Connection happens after hours

0:03Speaker 1:Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning. This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's tip is that connection often happens after hours. Relationships tend to be built by spending relaxed time together. That is, time not necessarily in meetings or doing work tasks. This is often time at happy hours or dinners and the like. That may not sound fair, but the good news is that it is still possible to take advantage of this fact.

0:44Speaker 1:Even if you want a good work life balance, and even if you don't drink, you just have to be creative and strategic. So I am definitely an introvert, but when I get to a networking event like a reception where the pickings are good, I become one of the most social people around. I come early, I stay late, I rally people to go out for drinks afterwards. I spend most of my time working by myself, and I know that strong professional relationships are built through this relaxed social time spent together, so I want to take advantage of it. Now. I know that this insight that connections are often built after hours is not the most wonderful or fair reality I have heard numerous times that working moms can't do happy hours, which isn't true, but I do understand that if you are racing to make a six pm daycare pickup, you can't hit the bar for some relaxed drinks with colleagues at five forty five pm.

1:49Speaker 1:And if those colleagues are forging alliances and choosing who they want to work with on projects at drinks after four forty five pm or five forty five pm, our parent with the daycare pickup could be out of luck. There is also the truth that alcohol makes people more relaxed, which is good for feeling friendly, but bad if people become too friendly. If you are worried that might happen, you could skip those drinks even if you don't have a daycare pickup. And if people are forging alliances at five point forty five pm over drinks, again, you are out of luck. So what to do about this? The first thing is to structure your life so you can say yes sometimes when it makes sense. If there is a daycare pickup or a nanny who needs to be sent home, but there are two parents and a family, you split it so either party could theoretically have a more relaxed end of the work day twice a week or so. If there aren't two parents, maybe you have someone else help out twice a week. If you want to stay late, fine, if you wind up coming home, no problem. It's great to have an extra set of hands for an hour or two. Either way, you also

3:09Speaker 1:want to set up your life so you can do things like go to conferences. Again, that means either parent needs to be capable of covering for a few days, and if that's not an option, it is time to enlist family, friends, neighbors, or paid caregivers. Then, when you go, be sure to take advantage of any social opportunities, be your most extroverted self. You can bring other people along, but it's still good to try to meet new people. Usually this isn't going to be too crazy. In a business context. You can stay at the bar to eleven, go to bed at eleven thirty, wake up at seven thirty in your hotel room, and be at an eight thirty am panel without too much rushing. And in all these cases you do not need to drink alcohol. People wouldn't blink an eye at you drinking club soda or juice or water. The honest truth is, even if somebody did have an issue for whatever reason, most people have no idea what you are drinking, especially if you do your own ordering and do it a little quietly. Most mocktails look very festive. When I rally people to go to a bar, I will order a drink to make sure the bar is getting revenue, but I might just

4:27Speaker 1:take a sip or two. I'm happy other people are with me whatever they are drinking. I assume most people are the same, but I know that not everyone wants to go to bars in places like that for various reasons. The good news is that you can also create some relaxed occasions that feel like they are after hours during work hours. I am a big fan of teams having some sort of late social lunch on Fridays and then not noticing if people leave not too long afterwards. If lunch starts at one point thirty, you could get people to stay until two thirty or three most likely, and many people will treat this time at the lunch and at the end of the lunch and immediately afterwards as the equivalent of relaxed after hours. You'll still have those relaxed conversations if you are having a team happy hour, have it at four pm so people can leave at five pm. You can also proactively plan breakfasts and coffees with people you want to get to know better. Especially if you are doing this somewhere other than your office, you will have created an occasion for becoming friends in a different context. And moving a relationship to a different

5:44Speaker 1:context is what makes it feel like you have crossed from your colleagues to friends. The relaxed vibe of being not at work is what makes that possible. Connections often happen after hours. Relationships are often what make work feel more fun, and sometimes they're what make big breakthroughs possible. If you have a full life and want work life balance, it can be a little harder to make these after hours connections happen, but it is not impossible at all, and in general, people are a good use of time in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.

6:55Speaker 1:Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.