We're Entering Our Advice Era

0:00Speaker 1:High Scrollers is produced on Gadigal land.

0:02Speaker 2:We pay our respects to the traditional custodians of this country and elders past and present.

0:07Speaker 1:Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Well, well, well, we have a message that we're reading out and answering in this.

0:18Speaker 2:Yeah, this is fun. We're giving advice to someone. Don't forget we have, sorry, you go.

0:23Speaker 1:No, I was just going to say the same thing that you're saying.

0:25Speaker 2:Oh, we have the email address in the Show notes. You can always email us at any time. If you want to send us some sort of... Dilemma.

0:32Speaker 1:You need advice on something.

0:33Speaker 2:Dilemma. A juicy story that has just like happened in your life and you just think sharing this on the podcast would be entertaining. Like if you just... If you have like a juicy story that you're like, I need this out in the world, but I'll never be able to say it, send it through.

0:47Speaker 1:Because we'll say it for you.

0:48Speaker 2:We might. Well, we might if it's good enough.

0:50Speaker 1:Tiffany will say it.

0:51Speaker 2:Also, Britt and I don't actually see them as well. Like they do go to Gay J. So Gay J is the one in charge of the emails. And so if you want to, like, just know that we're not reading them before we read them now here.

1:05Speaker 1:So it's like a real first reaction.

1:08Speaker 2:Yeah. So Gay Jay has selected this from our emails. I'm guessing it was an email, not a DM. Yeah. And do we know who it's from or is it anonymous? You can be anonymous. Obviously, you don't have to make a fake.

1:18Speaker 1:I think it's anonymous. I don't think we have a name here.

1:20Speaker 3:If I haven't included the name in there because they said probably.

1:23Speaker 2:Yet to mention.

1:24Speaker 1:So let's read this out.

1:25Speaker 2:So don't forget, sorry, that if you do email... And you want an anonymous?

1:29Speaker 1:Just say that.

1:30Speaker 2:Make sure you say that.

1:31Speaker 1:I would think I would just never say their name anyway.

1:33Speaker 2:Yeah.

1:33Speaker 1:Okay.

1:33Speaker 2:Fair enough.

1:34Speaker 3:Name's Shane.

1:35Speaker 2:Well, some of them might like a shout out.

1:37Speaker 1:You know.

1:38Speaker 2:Okay.

1:38Speaker 1:So we got hello, Matt and Britt. I was hoping for some advice regarding hens slash bucks and not being included and feeling jealous and upset. If you do an advice segment, thank you so much. Love your pod. My partner, we will call him Oliver, has two best mates that he met at uni and has been there since the start of our relationship. We'll call them Anna and Tom.

2:01Speaker 3:Wait, who's that?

2:02Speaker 1:I'm already lost.

2:03Speaker 2:I'm lost too.

2:04Speaker 3:So he has two best mates, Anna and Tom, and they're together.

2:07Speaker 2:So this is gays.

2:08Speaker 3:No. So this, I'm this girl.

2:11Speaker 2:Okay, girl. Is with Oliver.

2:13Speaker 3:And he has two friends. Anna and Tom.

2:15Speaker 2:I need a whiteboard so I can put a big family tree.

2:18Speaker 1:Okay, so it's a guy, and then he's got two besties, which is a girl and a guy.

2:21Speaker 2:The guy and the girl.

2:22Speaker 1:I met Anna and Tom over the years, and we have hung out heaps, had heaps of dinners, and even met up overseas, and I thought I was pretty close to them. While traveling overseas, we introduced my childhood best friend, I will call her Sophie, and her partner, David. James to Anna and Tom. Are you following Matt? Cause I am.

2:44Speaker 2:Yeah. Okay.

2:45Speaker 1:So she's introduced her childhood bestie and her partner to the two other besties of her partner. Fast forward to now, Anna and Tom are engaged and getting married, which we are super excited for.

2:57Speaker 2:Okay.

2:58Speaker 1:So this guy's two best friends are now getting married. Fucking hell. Okay. My partner is speaking at their wedding and I can't wait to celebrate their love. Recently I found out, however, that they have organized a hens and a bucks party. My partner originally thought I was invited, however, didn't check the list. I told him I didn't receive an invite and we checked the invitation list and my best friend Sophie and James were invited along with my partner, however, they did not invite me. Okay, this is getting personal now because why are her childhood besties invited but not her who is the partner of their best friend? Yeah.

3:38Speaker 2:Okay.

3:38Speaker 1:I felt immediately pretty hurt and was finding it hard not to take it personally. I know other partners have not been included in the hens and bucks party. I guess it came as a surprise that Sophie and James, so her best friends, were close to Anna and Tom. I'm still feeling a bit butthurt over it. I know weddings and the events leading up to it are complicated and you can't invite everyone, but I can't help but feel a bit jealous of the situation, especially because I am the one that suggested introducing Sophie and James to Anna and Tom originally overseas. Would appreciate some advice. Thank you.

4:15Speaker 1:That makes sense to me.

4:16Speaker 2:It makes sense to me as well.

4:17Speaker 1:Should we paint this scenario as if though it was you or me?

4:21Speaker 2:Yes.

4:22Speaker 1:So this would be, for example, if I started going out with AJ.

4:28Speaker 2:Yes.

4:28Speaker 1:And he had a Two best friends, a guy and a girl.

4:32Speaker 2:Yes.

4:32Speaker 1:I met them. Nice to meet you both.

4:34Speaker 2:Yes.

4:34Speaker 1:Those two besties end up getting together as a couple.

4:37Speaker 2:Yes.

4:39Speaker 1:And then I introduce you.

4:41Speaker 2:Yes.

4:42Speaker 1:To obviously AJ and his two best friends.

4:45Speaker 2:Yes.

4:46Speaker 1:Then as those two are getting married, you're invited and I'm not.

4:50Speaker 2:Yes.

4:51Speaker 1:You're invited to the bucks or the hens or whatever.

4:53Speaker 2:Yeah.

4:54Speaker 1:And I'm not, but I've introduced you and Sky to these two people.

4:59Speaker 2:So me and Sky are going to the bucks or the hens.

5:01Speaker 1:And I'm not invited, even though I introduced you and Sky to AJ's best friends that are now a couple.

5:08Speaker 2:Oh my God. This is like.

5:09Speaker 3:And AJ's the best man.

5:10Speaker 2:In the wedding.

5:11Speaker 3:Blah, blah, blah.

5:11Speaker 1:Yeah. I think that's personal.

5:14Speaker 2:No, but I do want to go back here because it says, I found out, however, that they have organized a hens and bucks party. My partner originally thought I was invited, however, didn't check the list. I told him I didn't receive an invite and we checked the invitation list and my best friend Sophie and James were invited along with my partner. However, they did not invite me. I need more context there because.

5:33Speaker 1:What's an invite list?

5:35Speaker 2:I don't know.

5:35Speaker 1:Where are they seeing that? Is there a list? Like, is it a Facebook group? A Facebook group, maybe.

5:39Speaker 2:But maybe she just hasn't been added by accident. Like, has.

5:43Speaker 1:But then how do you ask someone without that being awkward? Imagine being like, hey, I noticed I wasn't added to the event on Facebook or however she's seen this list. But then what if it truly is them not wanting to invite her? I would get... I think there's a deeper issue there that they need to uncover.

5:58Speaker 2:Okay, yes, me too.

5:58Speaker 1:That's why I think this is personal. If that were me and I were in that situation... I completely understand that you're upset. There may be more reasons to it. What I'd be doing is I'd be getting AJ to ask. the bride and groom on my behalf. I don't think I would go, Hey, you know, so-and-so why wasn't I invited? But because AJ is the best man or whatever, a groom, a groom, the best man or a in the fucking groom party, I'd be getting AJ to go to either the guy or the girl, whoever, and just say, Hey, like I noticed Brit wasn't invited. I just wanted to check, you know, if everything's all good there, I understand you can't invite everyone, but I just thought it was a bit strange considering Matt and Sky are invited, but not Brit.

6:43Speaker 1:So I wanted to ask. I'd be getting AJ to ask on my behalf. What would you do?

6:47Speaker 2:I would be getting AJ to ask on my behalf as well.

6:52Speaker 1:That's what I would do in that situation. Because I think if you have literally no idea why you haven't been invited, there might be something there that they're not being honest about.

7:01Speaker 2:There's two options. Either they actually don't like you and don't want you there. And if that's the case, who gives a fuck? Move on with life. You could die tomorrow. Or they've accidentally forgotten to invite you, which is a totally normal thing to happen. And like I have many a times forgotten to invite someone to something because that's just me. So there's really only two ways that it can go.

7:22Speaker 1:Or maybe they assume that she's definitely coming because her partner is in the bridal party.

7:27Speaker 2:Yeah. When you send... these emails in scrollers, no information is too much. Like, like really, if you think, oh, I don't want to say too much. Like I don't want.

7:46Speaker 1:To tell us everything. Has something happened in the past?

7:50Speaker 2:Cause my, uh, my thing is that, I mean, they're really the only two ways it can go, right? The first is they don't actually like her, which say lovey, let's move on. Or the second thing is they've forgotten to invite her or just assumed that it was unspoken that she was going. I don't know what this invite list is. Like, this is what I mean by add a bit more context. If you email us scrollers, cause.

8:10Speaker 1:Like, where are you seeing an invite list?

8:12Speaker 3:Yeah.

8:12Speaker 2:Where's the invite list?

8:13Speaker 1:It has to be a Facebook group, a Facebook event.

8:16Speaker 2:Yeah.

8:16Speaker 1:And she's seen that.

8:17Speaker 2:She isn't on there. Or there's new links that you can get invited to. Like, They send you a text and then you go on. It's like, I think it's called like party full or something. Okay. And like you, it's like a Facebook event, but via text because a lot of people don't.

8:29Speaker 1:Have Facebook now. I just think like maybe they've genuinely forgotten her because again, if her partner is in the bridal party and is besties with this couple that's getting married and if for any reason they didn't want to invite his partner- Would they not have the decency to say to her partner, hey, mate, look, we're not inviting her because X, Y, Z? Is that not a bit awkward for them to not invite her but not say anything and he's in the bridal party? This is where I feel like I'm missing context.

8:56Speaker 2:I think I'm missing context too because it says, however, they organized a hens and bucks party. I'm also like, is that together? Is it a hens and bucks party at the same time? I mean, we're so progressive these days. Everybody's doing everything. You know, like I'm like, are these two separate events and are you, because are you upset that you're not invited to the hens? Because it says Sophie and James were invited along with my partner. To me, I'm going, are they all going to a hens and bucks together?

9:24Speaker 1:Again, I just think if one of AJ's mates was getting married, and AJ was in the bridal party and I wasn't invited to any sort of celebrations around that, AJ's mate would go, hey mate, we're not inviting Brittany because X, Y, Z, because he's close enough with those people that he's in their bridal party. And if not, AJ would be going to him, hey mate, I noticed Brittany's not on the invite list. I just wanted to check, like, have you forgotten her or is there a problem there?

9:52Speaker 2:Yes, because I think that as well, that just that scenario is fine and I wouldn't even I wouldn't even be bothered. the type of person if I don't get invited to something, I'm just like, whatever.

10:03Speaker 1:But also, is she invited to the wedding?

10:05Speaker 2:No, but yeah, I think she is. But I think the problem here is adding in the childhood friends element. Because if the situation happened without the childhood friends element and AJ was in the bridal party and being invited to the box and you weren't, I mean, me personally, if Sky was in a wedding party for literally anyone and I wasn't invited to the hens or bucks or whatever, that's not an issue to me at all. In fact, I'd go as far to say is if you don't, if I don't have that much of a relationship with you and you're Sky's friend, I don't expect to be invited to the wedding at all.

10:39Speaker 1:Well, how close is she to this couple? Well, she reckons she's pretty close.

10:43Speaker 2:But she also said, she also said being out to a few dinners, seeing each other overseas, like, Again, I'm like, maybe you thought you were more of a friend than you actually were. I don't know. This is why I fucking hate these segments because we don't have enough context.

10:57Speaker 1:I love these segments.

10:58Speaker 2:And then I feel like I'm being a bitch to this girl that's written into us and no one's going to want to write in because I just read everyone to fill.

11:04Speaker 1:I think it's valid that you feel this way. It definitely is awkward, especially awkward because you're also going to the wedding and then the two other besties. And my advice is get your partner to ask on your behalf. And it's no biggie if he's that close with them in the bridal party. Hey, I've just noticed that Brits not invited to the hen slash bucks. I just wanted to check. Is it like a numbers thing or have you forgotten?

11:25Speaker 2:Also, I agree that you're valid in feeling like, oh, why haven't I been invited? But two, I would encourage you to get the fuck over it. Like, do you really, how badly do you need to go to someone's fucking hen's party?

11:37Speaker 1:I think it's more, I agree with what you're saying. It's more the feeling of being like neglected or left out or rejected.

11:44Speaker 2:But also have enough self-respect for yourself to go, don't care. They're going to have a shit time without me anyway, you know? Yeah. Because that's how I frame things. I go, oh, you didn't invite me. No worries. Have fun, losers, you know?

11:55Speaker 3:I think it would sting significantly more that her. two best friends are included. It's just feeling excluded.

12:03Speaker 1:That's all it is.

12:03Speaker 2:I reckon if they weren't included, then the scene would.

12:06Speaker 1:Be a different story. It's just literally the feeling of being excluded. It's not nice and no one likes to be left out. But, yeah, I wouldn't completely beat yourself up over it. I would just get your partner to ask. Just ask the question. Hard conversations, easy life. I always say that. And also, low key, shame on the couple getting married for not just mentioning it to your partner in the first place. Yeah. Hey, AJ, we didn't invite Britt because- Also.

12:31Speaker 2:Power move. Show up. What are they going to do? Say, sorry, babe, you've got to leave. Power move. Just be like, oh, I thought I was invited. Why would I not be invited? Let's have that conversation.

12:42Speaker 1:Yeah. You know what I mean? I love these segments.

12:44Speaker 2:Okay. I love it too.

12:45Speaker 1:Please send in your scenarios or even just stories.

12:49Speaker 2:Yeah. We can even do like a long form one on YouTube exclusive as well.

12:55Speaker 1:Because I love talking about this kind of stuff. Yeah.

12:58Speaker 2:Okay. Great. Well, the only last thing that I would ask is that whoever sent this in, I would love an update so that we can share it. Not only for us, but we want to share it with the scrollers. This is the other problem with these segments. Sorry, I'm just shitting on these segments. But the other problem is we now are so invested in this hen's party. And how long ago did you get this email? How long till it, are we even too late to give the advice?

13:22Speaker 2:Has it been and gone now? Like what's going on? I need an update from you, even if we were too late.

13:27Speaker 1:Yeah, please let us know.

13:29Speaker 2:And they might be busy. They might not even listen to this episode. They might be one of the fucking scrollers who doesn't even listen to close friends. Maybe. We don't even know if they'll even hear this episode.

13:37Speaker 1:But I think we're onto something with this.

13:38Speaker 2:They could have turned off five weeks ago when Tiffany come out and they hate us now and they don't even listen to scrollers, you know. This is what I mean with these segments. I just panic.

13:47Speaker 1:Well, I think we're really onto something here, Matt. I think this is going to be, if we can do it properly, we could be onto a new scrollers segment.

13:56Speaker 2:Okay. Well, I'm keen to do it properly.

13:59Speaker 1:Me too.

14:00Speaker 3:Everyone send in your scenarios, please.

14:02Speaker 1:And if you send enough in, we will keep it going and then we will pitch to Nova. This is an additional episode every week outside of mains and close friends. And then we can ask for more money.

14:12Speaker 2:Yes. Yes. All right. Well, until then, we'll see you next Tuesday.