To Bush or Not To Bush?

0:00Speaker 1:Hello, gorgeous. It's Lala Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally Lala. Hello gorgeous, welcome back to Untraditionally Lala. I'm having the time of my life. I've got a belly full of sausage McMuffin from McDonald's. Thank you Janet and Jared. You're so welcome. Thanks for having us. You're so welcome. Have you done, you did Untraditionally Lala. You have, you haven't been on.

0:29Speaker 2:You just said our podcast.

0:30Speaker 1:I did your guys' podcast.

0:32Speaker 2:Yeah, and I just see you every day.

0:35Speaker 1:So good. I had a heyday. We have so much fun. I don't... I don't listen to a lot of podcasts. Your guys' is really good because I like banter like that where I feel like I'm just like a fly on the wall and I can be like.

0:50Speaker 2:You know? I feel like we have a lot of... A Beavis and Butthead relaxation moment. We have a lot of.

0:54Speaker 1:Friends who listen.

0:55Speaker 3:Like Maddie always says, she's like, I listen to you guys on my walks and I feel like you're with me.

0:59Speaker 4:Weston says it too. Actually, the most flattering thing is that people like actual friends are... text us in a little group and be like, oh my God, I can't believe you guys talked about this on the, and I'm.

1:08Speaker 2:Like, wait, you're listening to that?

1:10Speaker 1:Yeah.

1:11Speaker 2:So flattering.

1:12Speaker 1:I know. Sometimes you forget that people are actually going to listen to what you're saying. I know. Sometimes I'll talk about school situations and I'm like, should I have shared that? Or like a.

1:21Speaker 3:Wild sex story. I, although I guess that's more the other one, but still you hit some, you hit some raunchy stuff on this one too.

1:27Speaker 1:I've had, now I saved the raunchiness for sex unlocked.

1:31Speaker 4:Yeah.

1:32Speaker 1:With Sally, but Sally gets raunchy.

1:35Speaker 2:She does. I love that. That's probably my, I'm not going to rate them, but that's.

1:39Speaker 4:Definitely up there for like one of my favorites.

1:41Speaker 2:I love hearing people talk about sex.

1:43Speaker 1:I got a little nervous that Ocean was like, maybe not making it into school. Oh, no. I did. For a minute. That's sex positive. It's good. Although I clutch my pearls sometimes with you guys. I know. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm blushing. So, Janet, your mother has been... We have similar living situations. Yeah. Can you break that down for my friends? So, my mom, we built a... We turned our external... an unattached.

2:09Speaker 3:Garage into an ADU for my mom. So we call it like the casita. It's like a, it's like a really nice hotel suite, but it's perfect. I wasn't sure my mom was going to like it. She went from her like four bedroom house that she's lived in since 1987 in Ohio that has like an acre of land and like is very, you know, spread out to like basically being in a hotel suite. And I was like, I don't know if she's going to like be able to do this long-term.

2:34Speaker 1:She loves it. Like And honestly, sometimes there's days where I'm like, do you want to switch?

2:39Speaker 3:Like you come in and you be with Jason and Cameron. I want the hotel suite for the night.

2:45Speaker 1:Well, if you need someone to be with Jason, you know, you can always call me.

2:50Speaker 2:Get in line, Lala.

2:51Speaker 1:Get in line. You can call me and Jared.

2:54Speaker 2:We'll keep you in company.

2:57Speaker 1:I love having the husband that everybody wants. I text Jason about dudes. I know. I love that. And I feel like he gives you good advice. He gives me great advice. Yeah. And like, I'll tell him and he knows like every athlete on the planet. So I'm like, have you heard of this guy? He used to play basketball, I think. And he's like, God, there's a show and show. He played for the Pistons back in blah, blah, blah. I'm like, all right. Sounds good. He's like, and that contract looks good too. I'm like, I don't really give a fuck about the contract.

3:24Speaker 3:Yeah.

3:25Speaker 1:Just what's the body situation? Does he seem nice?

3:28Speaker 5:Like we watched him play there's a lot of fouling going on is he dirty a flopper give me the details yeah um but your mom has been in Ohio for like his.

3:39Speaker 3:Two weeks bullshit Jason and I were like we're firing her this was not approved time off no we were going crazy a little bit I have so much respect for single moms now like the most I can't like it makes me want to text like you Brittany and Michelle I know you have like help with family and stuff too but I'm like I want to text them now and be like are you okay like how do you do.

4:00Speaker 4:This you have a husband what do you mean single moms you weren't single momming.

4:03Speaker 1:Still even just Jason and I Cameron like.

4:06Speaker 4:Can take on all of us I had to change poopy diapers while Claudia was away yeah.

4:11Speaker 1:I can't do that other people's kids you're out of your mind.

4:14Speaker 4:Well I did it once I'm like so proud of it because you should it's the first time I've ever done one Well, and when they were that.

4:21Speaker 1:Age and eating like real food, it gets brutal. Well, Jerry said he did me a solid because it was a solid.

4:27Speaker 3:And I'm like, well, that's good because turds are much easier than a mess.

4:31Speaker 2:I know. And I kept saying, I was going, oh no, oh no, oh no. And then he was just laying there going. Oh, no.

4:38Speaker 1:Oh, no.

4:38Speaker 4:And I was like, hold this clean diaper.

4:41Speaker 2:And he was like, that's gross. And I was just like, oh, Lord. Wow.

4:46Speaker 1:Because you watched him while Janet and Jason went and got lit at TomTom, right?

4:50Speaker 2:They hit the town. They were painting the town red.

4:51Speaker 1:Yeah.

4:52Speaker 2:Oh, my God.

4:52Speaker 1:We had fun. Good for you. We had fun. That's important in a marriage, I assume, right? To have a time together.

4:59Speaker 3:We needed a good night or, like, day out. And I don't... Like, Cameron's a lot right now. Like, he's in midst of terrible twos. So it's like, I don't trust very many people. Not that I don't trust them. I don't trust Cameron around a lot of people. But I know Jared can handle him and, like.

5:14Speaker 2:I'm not afraid of him.

5:14Speaker 1:No, and he loves you. And there's... Jared's his favorite. There's just something about a parent where they just act a fool. Mm-hmm. Because I'll see my kids with other people and I'm like, why are you being such a gem?

5:25Speaker 2:Yeah. Cam was so good. It was actually wild. Like, he was... Better behave than when you're around for sure.

5:31Speaker 1:I believe it.

5:31Speaker 2:Yeah.

5:32Speaker 1:Well, yeah, because it's unconditional love. He knows your love is conditional. You better come correct, motherfucker. I think he thinks Jared's a member of the family. 100%. Jared's always around. Every time I call you, hi, Jared just got here. Yeah. And I can't imagine. I mean, we hang out like six days a week. Good for you.

5:50Speaker 3:In the seventh, it's like, Jared's like, I need a break from you guys.

5:53Speaker 2:I'm like God after he created the world.

5:56Speaker 1:On the seventh day, he rests. On the seventh day, he comes to Lala's house. Yeah. Yeah.

6:02Speaker 2:To film your ta-tas.

6:05Speaker 1:Jared has seen me naked a lot.

6:07Speaker 4:All I do is see beautiful women naked all the time and just wasted on the gay you know like do i care at all no i'll just be like talking to you and then there it is the whole hoot and nanny oh yeah i'm full cookie.

6:19Speaker 1:Out i don't give a fuck me and my little mrs bigglesworth were like hello jared i love it and i feel so safe and seen because he tells me my body looks tea or.

6:29Speaker 4:Whatever i always say yeah everybody's tea he's probably.

6:32Speaker 1:Happy to see a clean shaven situation or laser for you. A bushless vagina.

6:38Speaker 2:Remember when she went through her bush phase where she was showing it 24-7? I mean, I still will. Yeah, but there was like a phase where you're just like, look at my bush, everybody.

6:45Speaker 4:I remember.

6:46Speaker 2:It was an announcement.

6:47Speaker 1:Yes.

6:47Speaker 2:Yeah.

6:48Speaker 1:I remember this was maybe three. You had just gotten married to Jason. And you just whipped that bush out. It's natural. I told her, Jared, I said, you have to get rid of that. Like I started giving her what it should look like. And then I like immediately paused and thought she just got married. So, instead of telling her what she should do with her bush, maybe I should grow out mine. You should. You know?

7:18Speaker 2:Listen, Jason's a real man. He knows how to work his way through a jungle.

7:23Speaker 1:The very first time we hooked up, I had a bush.

7:24Speaker 3:And it, like, normally, when I was single, I would try to, like, I would try to, like, keep it shaven at least for the first.

7:31Speaker 1:I would trick him, you know? But with him, I was like, I wasn't expecting, because Jason was my friend, I wasn't expecting that we'd hook up. Yeah. And so I was like, hey, just FYI, this is what you're working with. That's called a situation. Didn't stop him.

7:45Speaker 2:Wow.

7:46Speaker 4:Yeah.

7:46Speaker 3:And then I was like, good, now I don't have to like ease into the bush. I just, it's there from the beginning. He knows what he's signing up for.

7:52Speaker 1:You think about the bush the way I think about makeup-less FaceTimes.

7:57Speaker 5:Mm-hmm.

8:00Speaker 4:What?

8:01Speaker 1:I only FaceTime dudes like if it's like the first time without my face on like in bed.

8:08Speaker 2:Oh, that's smart.

8:08Speaker 1:Because I need you to know how bad it can get. It cannot get bad. You look so good. So she's like... First time I fuck, always have to have the bush because I need you to see how.

8:19Speaker 3:If that scares you away, there's a lot more issues than that. So if that scares you away, you're not ready for me.

8:26Speaker 1:Just wait until she whips out her gooch tag. Jason swears he never knew that was there until I announced it. I think he's lying. I think he's like, nope, never heard of it. Never heard of it.

8:36Speaker 2:I don't know her.

8:38Speaker 1:I don't know how we went from like our families being away to this. But welcome to Untraditionally Lala. Back to the single mommying though. It is hard. And I'm not even single mommying because I have a nanny 10 to 4.

8:52Speaker 2:Yeah.

8:52Speaker 1:But I'm telling you, it is not enough. No. I've learned... Two adults per child. So if I have another, I need to bring on two more people.

9:01Speaker 4:Yeah.

9:02Speaker 2:Oh my God.

9:02Speaker 1:Are you thinking about having another? No, I would have to really, really love somebody a lot. And I would schedule my tummy tuck immediately after. You don't need a tummy tuck. I've never seen somebody bounce.

9:18Speaker 5:Like you do.

9:18Speaker 2:She's saying after she has a third baby, she might.

9:20Speaker 1:After a third baby, that skin stretches. You know Janet. I mean, I'm mine, but you can wear a bikini still. I gotta wear the high-waist grandma panties. I do wear one, whether I can or not. It's when I move a certain way. Yes, the bounce back, whatever, like, great. But the skin gets a little loosey-goosey.

9:39Speaker 2:Sure.

9:39Speaker 1:And I'll probably have to go in for my seventh boob job after a third. And I just don't know. Like, I'm really gonna have to love you if I'm, like, reconstructing my body.

9:46Speaker 2:Yeah.

9:46Speaker 1:After the fact. That's fair.

9:56Speaker 2:Thank you.

10:02Speaker 1:Also, what I've been doing while my family has been gone, because I am an anti-wrinkle bitch, okay? I want to be... Like Papa John.

10:13Speaker 2:Me too.

10:13Speaker 1:Oh, Papa John. That's a good. Yeah. I don't want my face to move.

10:18Speaker 3:Not the goal I thought you were going to say.

10:22Speaker 1:Not a wrinkle in sight. Plastic. But my girl could only fit me in because she's on, she's doing a grand jury. She was called for a grand jury for the next two months. For jury duty? Yeah. It's way more intense than jury duty. Wow, okay. When she explained it, she was like, it's like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Okay. She was so excited. So Amber and I both make appointments for 5.30. We pack the children up to take them to our Botox appointment. And while I was there, it was utter chaos. Ocean running around screaming, Sosa running around screaming, Riley texting away as she should be. But I had Lee put Botox in here since I'm not quite ready to do my minimally invasive facelift. In your neck. Yeah, to just kind of tighten it up a bit. But I had them burn some things off as well. So that mixed with the Retin-A from Mexico. Oh yeah, the Retin-A.

11:24Speaker 1:You did it, right? I did a full peel.

11:27Speaker 3:When we were in Utah, I was like, all right, I'm not like going to see anybody I know, which I forgot sometimes that people watch that show we're on. So I did see people that like wanted pictures and stuff, but my face fully peeled off. I did it for like a week.

11:40Speaker 1:I was so red. A week straight? A week straight, I did. Every night, I did a.

11:44Speaker 2:Full retin- And then you went and sat by the pool and stuff. Hopefully you wore SPFs. I wore a hat.

11:48Speaker 1:I did 100 SPF and I like fully covered up. So I covered, because I know that's really important. But I did, every night, I did a thick layer of retin-A. Yeah.

11:57Speaker 3:And then in the morning, my skin was just, I was flaking off.

12:01Speaker 4:Yeah.

12:01Speaker 1:Isn't it the greatest feeling in the world? I love it.

12:03Speaker 3:I was so tight, actually, for like the week after that, that when I would smile, I was like, I can literally feel my skin like.

12:09Speaker 4:you guys are so like this is bdsm for the face i don't like it well.

12:12Speaker 1:I went to um so after i got the things off and then i did what did.

12:17Speaker 2:They burn it with like a match.

12:19Speaker 1:A cigarette no it's like this little needle that gets super super hot and you just hear it go oh my gosh it was like age spots or what burns so i had like This sounds so disgusting, but we're informative on this podcast. So I had a thing here and here and one on my chest. Okay. The one on my chest was like, you could see it in certain light and it bothered me. It was just like a flesh colored, like raised. They didn't call it a mole. They called it something else, but I did not love it.

12:53Speaker 1:It made it to leave. Okay. But then there's this thing that can happen where an extremely clogged deep pore is will then form like almost scar tissue. So it's, I don't want to call it a skin tag because it's not long and you can only see it in certain lighting like this bump. So I said, burn that motherfucker to a crisp. Yeah. So they did. They burned him. Did it hurt? What?

13:18Speaker 2:Does it hurt?

13:19Speaker 1:Yeah, when they did it. But that mixed with, so you said you put 100 SPF I don't fuck around. Okay? This is me at Britney's pool. I look terrifying. I'm full on zinc.

13:32Speaker 4:Oh, yeah.

13:32Speaker 2:Oh, I love the zinc.

13:33Speaker 1:Yeah. All over my face. Yeah. I... Thank God I felt comfortable enough with who was there because I was like, I look scary. Maybe this is how I should FaceTime people. This is what you need to prepare for. As I'm like downing McDonald's, corn on the cob. It's about balance, baby. It's all about balance. It's all about balance. I love it. And good skin. I love it. Just wait until I have a ton of downtime. I want to get that peel done where it's like a Controlled third degree burn. Oh, like Tamara got?

14:05Speaker 2:Yeah.

14:05Speaker 1:And like your skin comes off like the mask.

14:07Speaker 2:Yeah.

14:08Speaker 1:I love that idea. Should we do it together?

14:10Speaker 3:And then I just went and got Botox last week and they told me about like, it's like ultra therapy or ultra therapy.

14:16Speaker 1:Oh, you told me about this. I want to do this.

14:17Speaker 3:And it's like an ultrasound that zaps under and it's supposed to be like a mini facelift, but it's three grand and you have to do it every year. And I was like, at that point, don't I just do a mini facelift in like six years?

14:29Speaker 1:You know? Well, I think we do that first. And then I have decided I'm not doing any cutting into the face until I'm at least 40.

14:37Speaker 4:Yeah.

14:38Speaker 1:So how many years is that? Four for me? Yeah. Three for you?

14:41Speaker 2:Yeah.

14:43Speaker 5:Wow.

14:43Speaker 1:That's really intense. I love this stuff though. I love an IPL laser. Love it.

14:47Speaker 3:I love any of the stuff. Basically anything I can do like one time and have less than a week of downtime that then will save me having to like load up on a ton of products or makeup.

14:57Speaker 1:I love it. I had Olivia Pearson and Natalie Halco, their cousins, and they're on that show, The Girls on Hulu. Mm-hmm. And they told me that there's an incredible spa in Calabasas. It's called 7Q and it's apparently like the greatest of all time. Kardashians are like obsessed with it. But you have to be careful with certain lasers because they can burn the fat and you can't get fat back. Oh, interesting.

15:22Speaker 4:It is like a delicate dance with like the, you want to look full face and have collagen and elasticity, but also like look skinny and line free and taut and whatever.

15:32Speaker 1:Yeah. It's a tough world out there. I know.

15:35Speaker 2:It's tough to be a girl.

15:36Speaker 1:We're gay.

15:37Speaker 2:Pretty easy.

15:40Speaker 1:It's easy to be gay?

15:41Speaker 2:Yeah. Why? I mean, well, I don't have to deal with, like, the... What's it called? The misogynistic, like, beauty standards that women have to deal with.

15:49Speaker 1:You have to deal with closed-minded fucks. Yeah.

15:52Speaker 2:Yeah, but everyone has to deal with that, no matter.

15:54Speaker 4:True.

15:54Speaker 1:I appreciate your outlook. And we are allies. I love you. And the reason I'm single-mommying it is because Easton is... at the World Series of gay softball. I love that for him so much. I love that he is a token straight. It's my favorite thing ever.

16:10Speaker 2:Wasn't that for what we judged?

16:12Speaker 4:Yes!

16:12Speaker 2:We judged the drag competition for... Blassa.

16:16Speaker 4:Yeah.

16:17Speaker 1:All I know is every time I tell someone, they're like, I didn't know your brother was gay. I was like, token straight. Yeah. Token straight.

16:24Speaker 2:I love two.

16:25Speaker 1:Yeah.

16:25Speaker 2:We need more token straights in the world.

16:28Speaker 1:Love a token straight.

16:29Speaker 2:Jace is one of my token straights.

16:30Speaker 1:Yeah. Mm-hmm. Easton has said, I want to go find some friends who are not parents and not gay. I was like, okay.

16:40Speaker 3:Although he's been hanging out, his crew has been hanging out with my makeup artists a lot recently.

16:45Speaker 1:Yes.

16:46Speaker 3:They have like, they were watching like the Love Island reunion together. They've all been like hanging out. And I love Monica, my girl.

16:52Speaker 1:So I was like, and I was like, Easton and his friends are so cool. I'm kind of jealous, but I, I'm like, I don't fit in that crowd. I'm not cool enough. They are cool.

17:00Speaker 2:Yeah, they're too cool.

17:02Speaker 1:Yeah. He wants to find dudes who he can go out and holler at chicks with. Yeah. Because I think he hangs out with so many gays that then I think people are like, well, are you with, are you gay?

17:14Speaker 2:Yeah.

17:14Speaker 1:Or like, are you with the gays? Are you with the gays? Yeah.

17:20Speaker 3:I can't wait for Easton to have a girlfriend though. He needs like, he deserves the world.

17:24Speaker 1:I think he's dating that girl. Oh, the far away one. We love a far away.

17:29Speaker 2:Yeah.

17:29Speaker 1:We love, someone from a far away land long distance it doesn't fuck with our routine you know you start locking down someone who's in the city you know you really fuck with our game of thrones night yeah Yeah, and the pod.

17:42Speaker 2:You have to see them every couple of days.

17:45Speaker 1:Oh, God.

17:46Speaker 2:Nightmare.

17:47Speaker 1:I like the quick, like, I'm enjoying my day and just hit them on the FaceTime, don't have to leave. Hi, hi, hi, hi.

17:53Speaker 2:You know?

17:54Speaker 1:Once a month is great for me.

17:56Speaker 3:You know what my mom said? Our moms in Easton were together in Ohio the whole last week. My mom was like, I thought we talked on the phone a lot. Lala Easton and Lisa talk 24-7 on the phone.

18:07Speaker 1:I guess your mom would be like, so what's Janet up to right now? And my mom would be like, I don't know. I haven't talked to her in like two hours. And she's like, what? What do you mean? We're very codependent. I was like, yeah, they are on the phone a lot. I will call my family to let them know I'm picking up Ocean. I will get her and then we'll call on the way home to let, I will let them know that she, the eagle has landed. The eagle has landed. No, you guys, I'm like ready for them to come home. Do you know what my day started with today? Parked at the bus stop. I arrived 15 minutes early, which is just insanity because again, as Amber would point out, I'm bad at time management.

18:45Speaker 1:So I forgot what time the bus actually got there. Anyway, Ocean goes, pops her head through the seat. Mom, I have to tell you something and you're not going to like it. Oh God. I was like, what? He goes, I really have to go to the bathroom. I was like, well, now I don't have time to turn around and go home. You'll miss the bus. And she goes, well, then what do you think that I should do? Should I go on that lawn? And I was like, no, we cannot pee in that person's lawn. That's illegal. We can't pee on the lawn. That's illegal. That's illegal. So there's a towel in the back, like a beach towel. I crawl in the back. I fully undress her so that it doesn't get on the uniform. I wrapped the towel around her like it was a diaper. held it, and she peed in the towel because we had no other option. Oh, no.

19:34Speaker 4:Oh, no.

19:34Speaker 1:Was she okay with this? She was loving it. Oh. She's like, Mom, I peed in that towel. I was like, it's disgusting and it can never happen again. How long did you hold on to the towel before you could get it in the trash? Throw it in the trash?

19:49Speaker 2:Why? it. Oh.

19:51Speaker 1:It's a cute little princess blanket with her name on it.

19:53Speaker 2:Why would you throw away a perfectly good towel that's just covered in ocean's urine?

19:56Speaker 1:If she had shit in it, we would have a real big problem and it would have been left on the side of the road.

20:02Speaker 2:Very interesting.

20:03Speaker 1:You would huck the towel? yeah when we come over.

20:06Speaker 3:For swim lessons can you make sure we're not using this towel.

20:10Speaker 1:Giving it straight to cam tell me this so if cam pees on the floor and you wipe it up with a towel i would use paper towels and clorox wipes no of course you clorox after but like i would use a towel i guess you're right what if it soaks through the paper towels and then it's on your hands yeah okay I don't love this.

20:32Speaker 2:Desperate times call for desperate measures.

20:33Speaker 1:I wrapped it up right into the wash. Little OxyClean. Come right out. Okay. All right. That's fine. It's going straight on. I'm going to come out, wipe Cam's face down with it.

20:42Speaker 3:You know, I've heard they make these little like car, car potties that like, it's like a bag.

20:48Speaker 1:It's like a bag that like has a whole thing. Let me tell you something. These people who have potties that they bring out to the pool and stuff. To me, that's just teaching your child that they can pee in a potty next to the pool. No, walk into the bathroom. You need to give me enough notice.

21:03Speaker 4:Yeah.

21:04Speaker 1:Yeah. Like on what planet are we just like having potties in cars? It's for emergencies.

21:09Speaker 3:So it has like a plastic liner and then you just and toss it and it's like.

21:15Speaker 4:You're so responsible for so much as a parent like you have to think of all of this stuff like oh now she's gonna be used to peeing in cars in towels she'll be like oh yeah you know where we pee in the back seat of the car with a towel or you get a little potty and it's like oh yeah we just pee in the car right.

21:31Speaker 1:But that's exactly what i told ocean this can never happen again because i didn't bring sosa's diaper bag usually i just put her in a diaper ocean.

21:37Speaker 2:Oh good i forgot about diapers that's a good one.

21:40Speaker 1:That is a great one, but I didn't have any other choice. I feel so judged by you right now, Janet. Why? I feel like that's fair, but... What's fair? That I am judging you a little bit. I don't feel like P's that bad.

21:56Speaker 2:I don't either. I'm not judging you whatsoever.

21:58Speaker 1:Thank you, Jared.

21:59Speaker 2:Yeah.

22:01Speaker 1:I feel like I'm a clean bitch. Although I guess.

22:03Speaker 3:I should not be judging because everybody saw me pee in a cup.

22:06Speaker 1:Yeah, wait.

22:07Speaker 2:Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's so true. In a bus in Mexico. What is going on here? In just cups?

22:12Speaker 1:But a cup seems like a little cleaner. I don't know. You're almost 40 years old. Although I was so close from spilling that on everybody behind me because I was holding it and we were bumping. Would that have been the worst thing though? I remember who was behind you. The peeing in the cup? You don't get to judge. Yeah, no, you're right. I thought about it. You peed in the cup. You got a full babushka happening.

22:31Speaker 4:Yeah.

22:32Speaker 1:Don't fucking judge me. Don't fucking judge my kid. You're right, I'm judging a five-year-old.

22:37Speaker 2:In a big old fluffy towel.

22:41Speaker 1:That's actually really funny.

22:41Speaker 2:Absorbing it all. You're water sporting all over the place. Yeah.

22:46Speaker 3:Not the first time I've done that either. I've peed while driving in traffic like that. Like when you just can't get off the exit and it's like deadlock and I'm like, okay, I'm either going to piss all over my seat.

22:55Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you do? Or I'm peeing in the cup.

22:56Speaker 4:You did it on the way to the Charlie XCX concert in a party bus with everyone. We had to stop and let her pee.

23:01Speaker 1:I didn't want any of these, everybody. Maybe the toilet isn't the worst idea. I think I need one.

23:07Speaker 2:I think you need your bladder shut.

23:09Speaker 1:She wants to judge my poor little five-year-old. This woman's getting a porta potty in her own car for herself. You could have it installed into my seat. Or it depends. There's just, there's something that happens when you, it's mentally where you're like, I can handle this as a mom when you have your mom in the front seat as moral support. When I am, it's just me and my children and I'm it. Like there's no backup plan if I can't swing this. Or ask somebody for advice. Yeah.

23:43Speaker 1:I ordered a Louisville Slugger. And kept it next to my bed while my family was gone. Because I was like, you got me fucked up. If you think someone's going to come in this house and I got to wait for the police to show up while the alarms go off and I don't have something to swing at someone. I have a stun gun and taser next to my bed. Yeah. And that's while Jason's sleeping next to me.

24:07Speaker 2:And Jason's a first line of defense too.

24:08Speaker 1:I know, but you know what? When I wake him up in the middle of the night. Somebody closes to the door?

24:12Speaker 2:Yeah. But he's really groggy.

24:14Speaker 1:Oh, we're all fucked. I used to be like, can I make you a tea? She's like, hold on. I don't, let me put my eyes on to just see. Don't say that, Jared.

24:28Speaker 2:I mean, where the rooms are.

24:32Speaker 1:We got the pits too, though.

24:34Speaker 2:Yeah.

24:35Speaker 1:Thank God.

24:36Speaker 2:Yeah. And they're mean. They're really mean people.

24:40Speaker 1:No, but they do get kind of scary. Really? They're like the sweetest dogs I've ever met. They know people they don't know. Like when people come into the backyard.

24:48Speaker 2:Well, they like do that loud bark thing. Yeah.

24:51Speaker 1:Yeah. And their hackles raise and the tail goes really straight like hunting. That's what you want though.

24:56Speaker 2:That's good.

24:57Speaker 1:I never tell them to be quiet.

24:59Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah.

25:00Speaker 1:And when I feel like something out there is suspicious... You're like, go get him, Pablo. And I say, get him! I do do that and it rattles him up. Yeah. Yeah, you're fine. Between the bat and the dogs.

25:14Speaker 2:Yeah.

25:14Speaker 1:Between the bat and the dogs. Although you should get a stun gun.

25:16Speaker 3:I don't know if you've ever like, when you zip it on, it's like, and it's like, I feel powerful.

25:21Speaker 1:Yeah, I have that and then like the bear spray, but not bear spray. It's something that blinds the person. I got the one that fully blinds the person. Like don't come in here and expect to leave with your vision.

25:34Speaker 2:No.

25:47Speaker 3:We did a video, I think it's been like two plus years now, where I accidentally bought a $ 400 turkey for Thanksgiving.

25:55Speaker 1:It was a whole thing.

25:56Speaker 2:What do you mean?

25:57Speaker 1:You accidentally? Okay. You ordered online?

26:00Speaker 2:I went.

26:01Speaker 3:So my aunt and uncle who live in Los Angeles, who have more money than me, were like, they always got this fancy ham from this like cute butcher shop.

26:09Speaker 1:And they were, and it was so good.

26:11Speaker 3:So like every Easter, like whatever ham holidays there were, they were always getting this really good ham. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have everybody over for Thanksgiving. I bet the butcher does everything. good turkeys too and they're like yep here's the name of the shop it was in atwater village and i forget the name of it now but it's.

26:26Speaker 4:Like it's the but the only butcher that has a velvet ropes outside of it literally and.

26:31Speaker 3:So i don't know why i call like you order your turkey in advance so a couple weeks before thanksgiving my mom calls orders whatever size turkey we.

26:39Speaker 1:Need And they don't tell you there's not like this one is going to be... Who would think to ask?

26:44Speaker 3:Turkeys are like at the grocery store, like the Butterball ones are anywhere from like $ 20 to $ 40. So I'm like, okay, it's probably a hundred, maybe maximum. If it was like, you know, a turkey that had a good life and like, you know, ran around the farm and stuff.

26:56Speaker 1:So, which is great. I want my turkey to have a good life. So we get there and I get like a small ham.

27:02Speaker 3:Cause I was like, we got to get the ham and a big turkey and everybody in there.

27:07Speaker 1:So nice.

27:07Speaker 3:Customer service is amazing. They like assign a person to you when you walk in to help you get everything you need. And so I'm like, I'm here to pick up the turkey and the ham. They get it all boxed up all nice and a box with handles and all this stuff.

27:20Speaker 1:And then they're like, it'll be $ 481.

27:21Speaker 2:And I was like, We looked at each other. We were like, what is happening?

27:26Speaker 1:And you can't like, what am I going to say? Like, no, it's okay. Send the turkey back to the farm.

27:30Speaker 3:Like, so I was just like, okay.

27:34Speaker 1:I like scan my Amex. And I'm like, I like, I'm in shock. And I like walk out to the car.

27:39Speaker 3:And I think Jason and my mom were in the car. We were like all somewhere waiting together. And I'm like, I did something strange. I'm like, mom, did they say how much it was going to be when you order it? And she's like, no, I mean, how much could it be? And I'm like, my thoughts exactly.

27:53Speaker 1:Like $ 481. And I'm like, also, I don't even really like Turkey. I'm like, how good could this, could this bird be? And so Jared and I were like, we have to make a video about this. And we have to now, now that we've spent this much on the turkey, we have to brine it. We have to like marinate it.

28:09Speaker 2:It has to be really good.

28:10Speaker 1:What is a brine? Brine is like putting it in a salt bath for two days before Thanksgiving.

28:14Speaker 2:It's like marinating.

28:15Speaker 3:And it helps the moisture like stick into the turkey so that it's really juicy.

28:18Speaker 1:So it's just like water and salt?

28:20Speaker 3:You basically take a big, like one of those big, like five gallon, like Home Depot buckets. Put salt water and the turkey in it with like some spices and like oranges.

28:29Speaker 1:I think we did.

28:30Speaker 3:And then you put that in the fridge for like 24 hours before you start cooking it.

28:34Speaker 1:Does it fit in the fridge?

28:36Speaker 3:We had to move shelves. That's also why my mom's fridge is really good because we have the main fridge.

28:40Speaker 2:In the main house.

28:40Speaker 1:But then my mom's is the big daddy. And we also use her oven for Thanksgiving, too.

28:46Speaker 3:So we were like, all right, after we brined it, we were like, we got to do a video of us like preparing this turkey.

28:51Speaker 4:We were just going to believe it. We had never done like a cooking video. So we were just like, oh, this will be like, this is so stupid. Like we have to show that like how dumb we are. Well, how dumb she is for getting that turkey.

29:03Speaker 2:And it came though.

29:04Speaker 4:It did come from Spain and it did live in a farm and it was only fed like macadamia nuts or something its whole life. What?

29:10Speaker 2:Yeah.

29:10Speaker 1:It had a better life than me, honestly. It came from Spain.

29:13Speaker 4:Yeah.

29:14Speaker 1:And it was like, Do they kill it in Spain?

29:16Speaker 3:No, I think they kill them here. I think they bring them over live. And then I assume, but I'm not 100% sure.

29:22Speaker 2:Welcome to America.

29:24Speaker 4:Yeah.

29:24Speaker 1:But these six bucks.

29:27Speaker 3:Then we did this video where we have to, in the turkey, you have to reach in its butt and pull out like the neck and the gizzards.

29:34Speaker 1:You had to do that? Well, I think I made Jared do it. I think we were like. This is horrendous.

29:39Speaker 2:For context.

29:40Speaker 1:Absolutely awful. And then we were like stuffing butter under the skin and we're doing all this stuff.

29:45Speaker 3:And we were like, all right, let's just post this video. And then people thought it was so funny. Like our dynamic in the kitchen where like, I kind of know what I'm doing. Jared has no idea what he's doing. And then like just us joking around while we cook, which is what we do a lot of the time we're together. We were like, we should start making more videos like this. And now I think we've done like, I don't know, 30, 40 of them. And if I lived in your house, I would be rolling around.

30:09Speaker 1:You know, you would think that, but look at Jason. He still has really good abs. He does go to the gym a lot to work it off. He also, I think is good at moderation. Yeah. Not a big moderation kind of bitch. Yeah.

30:23Speaker 2:Yeah, he does. Yeah, he can. He knows when to like he listens to his head when it says I'm full.

30:27Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what that is.

30:31Speaker 2:Not at all. No.

30:32Speaker 1:And you have to like have a 15 minute grace period of like finishing your meal and then your body understanding like your mind and stomach don't communicate for like 15 minutes to be like, oh, we're full.

30:46Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.

30:47Speaker 1:So I just keep I just keep it going. Sometimes at night when I go downstairs and make myself a little snack, I'm like, I'm going to have more. And then by the time it's time for bed, I'm like, I feel sick. Yeah. I overdid it. I do that a lot. I had two pieces of cake last night instead of one. Ooh, what kind of cake? Oh, you're left velvet.

31:08Speaker 2:Yeah.

31:08Speaker 1:And I was like, that was so dumb. What's your go-to midnight snack? If you're getting out of bed to get something. Oh, nothing's off limits, babe. Okay. Nothing in the cabinet or the fridge is off limits. Nothing is safe. I love it. You know? I like Mott's gummies. That's like my like quick grab something. The moths. Oh, like the little kids.

31:30Speaker 2:Yeah.

31:31Speaker 1:We always get them in bulk and I'll have two packs at night.

31:34Speaker 2:I like potato chips.

31:34Speaker 1:Two pack a day. Oh, yeah. I'm more of a salty bitch.

31:37Speaker 2:Yeah, I like potato chips or cheese, string cheese.

31:40Speaker 1:Oh, that's a good one though. That's a good little snack. Yeah, that's a healthier one. Last night I had Swiss cheese and gluten-free pretzels and then two pieces of cake.

31:50Speaker 4:Yum.

31:51Speaker 1:Your mom really sabotaged you with that cake. I know. I told the story of scraping my own name off and giving it to suicide. Did I tell you I did?

32:01Speaker 2:No, that's really funny.

32:03Speaker 1:I didn't tell you. You did shoot for one with your birthday cake?

32:06Speaker 2:That's smart though, honestly.

32:07Speaker 1:You always had cake coming out of my ears. Yeah, you can't get a new one. No. Not when your birthdays are a day apart. Everyone sent me a cake.

32:13Speaker 4:Yeah.

32:14Speaker 1:Which is so nice. Oh, did I tell you what Cameron did with the cake we took home? The one with my face on it?

32:19Speaker 2:Yeah.

32:20Speaker 1:What? It was on the counter. And it was like the day after.

32:24Speaker 3:Because I was going to take it home.

32:27Speaker 2:Yeah.

32:27Speaker 3:And he saw it up there. And he, in two seconds, like Jared and Jason were standing a foot away from him, pulled the box, whole thing all over the floor.

32:37Speaker 2:And it did like a cartoon.

32:38Speaker 4:It did like a somersault flip and landed your face down on the thing. Somehow the box opened up and it just was like, splattered everywhere.

32:47Speaker 1:And then Cameron was like trying to pull like a friend's when they were eating the cheesecake off the ground and thought that I was still going to serve it to him.

32:52Speaker 3:And I'm like, no, you've ruined it, sir. You're not getting this floor cake. He had to break it to you.

32:58Speaker 1:It was nuts.

32:58Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.

33:01Speaker 3:He loves desserts. You saw him at your birthday. He could not function until I gave him like a piece of the cake.

33:07Speaker 1:We couldn't have them. Wait, did you give him one with fruit on it? I gave him the like Chantilly Whole Foods cupcakes.

33:13Speaker 4:Good.

33:14Speaker 2:Yeah.

33:14Speaker 1:At least he got some fruit. I don't think he ate the fruit.

33:17Speaker 3:I think he was actually offended that any fruit was touching it and was like, gross.

33:21Speaker 1:I want this part.

33:22Speaker 2:Yeah.

33:23Speaker 1:Who puts fruit on a cake? Although I did get a fruit cake. Really? Yeah. It was like a crust with like a thin layer of chocolate and it had like a custard and then all this fruit on it. And I'm like, if my kids want cake, this is the one they're going to have to eat. So I cut it, put some whipped cream on it. They devoured it. And I'm like, y'all made that look kind of good. So then, of course, I had to pace myself. I was like, damn, this fruitcake slaps.

33:53Speaker 5:Yum.

33:54Speaker 1:I know. Anyway, back to the Susie cake. I scraped my fucking name off and gave it to Sosa. You know, she can't read yet. It's fine.

34:00Speaker 4:She can't.

34:01Speaker 1:She's having her party. She's so thrilled.

34:03Speaker 4:Right.

34:03Speaker 1:It's fine. To just be having cake. Did you guys get the invite that says Sosa Cumple Dos?

34:07Speaker 2:Yeah. It was so cute. How cute is that?

34:08Speaker 1:Little Spanish-speaking baby. So cute.

34:11Speaker 2:Soselita.

34:13Speaker 1:When she sees the Mexican flag, she loses her mind. Mexico! Mama, Mexico! Yeah, she loves it. She's like my culture. She's like, this is mine.

34:25Speaker 2:Well, I couldn't believe that. Sportsman, she was just like, her and Michelle were just talking in Spanish to each other. And I was like, what is happening over there?

34:31Speaker 1:So cute.

34:32Speaker 2:And Michelle was like, I'm speaking in Spanish to her. And I said, oh, I guess that's what's happening.

34:36Speaker 1:Michelle had to like brush up on her animals because she's like, I don't remember all of the like cow and yeah, like all of the animals, but she brushed up for Sosa. Sosa's like, La Vaca Lola, bitch! La Vaca Lola!

34:49Speaker 4:Boo!

34:52Speaker 1:That's all I hear about you guys. I will put her in her crib.

34:55Speaker 4:La Vaca Lola!

34:56Speaker 1:La Vaca Lola, mama! La Vaca Lola! And I'm like, I'm getting it. And I'll breathe it in. She grabs it and La Vaca Lola, mama. It's the only thing she wants. You have to learn Spanish. Yeah, no shit. How are you going to communicate with her otherwise? I know. And I actually want to learn Spanish. So that is 100% happening. And I'm thrilled about it. No, do you know how happy it makes me that Cynthia only speaks Spanish to her? And the fact that like, she'll say, I've learned so much just from Sosa. And sometimes I'm like, gibberish. And then Cynthia comes in. She's like, no, she's saying that she would like this and to put it on a plate.

35:36Speaker 1:And I'm like, wow yeah this child is fucking genius yeah.

35:40Speaker 4:Her brain's gonna be really big because I don't know if it's like a one for one ratio thing but it's like wait tell me more mentally if you can start speaking another language early on yeah you have a bigger brain yeah she'll be physically sized but like smart like neurons firing.

35:55Speaker 1:Off okay good I was like I don't really.

35:57Speaker 2:Love that Jimmy Neutron head By.

36:00Speaker 1:The way, that show slaps though. I feel like they offer Spanish at Ocean School too as like an after school program. So I want to get her into it and I'm going to see if I can participate as well. I love that. You should tell her. What's the app that does it too?

36:14Speaker 2:There's a million of them.

36:15Speaker 1:Yeah. All right. I absolutely love that. And I'm so happy that you have to stay and join me on the bonus episode. My loves. Thank you for listening. We're going to catch you on Monday for the bonus. Love you. Bye. Bye.

36:31Speaker 4:Thank you.