can be aggressive. You had a right to do all of that stuff. But what was it that made you choose not to? Like, what did you have to get to to allow yourself to be like, I want better than this?

16:24Speaker 1:Rock bottom. Really? Unfortunately, yeah. I had to get to rock bottom. I remember a certain moment where I was on the phone screaming down the phone to this, to one of my worst partners I've ever been with. Horrible, horrible, horrible person, really. And I remember on the phone screaming the amount of anger. And I threw the phone. It was in my mum's car and it nearly cracked her window. And I remember stopping and being like, okay, man, no. This is not right. This is not okay. what is going on here that for me is like a clear moment where I look back and think oh yeah something in me switched that day and another time was when I remember I was really depressed I'm laughing now but anyway I was really really depressed some girls was about to be released I was working enough would help rolling towels great times and I would when I wasn't working all I would do is be in bed just to sleep I was sleeping sleeping sleeping and I remember mum being so like And not angry, but trying to get me out, getting me out of it. And I remember randomly I had the book, The Secret was in the house.

17:33Speaker 1:And that book really helped. I remember reading it. Yeah. And also listening to the part. My mom would put the part on a lot in the home. And that really helped as well. Just having that spiritual music, being like, oh, okay. And reading this book and then remembering or realizing it's not got to be this. You're so loved. Yeah. You're just harming yourself. What's the point? Like, yeah, trauma's happened. Yeah, you've gone through stuff. But if you continue like this, you become the attacker. You become the person who's inflicting pain on you. I can't do that. That's also just dread. Also, I've got too many dreams. Since that version of me, I've always dreamt. I've always got big, big, big dreams.

18:14Speaker 1:And luckily, even in my worst days, even in my most raggo days, some think God still had me. That's the only way I can think of it because I The blessings that have come out of stuff that I, even some girls, went into the audition. I did not care. I didn't learn the lines. I must have stunk of weed. Literally walked in there, done this audition. They said, oh, actually, do you want to audition for Sarah? Saz was called Sarah at the time. Do you want five minutes to go out? I was like, no, let's just do it.

18:41Speaker 1:Did not care. Done it. Walked out. Like the fire had gone to care, you know? Yeah. And then got the part and still at that point didn't really care. It was only for a read through. I was like, whatever, yeah, whatever. Rocked up high, done the thing. So even that, when you think to yourself, God, how can I be this version of myself and still be blessed? That's just proof that you can sin. You can do some messed up stuff because you're always going to be loved. And what's for you will not pass you, even if you are being a little raggo, self-destructing human. You've done such a good job. Thanks. It's been amazing. Thank you.

19:17Speaker 2:Like the version that I know of you now, and then I think back to all the times that you've told me about, I'm like, wow, it's, I'm actually in so much awe when I think about the work that you've done. And it's actually helped me so much to open up and do work for myself. Like you're the reason that I ended up even starting therapy with your therapist, who we.

19:36Speaker 1:Shall not name. We shall not name. But you are the reason I started therapy and opened up this whole world of work that I had to do because I never actually thought, I was like, I haven't gone through crazy trauma in my life. I haven't done this.

19:47Speaker 2:All the things that I would imagine someone would go to therapy for I was like I don't think I need it and then I started doing therapy I was like oh okay yeah I think maybe I do need to do therapy yeah and it was opened up a world that I I'm so grateful for that you introduced me to because had I not done that I would have never truly been able to understand like what actually makes me happy, how I want to live my life. And that's all through just having a friend who talked about her trauma and shared her experience of therapy. So I feel like that's really important because most of us will just swim through life thinking everything's fine and not realizing how much is affecting us.

20:27Speaker 1:It's so true. I remember the first time I ever had therapy, I had a flatmate. I won't name her. She's great. um and she was like oh what are you doing today she's like oh I'm just just popping out I was like cool she got back and she was like on top of the world and I was like you had a nice day she was like yeah okay I'm really sorry I lied to you earlier um actually I went and had therapy and I remember being like oh cool and I remember at the time thinking huh I want some of that so I do think that people telling people about it's a domino effect like if you then speak to someone one of your friends or whatever and it's beautiful that's the beauty of sharing I think.

21:02Speaker 2:It's coming up to about three years that we've been friends for but I feel like it's really crazy because our friendship grew really deep fast and to a point where it's been like quite unexplainable to people and not understandable to people because it just felt so natural for us to come we always say we've probably been connected in our past lives for sure yeah but I also think it's the desire to just constantly be honest with one another and it was so interesting because I was listening to Emma Greed, like this clip that I heard.

21:32Speaker 2:And she says that the one thing that you 100% need in a friendship to have a deep, meaningful, genuine friendship is no jealousy.

21:39Speaker 1:Facts.

21:40Speaker 2:And as soon as I heard that, I was like, wow, I feel like that is actually one of the codes that we cracked between us because I've never felt jealousy for you. I felt excitement for you. I felt joy for you. I felt sadness for you. I have felt inspired by you.

21:55Speaker 1:I felt like I wanted to like yes, do I want to be like you in certain ways? Yes. But have I ever felt jealous that I don't want you to have it? No, no. Yeah. Same, same, same, same. And I do think that that.

22:04Speaker 2:Is a foundation of that because, I mean, I don't know what your experience has been of other relationships. Have you had friendships where there's been a lot of jealousy or there's been those feelings and how did that end up kind of affecting your friendships?

22:16Speaker 1:Yeah. And, and then, well, it affects it by just, you feel it, you know it. If someone, if someone has jealousy or whatever, you can You can feel it. It creates a barrier. 100%. And you can feel that from them. And you can feel that, oh, it's not genuine. It's not like, oh, my God, that's so exciting. It's a, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool. It's not. I can't have people like that around me. And it's hard, though, because I've also been on the other end where I have been the person jealous of the other friend, of my friend. And at the same time, you can keep trying to work through it.

22:49Speaker 2:But a big part of it, I think, is also we hype each other up so much.

22:52Speaker 1:Yeah.

22:53Speaker 2:And you actually start that in our friendship, I think, where you would be like, oh my God, you look amazing.

22:58Speaker 1:Or, oh, you're just incredible at this. Or I'd say, oh, I'm so bad at this. No, you're not. You're going to be amazing. Everything's going to work out. Everything's going to be good. And I would be like, wow. And then I started reciprocating that with you. And so I actually think that now, even if I was to feel jealous in a friendship, I think the way you can turn that is by remembering the appreciation you have for that person and actually understanding overriding even those minor thoughts even if you get them like I wish I had that relationship or I wish I had this it's like okay but how can I override that thought with all the incredible things that I feel about this person because the jealousy isn't normally about that person yeah it's about what's and that's I think that's the main thing if you feel jealous or you feel certain you have to look in the mirror and say okay what is lacking within me that's making me feel that I want what they have and even if I want what they have that's fine why am I feeling any sort of greenness about that And it is always something within us. Always.

23:52Speaker 1:For sure. It really is. It's so funny. Those conversations, sometimes it annoys me how aware I am of myself in those moments. Yeah. It annoys me because I'm like, it's a blessing and a curse. I think the hyping up, though, is so important in a friendship. I was speaking to one of my other friends and we were talking... What? No, I'm joking.

24:14Speaker 2:I was talking to my other friend and we were talking about what we are looking for in our friendships going forward. And even that, having a conversation and she said, I just want my friends to know that I'm going to be their full hype woman.

24:28Speaker 1:Yeah, sick. And I was like, yeah, that should be a basic requirement in a friendship is you should be your friend's hype. If you don't have the desire to be your friend's hype woman... That's a sign that you may not really be their friend. Yeah.

24:41Speaker 2:Because you should want to be there to hype them up when they're feeling low, when they're feeling great, when they don't know where they're going in life. When they're peaking in life, you should want to literally be their ultimate hype woman.

24:52Speaker 1:Yeah. And if you don't, then that's a sign that maybe this friendship isn't as deep as it should be. Or it might not be the friendship for you. Because you should want to want to do that. 100%. We want to do that with each other every single day. Yeah. Sometimes too much. Sometimes we're working up. Sometimes we overhype each other. I don't think there's too much. Other people around us think it's too much. I'm not like, whatever.

25:12Speaker 2:On that note, we have started doing a lot of things that we've been wanting to do for a really long time. Mandy's visiting right now. She used to live in LA. That's when we met. But then she moved back to London for work. Yeah, it's really hard being in a long distance friendship. I don't think people talk about how difficult it is being in a long distance friendship to someone you actually enjoy spending time with.

25:32Speaker 1:No, it's actually really, really hard.

25:33Speaker 2:It is difficult, but we make it work. We have like phone calls in the morning, in the evening. Yeah, but it is actually really difficult with friendships like that. And we, while she's been here, we're trying to do lots of things instead of just like sitting at home. We've been trying to explore and do lots of things that we enjoy doing together and have always wanted to do. The reason I bring that up is because we've started doing dance lessons. And I think we're amazing. She thinks we're amazing. In my humble opinion, we're not. Well, she's actually pretty good. No, I think we're incredible.

26:07Speaker 1:Right.

26:08Speaker 2:So this is where overhyping sometimes can ruin things because then you end up feeling like you can do anything and we're going to end up on America's Got Talent and we're not going to be well received.

26:19Speaker 1:I would love to go on America's Got Talent with you. I know you would. We'd have the best time. We could learn a Dede Bina.

26:24Speaker 2:Some things are for private and not for public is what I've also realised. We always talk about The idea of evil eye, like since we've got our friendship, actually even doing this podcast, I was like, oh, is it going to be weird us doing this podcast together?

26:38Speaker 1:No, you're wearing the color of the evil eye. We're fine. Also, no weapon formed against us shall prosper. That is something that you started saying to me. No weapon formed against us shall prosper.

26:45Speaker 2:Whenever I'm feeling sad about something or worried that someone's going to go against me or I think that something wrong is going to happen.

26:53Speaker 1:What do you say? No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And I literally say that to myself all the time now. It's true. No other person on this world has more power than God and what's in you. Absolutely not. Yeah, and you have to believe that with firm faith. 100%. Like if you started believing that someone outside of you has more power than you, no.

27:13Speaker 2:We were talking about this this morning that can you have fear and faith that can both exist? Can you be in fear and be in full faith? And I think we came to the conclusion that actually no.

27:25Speaker 1:If you have firm faith, and it doesn't have to be fully in God, but if you have firm faith in whatever it is that you are doing or that you are trying to be, then fear can't exist within that because faith means you're also surrendering to whatever that is, whatever the plan is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that you don't have full faith if you have a bit of fear in you. That's crazy. Isn't it? Because every now and then, I mean, even last night I was having a moment and Paula Ashby was like, do you believe in God? And I said, yes. Okay, so what's your problem? And I was like, hmm. Yeah. Okay. All right.

27:57Speaker 1:Next question. Mic drop. Yeah, literally. No, it's so true.

28:00Speaker 2:I think we overcomplicate things so much when actually the simplicity of it is just, what do I have faith in? And can I build my faith in that so the fear doesn't take over?

28:08Speaker 1:That's my thing. Like when I'm feeling that way, I'm always like, God, can you take this doubt away from me? Also, can you just take the fear away and truly allow me to believe that your way is way better than mine? So let me to like loosen my grip on it and just do your thing. What do you think are non-negotiables in friendship? Like if you're going to be my best friend, this is what you have to be. Okay, first of all, hype woman. No jealousy. Tell me if I smell. Tell me if I've got something in my teeth.

28:36Speaker 1:Tell me if an outfit doesn't, if it's like making my butt look not nice or whatever. Just be honest. I'd much rather that than go out and flirt with someone and come back and be like, my butt did not look good. That is not okay. You know, that's really important. Hype me up and believe in my dreams. as much as I believe in my dreams, um, gives me constructive criticism. Like I can handle it. It's fine. And I think that's really important. Trust. Yeah. Trust is everything.

29:07Speaker 1:A hundred percent trust.

29:09Speaker 2:So interesting how that was like a feeling more than it was through evidence with us.

29:13Speaker 1:I can't describe in words why we're friends. Like what, or like the, I can't, I don't, I don't know. I like if people say, well, how come you invite? I don't, I don't know. We just, oh, it just happened. It's just, but it's just happened just like that. It's also work.

29:27Speaker 2:Like we work at it as well. I work in my head to make sure that I'm honest with you. I work in my head to make sure that I am hyping you up, cleaning my heart to make sure that whatever I am saying to you, however I'm acting, with you is in honesty because you've done that for me.

29:43Speaker 1:This is a big thing for me, which I haven't done in the past, is if I can see someone doing something that I don't believe, I don't think is right. In the past, because of being a people pleaser and not wanting to lose a friendship, I've completely just been like, that's cool, babe. That's fine. Yeah. Okay, cool. And actually, no, it's not cool. I probably could have steered friendships or people from doing the worst of the worst by just being honest and being like, actually, I love you. I'm going to say this to you in a really kind way.

30:17Speaker 1:I feel sick saying it, but I'm going to say it. I don't think this is right. I don't think you should do this, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think that is really important. That's like a true friendship. They can say to someone, No. I agree.

30:30Speaker 2:I feel like I've just been trying to practice that so much in my friendships. I mean, I was speaking to you about this the other day, one of our friends, I wasn't sure whether I should or shouldn't say something. And then I thought, why am I saying it? I'm saying it because I really love and care about her so much. And I'm just going to ask her a question. Like, are you sure you want to do this? Is this making you happy?

30:51Speaker 1:And it was so beautiful because in that moment, I felt like she was like, yeah, I'm happy doing this. And this is really great.

30:56Speaker 2:And then she messaged me afterwards and she was like, thanks so much for asking me that question. Like, thank you so much for asking me that question because actually if I sat and I thought about it and it wasn't what I wanted to be doing.

31:05Speaker 1:Yeah. And I was like, it was coming from a place of pure love and zero judgment. Yeah.

31:09Speaker 2:And I think that's another part of friendship that's really important is you never feel like that person's judging you. Therefore, you could say, we say the most raggo things to each other. Like thoughts that I believe should have stayed in my head.

31:20Speaker 1:100%. We say out loud to each other. Yep.

31:23Speaker 2:Actually that helps so much to help process things that you feel like you're ashamed of or you think you shouldn't be thinking or thoughts that could ruminate in your head. Hey, let me just have a purse that I could say all these random things to.

31:34Speaker 1:What gift though that we've got that. Because imagine, imagine not and then just like thinking in your head and then being like, oh my gosh.

31:40Speaker 2:Yeah, it really requires so much from both people though. I feel like friendship isn't something that you just like throw yourself into. I think it's literally the same amount of effort that goes into a relationship goes into a deep meaningful friendship.

31:49Speaker 1:My main experience of relationships is friendships. Really? When I really think about it, like my longest relationship is 18 months. Am I okay? Yeah, we're going to go on to dating. You and dating. That's one of my favorite topics. Great.

32:01Speaker 2:But the last thing I will touch on when it comes to friendship, because this friendship has been, I guess, an emblem of how I would want all of my friendships to be, is that we can go, we can have meaningful conversations, but we have so much, like everything is so silly. And I actually think I had someone on my podcast recently and he was talking about how He created these nights with his friends where you can do the silliest, most outrageous, outlandish things together. No judgment, safe space, sing if you can't sing, dance if you can't dance. They would take drugs together because they felt like it was a safe space. Whatever it is, doing all these things that you'd feel so embarrassed to do.

32:41Speaker 2:Where if I was like, oh, I feel like I can't dance. That's how I felt about singing and dancing. And now we're like dancing together and doing those things together. But actually being able to be silly creates a platform to have depth together. And I think because you're releasing your inhibitions, you're literally in front of people doing the dumbest stuff. And as soon as you feel like your physical inhibitions have gone, I really think it sets the soil and the platform for you to then be like, oh, I was able to do this in front of that person.

33:07Speaker 2:Maybe I can trust them with other things. Yeah, you can't help but be authentic when you do that. It's the same on set. If I mess up a line, I'm cool for the rest of the shoot. In fact, sometimes I try to mess up a line very early on.

33:21Speaker 1:Same with singing. I'll try to like be off key if I'm working with a new producer, just to be off key, to be like, okay, you see my worst. Great. Then I'm not thinking, oh no, what are they thinking? Then I'm, then I can be authentic and in flow. Yeah. That makes sense actually. Fascinating, isn't it? Yeah.

33:35Speaker 2:As soon as you feel like you've messed up in front of someone, it takes down the barriers.

33:39Speaker 1:Yeah.

33:39Speaker 2:With all the people that you've had in your life, friends, family, Something I think you do really well is maintain boundaries of like not overstepping into people's lives, even if you really want to fix them and help them. How have you managed to do that throughout your life? And then obviously you can share relationships, the relationships that you have done that in if you want to.

33:58Speaker 1:I've probably, again, done the opposite of that first. I've like tried everything to fix someone and put so much like hope in the outcome of their life to only just be hurt. when that's not that and that's not happening. And so that's how I've done that really is by doing the opposite and putting all the hope and trying to fix them and trying to make everything better and blah, blah, blah. I'll make you happy. I'll make you this. I'll make you that to realize one, it's not a good job. Two, you can't fix anyone. You can't force anyone to do anything.

34:35Speaker 1:We do not have the power to change anyone's outcome. Only they do. And I think once you accept that, which is a hard truth to accept, especially when you love someone with all of your heart, and when you love someone and can see their potential, you can see all the little things it would take for them to be the best version of themselves when you've been where they are. So you're like, I've been there. I know how hard it is, but if you just keep on, when you realize that you don't have that control or that power or whatever, you can't help but loosen your um like i have no outcome now i don't i don't have any like attachment to the outcome of anyone's life really like obviously i wish that everyone's happy and i wish them health and happiness and joy and peace and love and all of that goodness but i'm not going to be attached to the outcome if that's not your experience because i can't be i'm not a mom yet and i can i i don't know what i'm That's, I think, one of the hardest things for a parent to watch their child and know that I can't do anything to make you. Yeah. It's so, I can, I

35:43Speaker 1:can imagine it's heartbreaking. Yeah. And the same with children with their parents too. 100%. I feel like the same. It's a reciprocal thing to want to insert yourself in any of your family members life to just be like, please just let me help you. Let me fix this. Let me do everything. Yeah. And it's so hard to create those boundaries. I really struggle with that so much, as you know. I really feel like it's my responsibility to fix a lot of people's lives that exist around me.

36:08Speaker 1:And then you either lose yourself in it or you end up just becoming so frustrated and so flustered because it's like, why is it not working? Why is what I'm doing, if I'm paying 90% of the effort, why is it not working? Because they're not paying the 10. Yeah. And you're not meant to. And also by you doing that as well, which again is another hard lesson I've learned, is by you doing that, by you turning up, by you doing that 90%, you're keeping them there because they're not having to do it for themselves. They're not having to realize they know she's always going to fix it.

36:39Speaker 1:She's going to fix it. She's going to come through in the last moment. She's going to do this. She's going to do that. They get so used to that pattern that they then sit back and think, I've not got to do it. And it's only until they realize, oh, wow, that they can actually sort their life out for themselves. I remember I had a friend who was going through a really hard time and I remember being quite actually quite harsh. And I remember saying to her, I could say all the right things to you right now, but I'm not gonna. And I'm not gonna because I need you to go through this dark tunnel and I need you to get out of it and only have yourself to congratulate. So you know, oh my God, I didn't need man. Otherwise you'd put me on a pedestal. Don't put me on a pedestal. you'll be putting yourself on the pedestal. And honestly, she'd done all this and she went through it and I was, you know, I really was doing like tough love with her. And on the other side of it, she came out and she said, yeah, I'm so proud of myself that I done that and I'm so proud that I was able to get, and I think everyone should experience how powerful they can be.

37:43Speaker 1:And that I think sometimes only happens when we take a step back and say, okay, go on then. Which is hard. No, but it's actual love. 100% is love. Like it's actually love to love someone that much, to allow yourself to sit through even watching them suffer. That actually takes so much to do that. And I think there's, you know, what you said about giving her feedback and giving hard love. I think that in a friendship and in a relationship, you can give extremely hard feedback. You can say the most outlandish thing and tell someone exactly how it is. If it is lined with love. 100%.

38:18Speaker 1:If they believe that you love them, you could say anything.

38:21Speaker 2:You could probably cuss them out a fair bit and they will still know that, wow, this person truly loves me and cares about me. And so I think building that trust before you give feedback is really important in a friendship.

38:33Speaker 1:Yeah.

38:33Speaker 2:Where I need you to know I'm saying this with love, but I'm going to tell you that what you're doing right now is not great. And I want you, I want to be there for you and I want to love you through it. But you need to know that I, that as your friend, I'm telling you, this is not, this is not the way.

38:50Speaker 1:And also, I think it's also important to have conversations about like how you receive stuff because I'm a little, I'm like, yeah, tell me the truth, whatever, whatever. And if someone says something, which I know is the truth deep down, I, in the moment, a hundred percent, I will be defensive and I'll be like, whatever. Okay, fine. But I also know that in a day or so or maybe an hour I'll be like thank you so as long as that person knows that okay when you come to me I probably will act like a little bit of a brat for like maybe 10 minutes and it's only because the truth hurts and I'm aware of it and you're just holding up a mirror to the stuff that I already know then um then it's fine.

39:23Speaker 2:You said this the other day and you mentioned it now about putting friends on pedestals like as soon as you said that I was like that's actually such a basic requirement of friendship is not putting them on a pedestal because as soon as they get put on a pedestal, it's so much easier to judge them. It's so much easier to, it one makes the other person feel so worried about failing.

39:43Speaker 1:Yeah.

39:44Speaker 2:Failing of your perception of me, failing at the type of person that you think that I am. But also for the person who's putting them on a pedestal, it's like, then you don't.

39:54Speaker 1:Ever get to see the real them. Yeah. What's the point?

39:56Speaker 2:It's such an important part of it. I think that's what the difference is between an acquaintance and a friendship and a deep friendship is, am I creating a visual of who I think you should be?

40:05Speaker 1:Yeah.

40:06Speaker 2:Or am I taking you as you actually are and allowing you to be that regardless of how I feel about those situations?

40:12Speaker 1:I don't think anyone should be put on a pedestal. Anyone, even like the people that we love like Beyonce love you but I'm not going to put you on a pedestal because you're human and you probably don't want to want it call blimey yeah do you know what I mean some people might want to be a little queen bee yeah true I mean I wish yeah I sort of want my dance videos to go to her and see what she thinks about them if for anyone we'd be background dancers if Beyonce needs me to be a background dancer not a problem that's the one person that you should do it for 100% something that we've both been working on yeah is being little petals. Little soft petal pie.

40:46Speaker 2:We have been trying our best to be as feminine as possible. And we've been doing quite a good job, bar a few things. The one thing we do remind each other of whenever we go brago or go really crazy or end up leaning into our mask is, what do we say?

41:04Speaker 1:We say, you're a soft little petal pie. You are so soft. You are such a little petal pie. Wow, look at you. You flower.

41:12Speaker 2:That's actually what we say to each other. And it makes us laugh, but it also does remind us to soften into being a flower. But some of the things that we've been trying to get us there is dance.

41:21Speaker 1:Yes. That's been fun. Letting other people open our water bottles. Yeah. I still struggle with that, to be honest. Man keeps trying to give water bottles to men to open. I'm going to keep doing it.

41:32Speaker 2:I can open your damn water bottle. Why are you giving it to this guy that you do not need to give it to? And then I realized that's just me trying to Show that I can do everything myself.

41:41Speaker 1:I'm really enjoying giving my water bottle to guys.

41:44Speaker 2:Tell me the different ways that you are outwardly showing that you are in your feminine.

41:48Speaker 1:I 100% will let anyone open the door for me. Car doors. Just door doors. If someone says, oh, do you want me to get your luggage? Oh, yes, please. Thank you so much. I just go into my princess mode. And I'm like, I'll be like, oh, can you open this for me? Or... I can't reach that. Would you be able to just get that for me? Even in the gym, if I don't want to put away my bar when I'm not working my PT, I'll go up to a guy and be like, I'm so sorry. Do you mind just doing that for me? And I love it, which is crazy to me because five years ago, are you wild? Even if I was huffing and puffing, I would 100% pick that up, do it myself. I've been such an independent human all my life. And I'm like, no more. Yes, I will be independent and I will be an adult and I'll do all the things I need to do. Fine. But I'm going to do it in a little dress. Do you feel like you've ever fully relied on someone? Never. And I want to. There's part of me, there's a really big part of me, right, that cannot wait to meet the love of my life eventually.

42:52Speaker 1:Hurry up wherever you are. Or take your time if you need to heal. Anyway, I want to just breathe. Just relax. Can't wait for that. I've not done that for 35 years. But literally for 35 years of my life, I have just been on. Just me. I mean, obviously not when I was a baby or whatever, but... From the age of one. From the age of just, I'll do my own nappy. Leave my nappy alone.

43:18Speaker 2:You've been like that since I've known you, at least. And we've been talking about relationships a lot this trip. And one thing I have to really applaud you for, which I've spoken to you about already, but for the sake of this podcast, I need to repeat it, is you've spent the last year working on yourself intensely. No man in sight, really. You've been spending your Friday nights by yourself. You've been so happy with the time that you've been spending alone within this last year.

43:47Speaker 1:How do you change.

43:48Speaker 2:Your mindset from being someone who feels lonely to like actually enjoying your time alone? Because so many people can't do that. Falling in love with yourself is really important, I think. Falling in love with all of you is really important, even the flaws. You've got to sit in the uncomfort of what might be boredom, what might come up in the silence, what you clearly are trying to avoid or not feel, even feeling, just feeling. And then also realizing I'm such a person where if the energy is like bookie or off, I'd rather go home. I don't want to be around that. And I think I've always been this way. I'd much rather have like two really good friends. than 20 friends where it feels like nah I don't want that energy I love my own company I love my home I love my peace I love my and this this year has been such a great year I mean to be fair there's a lot of.

44:45Speaker 1:It has just been filming and working so it's been really busy but on the days that I could go out or could be whatever I'm I've loved being indoors to the point that you I remember, like, what, maybe three or four months ago, you was like, I'm going to need you to start booking just one dinner a week with friends. Just once a week. Just get out of the house. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do that. I'll do that. But I've loved just being at home. Watching you do that has been so beautiful because you genuinely do. You actually have got to a place where you love spending time alone. You're not sad.

45:19Speaker 1:You're not depressed. You're not feeling lonely. You're just so happy and content with the life that you've created for yourself. I'm having a great time at mine. What do you think has changed from like the person that you were a year ago going into that year to who you are now and how you're approaching dating? It's been a massive shift. I think if what I went through last year, I didn't go through last year. If I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be this version of me now.

45:43Speaker 1:And I wouldn't be taking dating seriously in a way of intention like I'm dating with intention um and I think I would have settled for again I would have settled for shit I wouldn't have known my boundaries with stuff my voice like my like my no is something that I've been on such a journey with for a lot of my life but obviously after last year the word no to me now is everything and saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it and saying it and not letting anyone wear my no down. That's like the biggest thing for me, really.

46:19Speaker 1:And I think that whole thing set me off on a journey of, why is it that my no can be worn down? Okay, what's that about? Why is it that in those situations I will freeze or fawn or will not, the voice within me is like screaming so loud. Why am I silencing her? How can I put someone else's comfort over me when I look back now I think no no no no and then I look back to five-year-old me and I'm like no yeah absolutely not just no so I feel like this year has been great because it's made me ask myself those questions and really sit in the mirror with it and be like okay enough is enough and two it's made me not want anyone around me for a certain amount of time to just heal To really, really heal, to grieve, to go through the things that I would normally want to distract from, feel it all. And I've had no choice but to. Yeah. Really. Like, I don't think I've had a choice in it. Like, I'm not going to be bunning every day. I'm not going to be drinking away.

47:35Speaker 1:I've got a job. I've got to turn up and be on set and film. I've got to do my work. But I've been able to do it in the most authentic way, I think, because I'm like... I can only turn up as me. I'm going to do the work. I'm going to heal. I'm going to work out what it is I want in a relationship. For years and years and years, my life coach has said to me, I want you to sit down and in your journal, I need you to write down what your perfect partner is.

47:57Speaker 1:I need you to write down your non-negotiables. I need you to do this. I've avoided it. Every time I'd open my notebook, it'd be like, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. Only honestly in the last like month have I finally been like, I know what I want now. Wow. And I know what I don't want now. And I know what's a non-negotiable. I know what's not. I know the feeling that I want, which is great. And I feel like it's taken a year to get to that.

48:23Speaker 2:I heard someone say this, give yourself one year. Give yourself one year to heal, to do the work, to go deep into the limits of where you are hurting, the pain that you've gone through. And it can change the rest of your life. It will change who you attract. It will change how magnetic you are to the people that you want to attract into your life. It will change the work that you receive. It will change every single thing, but just.

48:47Speaker 1:Give yourself a year. And I feel like that's literally what you've done.

48:51Speaker 2:You know, when you're going on dates and stuff now, I mean, I want you to talk about the things that have changed and how you're approaching it, because there's been so many parts where you've come back from a date and I've been like, man, did you actually say that to him? Did you actually say that out loud?

49:03Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah.

49:04Speaker 2:Tell me some of the things that you're noticing has shifted in the way that you're speaking or the things that you expect in a relationship now.

49:11Speaker 1:First things first is never in my life before had I ever gone on a date or been in a situation with a guy where I had asked myself, do you like do I like you it was always does he like me does he like me does he like me I wonder if he likes me I wonder if he's like thinking of me I want it do you like him asking yourself that mate because all my life I did it's only been about if they like me then yeah I like you without even I don't know you yet to even know that So I think that's the main thing has turned around. It's me observing within myself.

49:42Speaker 1:Do I actually like you? Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, I do. Great. In fact, not once have I gone in any of these states thinking if they like me, which is great. Even the other day when I was like, oh, hello, there was not one point of me that was like, I wonder if he likes me or if he doesn't like me. I don't care. I'm working out if I like you. And I've never done that. ever done that and and it's so nice to do that because it's like oh yeah duh.

50:08Speaker 2:I feel like you've become so healthy in the way that you're even approaching it like you don't have obsessive tendencies in your head you know is he gonna call me is he gonna message me you're like no I if he's the right person then.

50:20Speaker 1:He will 100% and again all of that's changed like I 100% had anxious attachment style growing up without realizing it in relationships I've always been anxiously attached if they don't text back or whatever. I remember I went on a date. I was filming something a few years ago. I went on a date. Someone set me up on a blind date with someone. Great date. Loved it. So much fun. Another date and another date. And then I remember being on set and all people around me were like, oh my God, has he messaged you yet? Has he messaged you? And I remember looking at my phone and it was a no. And I can't tell you how I went from having so much joy and being on set and in the moment. And I loved these people I was working with to genuinely feeling sick. genuinely feeling anxious and genuinely feeling sad that he hasn't messaged back it's so wild to me now to like be going on these little dates or whatever or messaging whatever and I don't feel any of that I really don't and it's that like I said the other day I was like I can't quite I'm observing within myself that I don't it's just not there which is incredible I've never

51:20Speaker 1:had that before which shows me how much I've how much it's it's working the healing or whatever Because I don't have that at all. You're also brutally honest on the dates. That's another thing. I'm good at being honest in friendships. Sometimes my delivery I need to work on, I have been told, can be a little bit blunt. No, I think you're good. Thanks so much. It's always got a bit of sugar on it. Yeah. But on a date, yeah, no, I will be honest with someone. And if I'm not feeling it, I will say, look, I think you're great.

51:50Speaker 1:I don't feel a connection or like a spark here. But do you want to talk about like what it is that you want to achieve, I end up being like a life coach. But at least you're honest and you don't waste people's time. No, I'm not about wasting people's time. Because also, on to the next. I'm sifting through them.

52:08Speaker 2:So when a guy is really forward with you, I really like to response that you give. Can you tell, okay, so a guy messages you, you haven't even met yet, and somehow he ends up.

52:18Speaker 1:Being slightly inappropriate in his language. Matches someone. Fine. Messages me, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah. when are you free? I was like, well, not tonight. I've got a massage booked at mine. Great. That's a great Friday night for me. He's like, oh, I have a flight to LA tomorrow. So, you know, and he's like, oh, what? So I can't even see you. I said, I don't know when. And he said, well, what about after your massage? He goes, I will give you a reason to be tired on the flight. Straight away, I know exactly what he's talking about, but I was like, no, let me see if he's really brave enough to go there. I said, oh yeah, how? He said, I think that you can think of a few, a few ways as to how you'd be tired on the flight. And then like sent this weird meme. And I was like, I was fuming.

53:04Speaker 1:So I messaged back. I said, sorry to break it to you. I'm a woman of God. Therefore I do not do any of that. Um, Take care. And then I blocked him. But my thing is, one, are you wild? Do you think that I'm going to have sex with you? I've never met you. To assume that you've got it good like that, that I'm just going to have sex with you before I get on my flight. I don't know you. You might not have ever had therapy. You might have trauma in you that you're going to pass on to me energetically. No, thank you very much. I don't want that. Also, what is it about me that you think that I would be down to F you one day? No. You're lucky if you get in a snog.

53:43Speaker 2:No, the fact that he said, I'm a woman of God, and then he had zero response to that.

53:47Speaker 1:No, he did literally no response. But also good, because also he claimed that he was a man of God. I'm sorry, but I don't think you are. Not in the way that you are treating women on this app. Yeah. But it's so beautiful.

53:59Speaker 2:And incredible that you were able to just be so blunt because if you think he's good looking and you think he's got a nice body and you think all these things and suddenly you end up molding or bending your values for someone else.

54:11Speaker 1:I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and it's not worth it. And then you know it's just not your man. He's not my man. If that's what you're thinking, you're not my man. You're good. all the ladies out there who are in this situation just say I'm a woman of God just say yeah a really great excuse is is um sorry I'm a woman of God.

54:26Speaker 2:How about that how about that yeah I feel like you're also attracting different people in your life now exciting times like different types of people yeah different types of men outside of your normal pattern yes I think that's also evidence of how much a year working on yourself can change like what it can actually change because of what you are attracting into you into your life because of what you are thinking about yourself now.

54:51Speaker 1:It's true though i mean they always i remember reading something once where it says instead of like um warning you want a man who does this you want a man who does that or whatever what what would that man who would that man be with become that person which actually i don't think is good i think you should start on you and not think about the man fine but it is interesting that once you start being your highest version of yourself or whatever that you can't help but attract someone on the same vibe.

55:19Speaker 2:That reminds me of something that you said to me near the beginning of when we first met, maybe a couple months in. We were talking and I asked you, what are you up to? And you said, oh, I'm going to dance classes. And I was like, oh, why are you going to dance classes? And you said, I'm preparing for my prayers. That was literally your answer. I'm preparing for my prayers. And it reminded me also of the manifestation practice that you have and the journaling practice that you had.

55:42Speaker 1:Can you go into a bit? Because Your journaling practice is incredible. Thanks.

55:47Speaker 2:And I feel like there's so much to how you write and what you write about and how much firm faith you have in what you are writing.

55:55Speaker 1:No, because I've seen it happen. That's the craziest thing. Like, I think the first few times that you tried to manifest or whatever... you really do have to like fake it till you make it. And you really do have to be like, okay, great. I'm going to do this and I'm going to, why not believe that it's going to work out? Why not have full faith? Because you could have full faith the other way. So, and that's a choice. So just believe it's going to work out.

56:15Speaker 1:Once you start getting evidence of your manifestations working, oh my Lord. And sometimes what I'll do is I'll open an old journal and I will look at whatever it would be. And I, sometimes I'm like, I remember I opened a journal and I had written, so specific as well. I'd written, April, fly to LA to be the lead in an American network TV show. Now at the time, I didn't know what an American network TV show really meant. I was just saying the things that I thought would be cool, right? That was random, the April. I was mapping out my whole year. I was doing my yearly thing of mapping out my whole year, whatever. Then I looked at that and I was like, that's weird. And then I looked at the date that I moved to LA to start filming on CSI Vegas as one of the leads in an American network TV show. Kid you not, April. No.

57:07Speaker 1:That's insane, isn't it? Like that's crazy to me. And that happens a lot. But it always happens in a way of like, I write it, I do the thing, I'm in the moment and then forget about it. I completely forget about it.

57:21Speaker 2:That's interesting that you put it in there and then You leave it because a lot of the time with manifestation, people are like, you have to write it and then you have to do all the things to get yourself ready for it.

57:30Speaker 1:I do believe that. Yeah. I think you do have to like, yeah, write it and do the things. So if I wanted to release an album and I think I said to myself, okay, in a year's time, I'm going to release an album. Well, yes, I've written it and I'm manifesting it. But then do the work. Have your vocal training. Start writing music. Get in the studio. Be the version of you who would be releasing an album. I think that's what preparing for your prayers is. Or if I wanted to be in the James Bond movie, well, I better learn stunts. Yeah. I better get really good at stunt training and I better get really good at like, in my body, I better get fit and healthy and whatever.

58:06Speaker 1:Because also then when the opportunity happens, boom, you're ready. You're already ready. Yeah. And I think that is honestly when the blessing does happen. Because you are, you can't help but, if you're doing all the things, it's just going to come to you. Well, you're already showing that you are you're able to receive and to keep it by preparing for it. Like you're showing that you've put everything into play for you to be able to actually receive it.

58:30Speaker 2:And then hold it as well. And that you're willing to do the work for it too. You can't just write things down and then expect it to just happen.

58:37Speaker 1:Imagine I said, oh yeah, I want to be, I want to do a movie where I get to be an Olympic swimmer. Cool. If the audition comes through and they say, okay, can you just go and hold your breath for two minutes underwater? What am I getting... No. Yeah? No. Am I putting myself in the best opportunity to get the role at that point? Then no, I'm not. Instead, I'd rather, if that's what I've written and I want that, which I'm good, I don't really want an Olympic swimming movie, just putting that out there. But if I then prepare...

59:10Speaker 1:and I do that work when the opportunity shows up I'm going to walk in that room be like two minutes I'll do it for five minutes mate do you know what I mean you want me to do some stunts I can do rolly rolly jump off buildings no it's so true I've seen you do that over and over again with things like Whether it's to do with your dancing for, which by the way, not many people know this about Mandy because they think that she's just an actress, but you're also a phenomenal singer. Thanks. And you've been practicing and practicing and she goes to the back of my house and she is like belting the songs out, the lyrics out. And you practice and you prepare over and over again for something that you deeply know that you want. Whether you're on holiday or not, whether you've got time or not, you are constantly in preparation for the next thing that you want in your life. Yeah.

59:56Speaker 2:With ease though as well, not even with like desperation, just with like, this is what I want in my life.

1:00:01Speaker 1:And so I'm going to prepare to have it. And just to say that as well, like I've not always been that way. I just need to put that out there. I've not always been that way. I've fluked a lot of my life. 100%. I have 100% fluked a lot of my life in moments where people are like, oh my God, she's an incredible actress. No bro, I was having a sad day. That's my real truth of it. I was in my luteal phase. I was having a sad day. Someone shouted at me in the morning in the car because I was late into the car. When I get shouted at, I get sad. I'm like a child.

1:00:30Speaker 1:And so on set that day, I just happened to be sad. And what the audience witnessed, which is, oh my God, how did she get that emotion? That just broke my heart. No, it's because I genuinely was sad. So cool. There's that to it, which has been a fluke. But then I remember I got to a certain point a few years back where I was like, you can't keep fluking it. If you're going to keep fluking it, you're sort of taking the piss out of God's blessings on your life. And that's not very fair. So you need to do everything to the best of your ability.

1:00:59Speaker 1:So you better start doing that. And honestly, I'd probably say that over the last four years, that has been a massive change for me. And now it's like, okay, you want to be an incredible actress and whatever, then have your lessons. You didn't go to drama school. Yeah. You didn't do any of that. You've relied on raw talent. lovely but if I was a athlete I would be training every day so train and so so yeah I had to have a really important conversation with myself where I was like um you if you just keep fluking it there's gonna be a ceiling totally whereas if you actually take this seriously now and know that you're worthy of taking it seriously know that you deserve to take it seriously know that you um yeah you might be a silly little bug or like you know whatever but there's also a side of me where I'm like no I can take myself very seriously in a beautiful way and I'm not afraid to do that anymore whereas I think before I would have felt a bit like icky doing that and been like oh god but now I'm like nah I'm gonna do that and you do and I do I want to get into the little journaling

1:02:04Speaker 1:practice because we basically spend a lot of our mornings writing in our journals.

1:02:08Speaker 2:And every time I would read little bits of your journal, you'd share it with me. It is so cute. And it's actually helped me to break the facade of when you're first journaling, you're like, oh, I have to be like, dear diary, and I have to like write so prim and proper and whatever.

1:02:21Speaker 1:And you are, you are like ADHD to the max in your journaling. No, I am. Have you been journaling for a long time? And also, What are you thinking about when you journal? Are you literally just writing as you think? Both, I think. I've been journaling for, yeah, a really long time. It's a great way for me to get my thoughts out. I think it all started when I would, I dream quite vividly. And so when I was younger, before there were phones, I would have a notebook and a pen because I'd wake up and remember my dreams and had to write them down. So I think it started from that, like writing stuff down.

1:02:50Speaker 1:And now I just do it. And now it's really, really helpful. And sometimes, like, sometimes I'll write stuff down. Sometimes I will voice note myself if my hands hurt and I can't be bothered to write. Sometimes I will sit there with the intention of journaling about whatever it is I'm feeling or asking myself questions or sometimes just to God or sometimes just like, thank you for this, like gratitude. Sometimes as you've seen, it can be me talking about, God, I really can't wait to have popcorn later at the cinema. I really can't wait to have this.

1:03:20Speaker 1:So then, wow, I love my life so much. I wonder if I should make a coffee in the morning, like literally all of that. But then I'll get to whatever is underneath the whatever. And, you know, that might be a prayer. It might be me just sitting there reflecting. It might be, it could be anything. Sometimes I don't even think when I'm doing it. It's just whatever comes out, comes out.

1:03:40Speaker 2:I think a practice that we did together, which I honestly recommend, it doesn't have to be during this period. We did the Lionsgate portal manifestation thing. And honestly, I've never been someone, I told you this, I've never been someone to try and look into my future. I've always been like, okay, whatever's happening is happening now. I've never had a one-year plan, a five-year plan. I've never thought about my life that way.

1:03:59Speaker 1:I found it really hard. That's incredible though that you haven't, but yet look at your life. I know I've always found it hard.

1:04:03Speaker 2:I knew how I wanted to feel or like maybe what I wanted to do for people, but never could visualize what I saw my future actually being. And so we sat down and we did like a full visualization. We were writing separately, but we wrote down everything. Well, I started writing down what I imagined my future to be. And then you told me how you'd done it. And it was writing down a day in. So like this time next year, this is what my day is going to look like, feel like, smell like. from morning to evening.

1:04:32Speaker 1:And that was so powerful for me because.

1:04:34Speaker 2:Now parts of that are stuck in my mind of the visuals that I imagine for myself in the future. And what I realized is when you end up having that, subconsciously you can end up navigating your life in a way to create that. And so we literally wrote down, and I really recommend people do this, we wrote down From the moment that you open your eyes, what you see, who you're with, how you feel, the sensations you're having in your body, when you open your eyes, what's the first thing that you see, the smells that are in the air, all the way through your.

1:05:06Speaker 1:Day and imagining... a life that you want to live. Yeah. And in detail. And in extreme detail. Go to all the details. What color is your car? Yeah. Maroon. Yeah. What color is your car? What shoes are you wearing? Yeah. What does the person say to you? How do they look at you?

1:05:22Speaker 2:Whatever it is that you are trying to create in your life, go through the detail because it was such a beautiful experience to do that. And I'm now day to day as a letter that I read for myself next year on the same day.

1:05:34Speaker 1:And who knows, none of it may come true, but also all of it could come true. And how amazing that you've spoken it into existence. And then the other part that we did was we wrote down things that we wanted to release because Lionsgate Portal was supposed to be a time to like release a lot of things that you want to let go of in your body, emotions, energies, physical things in your life, whatever it is you want to get rid of. We sat around a fire and we literally wrote down and piece by piece, we threw it into the fire. And that was amazing. It was incredible.

1:06:03Speaker 1:I feel different after, do you? Yeah, I really did. I felt like it was so incredible to write down all the things, look at it, and then throw it into something to let it and watch it burn yeah and have it be the end of whatever that cycle is with that thing yeah have it be a representation your visual your eyes are able to see that this is the end of what I have just written this is no longer coming with me through my life yeah and even if it doesn't go away completely it definitely again sets the intention of I'm slowly releasing this through my life for the next year yeah I'm letting go of this I'm I'm not no longer carrying it with me when I'm going into conversations when I'm going into situations so Even if you're not someone who finds it easy to sit there and journal, try these practices. They were so useful. I love doing them.

1:06:48Speaker 2:And now when I can't think of what I want to journal about or if my mind feels blank, which by the way, it does often in the morning, I'll go back to that and be like, oh, this is what I visualized in my future.

1:06:58Speaker 1:How am I going to make that happen today?

1:06:59Speaker 2:What's the step I'm going to take towards that every single day?

1:07:02Speaker 1:And it's a really beautiful practice. It is. Because also, when are we doing that? When are we actually like, when in life do we have time to sit there and actually... Even ask ourselves those questions.

1:07:12Speaker 2:My Saturdays and Sundays now, and we've been doing this while you've been here too, is sitting and writing in the morning. Writing or I'll read something, I'll highlight it. And now even when I'm reading, instead of just passively reading because my mind won't let me really digest if I'm not really focused, instead of passively doing it, I sit, I highlight, I annotate. Completely changes my experience of the moment.

1:07:33Speaker 1:Yeah. And also you take it, it goes that layer deeper. Yeah. Writing is so powerful. Like our thoughts are powerful. Our tongue has so much power. But then when you exercise that, there's something that happens. And I think it creates a protection. We talk about evil eye quite a bit. And I know you said the... No weapon formed against you shall prosper. Yes. But I think also the more that you know what you want in life and the more that you feel comfortable with it and the more that you trust in it, the less power it gives to other people influencing the energy. Now, some people may not believe in evil eye, which I get, but I believe it exists. But I don't believe it can have as much power... If you feel protected in yourself. 100%.

1:08:12Speaker 1:It probably does exist. There are, yeah, for sure. However, it's your belief system within you. Your belief system is going to create a barrier around you that nothing can get in. No matter how hard it tries, it will just not get in. It's an energy thing.

1:08:27Speaker 2:It's like if positive energy can affect you, of course people's negative energy can, but it's two equal forces. So if you can have a positive energy that's equal to or more than someone's negative energy, then your field that you've created around you is going to push that away from you. But if you don't and you're feeling weak and you feel like you don't understand yourself and you feel like you haven't built up that power inside of you to truly believe in yourself, of course, if their negative energy is stronger, yeah, it might influence you. might influence the way that you're thinking. Their words will impact you so much more. They will have so much more power over you because you have not created the power around you yeah I do think that that can exist but only to the degree that you are weak is the degree that they can affect you 100% and you have to remind yourself of that all the time I'm I remember I had a whole situation with magpies a while back Yeah.

1:09:14Speaker 1:That's stopped now. Oh, really? But for a while, I was me and magpies. You really didn't like seeing magpies? No. And again, that's superstitious. That's like, and I truly believed if I saw one, I was like, great, sorrow. Sorrow's going to happen. Okay, fine, whatever. And I would be so livid with the little magpies that would come visit me. If it brought its little friend, I'd be like, oh, hi, great, joy, that's nice. And I remember talking about it in therapy, and she said, you're giving so much power to something.

1:09:43Speaker 1:that is outside of you. Why would you do that? I was like, oh yeah, that's so true. Yeah, why would I do that? Why am I doing that? And I felt the shift in me. If we believe something is going to do something, if we believe something isn't going to do something, that will be your experience. Whatever you believe will be your experience, for sure. Whether you end up creating it subconsciously or not. If you've seen a magpie, one magpie, oh my God, that's sorrow, okay.

1:10:08Speaker 1:Without realizing it, you might create something that will then cause you sorrow. Yeah, always.

1:10:12Speaker 2:I think, I mean, the more that we end up speaking into existence, the more you're actually receiving it every single day.

1:10:18Speaker 1:And then you're looking for it. You're then looking to prove your theory right.

1:10:21Speaker 2:We really resonate with each other on what we like to spend money on. And when I say that, it's, well, not always, but the most important part is we spend money on our health and our wellness more than we do on anything else.

1:10:36Speaker 1:Yeah.

1:10:37Speaker 2:That's also quite important in a friendship, to have the same values and to have the same things that you want to experience in life.

1:10:43Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.

1:10:43Speaker 2:And maybe it's as we're getting older, maybe that's why we're highlighting it.

1:10:47Speaker 1:And making it more of a priority. But I do think that that has been important. Like when I heard that you have a therapist, a life coach, a full gym membership in like a very bougie gym, get massages, like you do all these things that of course you've done incredible to make yourself financially secure. Like that has been a hustle for you to come from where you've come from to do what you do now. What a blessing and how much work you had to do to get there. Yeah.

1:11:12Speaker 2:But then the choices that you made of what you want to spend your money on, I think that's pretty incredible to make choices that are going to make you a better person in every single way.

1:11:22Speaker 1:Me too. It's the best money I spend on myself. I love it. Yeah. I would not not do it.

1:11:26Speaker 2:What made you get a life coach and a therapist? Okay, so a therapist, I got first. And the therapist was because two people really close to me had psychotic episodes.

1:11:37Speaker 1:Yeah. And I smoked more weed than both of them at the time. And I remember thinking, okay, if they've gone into a psychosis, what is stopping me going into a psychosis? And my flatmate had had therapy and I was like, wow, that seems to be good for her. And I remember two things happened at the same time. One of them got admitted again and one of them went missing in the same week. And I remember thinking, okay, okay, okay, I can't, because even for me to, I love both of them so much. I can't. I don't know what to do with this. So that's when I first ever went to therapy. I remember I walked into the thing and she said, so what's brought you here? I said, I'm scared I'm going to lose my mind. I'm also scared when I lose my mind, I'm not going to be aware that I've lost my mind. That's the scariest thing for me. And I'm in this industry that I'm in and I don't ever want to be on set having lost my mind, thinking that I'm sane and everyone else around me is mental. And then I really don't want to be sectioned. I'm so scared of being sectioned.

1:12:37Speaker 1:That was it. That's what got me to therapy was the fear of losing my mind. What's come out of therapy has been everything that I needed to work on. And then a life coach is different because? A life coach is different because actually a life coach doesn't really deal with like your inner child or, you know, the past so much. It will bring up stuff like if you have limitations. So if I realize that or they might see a blind spot where they're like, you just said something that actually is going to stop you from getting where you want to go. Mm-hmm. You have a bullshit belief. I have Tony Robbins life coach. I went to a Tony Robbins seminar. So much fun. And then after that, I was like, oh, okay, let me just try this life coach thing. And yeah, I've not stopped.

1:13:19Speaker 1:And it's great. And it's so, the version of yourself that you want to be, where you are right now, they just help close the gap. That's so lovely. In the quickest time possible. And like, I think there's some things in my life that I probably would have taken me like five years that took me a year. because one I've got someone holding me accountable two if any like limiting belief will come up I'll say it and we can create a new belief around that and also just get to the bottom of okay well what you've got your foot on the brake and you've got your foot on the pedal at the same time you are stuck you're not going anywhere wow and I think things like life coaches are really good for that for me anyway it's been really great to be like oh okay that's and I felt the difference of then releasing my foot off the brake that's really cool yeah or changing my I remember I had a vision that, this massive vision, I was like, oh, I used to go to open houses when I lived here a lot. I'd go to open houses on a Sunday. One of my favorite things to do. I would pee in the house that I liked to mark my territory. Loved it. And I remember

1:14:18Speaker 1:I had this visualization where I'd be like, oh my God, my buff man's going to be having a workout in the morning. I've just had my workout. I'm not having my smoothie. We're about to have a big family barbecue. All of his family there. Oh my God, my mom's there. And She's this version of herself. She's deeply in love with this man. My brother, he's this version. My sister, like all of the people, they're this certain version of themselves. And I remember I went back to London and saw everyone.

1:14:44Speaker 1:And it scared me because they were just, of course, they're just living their life. They are who they are. And I was like, huh? Well, if I want that, then how am I going to have my, I need you guys to do that as well. And he said to me, just change your vision. I said, well, you guys just have your family and your friends or whatever, just be calm as they are in whatever form or shape they are. That changed everything. And now it is that. And now I'm like, well, however my family turn up, whoever they're with and whatever version or whatever, you know, phase of their life they're in. Great. I can still be with my buff man, you know, like in the beautiful home or whatever it is that I want. Come as you are. Because you're going to come as you are anyway. And I can't change all you doing your thing.

1:15:28Speaker 1:That's not my life. My life is my life. Never money badly spent when it's on yourself in that way. Never. Never, never, never. I wish that everyone could have it. Yeah. I really do. I wish everyone could have therapy. I wish everyone could have a life coach. I wish everyone could have PT. I wish everyone could have a nutritionist. I wish that everyone could get your bloods checked, see what you're allergic to, see what you're intolerant to, see what things that you might be putting in you that doesn't serve you like all of that I wish everyone could do.

1:15:55Speaker 2:That I know what a change in people's lives that would make yeah okay well hopefully that happens in life at some point yeah I want to switch it up to talk about your acting because you've been in so many incredible things but I want to know what is your favorite role that you have ever played.

1:16:08Speaker 1:Oh what's been your favorite it's really interesting because normally I'd say Sazh of some girls I love her but recently Serafina man Serafina we love Serafina have you seen her yeah I have seen her and I love her The way she dresses. She's such a badass. Season two. The way that I'm dressed. Shout out costume. Bex. Bex costume. Has done... Even I'm impressed with myself. It's so good. Yeah. Okay, tell us like a really fun story about something in the background of Mobland that people might not know. What's really fun on... I mean, all of it's fun, to be honest. I love it all. I love working on the job. It's so much fun. Playing a gangster... It's something that I never really manifested, I don't think. I don't think I manifested seraphina, to be fair. But I love playing a gangster. I love it. Also, I'm really impressed that I can run in six-inch heels. Yeah, I am too. On grass, wet grass. Yeah, that's phenomenal. Really great.

1:17:07Speaker 2:Your relationship with Pierce Brosnan that you've told me about is so cute. You have to talk about what he's like off set because I can't wait to spend time with him because he's such a cutie.

1:17:17Speaker 1:I love him. Pierce... Is everything you'd want him to be and more. Yeah. Like, obviously, he's incredibly talented. Incredibly talented. And he is very generous in his, like, his acting and the way that he acts or whatever. Like, you're really locked in with him. But him just as a man is everything. I genuinely felt like his daughter. I really did. And, like, series one, I felt like his daughter. And I let him know at the end. And I was like, honestly, this has been beautiful for me. So thank you. But then also season two, just more so because everyone knows everyone. So you come back and it's like, oh, great.

1:17:56Speaker 1:And Pierce is, yeah, he's so generous and he's such an artist and he's got such a big heart. And he makes me laugh. We both like, we're both a bit bougie. Yeah. We both have good standards when it comes to where we stay, what we like. We do. And I'm all here for that. But also he is, bless him, someone who this season I was going through stuff. Like this season, bless them on set. I could normally, right, if I go through stuff in life, I can like separate work and life. I couldn't this time. I really thought that I could and I tried my hardest to.

1:18:32Speaker 1:But there were times where I was on set and I was just bawling, you know, and Pierce would be like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah. He's like, are you okay? And I'm like crying. And he's like, okay, turn up, come here, let it out, let it out. And he's always like, protect your heart. just protect your heart. Like there's so much love out there. There's so much life to live. Like he makes you feel grateful for being alive. Like he has that. Like you come away from a conversation with him and you're like, oh yeah, I might be going through all of this. And yeah, but also I'm so grateful that I'm alive to go through it.

1:19:03Speaker 1:That's what he makes you feel like. But also holds space for me to be crying and be a little hot mess. That's so sweet, though. I know. And also, he's bloody dashing, isn't he? Oh, yeah. He's a handsome old man. He's a looker. He's a looker. He's a looker.

1:19:16Speaker 2:I want you to do some of your accents for everyone because you are so good at accents that people would have no idea because you've only played British, right?

1:19:23Speaker 1:Yeah. I've played, like, obviously London. I've played... Have I played Manchester in something? No, you just do that for us. Manor. Okay, I need you to do... I'm going to say accents. Yeah. And you're going to do them. Okay. Okay? Yeah. So... A girl from Manchester. Right. So, what do you want me to say, though? Like, what do you want me to talk about? Well... Ask me a question, like, on the podcast. Okay. So, what... Oh, okay. What did you have for breakfast this morning? This morning, actually, I was really bad. I had a protein shake. And actually, it was something I was allergic to. It's got almonds in it.

1:19:56Speaker 1:But I had it. Do you have a reaction? No. Because I drank it with a straw. Nice. Okay. Do a Bombay.

1:20:04Speaker 2:A Bombay woman who's moved to England.

1:20:09Speaker 1:Okay, I'm here. What questions do you want to ask me? I want to ask you, where in the world do you want to travel? Everywhere, darling. I want to travel everywhere. Obviously, I've been in Bombay and now I'm in England and everywhere. Everywhere the world will have me. Why not? Okay. Okay. And then I want you to do, can you do Valley Girl American? Valley. So like just really, really lazy. Like, oh my God. And what are you doing today? So today, you know, figuring out if I'm going to go on a date, but I don't know where he's going to take me. And I also don't know if I can be bothered. So there's that. Okay. Last one. What's the last one I want you to do? Oh, like a bridge. No, not bridge. Like you're in the crown. Oh, yes, absolutely.

1:21:02Speaker 1:What would you like me to say?

1:21:04Speaker 2:Tell me what you're going to be doing at the dance tonight.

1:21:11Speaker 1:Oh, right. At the dance tonight, we will be learning Bollywood. Now, once upon a time, we did take over in India. So from that time, I did have Bollywood lessons and absolutely loved it. And I'd just like to apologize on behalf of Britain for taking over quite a lot of countries. Well, you have to do a Cheryl Cole last one. Oh, Cheryl Cole, not a problem. So I just think that you're an amazing singer. And Simon, why are you laughing at me for? Honestly, this is why I keep her around because she just entertains me with her accent all day long. All the time.

1:21:50Speaker 2:I have so many more other questions that I want to ask you, but I feel like you know what we're going to do?

1:21:53Speaker 1:Oh, what? You're going to come back here. When?

1:21:57Speaker 2:You're going to come back onto this show where we're going to go deeper into a lot of the things that we didn't talk about.

1:22:01Speaker 1:This was just a taster for people. And I feel like you gave a really good taster. Yeah, I think so too. Also, I'm impressed that we didn't cry.

1:22:10Speaker 2:I'm impressed that we didn't cry and that we didn't have our fits of laughter.

1:22:12Speaker 1:Especially that I'm in my luteal. I know. I feel like I would have cried. Also, do you think that we should let them know about it?

1:22:19Speaker 2:Oh my, yes, of course we should. And also, by the way, everyone, Mobland 3 is out. And the other thing that I want... No, 2.

1:22:25Speaker 1:2, 2. Mobland 2 is out. Mobland 2 is out. Second season. So much going on. So much gangster. So much blood. So much... All of it. All of it. All that good, good. But also, Mandip has a beautiful singing voice and she is also a singing artist. And one of my favorite songs of hers is A Thousand Times. Yeah, great. Beautiful song.

1:22:47Speaker 2:And I can also tell you that there's some Incredible releases coming up because she's been writing while she's been here and I think it's some of her best work.

1:22:54Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you.

1:22:55Speaker 2:But you guys have to hear her music because so much of it comes from her life.

1:22:59Speaker 1:Yeah. And so many things that we will definitely talk about on our next episode. Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. But it is a beautiful depiction of how she's lived her life and also just her gorgeous voice. So definitely go listen to her. Go watch her on Mobland. And when is the other show coming up? The Woods. I have no idea. Okay, fine. But the word's Netflix at some point. The word's Netflix at some point. And we both, the last story we shall leave you with. Yes.

1:23:29Speaker 1:Should we sing the song first so they understand? Okay, yes.

1:23:32Speaker 2:So for context, me and Mandy would wake up and send each other voice notes of this song that went viral on Instagram and TikTok.

1:23:39Speaker 1:Which goes... Good morning, pineapple. Looking very sweet, very nice. Good morning, pineapple. Looking very sweet, very nice. Good morning, pineapple. Looking very sweet, very nice. Good morning, pineapple. Looking very sweet, very nice. Okay, so that's how we would greet each other.

1:24:02Speaker 2:And the day before I was leaving London, Mandy was like, we have to go and get our tattoos. We have to go and get our tattoos together. And we hadn't really thought about it, hadn't planned it.

1:24:13Speaker 1:We decided we were going to get a pineapple. And we go there. We sit down. We're really rushed for time. Yeah.

1:24:20Speaker 2:So we end up picking a pineapple, end up getting this pineapple tattoo, which we were both at the time very happy about.

1:24:28Speaker 1:And then who was it that told us? A few people let me know that a pineapple, especially an upside down pineapple. Which, by the way, we got.

1:24:37Speaker 2:And just FYI, I usually have all my tattoos facing me. And for some reason, this one is upside down.

1:24:43Speaker 1:Means that you're a swinger. Yeah.

1:24:45Speaker 2:Which we had absolutely no idea about. So now we have swinger pineapple tattoos, which does not represent how we like to live our life at all.

1:24:53Speaker 1:I can't tell you how many times I have to sing the song to let people know that I'm not a swinger. Like I have had a lot of people clock my arm and then be like, no like give me a little look and I'm like oh and then I go into the whole thing and then when I'm going into the whole thing I feel like I'm lying and I feel like I'm like we're doing too much by singing the song just too much.

1:25:12Speaker 2:So if you see us with pineapple tattoos just know that it's a representation of our friendship.

1:25:16Speaker 1:Yeah and not I'm not a swing I'm not even in a relationship to be a swinger no and it's definitely not how we live our life but now we've just told everyone that hopefully everyone will just know that and then when they see our arms they'll be like oh this is a great cover-up That's the thing. It's not though. But it doesn't make you feel like that, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.

1:25:32Speaker 2:We're just explaining too much. But we've got these beautiful pineapple tattoos that actually makes me really happy.

1:25:36Speaker 1:Me too. When I look at it. We have that and then we have a little freckle heart. I love, I love heart freckle. Me too. Go get some matching tattoos with your friends. It feels very satisfying. It really is. Just don't get upside down pineapple. Don't get, unless you are a swinger. And if you are, each to their own. Have the best time. Just practice it safely. And on that note, it's time for us to end this show. Thanks so much for coming on. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. I love you so much. I love you too, with all my heart. Yeah, me too, with all my heart.

1:26:01Speaker 1:And having you in my life has been such a blessing and a gift. Same, big time. And I'm so excited for people to learn a little bit more about you through this. Thanks for giving me the opportunity. Yeah, of course. Yeah, man. Thanks. Okay, bye.