“When should I start trying for baby number two?”

0:00Speaker 1:And sort of patients and all of that, Because even as you're saying all that, I'm like I would have thrived, Like.

0:05Speaker 2:If I'm honest, I would not change what happened for the world.

0:08Speaker 1:Like love my kids so much twenty one month age gap, But if I'm honest with myself, I would have drived way more as a two child mum with three year age gap, Like I've got no doubt in my mind, especially if Posy ends up being my last, which I think she is.

0:21Speaker 2:But again, like, we can't plan these things.

0:24Speaker 3:This podcast was recorded on the lands of the boon Warong people of the Kulin nation, the land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons and daughters, always was and always will be Aboriginal land. Hello, and welcome to you Ready or not the show where we answer three of your questions on making work work alongside motherhood. I'm Lou and I am Loz. And today you're asking us all about daycare policy, sickness and how the f we're supposed to manage being in the office, when to think about trying for baby number two, and whether parental leave belongs on your resume.

0:54Speaker 2:Oh, I like today's questions question number one.

0:58Speaker 1:This is from Angelique Sickness forty eight hour exclusion period. How we expected to manage work with these policies? My job isn't a work from home job. Should I just quit? Just seems too difficult? Oh, I feel deflatd.

1:12Speaker 3:We have all had days like that. There are weeks, particularly at this time of year, when it's like constant sickness, and I don't know about you, but I almost feel like it's been later. Yes, like the sickness has started more recently.

1:24Speaker 1:I think, because like winter really settled in in July and following that everyone.

1:29Speaker 3:Start, Yeah, it's horrid, And I would be lying if I'm not like this is cooked? Do I just quit my job and just live an exciting life? No, sister, no, because it is not exciting. You are just going to be stagger home. Equally is miserable looking after your child, regardless of whether you feel like you're letting your work down or not. So don't do it. That's my job. That's my point of view. If you really feel like you want to quit your job for other reasons, are right, Yeah, maybe go for it. Maybe not? How is everyone managing?

1:59Speaker 3:I mean, do you want me to be brutally honest.

2:01Speaker 2:Yeah, how do you actually manage when kids are sick?

2:03Speaker 3:Okay, So sometimes I have worked that I need to get done, or I think to myself, I don't want to be logging on at midnight to try and combat this.

2:12Speaker 2:Yeah, and I just lay to my team.

2:15Speaker 3:Yeah, here are the options. Either I can get this stuff done and cancel a couple of meetings to day because I have kids at home that are sick. Or I can log back on later at night. By ten pm, I'll probably be fried, so the quality of work is going to be poor. Or I can wait and then I'm going to miss your deadline. Or I'm just going to have to wing it. It can't take down because it's not as bad.

2:35Speaker 1:And other days it's like I cannot do a skin of work around them.

2:38Speaker 3:It's a shit show. This is what it looks like. Quite honestly. Last year was my worst year of sickness I have ever experienced. We've all had influenza at different times. They've ended up getting both A and B. There was multiple sick days like it was so deflating. So I've been where you've been. My honest advice is try and be honest with your team or drop the gill yeah, and be like, you know what, unfortunate I'm going to use all my sick days this year. Yeah, it's shit.

3:06Speaker 3:I actually don't know what the alternative is.

3:09Speaker 1:Like, you've got to work within the policies, unfortunately, and sure policies are great. It's like if you can't work from home unless your partner, you know, like besides that dynamic and figuring that out.

3:19Speaker 2:I'm like, what else? What other option is there? Like a parent, I mean, look.

3:23Speaker 3:We've all been in the boat, and don't you dare say you haven't, because I feel like you have where we've given our kids patatole and we've hoped for the best of daycare.

3:30Speaker 2:Do you know.

3:31Speaker 1:What's funny about me, I've got a if everyone's very nervous.

3:36Speaker 2:It takes me a lot to send a kid that I'm worried is unwell. But this week on.

3:40Speaker 1:Tuesday, Posey it seemed a bit unwell, but like she was a bit coldy and flammy, but like no temperature and whatnot.

3:45Speaker 2:So I center, I got the call that set and she had the temperature.

3:49Speaker 1:And then I'm like, it actually probably would have been better if I just kept her home right because then but who knows.

3:54Speaker 3:So here's the options. You can send a kid to day here, don't sm up on panad all but after four hours to call you and you're like, yes, it's even more stressful.

4:02Speaker 1:You work on site too, which makes it harder often.

4:06Speaker 3:Also, what's happened is that you try and sen your kidnap that they're a bit older. They're like, I'm not feeling when you're like.

4:12Speaker 2:I'll do what I've definitely done, been in the side of the car, and then you quick it like, all right, come in.

4:17Speaker 3:Yeah, in fantasy, if it's a cough that's been lingering for two years, sand them that there's no green snot in a temperature exactly.

4:24Speaker 2:Yeah, if they've just got a little bit of snot, you know they all do there.

4:27Speaker 3:If it's not a green slug, you're fine. I agree, because you open the door and there's a thousand other children coughing on each other, boogering on each other. Like sometimes I say the other.

4:36Speaker 1:Kids in there, and I'm like, oh, my bar's a bit higher than the daycare educator's bar because they've let this kid come in. Yeah, I love you educators. So that's not a crack at you. Yeah, but it is pretty hard for you to have a bar because every kid walks in with the study nose in winter. Yeah, so yeah, I empathize with you. I think you just have to work within your policies and also your partnered dynamics. If you're partnered, try and get your partner to take on more of those sick days, have the conversation, and besides that, you both.

5:02Speaker 2:As parents just have to work within those policies set at work.

5:04Speaker 3:I know that we're all in it together. Everyone's thinking the same thing.

5:07Speaker 1:It masks second question from Katrina, when is the right time to think about another baby?

5:12Speaker 2:What factors do you need considered? Eg? Money? Health? Okay, yeah, we feel very similarly about this.

5:19Speaker 3:I mean, there's never a right time. Is that what you're going to say. You took the words straight from my mast because people with two under two are going to say to you it's hard or it's the best, and then people with a longer, bigger age gap are going to say it's harder, it's the best. Everybody has such different experiences. To be quite honest, it does not matter. Key things that I would consider are finances, because kids are expensive, so he is delivering a baby potentially if you're going private, and so's taking time off work, so that costs money. I would also probably think about your capacity and mental health. So what are your patience levels?

5:54Speaker 3:Do you feel like you could add another kids into the dynamic and not have a mental breakdown? I think those are underrated and big questions you need to ask yourself. Yes, three, is your partner on board? Do they want another child? Do they want it this close in time or a bigger stretch? And what's your support network? Like do you have family key, are you on your own? Can you afford more daycare, a babysitter? What does it look like?

6:18Speaker 1:I think asking that question, particularly that you said of like what are your sort of pain thresholds?

6:24Speaker 3:Like related I wish fual health and I had asked myself.

6:27Speaker 1:And like anxiety and sort of patience and all of that, because even as you're saying all that, I'm like I would have thrived, Like if I'm honest, I would not change what happened for the world, like love my kids so much twenty one month age gap, But if I'm honest with myself, I would have thrived way more as a two child mum with a three year age gap, Like I've got no doubt in my mind, especially if Posy ends up being my last, which I think she is.

6:50Speaker 1:But again, like we can't plan these things. Ray took eight months to conceive, not ages, not a short time. Poesy was like, didn't even try, you know, like, you don't know what's going to come at you, and then for it's so hard to control.

7:01Speaker 2:I've also had friends that felt pregnant literally from one bout of sex.

7:05Speaker 1:I don't know what that means for their first, and then I had to navigate fertility challenges for their second.

7:11Speaker 2:So you just don't know what's going to throw at you.

7:13Speaker 1:You don't know, And therefore I think it's really good to consider the finances and your capacity and your village.

7:18Speaker 2:I think loss has enabled it. Outside of that.

7:21Speaker 3:Go with your gup, Yeah, go with your gut. One last thing on that, when you said you would have preferred a big age gap, I actually think in hindsight, I mean I couldn't have because it just didn't happen that way for us, But I would have loved a smaller age gap to just be really in the thick of absolute chaos so that I didn't feel like I had such a big that's my time to start again. Yeah, I prefer to have gone through hell for three years, but now I feel like I'm reentering hell.

7:43Speaker 2:And by the way, we love kids.

7:45Speaker 3:We love our kids. Two things can be true. Everyone has it. I mean, you always want something that's not what you get totally, so there's never a right time. That's my honest advice. Question three from Waylin. Hopefully I've pronounce that right. How to explain parental leave on a resume. I'm about to return to work after matt leave two point zero. On both occasions, I was on leave for approximately twelve months, and on each occasion returned to my role I held prior. I have no mention of any periods of leaving my CV. I am hesitant to include a leave due to bias or discrimination, but more so the fact I don't believe it needs to be included, as it does not take away from my experience and personal achievements in those roles. I'm keen to hear your thoughts, as I was recently in an interview and the panel was surprised to hear I had two children based on there being no career breaks in my CV, and was actually asked why this break wasn't on my CV immediate red flag. But it got me thinking, if it needs to be more transparent.

8:40Speaker 2:I don't think it does.

8:42Speaker 1:Nah, you do it not want like children are a massive part of your life. And if you want to put it on your resume, and you're in an industry that.

8:49Speaker 2:Suits that, go go for it.

8:51Speaker 1:But if you don't think it needs to be on there, it doesn't like it is a bias. It does create bias. We know it does that. The mother would penalty for a reason or more.

9:00Speaker 2:You know what I mean. I'm not even going to research.

9:01Speaker 1:I know exactly what you mean, but I just think you go with what feels right for you.

9:05Speaker 2:Stuff that workplace.

9:06Speaker 1:I think that is a potential red flag coming from that workplace, for sure.

9:10Speaker 3:They don't. I mean I actually don't know. They're allowed to ask you a yeah, and I allowed to ask if you have children? I assume not.

9:15Speaker 2:I actually don't know the answer. Neither do I.

9:18Speaker 3:I mean it would be very odd, how old if you were in a formal interview and they said do you have a two children? But people would yeah, yuck, don't like it. I also want to point out that if you have taken less than twelve months or twelve months of parental leave, your job essentially caters for that, as in it's.

9:33Speaker 2:Yeah, it's baked into the contract.

9:35Speaker 3:Yes, it's baked in, so you don't need to disclose it at all.

9:39Speaker 1:And if you've been at that workplace for a while, it's a drop in the ocean anyway. Yeah, Like some people have been at the same workplace for ten years, had two babies in that time, what they were gone for two tenths of that time, it's nothing.

9:49Speaker 3:It's a bizarre thing to point out. In my opinion. Yeah, it's a red flag. What are these gaps in your resume? Yes, because you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. If you pointed them out, I feel like you may not have even gone to the stage of having an interview.

10:03Speaker 2:So true.

10:04Speaker 1:And even as as we're sitting here saying this, I'm like, I'm not anti putting it on the resume too, because I'm like, I have so much reverence for parental eve and what it brings to us, But I don't think we're in a society yet where that's going to put you on an even playing field.

10:16Speaker 3:And just said no, which is sad like, I don't think that's good. And I am also a believer. If you put anything on your resume, you have to be able to confidently speak to it in a professional way because it is a professional setting. So if you want to put career break or if you want to say children, whatever that might look, what are the skills that you learned that are relevant to the role that you're applying for in that period, you have to be able to talk to it. I think it's great advice and that's all that is it for today. If you have love today's episode, please leave us a review, follow us on Ready or pod, and keep the salacious questions coming. We love to see them. See you next week.