Are these parenting decisions controversial?

0:00Speaker 1:I don't make my kids hug or kiss anyone, family included. They get to decide what physical affection they're comfortable with.

0:06Speaker 2:Yeah, this is how I frame it in our household, especially with grandparents. I want to make sure that there is some reciprocation of.

0:12Speaker 3:Yeah, because it's really upsetting when they don't want to.

0:15Speaker 2:Physical touch, because obviously that's their need in like a nice way, but that doesn't necessarily mean they need to go in for a hug or a kiss or anything that's too close. This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation, the land on which we're lucky enough to raise our sons and daughters. Always was and always will be Aboriginal land.

0:35Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to Ready or Not, the show where two mums try to figure out how to make work work.

0:40Speaker 3:I'm Lou. I'm Liz. And coming up on today's show.

0:43Speaker 1:I've been loving Paige Connell's content ever since we interviewed her for Ready or Not.

0:48Speaker 2:She's amazing.

0:49Speaker 1:You put us onto her, Lizzie, and I loved chatting to her. And so I've really been following what she's been putting up lately. She's very smart, very insightful. And she had this post recently that said, 10 parenting decisions I've made as a mum of four kids that might be controversial. I'm going to go through these with you. And then I've also asked our community for theirs. So that's what we're talking about today.

1:09Speaker 3:But first.

1:11Speaker 2:I've been listening to a shitload of audiobooks. I'm obsessed with this. Like it's absolutely sick. Only because my kids were so sick for like fucking five weeks. They were up at all hours. I couldn't watch TV because it's the only way I could really soothe them and my own mental health. So because I had nothing to watch, I was like, well, I don't want to watch Sheriff Labrador another fucking time, which I actually think that show is very cute.

1:31Speaker 3:I've never seen that, Sheriff Labrador.

1:33Speaker 2:Oh, it teaches you all the rules. It's quite cute. But I'm sick of the rules. And so I listened to a shitload of books, a couple of good ones, good people.

1:40Speaker 3:That's on my list, Lossie.

1:42Speaker 1:So when you sent that to me and loved it, I was like, sweetie, it's so good to talk books with you.

1:46Speaker 2:I just need to say though, there is for me a difference between what I would classify as a good reading book and what's a good audio book. When I say it's a good audiobook, it means I enjoy listening to it because there's something about the voice or the person narrating it that's worth listening to. Personally, I have listened to audiobooks and people have been like, oh, it's the best book.

2:06Speaker 3:I loved it.

2:06Speaker 2:And I'm like, I didn't love it. It's not a good audiobook. But these ones that I'm recommending are good audiobooks. I would strongly recommend listening to the audio and I'll tell you why specifically. For the Good People book, it is about a Muslim culture and And it's about people's perspectives. And what I loved about it is they brought in people that reflected the language and were in that culture. So it actually felt very immersive reading it.

2:35Speaker 3:Fascinating.

2:36Speaker 1:It's almost like watching a documentary or something even though it's fiction.

2:39Speaker 2:And it really, because there was a lot of characters in this book and it's all about different people's perspectives and there's multiple people. That's right. And they come in and they come out. I felt like if I was reading it, I'd find it slightly difficult to, to chop and change.

2:54Speaker 3:Yeah, but you could identify with all the different characters. Yes. Because the daughter sadly dies in that book. Yes, she does.

3:00Speaker 1:And then it's about everyone's perspectives of what happens or something?

3:02Speaker 3:Is that what it is?

3:03Speaker 2:It is, but it's very cultural.

3:05Speaker 3:Yeah.

3:05Speaker 2:As in there's a lot of nuances around how people perceived her from a cultural perspective, what her own family and extended family thought. And when you listen to it, because it's read in in those, not in the language, but with authenticity.

3:19Speaker 3:And the accent.

3:20Speaker 2:Yeah, it's very easy to immerse yourself more in that book. So that's number one.

3:25Speaker 3:And so it's by, who's it by? This book. I'm so bad.

3:28Speaker 1:I'm going to look it up for you because Lozzie, our friend here, has forgotten. So it is fiction and the author is, give me one second. Pat Mina Sabit. So that looks amazing. The cover looks great too.

3:40Speaker 2:It was really good.

3:41Speaker 3:I can't wait to read it. Yeah.

3:42Speaker 2:Next one, Look What You Made Me Do.

3:44Speaker 3:Is that an old book, like the old one? Yeah.

3:47Speaker 2:It's got an olive on the front. I don't think it's old.

3:50Speaker 3:Okay.

3:51Speaker 2:Loved the author of this book. I do think you could also read it.

3:55Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, I've seen this cover. I do think you could also read it. And this one's by John Lanchester. Yeah.

3:59Speaker 1:Yeah.

3:59Speaker 2:I like that it was narrated by a female. The only thing that I would say with this book is that you've really got to get to the end of it. The end is like the in the coffin, the nail in the coffin. And my last one is Strangers.

4:12Speaker 3:Babe, I've recommended that to you on this mic.

4:15Speaker 2:Yeah, but you can't. It's so much better in an audio book.

4:18Speaker 3:You haven't read it.

4:19Speaker 2:I don't need to. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I devoured it within eight hours.

4:24Speaker 3:Yeah, I read it in a day.

4:26Speaker 2:It was honestly up to 1.38 in the morning. The reason it is so good in an audiobook is because the person who wrote it, Annabelle?

4:33Speaker 1:No.

4:33Speaker 3:No, Belle Burden. Belle Burden.

4:35Speaker 2:The person who wrote it is the same person that reads it and it's a true story that happened to her. So as she's narrating it, it's like you can hear the passion pain in her voice and the sadness and then the elation and then the frustration. Like you can really, it's like you're living it with her.

4:52Speaker 1:Yeah.

4:52Speaker 2:Like I loved it.

4:53Speaker 1:Did you prefer the first half to the second half like I did? Because I was enraptured with the first half of that book and then it started to fall off a cliff a bit for me.

5:01Speaker 3:Oh, no.

5:02Speaker 2:I almost prefer the second half. Wow. Because I loved the way that she truly felt at the end when people were like, I can't believe you're doing this.

5:11Speaker 3:Yeah.

5:11Speaker 2:And she was like, well- What have I got to lose? As in I've already lost everything.

5:16Speaker 3:Yeah.

5:17Speaker 2:And I'm setting an example in how she was so shunned by society and how men just get away with literally getting up.

5:24Speaker 3:And leaving.

5:25Speaker 2:Leaving and doing their own shit.

5:26Speaker 3:Yeah.

5:26Speaker 2:I thought it was incredible. Loved it.

5:28Speaker 3:Good on you for being such an audio book girlie. I am.

5:30Speaker 2:I've got three more on the go. London is Falling. I'm really struggling. I'm not going to lie. I think I might have to read it because the audio book's not doing it for me.

5:37Speaker 3:London's Calling. Is that what it's called?

5:38Speaker 2:London is Falling.

5:39Speaker 3:Sorry, London's Falling. Yeah.

5:40Speaker 2:Everyone's like, it's amazing. Audio's not hitting, so I might have to swap to the analog.

5:45Speaker 3:London Falling. Sorry, that's what's throwing me. London Falling. Yeah.

5:48Speaker 1:Yeah, by Patrick Radden Keefe, whose book last year won the Booker or something.

5:52Speaker 3:I can't remember.

5:53Speaker 2:I don't know. Anyway, I don't recommend that as an audiobook, sadly, because I just can't get into it.

5:57Speaker 3:Okay.

5:58Speaker 2:One other reminder, Halloween's coming up. Buy your costumes, peeps. Now's the time. Get your cash.

6:02Speaker 3:I'm just so anti. I know, you hate it.

6:04Speaker 2:But you've got to get involved.

6:06Speaker 1:Consumerism.

6:06Speaker 3:You've got to get involved. The amount of ways. Just fucking put a cloth over their heads, cut some holes in it.

6:12Speaker 2:Oh, my God, I love it. I love it. Get involved.

6:16Speaker 3:I do not.

6:17Speaker 2:Okay, well, we'll agree to great discussion.

6:18Speaker 3:Hey, I want you to have a great time. It will be fun.

6:22Speaker 2:I'm not dressing up, by the way. Karen's a dress-up.

6:24Speaker 3:Give me the ick. I'm sorry. I said it. I said it. Wow, you've just offended thousands of people.

6:28Speaker 2:I've offended all my friends. I'm all for everybody else doing it. I don't want to do it.

6:32Speaker 3:No.

6:32Speaker 1:I've written here, I'm tired and have no motivation. I had a really hard morning the other day.

6:37Speaker 3:With the kids.

6:38Speaker 2:Then you said blah, blah, blah.

6:39Speaker 3:Blah, blah, blah. Refer to notes. Then I've gone to my notes and I've said, oh, this was actually good.

6:44Speaker 1:Went for a walk this morning without headphones and it was actually so nice to.

6:48Speaker 3:Just like listen to nature.

6:49Speaker 2:Oh, take in the air. It was good.

6:50Speaker 1:I was like, when is my brain this quiet? So I actually really recommend that. I also have a funny story for you. Ray had to dress up recently for kinder. It was like dress up is what you want to be when you grow up. Gave him all these options.

7:01Speaker 3:What do you want to do? He doesn't really like dress ups, which that's fair.

7:04Speaker 2:It's so surprising for Ray.

7:05Speaker 3:That surprises me.

7:07Speaker 1:Well, I think he doesn't like things on mass where he's going to walk into a room with like, I think he's like, I don't want to prescribe who he is to him because I feel bad doing that.

7:14Speaker 3:But he's just on the reserved side. Yeah, he is. Yeah. as you know, as you can imagine, Posey would be like, where's my Elsa dress? Let me dress up.

7:22Speaker 2:Yeah. She'd be like, I've got three different things I want to go as today and I'm going to have an.

7:25Speaker 3:Outfit change at 11.

7:26Speaker 2:Yeah, correct.

7:27Speaker 3:She's like, first the queen. I want to be the queen when I grow up. So funny.

7:32Speaker 1:So I remember listening to someone, I think it was Casey Edwards, who I love. I'm not poo-pooing this piece of advice from her. She was on Ready or Not years ago. She's amazing. She wrote raising girls who like themselves. And she said to me, obviously little girls are very gorgeous and it's very easy to comment on their appearance, but we're teaching women that their appearance is the foremost thing that matters about themselves.

7:53Speaker 3:That's where they get their value.

7:54Speaker 1:And so she was saying what she does and what she recommends is sort of, if you're talking about their outfit or whatever, instead of being like beautiful dress, you'd be like, wow, that's creative the way you've put your outfit together today.

8:04Speaker 3:You look great or whatever it is. Maybe not the you look great part.

8:07Speaker 2:No, but it's more like I love what you've done.

8:09Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly.

8:10Speaker 2:I love how you've expressed yourself.

8:11Speaker 3:Exactly. So I've always done that with Ray.

8:15Speaker 1:Lately he goes to me, I don't like creative things because I always say, gee, that's creative what you've come up with today. And he started going, I don't like creative things. I don't like creative and I don't like costumes. And so he wouldn't dress up for this day because basically I've ruined creativity for him. So, yeah, it's not always working out for me when I try to be a conscious parent.

8:36Speaker 3:Okay. Good news.

8:37Speaker 1:Hey, this comes back to your episode about maybe bringing back some old school parenting.

8:42Speaker 3:Exactly.

8:43Speaker 2:Exactly. Good news. New South Wales just funded mental health checks for new dads.

8:49Speaker 3:Oh, I love that.

8:49Speaker 2:So it's a $ 1 million pilot where New South Wales Health has partnered with Movember. It screens new and expecting fathers for depression and anxiety and connects them straight to support. One in 10 dads get depression between the first trimester and baby's first birthday. One in six get anxiety during pregnancy. And one in five postnatally. Most people only ever hear about mothers. So I thought this was very interesting that we're now hearing about dads.

9:17Speaker 1:And I think that is really important because supporting a dad supports a mom supports a family in mom-dad dynamics, that is.

9:24Speaker 3:I'm all for it.

9:25Speaker 2:What a great pilot.

9:26Speaker 3:I want support.

9:26Speaker 1:I want dads to know and men to know. that they do not need to be okay and that they can seek help because as we know, the people most likely to die by suicide are men in their mid-30s. Yep. So that's a time where a lot of men are becoming dads. I want to see more support for them. Great news story, Lozzie. Now let's get into it. 10 parenting decisions I've made as a mum of four kids that might be controversial. So this is from Paige Connell, aka she is a page turner.

9:58Speaker 3:I'll go through hers.

9:59Speaker 1:Then I want you to talk about them with me as we go. Then we'll go to some from our.

10:04Speaker 3:Audience, our listeners.

10:06Speaker 1:First up, does that bring anything to mind for you about like decisions you've made for your household for your kids? Like is there anything that you're like, this is a rule in our house?

10:16Speaker 3:You're like, what are we fucking talking about?

10:17Speaker 2:I wish people could see Loz's face. Yeah, it's like she stops listening. So any decisions that I've made around a household?

10:26Speaker 1:Only if they come to you immediately, otherwise we can unpack it as we go. Does anything come to you immediately that you're like, this is a hard rule in our house?

10:32Speaker 2:Hard rules. I mean, probably as we go, I'll be like, oh, yes, we do that.

10:37Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard to think of up top. So we won't do that to you. First up, I don't make my kids hug or kiss anyone, family included. They get to decide what physical affection they're comfortable with.

10:48Speaker 2:Yeah, this is how I frame it in our household. especially with grandparents. You know, grandparents are usually like that generation. It's like, can I have a hug or give me a kiss goodbye? And it's never meant with malice or ill intent. It's always meant from a loving place.

11:00Speaker 1:Totally.

11:00Speaker 2:But I always say, do you want to give grandma a high five before she goes? Or I give options. Do you want to give her a cuddle or a high five or a fist pump before she goes? Yeah. So I want to make sure that there is some reciprocation of.

11:13Speaker 3:Yeah, because it's really upsetting when they don't want to.

11:16Speaker 2:Physical touch because obviously that's. they need in like a nice way.

11:19Speaker 3:Yeah.

11:20Speaker 2:But that doesn't necessarily mean they need to go in for a hug or a kiss or anything that's too close.

11:23Speaker 1:It's a really challenging one because I definitely don't make my kids hug or kiss anyone, but it does break my heart when a grandparent doesn't get.

11:30Speaker 2:The hug or kiss that they want. It's usually grandparents, to be honest. Like with everybody else, I'm like, I actually don't give a shit. Like if they're like, do you want to give a kiss goodbye? I'm like, no, three, no, I don't want to do that.

11:39Speaker 3:We don't know you.

11:39Speaker 2:But it is with your own family.

11:41Speaker 1:Yeah.

11:41Speaker 2:I'm always like, what about a fist pump?

11:43Speaker 3:Or what about a high five?

11:43Speaker 2:Like I just try and like, Yeah. Give options.

11:46Speaker 3:Yeah.

11:46Speaker 1:Which also part of that, I reckon, is us trying to be good girls because we don't want to offend people, which is an interesting sort of thing to think about.

11:53Speaker 3:Yeah.

11:53Speaker 1:No contact sports is the next one. There are plenty of sports they can play. We're skipping the ones where repeated head contact is part of the game.

12:00Speaker 2:I mean, we don't do that, but we're also not the age of that.

12:02Speaker 3:Yeah. I don't mind it.

12:04Speaker 2:I don't mind it, but I will say kids will gravitate towards whatever sport their friends are doing, number one, and whatever they're really interested in.

12:11Speaker 3:Yeah.

12:11Speaker 1:It'd be hard to be like, no, you're not playing AFL if they loved it.

12:14Speaker 2:Yeah, but also we're in– I mean, we live in Victoria. It's a huge AFL state.

12:18Speaker 3:Yeah.

12:18Speaker 2:A lot of boys grow up, and girls, idolising AFLW and AFL players.

12:24Speaker 3:Yeah.

12:24Speaker 2:That's what they want to be, and it's a very high-contact sport. One conversation I had recently was with a girl who was saying, oh, God, you know, hopefully– She said something about Zabe. You know how he's good with ball sports? I mean, it's right. Let's not freak ourselves out. She's like, oh, how good would it be if he was a footy player? I'm like, that's actually my worst fucking nightmare.

12:40Speaker 3:Worst nightmare.

12:40Speaker 2:I couldn't think of anything worse. As in, not that I don't love footy players. They're great. They're very talented. I think they're great. They're very talented.

12:46Speaker 3:It's probably not the best time to be saying footy players.

12:48Speaker 2:Not all footy players. I didn't think of that. No, but do you know what I mean? I'm like I have nothing against them.

12:53Speaker 3:No, you're not.

12:53Speaker 2:But would I wish that for my own son?

12:54Speaker 3:Probably not, if I'm honest.

12:56Speaker 2:And I wouldn't wish it as the.

12:56Speaker 3:Mum of that son. No.

12:58Speaker 2:It'd be awful watching it.

12:59Speaker 3:It'd be awful.

13:00Speaker 2:It's so physical.

13:00Speaker 3:Yeah.

13:01Speaker 2:I feel like they get so much money so young and they have no idea what to do with it.

13:04Speaker 3:Media pressure. I just don't want that media pressure on anyone in my life. Yeah, I agree. Like it's just too much.

13:09Speaker 2:Become a tradie.

13:10Speaker 3:Yeah. Do that. Learn a skill.

13:12Speaker 2:Learn a skill.

13:13Speaker 1:I get it from a head knock point of view, but I also think that we live in an era where it's been much more focused on.

13:18Speaker 3:Yeah.

13:18Speaker 1:So I totally get that and appreciate it. It's probably not going to be a hard rule in our house.

13:22Speaker 2:I also, like if Zaev said, oh, if I cut all physical sports out, what am I doing?

13:27Speaker 3:Golf. He would be so bored. That kid needs to move. He needs some movement. And he'd be frustrated.

13:32Speaker 2:He needs to feel someone else tugging on that ball with him, you know? Get the energy out.

13:37Speaker 3:He does. I agree.

13:38Speaker 1:I agree. There is no YouTube in our house. They watch TV and movies, but YouTube isn't over us.

13:42Speaker 2:We're the same.

13:43Speaker 3:We're the exact same. Yeah.

13:44Speaker 2:I feel like YouTube does something to kids' brains.

13:46Speaker 3:Literally.

13:47Speaker 2:But my girlfriends will pull me up. If desperation kicks in, if sickness comes about, YouTube kids will come on.

13:58Speaker 3:It's a dire situation. Dire.

13:59Speaker 2:It's grim times. I even got to the point though where I have my old phones. I do want to pay for an iPad because I'm a stingy bitch and they're too expensive. So I have my old phones. So the kids have old phones of ours with apps on them with their own child account. I do not have the YouTube app on it. I cannot stand it.

14:16Speaker 3:Yeah. Are there any rules around when you give the kids the phones? Travel? Yeah.

14:20Speaker 2:At a restaurant? Yeah. If we're out. So the phone always stays in my handbag.

14:25Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a bit of a transit thing.

14:26Speaker 2:Yeah, it's transit for sure.

14:27Speaker 3:You're clever.

14:28Speaker 1:I don't force my kids to finish their food. They don't have to clean their plates. They can be done when they're done.

14:34Speaker 2:Yes and no.

14:34Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm somewhere in the middle too. Yeah. I'm like, please eat something.

14:38Speaker 1:But I also know that I've got to stop that pressure.

14:40Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't give my kids a million choices. Like, oh, if you don't want that, you can have something else. But also, I mean, kids always want dessert.

14:48Speaker 3:Yeah.

14:48Speaker 2:But I don't want it. I'm not going to eat this chicken.

14:51Speaker 1:Yeah.

14:51Speaker 2:I want that ice cream.

14:52Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't mind a bit of bribery, which is bad. I'm like, if you want an ice cream.

14:56Speaker 2:You're going to have to eat something.

14:58Speaker 3:Which I know the experts will say that's bad.

15:00Speaker 2:It is bad. But also, eat your chicken, mate.

15:03Speaker 3:Have some protein.

15:03Speaker 2:You can't live off sugar.

15:05Speaker 3:I know.

15:05Speaker 1:I'm not the healthiest mum on the planet, but I do have some rules around, yeah, you can't just have like a marshmallow for breakfast, some lollies for lunch and ice cream for dinner.

15:12Speaker 2:Because my children will say to me, I'm finished. I've had enough.

15:16Speaker 3:Yeah.

15:16Speaker 2:And then one week later, we're like, can I have a Milo?

15:18Speaker 3:And now that that's cleared away and I don't have to eat that. Exactly. Next one. You're going to love this.

15:24Speaker 1:One activity per kid per season with four kids. We're not spending every night and weekend running from activity to activity.

15:30Speaker 2:Love.

15:31Speaker 1:Stunning.

15:32Speaker 3:Gorgeous. Sometimes it's boredom and space and all those gorgeous things. Next up, we don't comment on people's bodies.

15:38Speaker 1:Not ours, not theirs. Weight, size, whether someone has gained or lost weight. bodies aren't a topic of conversation.

15:43Speaker 2:Yep, not at all.

15:44Speaker 3:Yeah. We're the same.

15:45Speaker 1:It's a tricky one because it's so easy to compliment people, like to want to compliment people on their appearances.

15:50Speaker 3:But it's obviously bad.

15:52Speaker 2:Yeah, but also, I don't know, I just don't feel like it's really done as much anymore.

15:55Speaker 3:No, it's definitely not as much.

15:56Speaker 2:Because you don't hear it, then you don't really do it.

15:58Speaker 3:Older generation, you know who always comments on if you cross her? I know who. I know who. Your nan. And I'm not going to, I love your nan.

16:04Speaker 2:Well, she's 96.

16:04Speaker 3:Yeah, she's 96. We're going to.

16:06Speaker 1:Give her a free pass at that. But it is funny, she always does it.

16:09Speaker 3:Bless her soul.

16:10Speaker 1:I let them wear what they want. Mismatched socks. I love that so much.

16:15Speaker 3:Wild patterns, whatever. If it's weather appropriate, I generally don't care. I thought that was a hard yes for you.

16:21Speaker 2:I mean, my kids would definitely look like that is a hard yes because I don't have much. I do let my kids wear whatever I want. I do. But I would be lying to myself if I wouldn't love to curate their wardrobe. Oh, yeah, it hurts the soul. I'd love, I would love, I had to let it go and it deeply pains me.

16:41Speaker 3:Yeah.

16:42Speaker 2:I see these swaggy cool kids with these cool brands.

16:45Speaker 1:How do the parents get their kids to wear cool clothes beyond the age of two?

16:49Speaker 2:I don't know. Some kids are really compliant, believe it or not. We don't have them but there are some out there, these rare species, they exist.

16:56Speaker 3:They are wandering among us.

16:58Speaker 2:They are. But it's not mine and I would love it to be, but it's not.

17:02Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not. We don't do iPads. Outside of very rare occasions or plane rides, they're not getting them.

17:08Speaker 2:Yeah, we're the same.

17:08Speaker 3:We're the same.

17:09Speaker 2:Not opposed to people that do, though. I actually don't care.

17:11Speaker 3:It makes my kids too crazy now. It didn't used to.

17:13Speaker 1:Yeah.

17:14Speaker 3:We're the same. I avoid them like the plague. Parents aren't playmates.

17:18Speaker 1:I love reading with my kids, doing things together and engaging with them. But I don't believe it's my job to entertain them all.

17:24Speaker 3:Day, every day. Okay. I agree.

17:26Speaker 2:Not all day, every day, but I do think it's your job.

17:29Speaker 3:Yeah.

17:30Speaker 2:A lot of the time.

17:30Speaker 3:Yeah. I agree too.

17:31Speaker 2:To provide them with stimulus to keep them entertained.

17:33Speaker 3:Yeah. And to show that you're interested in what they're doing.

17:35Speaker 2:A hundred percent.

17:36Speaker 3:I couldn't agree more.

17:37Speaker 1:Someone also put an interesting like caveat in the comments being like, that obviously comes from a mom of four, which Paige isn't pretending that it doesn't. Because if you were one and done, for example- You're going to have to play with your child.

17:48Speaker 3:Yes.

17:48Speaker 1:Otherwise they're going to be constantly, or unless you've got a million friends, but like obviously play is part of that.

17:53Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay.

17:54Speaker 1:So now, Lozzie, I went to the people of the Ready or Not community and I'm trying to.

17:59Speaker 3:Oh, Lozzie's just done a cough. We'll keep that in.

18:01Speaker 1:I'm trying to buy some time while I find the.

18:06Speaker 3:Poll answers because I am very.

18:08Speaker 2:You need like a little elevator thing.

18:12Speaker 3:I'm ready. Yeah, we do. We need some elevator music. Okay. First one.

18:17Speaker 1:They don't have to share their personal toys. Communal toys, of course, they do have to share, like swings, but not their personal ones.

18:24Speaker 3:It's an interesting one, this.

18:25Speaker 1:Because I know it would pay me too much to look like a parent that has kids that don't share toys. But I also get like the boundaries thing of like I'm using it right now, you can use it soon.

18:35Speaker 2:Yeah, I am very much of the turns mentality. Once they've had their turn, then pass it on.

18:40Speaker 3:I couldn't agree more.

18:41Speaker 1:Like I'm not ripping a toy off my kid to give it to someone else because that's unfair. Like let them have their turn. But if they're ripping a toy off someone else, I'm like no.

18:48Speaker 2:But I'm very much like if you want friends to come around, it's fair game with your toys.

18:52Speaker 3:Yeah, 100%.

18:52Speaker 2:Unless I always say is there a special toy that you don't want to share? And Sienna will often say, this is my new special toy. I've loved it forever.

19:02Speaker 1:I'm like, great, let's put it away. Really good practical tip because I'll often do that. I'm like, oh, I know this will cause a fight, so that's going. Yeah.

19:09Speaker 3:Because that's theirs. Yeah. I think that's a really good way of putting it. No tech Monday to Thursday.

19:14Speaker 2:Couldn't do it.

19:15Speaker 1:I wish that I was you, this person, but it's not me.

19:20Speaker 2:I love that. I actually couldn't do it. I genuinely could not cope without TV.

19:24Speaker 3:I would absolutely break. Yeah, or the Yoto. I have to have it.

19:30Speaker 2:I would combust.

19:31Speaker 1:The kids the other day were playing Spice Girls with their Yoto and I came into literally a dance party and I was like, this is the.

19:36Speaker 3:Best invention in the world. Next up, a little bit of neglect goes a long way.

19:40Speaker 2:I don't like the way that's phrased.

19:42Speaker 1:Either do I, but I don't mind the sentiment of like, I can't do everything for you at every second of the day.

19:47Speaker 2:No, also it's kind of like the let kids be kids thing.

19:51Speaker 1:Yeah.

19:51Speaker 2:They need to figure things out by themselves. Even if they're three, you can't be there the whole time. I mean, you can if you want, but I just can't, I can't physically.

19:59Speaker 3:Be there the whole time. Yeah, Posey wants me to pick her up all the time.

20:01Speaker 1:And there's a time where like, I literally have to put her down and she's crying and I'm like, I'm sorry. I just have to let you cry for 10 seconds because I've tried to walk.

20:09Speaker 3:You around the entire house while I do a million tasks.

20:12Speaker 1:It's not working very well for me, sweetie. And there's something hot on the stove, blah, blah, blah. Next one, Christmas is low-key. Four presents max and often practical.

20:20Speaker 3:Love.

20:21Speaker 2:Couldn't do it, but I love it.

20:22Speaker 3:I absolutely love that.

20:24Speaker 2:One thing we did do last year that I'm going to do again this year is op shop stuff.

20:27Speaker 3:The best.

20:28Speaker 2:It was so good. My kids did not give a shit. They're more interested in the unwrapping and the quantity as opposed to quality. I'd love to shift that mindset at some stage. It's obviously not in these early years for our family. So if that's what they want, it's just a numbers game.

20:43Speaker 3:Yeah. Then upshot. Upshot. I love that.

20:45Speaker 1:Reuse, recycle, et cetera. And it will be back there within six months too.

20:51Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. I'll return the favor.

20:52Speaker 3:Don't worry.

20:54Speaker 1:My kids can be anything they want except a chef. High stress, low pay, drugs and alcohol.

21:00Speaker 3:No. That is an interesting parenting rule. I'm not going to lie.

21:04Speaker 2:Yeah. They must be a chef. You must be a chef. You must have married a chef.

21:08Speaker 1:Or like a sibling or something. I'm not trying to laugh when I say this. Something's gone awry for someone in their life as a chef, I think.

21:14Speaker 2:Yeah.

21:15Speaker 1:And I respect your rule. A lot of people said that they don't force the hugs or the sharing.

21:19Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:20Speaker 1:Another person said, I encourage my kids to try and order their own food at cafes.

21:25Speaker 2:Oh, I love doing that. I always do that.

21:27Speaker 3:Yeah, I do that too actually.

21:27Speaker 2:I have a real thing with interpersonal skills with children.

21:30Speaker 3:Same.

21:32Speaker 2:Like at a freakish level. Yeah. I place a lot of pressure on myself because I do think with the rise of technology, the number one skill in our children is going to be how they communicate.

21:43Speaker 3:Yeah.

21:43Speaker 2:And it is so important for them to feel comfortable Like they can talk to everyone anytime, anywhere. So at a cafe like this morning, Zave goes, oh, I want a straw for his hot chocolate. And I said, you have to go in and ask for one. And you know how some kids are like, I don't want to do it.

22:01Speaker 3:He's like, okay.

22:02Speaker 1:I love that one too. My parents were big on like the saying hi name to people. And I have seen in families where that wasn't pushed and those people are a bit more like keeping their eyes down, not speaking to the people around them. And I'm really grateful for that skill and that I was sort of It's just forced to acknowledge people.

22:18Speaker 3:It's not the hug, kiss thing, but it's like say hi and use their name. Yeah.

22:21Speaker 1:So I'm big on that too and big on like saying thanks if someone hands out.

22:25Speaker 3:To my child. Yes. I'm big on that.

22:27Speaker 1:Two girls, no talk about dieting. No one eats different food, i.e. no one says they're eating healthy or eats a treat.

22:34Speaker 3:Love that.

22:35Speaker 1:I think that's a really good reminder, especially the treat bit because I definitely use treat language.

22:39Speaker 3:I don't say healthy, but I definitely use like who wants a treat.

22:43Speaker 2:Me too, all the time now that you've said it.

22:45Speaker 3:Yeah, it's tricky.

22:46Speaker 1:Next one, we use proper language for our body parts already with our 17-month-old.

22:49Speaker 2:We do that. Oh, 17 months. Yeah, it's young. I mean, I suppose I do that around Gus only because Sienna's older. Yeah, we do the same.

22:56Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that's really important.

22:57Speaker 2:Well, kinder kind of enforced that.

22:58Speaker 3:Yeah, it's so good.

22:59Speaker 2:And daycare.

23:00Speaker 3:It definitely didn't for our generation.

23:01Speaker 2:I was like, all right, vulva.

23:03Speaker 3:I literally probably knew what a vulva was fucking seven years ago.

23:06Speaker 2:Man, I think I found out what a vulva was when I was birthing.

23:08Speaker 3:And out the vulva. I was like, what? Pardon me. I love that. Oh, I love that.

23:16Speaker 1:We will also be teaching our 17-month-olds, this is coming from the same person, that it's healthy to talk about and learn about money, savings and giving.

23:25Speaker 2:Can I just say, I do find it so strange that in 2026, it's so taboo to talk about money.

23:35Speaker 1:Yeah.

23:36Speaker 2:It's so unusual because if you don't talk about money, not in a boastful way, but in an actual realistic way with your friends, you're not sharing what you know. They're not sharing, like there's no knowledge there. sharing ability. And then it's like, everybody's relying on either financial advisors that a lot of people can't get access to or random blogs. Like I still think conversations are beyond important.

24:00Speaker 1:I think it's also really interesting with the rise of social media. Because you see a lot of these different lifestyles that we didn't used to see as much on our phones as easily.

24:08Speaker 3:Like how did they get that?

24:10Speaker 2:Yeah.

24:10Speaker 3:How did that person get that? Is that luck? Am I an idiot? Like all of these things.

24:14Speaker 1:So it's interesting to me as well that we don't talk about finances.

24:18Speaker 3:When it's such a big part of all of that.

24:19Speaker 2:I find it bizarre.

24:20Speaker 1:Last one here, in a cost of living crisis, what your kids don't know they don't miss out on, e.g.

24:26Speaker 3:iPads, toys, holidays.

24:27Speaker 2:I completely agree with that.

24:29Speaker 3:That's a great mentality.

24:30Speaker 2:I think it's an Excellent way to be.

24:32Speaker 3:Oh, actually, sorry, there's another really good one here. I love this.

24:35Speaker 1:And look, it's a good reminder for me because I definitely say it and I hate that I do.

24:39Speaker 3:We don't say good girl or good boy. The kids aren't dogs.

24:42Speaker 2:Oh, my God, I say it all the time. And I genuinely, I hate it when I say it.

24:47Speaker 3:Yeah.

24:47Speaker 2:I hate it when I say it, but I do say it. And I'm glad you raised that.

24:51Speaker 3:Yeah.

24:51Speaker 2:Because it's always, the second after I do it, I'm like, ugh.

24:54Speaker 3:It always gives me the ick. Especially if you say good girl, obviously.

24:57Speaker 1:But because I say good boy to Ray, I always think that like neutralises it.

25:01Speaker 3:But I love the phrasing of they're not fucking dogs.

25:03Speaker 2:I would say good boy far often. Far more often than I would good girl.

25:08Speaker 3:Yeah, interesting. Fuck, it's yuck.

25:09Speaker 2:I don't like it at all.

25:10Speaker 3:Yeah, it gives me the ick. Actually, sorry, I did find one more.

25:13Speaker 1:Another one I just thought of that's too long for the box is that when my son sits down to watch TV, I let him choose which show he wants to watch in the half an hour I give him.

25:21Speaker 3:And that's it.

25:22Speaker 1:I don't change it. I refuse to change the channel. I don't want his little brain moving from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next. When he decides he's bored of it. I reckon that's unbelievable.

25:31Speaker 2:Okay, we have just done this at home where I've removed the remote control.

25:34Speaker 3:Yeah, I do it all the time.

25:35Speaker 2:Yeah, I never used to be that person. I always used to be like, I'll do whatever you want. And then they keep flicking and changing and I'm like, guys.

25:41Speaker 1:It gives you the ick with your phone use too because you're like, oh, they're emulating like scrolling.

25:45Speaker 3:It's fucking gross.

25:46Speaker 2:Sit down.

25:47Speaker 1:I also only let them watch free-to-air in the morning for that reason because I'm like, you do not just get to– like customize your life every second, which is what we're doing now with tech.

25:56Speaker 3:So I fucking love that one. So good. There were so many more, but they were all similar sentiments. Had to wrap it up somewhere. That's it.

26:04Speaker 2:I'm about to have a coughing fit. If you've loved today's episode, leave us a positive review. Follow us on RadioNot.Pod. See you next week.

26:10Speaker 3:Bye. See you next week.