No Judgement… Mostly

0:00Speaker 1:Hello gorgeous, it's Lala Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally Lala. Welcome to Untraditionally Lala, the bonus episode. And I don't know what possessed me to say we're going to do anonymous listener confessions, but it just felt fun and I'm reading them in Easton.

0:19Speaker 2:Plug your ears.

0:21Speaker 1:Plug your ears. You guys are unhinged. I don't know if I should be concerned about the people who.

0:30Speaker 3:Are connecting with me. Because I saw a couple of like write-ins.

0:35Speaker 1:In the shared notes?

0:36Speaker 3:Yeah. So many ladies.

0:40Speaker 1:Out here making sus decisions. And you guys, these are my listeners. My people.

0:44Speaker 3:Fucking your friends crush. That is what has railed my homies. My homie's like, I have a crush on this girl. And then one of the homies fucks her and he's like, I'm dying.

0:55Speaker 2:Have some sympathy. I walked into a house.

1:00Speaker 3:I'll never forget. And a guy was like, I really like that girl. By the grace of God, this girl had no eyeballs and came on to me.

1:06Speaker 2:Yeah. I didn't do it because I was like, my homie likes you.

1:10Speaker 3:See? Good for you.

1:12Speaker 2:And my homie didn't even crack. So I should have.

1:14Speaker 1:Yeah. What do you mean he didn't crack?

1:17Speaker 2:He didn't fuck.

1:19Speaker 1:Oh, jeez.

1:20Speaker 2:That's aggressive. All right, are we ready?

1:22Speaker 1:These are so crazy. I don't know if I should be judging them myself.

1:25Speaker 2:No, I'm going to be judging heavily. But keep listening in.

1:28Speaker 1:But I told them that it was a judgment-free zone. I'm not judging.

1:31Speaker 2:I'm not judging. I'm not judging. Zero.

1:34Speaker 1:I am 46 and sleeping with a 24-year-old. The best sex ever, and I squirt so much.

1:39Speaker 3:Get it, girl.

1:41Speaker 1:I'm telling you, the 24-year-olds know where it's at.

1:43Speaker 3:Well, yeah, that's because their frontal lobe isn't developed. They're just like, get me in there. Get me in there.

1:49Speaker 2:They're like cavemen when it comes to pussy.

1:55Speaker 1:Oh, my God. I feel like I should have brought a friend to co-host this with me.

1:59Speaker 3:Yeah, probably. Ocean, come in here.

2:03Speaker 1:My face. I mean, would you go, you're 33? Yeah. So would you go for a 53 year old?

2:18Speaker 2:I'd fuck Cher.

2:20Speaker 3:How old is she? Like 88? Three? She's in the eighties and I'd fucking get active, baby. 80?

2:27Speaker 1:Oh my God.

2:30Speaker 2:Probably some KY jelly for that one.

2:35Speaker 3:For sure yeah probably we're gonna need to know.

2:40Speaker 1:What to say to that moving on i love younger men i'm 33 or 30 i'll be 36 very good 26 20 years would be i couldn't go for a 16 year old obviously so i'm just.

2:56Speaker 3:Gonna believe it was even in your mouth that you just said that i'm just trying to do that I get like 16, but like it's not legal because we're not in Game of Thrones.

3:05Speaker 1:No, I'm bad at math. That's why it's taking me a long time.

3:09Speaker 3:Just always remember, no matter what math, always above 18.

3:16Speaker 2:And that is fucking weird.

3:19Speaker 3:Like there was a girl, she's like just turned 18.

3:21Speaker 2:I was like, you're a child.

3:25Speaker 1:I'm sorry. I cannot breathe. 24 is like, nah. 26 is my cutoff.

3:32Speaker 2:26 is good. Bump that up two years.

3:35Speaker 1:10 years. I'm saying I was, Easton, this connection is 22 years. So I was thinking 22 years for me. And then I was like, oh shit, we're really young in high school. So back up the ladder, back up the ladder. She's like, I.

3:49Speaker 2:Just need to be 38.

3:50Speaker 1:And then I'm done. That's not what I was saying.

3:56Speaker 2:Oh, my God.

3:57Speaker 1:I have $ 45, 000 of debt my partner doesn't know about, and it is stressful.

4:05Speaker 3:I would tell them because I think the stress will kill you.

4:09Speaker 1:The stress will kill you. You know what?

4:11Speaker 3:Just consolidate it.

4:13Speaker 1:You've got to tell.

4:14Speaker 2:You got to tell someone. You got to get help.

4:18Speaker 1:They're telling us.

4:20Speaker 2:Here's the thing.

4:21Speaker 3:I'm glad that they told us, but I cannot help on that interest rate.

4:24Speaker 1:I don't think that they're asking for our help. They're just trying to get shit off their chest. That's it. They're not asking for us to help them. That's what's great about this episode. They're not even asking for advice. We're just here to listen. They're getting shit off their chest. You are seen. You are heard. 45K, that does sound hella stressful. It does, but just.

4:44Speaker 3:Look at it this way. Some people go and buy a $ 60, 000 car with 20K down. So in a sense, it's the same.

4:51Speaker 2:At least you got a thing for it, though.

4:54Speaker 1:We don't know why they're in debt, but I would definitely open up to my partner about this so that you guys can come up with a game plan. Just my thought. Aw, this person said that they're in love with me. That's good to hear.

5:06Speaker 2:A little cookie monster.

5:10Speaker 1:That feels good. That feels really good. I love them too. Broke my now husband's penis while we were doing it, and he had to have a three-hour surgery.

5:22Speaker 2:That's crazy to me. What could you have.

5:24Speaker 1:Been doing to break a dick? Those things are durable.

5:27Speaker 3:She could have been riding that thing like a cowgirl, slipped up and really crunched down. But you can't break a cock. There's no bone in it. It's cartilage.

5:37Speaker 1:You can break a dick. That's why he spent three hours in surgery.

5:40Speaker 2:I know because I think they have to reconstruct the cartilage.

5:43Speaker 1:I have been talking to my best friend's crush for five months and she has no idea.

5:47Speaker 2:You're not a best friend to her.

5:49Speaker 3:I'm going to tell you that right now.

5:53Speaker 1:Oh, no. You know what? Get it off your chest. No judgment here. No judgment here. Like I said, I've you guys also a POS.

6:05Speaker 2:How, though?

6:06Speaker 3:What if I'm a guy and like this girl that I don't like is like I have a crush on him and I'm like, well, I want to fuck your friend.

6:13Speaker 2:I can't fuck the friend because I don't like the crush.

6:17Speaker 1:Oh, that's true because she's not saying that they like each other. Yeah. She's just saying her best friend likes him.

6:23Speaker 3:Yeah, like if it's, so I, as a guy, if a girl has a crush on me, it just handcuffs me where I can't do anything because someone likes me that I don't, so I can't do anything. You're right.

6:34Speaker 1:I'm fucking the friend. He's in the clear. But they're just talking. They haven't done anything. At least she says they haven't.

6:41Speaker 2:Here's the thing. That's almost worse.

6:44Speaker 1:Emotional.

6:45Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.

6:46Speaker 1:That's like where you get married to your best friend's crush.

6:49Speaker 3:Yeah.

6:50Speaker 1:I'm just going to put it out there. You guys probably won't be friends when she finds out.

6:54Speaker 3:She's like a real tough bitch.

6:59Speaker 1:Unless she's like Amber or giving heart.

7:02Speaker 3:Yeah.

7:03Speaker 1:Slept with my co-worker's husband on a work trip.

7:06Speaker 3:Felt bad.

7:07Speaker 1:So became her best friend. He cheated again with a 20 year old. So now the heat is off me.

7:14Speaker 2:I fucking love you.

7:17Speaker 1:Yes.

7:18Speaker 3:The heat is off you. Just that never happened.

7:21Speaker 2:It's on to the 20 year old. Fuck it.

7:27Speaker 1:Oh my God. But like how calculated to be like, Oh, I'm so sorry that I fucked your husband. You don't know about it. I'm going to become your best friend.

7:36Speaker 2:No, I'd rather not be friends with you.

7:38Speaker 1:This one's good. I lie to my kids and tell them the hospital is closed. So they try not to get hurt. Wow.

7:45Speaker 3:Taking that one with us. No.

7:47Speaker 1:See, I have to do the opposite. If you get hurt, I'm taking you to the hospital. And then they don't get hurt because they don't want to go to the hospital. Ocean's very anti-doctor.

7:59Speaker 2:Yeah, you've scarred her when it comes to shots.

8:02Speaker 1:How? Because I had to give them to her?

8:04Speaker 2:No, you didn't tell her the one day.

8:06Speaker 1:Oh, I did. I was trying this thing where it was like, I would tell her when she was going to get a shot and she would lose her mind from the time we got up in the morning till the time it was over. So I was like, I'm going to just try something different. No buildup. We're just going to get to the doctor and she's going to get the shot. Now, every time we leave the house, you guys, she asks me, are you taking me to get a shot?

8:27Speaker 3:We're going to the grocery store and she goes, are we going to the doctor though?

8:32Speaker 1:I despise the guy I am seeing but can't break it off because he will be devastated. Oh, I despise the guy I was seeing, too. Instead, I had a baby with him. I would break it off.

8:44Speaker 2:Break it off.

8:46Speaker 1:If he's devastated, who even cares?

8:49Speaker 2:Save some time.

8:50Speaker 1:Well, also, like, what's the game plan here?

8:53Speaker 2:And I go have to be unhappy. Guess who this is reminding me of?

8:57Speaker 1:Who?

8:57Speaker 2:George Costanza.

8:59Speaker 3:When he's going to marry Susan and he can't do it, but he can't face that scene of breaking up.

9:04Speaker 1:Oh, and then he accidentally chooses.

9:07Speaker 3:I can't face that scene. Because I'd rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than face that scene.

9:15Speaker 2:So true.

9:15Speaker 3:It's like, fuck, I hate you, but God, I can't face that scene. I know.

9:20Speaker 1:And then he has her lick the envelopes of their wedding invitations and it's poisonous and she dies.

9:25Speaker 3:I know.

9:26Speaker 1:And then he would have had so much money.

9:28Speaker 3:Yeah, but he would have been unhappily married.

9:31Speaker 1:Can I tell you, in real life, he would be so, like, he's a piece of shit.

9:37Speaker 3:George.

9:37Speaker 1:But he's so endearing on Seinfeld.

9:40Speaker 3:Well, he's Larry David on Seinfeld. Jerry. You know that, right?

9:45Speaker 1:Yes.

9:46Speaker 3:Very good.

9:46Speaker 1:It's not a lie.

9:47Speaker 3:If you believe it. Sociopath. How are you going to not think he's a piece of shit in real life? His character is a piece of shit.

9:54Speaker 1:I know, but do you find him endearing?

9:57Speaker 3:Yes, I love. George. I could get George Costanza tattooed on me and it would be my favorite tattoo.

10:02Speaker 1:My favorite tattoo.

10:04Speaker 2:Yes.

10:05Speaker 1:I always think about getting a Seinfeld tattoo.

10:07Speaker 2:I may get.

10:09Speaker 1:Larry David, the silhouette of Curb Your Enthusiasm. You know, it's just a drawing of his face.

10:13Speaker 2:But no, I really.

10:15Speaker 3:Here's the thing.

10:16Speaker 2:I can't, but I wanted to. He really shat the bed. Kramer.

10:21Speaker 3:He had that thing happen. Oh, that thing.

10:26Speaker 2:But before that, I would have got him tattooed on me.

10:29Speaker 1:Me too, and then he fucked it all up with his stand-up.

10:33Speaker 3:Kramer.

10:34Speaker 1:Kramer. My friend's ex cheated, so I peed on his toothbrush while on my period.

10:55Speaker 3:Yes!

10:56Speaker 2:He's like, oh, my gums are bleeding.

10:58Speaker 1:Easton, you always just take it a little too far.

11:02Speaker 2:Well, that's how you know you still have a line.

11:05Speaker 3:You know what?

11:06Speaker 1:This just made me happy. Love doing something horrible to a toothbrush.

11:12Speaker 3:Okay? I've done that.

11:14Speaker 1:I did that to my ex.

11:15Speaker 2:Yeah, didn't you shove it in your ass? I think I'd rather have the period blood.

11:21Speaker 1:I wrote about it in my book, not thinking that it was going to be, it was supposed to be like a love letter to my sobriety and all the like fucked up shit I did. And it became the headlines everywhere. And I remember it so vividly. We're in Miami and I fucking do it because he pissed me off for the fucking last time. I leave it out. He comes in brushing his teeth and I'm on the toilet and I just start cackling. And he's like, what, what's so funny? I was like, You have shit in your teeth. I shoved that toothbrush up my ass.

11:49Speaker 2:Up your... Oh, God. I thought it was just like a toilet paper wipe.

11:53Speaker 1:It could have been.

11:54Speaker 2:In the ass.

11:55Speaker 1:It could have been. It could have been. I don't remember. But the look of devastation puts.

12:01Speaker 2:Me to sleep at night.

12:02Speaker 3:That poor toothbrush.

12:03Speaker 1:All I have to do is think about that and I'm like, I'm going to sleep like a baby. Good for you. You're a ride or die bitch. I am in love with a guy who won't even finger me during sex.

12:16Speaker 2:Well, his penis is stuffed in there.

12:18Speaker 3:How's he going to get a finger?

12:19Speaker 2:Or are we talking clitoris rub? The clitoris! You got to ring the bell.

12:29Speaker 3:Ring my bell!

12:32Speaker 2:Maybe that's what that song was made for.

12:37Speaker 1:This is horrible. You poor thing. You should talk to him about that.

12:41Speaker 2:That is awful. You know what, though?

12:45Speaker 1:When we're in love, we let a lot of shit slide. Just not his fingers. Cover your ears for a second. Cover your ears.

12:51Speaker 3:Sorry.

12:52Speaker 1:And like do the little thing so you get it here. There was a man I was in love with and we were fucking around, right? And I tell him, put your fingers in. And he looks at me and he goes, fingers? And I'm like, yeah, you ain't going to get it done with just the index, buddy. I mean, I'm going to need like this to happen.

13:11Speaker 2:This to happen.

13:12Speaker 1:Jesus Christ. That's how I knew he hadn't been with a lot of people.

13:16Speaker 3:Oh, you're good. That felt really good. I'm going to need to clean my fingers after this.

13:20Speaker 1:My old roommate ripped me off, so I signed her up for a Jehovah's... It's so good. For a Jehovah's visit.

13:32Speaker 2:That really is.

13:33Speaker 1:That's genius.

13:34Speaker 3:No, it is because we weren't even on the shit list and people would do that to us with the Mormons. Remember at 36, 48? Yeah.

13:41Speaker 1:And my mom would kind of be mean to them. And then she realized, and they would keep coming back because it's almost like, oh, they just need to find God or whatever. And so finally mom would answer the door and be like, hi, we actually are really strong in our faith. But we would love to invite you in for dinner. I just cooked dinner and we would love to invite you in because I'm sure you need.

14:03Speaker 3:To eat or whatever.

14:03Speaker 1:And they wanted nothing to do with us.

14:05Speaker 3:Yeah, I would usually.

14:06Speaker 2:I started to answer the door shirtless.

14:11Speaker 1:Why?

14:11Speaker 2:I had tattoos. They got the point.

14:14Speaker 1:Oh, you cannot be saved. I made a fake IG so I could stalk my ex. This person is very kind. I can just tell because we all do that. Actually, I just do it.

14:24Speaker 2:Straight from my own account. I just stalk from my own, yeah.

14:26Speaker 3:See my name out there.

14:26Speaker 1:Because I don't know how to, I can't figure out how to make a burner. It asks so many questions.

14:31Speaker 2:You don't, no. You're too lazy to make a.

14:34Speaker 3:Burner is what it is.

14:35Speaker 1:Whatever the reasoning, I'm like, so many questions to make this burner. I'm just going to cyber stalk from my own account. Every time it asks me for an email, no.

14:44Speaker 2:Email, it's like, you know how long my last name is?

14:46Speaker 3:I'm not typing that in.

14:47Speaker 2:Fuck you.

14:48Speaker 1:Also, I don't want to get, like, you're probably going to pass my email to someone else.

14:51Speaker 2:Yes, and then I just don't want to deal.

14:52Speaker 1:And then I start getting others. Oh, my God. I slept with my ex-mother-in-law's ex-boyfriend. I let her find out as revenge.

15:00Speaker 2:Well, what did she do to you?

15:01Speaker 1:I wish she would have put that in because this could either be super cold or, like, super cold.

15:09Speaker 3:Good for her.

15:11Speaker 1:The ex-mother-in-law, she's got to be old. She went for, like, an old guy.

15:15Speaker 2:Maybe the ex-mother-in-law was fucking a 24-year-old.

15:18Speaker 3:You never know.

15:19Speaker 1:Not only did you do your ex-mother-in-law dirty, but you did... Your man's dirty.

15:24Speaker 2:I don't think she has many friends in that family anymore.

15:27Speaker 1:You know what? It's okay. We do what we have to do to seek revenge, and there is no judgment here.

15:31Speaker 3:Oh, revenge is sweet.

15:33Speaker 1:Mine looks a little... My revenge looks a little different. I'm on my honeymoon and pregnant. I haven't told my husband yet.

15:41Speaker 3:Oh, that'll be fun for him. Just 18 years to life.

15:46Speaker 1:Also, like the honeymoon, like they're quite literally on their honeymoon phase or in their honeymoon phase. And there's nothing to bring you back to reality like a baby.

15:56Speaker 2:Do you think he's clocking it, though? Like he's like, yeah, I'm going to give you a margarita. She's like, I have water.

16:03Speaker 1:He's clocking it for sure on here. He's clocking it for sure. I get turned on having sex where I can get caught like my parents bed.

16:12Speaker 3:I have no idea what she just wrote.

16:15Speaker 1:She has sex in places where she'll get caught because it turns her on. Like she wants people to come in and find her. It's like. The thrill. Yeah, the thrill. That sounds terrifying.

16:26Speaker 2:It really does. Start role playing. Lock the door.

16:29Speaker 1:So I really wish I would have read all of these before I had you join the podcast.

16:33Speaker 3:Moving on to the next one.

16:35Speaker 1:Sometimes I prefer the vibrator over sex with my partner.

16:41Speaker 3:Yeah. How could you not?

16:42Speaker 2:I saw those things at work and I was like, where do we keep up?

16:45Speaker 1:What do you mean you saw them at work? Oh, here at the podcast? Yeah.

16:50Speaker 2:I mean, here's the thing.

16:51Speaker 3:Even the fucking WNBA, that green dildo that flopped onto the court.

16:55Speaker 2:I was like, that thing, if that thing is being used, we're no use.

16:59Speaker 3:You are.

16:59Speaker 1:Yeah. Men are no use.

17:01Speaker 3:That's for sure. Thank you. I was hoping that I have a, just to let everyone know one other, a Manny in here.

17:08Speaker 1:Yeah.

17:10Speaker 3:He agreed.

17:12Speaker 1:You know, you are... Here's the thing.

17:14Speaker 3:You are.

17:14Speaker 2:We're emotionally useful?

17:16Speaker 1:When I had to change the fire alarm in Palm Springs, I was like, I could really use a husband right now. I could really use a husband.

17:26Speaker 2:Where the fuck's the guy?

17:29Speaker 1:He cheated, so I left tuna, milk, and egg yolk hidden all over his van.

17:34Speaker 3:What? you should have taken it a little further and like put it in like the crevices of like window seals.

17:45Speaker 2:So this motherfucker's just.

17:46Speaker 1:Smelling tuna like in the sea belt.

17:48Speaker 3:Yeah no like in the house like in his bedroom like where he opens the window like just smear some there smear it everywhere so this motherfucker is just like living at sea with just tuna He's like, where the fuck is this ocean coming from?

18:03Speaker 2:I don't live anywhere near it.

18:05Speaker 1:That's so good. When I had a cold and had to go to work, I licked the bully boss's straw.

18:13Speaker 3:How fucked up that like, I've done that too.

18:18Speaker 2:I was sick at work and they wouldn't give me the day off.

18:21Speaker 3:So I touched fucking everything.

18:23Speaker 2:Everyone got sick. And I was sick.

18:28Speaker 3:Fuck it. Who cares? But I will tell you, people did get sick. And that was very worth it. So yes, with that girl.

18:37Speaker 1:You're going to like this one. I prank called my boyfriend's ex and farted on the phone, then hung up.

18:42Speaker 3:Well, that's what they are.

18:45Speaker 2:Just a fart.

18:46Speaker 3:Fuck them.

18:47Speaker 2:You were right for doing that.

18:48Speaker 1:You're dropping the F word so much. And even though I love it. I love it. So I don't know what our list. Actually, our listeners are just as rogue as us. My ex cheated, so I slept with his brother.

19:14Speaker 3:Shitty brother. If I had a brother and he was like, I cheated on my ex, I wouldn't be like, can I sleep with her?

19:22Speaker 1:Mine are really stupid.

19:23Speaker 2:No, I'd be like, all right, good for you. If she talked to me, I'd go, no, no.

19:30Speaker 1:Even if the girl, even if your brother cheated? What if you really liked the girl? Not liked her like that, but she was like a really great girl.

19:38Speaker 3:I need to have a conversation with my brother.

19:41Speaker 1:Your brother doesn't deserve a conversation. He's a cheating, lying scumbag.

19:45Speaker 3:Could have answers.

19:47Speaker 1:I once swirled my mom's new boyfriend's toothbrush. in a toilet and he used it. You guys, we're all so in sync. Go straight for the toothbrush. What is going into his mouth? You want to fuck around? Then you're going to find out.

20:01Speaker 3:You want to fuck....

20:04Speaker 2:What is that in you want to fuck on me the.

20:09Speaker 3:Hangover when he jumps out of the car butt naked you want to fuck.

20:12Speaker 1:On me who is that oh he's so good that movie we should.

20:20Speaker 3:Watch that yeah no it's terrific so good he is a delight.

20:24Speaker 1:I had an abortion 13 years ago and didn't know who the dad was.

20:28Speaker 3:Wasn't that why you usually get him no oh I like whores from the north.

20:35Speaker 1:He's a man. No judgment here. Yeah. I mean, I think you made a great decision. After a bad fight with my ex, I would put Miralax in his food. So he's just shitting his brains out all day.

20:47Speaker 2:That's genius.

20:48Speaker 3:The sad thing is, if I had a significant other that did that, I wouldn't even know the difference if I was having Miralax or whatever the fuck that is.

20:56Speaker 1:Miralax. Miralax. Yeah, my baby daddy makes my life 10,000 times worse. I wish he would pass away.

21:06Speaker 3:You know what?

21:07Speaker 2:I'll add that to my prayers. What's her name?

21:11Speaker 3:Anonymous? It's Anonymous.

21:12Speaker 1:They're just getting things off their chest. I was having sex with my boyfriend and thought I squirted, but I peed. So, fun fact.

21:20Speaker 3:Isn't squirting pee?

21:20Speaker 1:Squirting is pee. It's just a super, super concentrated version of pee. So technically, you're fine.

21:26Speaker 3:It's diluted.

21:27Speaker 2:It's diluted urine.

21:29Speaker 1:Pretty much. Yeah, you're good. Here's the thing. When you're being intimate with your person, shit's going to happen.

21:35Speaker 3:Just to let you know, men are so stupid.

21:37Speaker 2:If you were having sex, if he was having sex with you.

21:41Speaker 3:And you just started to pee and you said, I'm squirting, we'd be like, yeah, yeah, she's squirting.

21:46Speaker 2:We're dumb as fuck.

21:48Speaker 1:I had a dream. I had a threesome with you and Amber. Sounds hot. I hope we looked good. I hope in the threesome I had my clippings. Wow.

21:56Speaker 3:Wow.

21:57Speaker 2:Moving on.

21:59Speaker 1:I slept with my sister's ex. I feel awful. I was drinking at the time, but sober now. No judgment.

22:06Speaker 3:You know what?

22:06Speaker 2:Write it in your book. Burn the paper.

22:14Speaker 1:I hope nothing like that happens to my girls.

22:15Speaker 3:Okay.

22:18Speaker 1:I fake having diarrhea to hide in the bathroom for my husband and kids once a week.

22:24Speaker 2:I do that daily.

22:25Speaker 3:I'm going to take a shit.

22:27Speaker 1:I've been there. I have totally been there. Lauren, I can't deal right now. I got to go to the bathroom.

22:34Speaker 3:I go in there.

22:35Speaker 2:I sit on top of the lid and just breathe.

22:38Speaker 3:I'm like, Jesus Christ.

22:39Speaker 1:I need a moment. It goes back to the commercial with the Milano cookies with the mom. She closes the door and it's locked and she's up against the bathtub just eating that and people are banging. She's like, cannot deal. Yeah. I'm right there with her.

22:51Speaker 3:What's it called? I have a question. Do you understand this? It was in a stand-up.

22:54Speaker 2:Louis C.K. He's back.

22:56Speaker 3:He's not canceled. He's on Netflix, so I can say his name. But he said, with his two girls, he goes, you never understand that the little silence you get once you close the doors and you have that little walk back to your own door. In the car?

23:11Speaker 1:It's so good.

23:12Speaker 2:He's like, that is my Disneyland.

23:14Speaker 1:I literally go. My kids will be mom mom look at my time like that's.

23:19Speaker 3:So much.

23:21Speaker 2:And then you gotta step back in prison.

23:24Speaker 1:Oh this one's sad because i relate i want to get back with the man who treated me the worst i don't actually love my boyfriend i'm just comfortable and tolerating him babe we have all been there.

23:39Speaker 2:How old is she? That's what I want to know.

23:42Speaker 1:It's just stuff they want to get off their chest.

23:44Speaker 3:I know, but I want her to not do that. I feel like she's a gem and could find somebody.

23:50Speaker 1:Yeah, you should leave him.

23:51Speaker 2:Yes.

23:53Speaker 3:There's good men out there.

23:55Speaker 1:What's going to happen is something's going to happen to push you out of the nest to get uncomfortable. I got caught giving head in a church basement by the priest. How fun for you.

24:06Speaker 3:Well, duh.

24:07Speaker 2:The priest just had to open his eyes.

24:10Speaker 1:What do you mean?

24:10Speaker 3:He was the one. The priest was getting the blowjob, guys.

24:17Speaker 1:That was good. This is when I'm like, oh, you got that sense. You got your quick wit from dad.

24:24Speaker 3:Dad, yeah. No, dad, I mean, yeah. You should have seen him drinking his wine on the patio.

24:29Speaker 1:I started a GLP and everyone thinks I've been hitting the gym. No one needs to know. Again, you should only tell people if you want to. But if you look that good, you should give people your secret. I'm getting a facelift and hope my friends barf with envy.

24:44Speaker 3:Oh, my God. The real girl.

24:53Speaker 1:I slept with Santa Fall. With Santa Fall. Santa Fall.

24:56Speaker 3:Why don't you say that?

24:57Speaker 1:Vole. Vole.

24:59Speaker 3:Santa Fall.

25:00Speaker 1:Before Vanderpump existed and before I got sober, we were both cheating.

25:06Speaker 3:Who was he cheating on?

25:08Speaker 1:I don't know. We have the receipts.

25:12Speaker 2:Was he cheating on Ariana before the... He was?

25:15Speaker 1:Well, it says before Vanderpump existed. No, it was probably Kristen.

25:23Speaker 2:Once a cheater, always a cheater.

25:26Speaker 3:Is that true, though? Once a cheater, always a cheater?

25:33Speaker 1:I think a little bit.

25:34Speaker 3:I don't know. I think... As.

25:36Speaker 1:Lisa Vanderpump would say, a leopard never changes its spots.

25:42Speaker 3:Unless it gets violated.

25:45Speaker 1:I think once you get sober, that's just the cure.

25:47Speaker 2:The cure.

25:48Speaker 3:The sober is changing your spot. Cause then you're like, I wasn't even a fucking leopard. I've been a.

25:54Speaker 1:Zebra this whole fucking time. You guys, thank you for listening to a very unhinged episode, bonus episode of untraditionally Lala. I'm going to catch you guys on Wednesday for a regular old episode. I love you. Bye.