Miscommunication Rage

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0:22Speaker 1:Guess what You get a discount on Neon Hippie for listening to our podcast, The Rage Pod. Use the code rage for twenty five percent off at neon hippie dot com. Here we are welcome to the Rage Pod. I'm Ebar. I'm here with my co host Tara Eriksson. It's me Hi, and today we are talking about something that we think you could all relate to. Miscommunication. Rage.

1:02Speaker 2:Everybody has.

1:03Speaker 1:It happens all the time on the regular. In fact, I wonder if it happens more often than actually positive good while working communication.

1:11Speaker 2:Oh yeah, absolutely, hands down miscommunication.

1:15Speaker 3:Miscommunication happens I think more than good communication.

1:19Speaker 1:Like nobody is communicating.

1:21Speaker 2:What everybody is failing? But wait, hold on, what do you rage about this week? Anything?

1:26Speaker 4:Well?

1:26Speaker 1:Yeah, the thing that I I'm raging about is related to, like I was kind of doing a little deep dive into miscommunication and tell me, do you guys know about this suspension bridge at the Hyatt Regency that fell in nineteen eighty one? No, okay, this is fantastic. So in nineteen eighty one at the Highatt Regency, this like big fancy hotel in Saint Louis, Missouri, they decided.

1:55Speaker 2:To get real cute.

1:57Speaker 1:And bougie and have these like suspension bridges, so like floating walkways that were suspended from the ceiling. And there was three of them, so it was like floor two, floor three, floor four, and it was all around like sort of the atrium where people got together.

2:15Speaker 3:Okay, can I take a guess on the body camp before you tell us?

2:19Speaker 1:Yeah?

2:20Speaker 2:Fifty eight, continue your story, all.

2:22Speaker 1:Right, what's your guests?

2:24Speaker 4:Seventy five?

2:24Speaker 2:Okay.

2:26Speaker 1:They would have these like tea dances or like fancy like social hours in the atrium, which is essentially the lobby where people would come and like dance and get cocktails and food and maybe fucking tea. I guess it was the tea dance. Yeah, And so they at this big, like bustling night of people coming in for the tea dance the fourth floor bridge collapse on the second floor bridge, and these are not just like bridges were, Like occasionally someone will be using it to get from one side of the hotel.

3:03Speaker 2:The other people are a bunch of people on.

3:05Speaker 1:It hanging out.

3:06Speaker 3:Wow.

3:07Speaker 1:Okay, one hundred and ten people died.

3:10Speaker 2:Oh my god, I thought fifty eight was high.

3:14Speaker 1:Over two hundred people were injured on top of the one hundred and ten people.

3:19Speaker 2:Holy Tomauali, dude.

3:22Speaker 1:And this is what happened. So when they designed it, they originally thought they were going to have rods that hung from the ceiling apparatus all the way through because yeah, four they should because walkway two and walkway four were right about like four was above two and then three was off to the side.

3:39Speaker 2:Yeah, so the rod was.

3:41Speaker 1:Supposed to go from the ceiling all the way through the cross beams of four and two makes sense. They were worried that the threaded rods might get damaged upon install, and so somebody decided, why don't we do a quick change up on the design and a rod. Basically, the rod from the top four to two was holding all of both of those walkways.

4:07Speaker 2:But that's not the point of the rod.

4:09Speaker 3:If you're engineering it, you have a rod to stop four from falling into two should it ever happen.

4:14Speaker 2:And it's also like, right.

4:15Speaker 1:So it's a weight bearing issue, right, like four four is the rod of four is not only holding four, but it's holding the weight of two. Soone the dumbest thing I've heard that was like if you were hanging from a rope. If two people were hanging from a rope, and the second person instead of hanging from the bottom part of the rope, they were hanging from a rope, that the person hanging on the rope like they had a rope tied around their waist. Yeah, so the person hanging was holding both themselves up as well as somebody else.

4:45Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like Cliffhanger, got it.

4:47Speaker 1:And why it's a miscommunication issue is that the fabricators had assumed that this design had been cleared when they went to do it. I mean, Ultimate Lee. It's the engineering firm's fault. And there was obviously a huge lawsuit and everything, but it was because there was also not like that conversation didn't happen, Like they just assumed, come on, we.

5:11Speaker 3:Gotta have some weight support for each and every one of them. If it's a suspension bridge.

5:17Speaker 1:I think they were thinking maybe that, like the types of materials they were using, they were getting so fucking high off their own supply of designing, I think, and their.

5:27Speaker 2:Tea dance, like the Grand Ballroom they were.

5:29Speaker 1:So focused on. Yeah, it's like the Grand Ballroom exactly.

5:33Speaker 2:Terrible design.

5:33Speaker 1:Yeah, edible design, nobody wants. Did we really need these suspension bridges. I don't know that we did. Maybe we needed the tea dance. Maybe be the t dance. I think the tea dance was so fucking popular. That's why we lost one hundred and ten people because that's how many people were at the tea dance. People would drive in from suburbs, like an hour away for this tea dance. Really, maybe that's the story here is the tead. So miscommunication can be deadly?

6:03Speaker 3:Wow?

6:04Speaker 2:Is that? Where is that our lead in?

6:06Speaker 1:That's the tie in.

6:07Speaker 3:That's our our deadly, our deadly lead in to our miscommunication stories. Huh. Yeah, anyway, let's talk about miscommunication.

6:14Speaker 5:Think about like the miscommunications that might have happened between people that never got reconciled. Yeah, that never got addressed, and you went on your whole life thinking one thing that completely wasn't true.

6:25Speaker 1:That stuff like cracks me up. But like entire relationships, yeah, could be decimated because like someone was you know, left unread.

6:36Speaker 4:Yeah, exactly.

6:38Speaker 1:Something that has come up that I think is really helpful. In this conversation about miscommunication. My therapist so smart he calls it private logic. M and I think this applies to miscommunication. Like in our private logic, we assume things like you fill in the blank, you fill in the blank.

6:54Speaker 2:I mean, private logic happens all the time.

6:56Speaker 3:My my, uh, my story is there's there's friends are text dread and they're gonna go to a concert.

7:02Speaker 2:One girl suggests.

7:03Speaker 3:She goes like, hey, we should all wear matching outfits, like for fun. And the one girl says, I think that would look.

7:08Speaker 2:A bit silly, And.

7:12Speaker 3:The girl replies, well, you don't have to fucking be a part of it. Then, So the girl who said it would look a bit silly went like, lol, haha, what did you have in mind? Because they normally have playful banter. You know, how you can give each other shit all that stuff she's saying. She was explaining how they both give each other shit, that's their relationship. So she was a little taken off guard. So she was like, okay, let me just like lolvi and like what did you have in mind? And then the girl sends this really long paragraph. She says that she was sick of me that I talked down to her, that she only hasn't said anything to keep peace in the friendship friendship group, and so this girl was like, apologize immediately, right, and was like, I didn't realize my playful jobs are actually offensive.

8:02Speaker 3:And she wrote like, you know, I'm not great with tone and I'm really really sorry.

8:06Speaker 2:It didn't intend it that way, like.

8:09Speaker 3:I'm very sorry, And this girl did like silence for days, didn't it?

8:13Speaker 1:Reply wa after the woman said sorry, sorry multiple times and it's like tone, yeah, all that she wrote that over text? Yeah, why is this happening overtime?

8:25Speaker 2:This is a problem.

8:25Speaker 4:You're asking for it.

8:27Speaker 2:We're doing this over text the whole thing.

8:29Speaker 1:She's bad with tone, and this is not on all everyone's contribute, Like is participating in the context she's bad with tone? You think it's gonna be one hundred percent clear over a fucking text message.

8:40Speaker 4:This is literally the key and Peel skit.

8:43Speaker 3:Yeah, it totally is where I'm like, just you gotta send a voice memo, right, you gotta, you gotta. That's the like the quick fix there where you're like, hey, man, really sorry about that.

8:52Speaker 2:I don't know the fuck is going on. I did not mean it that way.

8:56Speaker 3:So they can like hear how you are in that moment, and then hopefully they'll reply.

9:02Speaker 2:I don't know how old is this fucking good girl?

9:05Speaker 1:Like one step further than a voice memo. Those were some pretty big feelings and like sort of character assessments. I would say, if that friendship's gonna last, we need more than a void. We need a coffee, we need an in person, we need a commitment. So you need to you need to be willing to commit to the cost of gas to meet that person somewhere, because they relate the friendship's worth it, right, Like I'm seeing text message and I'm like, oh, this is a this is a casual once a month front.

9:37Speaker 3:You know.

9:37Speaker 2:The funny thing is they've been friends since they were ten years old.

9:40Speaker 1:Wow. Yeah, I couldn't even do a phone call.

9:43Speaker 3:Isn't that wild? That's why the whole thing. It blew up on Reddit and people. They publish it in the magazine and got it published. People's replies to it.

9:51Speaker 1:Oh, but they got published in a magazine. It was all worth it.

9:55Speaker 3:Was it might have been man, But I mean that's a thing like even in in in the podcast here, it's like there's been miscommunication between all of us and we and we have had to go to dinner or like whatever, not coffee, but.

10:10Speaker 1:Where we have been forced to go to dinner and have Margarita's to talk about good fucking guacamole. Yeah, and it sucked.

10:19Speaker 4:Yeah, we worked it out.

10:20Speaker 2:It really blew.

10:21Speaker 3:But no, but I'm saying like it happens. It's funny in a text that you can misread tone, but I think a lot of it that people don't clock is like it really depends on what mood that person is on that motherfucking.

10:34Speaker 1:Day, but is everybody's mood. That's where I'm dealing with a bunch of people that are walking around insecure as shit, assuming that they're not good enough, assuming that people think they suck, assuming that things aren't going as well as maybe like they should be. Not to mention whatever, like horrible things have happened either in the world or in their bristle, like all these things that affect them, but none of that, none of that context gets shared. So that's why I think it's helpful to ask questions, like clarifying questions, like I know I do it with you on the pod sometimes, like I'm like, well, wait, what do you mean by that? Like I want to break that down right, because I feel like sometimes and I know Ben and I get into this like argument a lot.

11:17Speaker 1:I'm like, no, no, I'm truly like I think sometimes he thinks I'm smarter than I am, Like, no, I truly need to know what you mean. I don't know. I want you to like spell it out like I'm five years old, right, and then I'm like, oh, okay, now I get it.

11:31Speaker 3:That's why I've always said, even to you guys into friends where I'm like, just don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, because the last thing that I would want is someone to build up resentment because they don't know how to be like you know what, I what I really want to tell you right now is to falk off, and I don't want to talk to you for a week. I'd be like, all right, then we'll reconvene in a week, because I'd rather have that than what I to feel like with friends or with with people in general, that you're like, are they hiding something?

12:05Speaker 2:Are they resentment? Are they bitter? Right now? What's the fuck is going on?

12:10Speaker 3:Because I feel like I am I'm not a fucking mpath, but I'm saying, like pretty observant can tend to feel somebody's energy, and sometimes I don't come in with the best energy because of my depression or whatever. And except when I'm like, Okay, now I'm on, don't don't pay attention to my face or how I'm speaking. I'm just in a mode because I just got out of my car. I'm listening to sad music. Give me a minute, that that type of vibe. But when I'm like, you know, when you can feel something from somebody, I'd rather than be like, you know what, I'm fucking pissed at you because of this fucking thing, and that's why. And so I'm just gonna sit over here and think about it.

12:47Speaker 3:And now you could sit with that, and I'd be like, okay, but do you.

12:50Speaker 1:Okay, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be on it, but do you think in all cases that's true. Can you say with one hundred percent clarity that you truly And I'm not just saying you, but I think, because you're talking right now, I think people say this. I don't think it's always one hundred percent true that people want actual, honest communication all the time. And I think anyone who says yes is a fucking liar.

13:15Speaker 3:Yeah, I think depending on most of the people, I do I disagree with you.

13:20Speaker 1:I don't believe you. I do not believe you. I don't think that in every situation the full extent of the honest, like of the honest communication is something that you want all the time. I'm not saying that you don't want a lot of it.

13:33Speaker 2:But why can't you give it? Give it to me right now? You're already a little heated up nobody I am, And you're saying that you don't know what they handle. So I like that, But why do we think I can't?

13:43Speaker 1:Because I think you're a human being.

13:45Speaker 3:I think if you you probably have examples of me my character racist as a person.

13:49Speaker 1:You think that made you go?

13:51Speaker 6:Right?

13:51Speaker 1:I dare you think my memory is going to be able to access anything specific?

13:55Speaker 5:Well?

13:55Speaker 2:I don't know.

13:55Speaker 1:Maybe it's mab. I was it's menopause.

13:58Speaker 3:I mean, h no, I thought you were going to be like, because you communicate this way, you know what I mean.

14:05Speaker 1:Like I was like, oh, though I was sitting on something specific.

14:08Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like, maybe Ebar has something and I.

14:11Speaker 1:Don't know that there's been sometimes in the past, and I'm just I'm not referencing the specifics of it. But again, I don't think this is specific to you. I think it is a very human thing. I think we like to romanticize the idea of everybody having honest communication, right right, But I also don't think that everyone is skilled in honest communication, right, Like, if you're just spouting out what your reptilian feelings are about somebody, yeah, that's not always the most effective. It's not always the most helpful, right right.

14:49Speaker 2:So I do.

14:50Speaker 1:Think sometimes a degree of filtering in terms of just what your like heated emotional responses, yeah, can be can be healthy because some just getting like the honest like, hey, what is actually going on? What's the script going on in your head? Telling it to me now? Yeah, yeah, might actually just be hurtful and that yeah, And now you might say something that you could never take back or something instead of like sitting for a minute and being like, but why do I really do I really feel that way? And what have I done and what you know what I'm saying like and then saying, hey, this is how I feel and this is the honest feeling that I have, you know, as opposed to just always being completely unfiltered and how you're feeling, because sometimes you're not going to feel that way the next day or in a week from then, but maybe there's been some irreparable damage because you've just spouted off what you were thinking at the time.

15:42Speaker 2:Do you think like with certain people they have to do more filtering than others? Probably?

15:46Speaker 4:Yeah, for sure?

15:47Speaker 3:Yeah?

15:48Speaker 2:Is that kind of annoying? Use me for I don't know. I'm like trying to think about it where.

15:53Speaker 3:I'm like, oh, when you say yes automatically it is. There are people that pop in your mind that you're like, man, I gotta really filter this out right now before I say anything, you know what I mean? Yeah?

16:06Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know if it's like the person that pops into my head and I'm not gonna reveal who they are, but I don't think of it as like it's not a bummer to me.

16:17Speaker 2:Yeah, you're It's more just like I know what's helpful for her.

16:22Speaker 1:I know, like I can get across what I need to get across to her in a way that's going to be of service to her. And it's still like I'm still being honest to how I feel about something.

16:35Speaker 2:Yeah, Okay, so that's good. So you feel like you could still have the filter communicate in a way that eases that that.

16:42Speaker 3:Person that's listening to you, but also still get your honest truth across. Yeah, because if you didn't, then you'd still be like thought, well fuck me right. Yeah, So that's that's that. I guess that's tone. That's like what we were talking about, Like everybody has a different way of communicating. Everybody has a different tone, and I guess the way they handle communication, which is why, Yeah.

17:03Speaker 5:We were bad at it as a race, and we're just getting worse. It's just getting worse with the younger generation. Even just working in an office with a lot of you know, younger gen z. They can't pick up the phone and call somebody.

17:15Speaker 4:They can't do it.

17:16Speaker 1:What a phone is.

17:17Speaker 4:It's unbelievable, just like.

17:19Speaker 1:I mean, I know what they know what this is, but they do do they know that there's a phone part?

17:22Speaker 5:I don't think so. I think it's really hard for them, and I think it's only getting worse. And think about when we were kids and we were growing up, like the way that you found other kids as you went outside your house and you saw who was hanging out up the street or riding bikes, or even in college, like go through the door, who's hanging out on the seventh floor lounge. Like you would have to go out into the world to communicate and talk with people. And now we've got this digital curtain that everybody hides behind, and it's just making our communication worse and worse, I think.

17:54Speaker 1:But isn't there also this like revival of old school styles of communication, because now it's become novel and like younger generations are, it's like starting to like come into style, like the idea of like having you know, a face to face conversation or like being on the phone, or like even CDs apparently are like of interest to younger generations.

18:13Speaker 5:Well, I think like retro vinyl CDs, the disposable cameras. But when it comes to communication. I don't think. I don't think so.

18:21Speaker 1:I think they're scared interesting. My niece who's fifteen, when I asked her when Riz won Out of Style, she said, I don't know. I'm chronically not online. I was like, I've never been more I've never been more proud of the in my life. Yeah.

18:37Speaker 2:Absolutely, the fuck does she do?

18:40Speaker 4:And I do think there is that she does shit.

18:42Speaker 1:She's like, reads the theater, she reads a fuck ton of book.

18:45Speaker 2:There we go again.

18:46Speaker 1:She hangs out with friends, she plays like she's like in band love that. Yeah.

18:51Speaker 3:Have you guys ever had the miscommunication where it's like you're where you feel like someone's like you're like you're arguing with your act from like ten years ago and not arguing with you personally, because.

19:01Speaker 2:That's like baggage.

19:02Speaker 3:That's like baggage miscommunication where you're like, bitch, I think you're fucking arguing about like the story that you told me about your fucking acts because she did that thing. Because I am nowhere near this and that hasn't really happened to me, but I see it because you got no I watched too much reality television. But that does happen a lot like I see it, and then he's like, yeah, you know, just like damn it, like already I cheated on me, and you know, I'm really I'm sorry, like I came at you like that.

19:32Speaker 2:She's like, you know, I've been cheated on.

19:34Speaker 3:I'm over and so now I just I felt like when you did that thing, it reminded me of Cassie when not real and you're like, it's a it's it's real people that you don't watch that I watch because I just think, Wow.

19:50Speaker 2:How far away am I?

19:53Speaker 1:Like?

19:54Speaker 2:How far away am I from that guy?

19:57Speaker 3:That's a plus because I'm telling you there's not a lot of pluses my life, but that when I look at him, I go used to have nowhere near that gap.

20:05Speaker 1:Oh, like, hey, I as long as I'm not this person, I'm doing great well. I think regularly when you come up that like who you just described is who I am. Very careful, you're just tiptoeing right on the edge any day. Now. Well, one thing that happens on that note that I think is similar is people hold on to like even in an existing relationship with friendship or whatever, like, hey, in the past, this is how you've communicated or this is how you felt or this is how you've reacted, So I assume that this is how you're going to react, and so now I'm going to try and get in front of it. And sometimes that causes some miscommunication and problem right because it's like, well, no, give me the chance to evolve, and I will give you the chance to evolve. We can't just be holding on to past situations to completely dictate what's happening right now.

21:02Speaker 3:Well, yeah, I feel And the weird parties is that some people they can't the self aware part where I'm like, but do you realize that that has nothing to do with a person you're speaking to and has everything to do with the history in your gut and your soul?

21:17Speaker 2:Do you know what I mean?

21:18Speaker 3:And sometimes they can't correlate it, and then sometimes they can, and that's a plus, So I get what you're saying.

21:23Speaker 2:It's just sometimes there's some.

21:24Speaker 3:People that they don't I don't know, the self the self awareness of that they're yelling about the wrong things to the wrong person. That's that's tough because that, to me, I'm like, that's probably gonna taype offessional help because you're not.

21:39Speaker 2:Gonna listen to what I have to say about it.

21:41Speaker 3:And I'm not here to like tell you I think you're arguing with the ghost it stay.

21:47Speaker 2:It's not my job.

21:48Speaker 1:Well that's people need to just they need to work on their own stuff so they're not holding onto.

21:53Speaker 2:That baggage, right, Yeah, yeah, I agree.

21:56Speaker 1:I mean that's what happens when you don't do We got a ragharl line.

21:59Speaker 4:We have a rage hotline. You've reached the Rage hotline. Please leave us a message.

22:08Speaker 6:Hey, Rage Pod longtime listener, first time caller. I wanted to briefly rage about one of my exes from a long time ago who always got a little too drunk whenever we visited friends. And that in itself wasn't a huge problem because she was generally a happy drunk. But the real issue is that she never picked up on all of the clues that people were giving her that they were ready for us to leave. We would always be the last people at an event or a party, and she would go pour herself another drink and the host would be like, Okay, well I guess that's it, and she just, you know, she couldn't figure out the fact that it was time to go, and so Yeah, I had to drag her out of every party. Every event, we were always the last people there and the host was always silently screaming internally to get us out of their house.

23:01Speaker 3:Nope, if I would never, I couldn't, couldn't do it, couldn't do it.

23:06Speaker 2:Too awkward.

23:07Speaker 3:I am surprised that he said I had to.

23:12Speaker 7:Drag her out of every party, because if I had to do it once, And I'm like, you're not fucking aware of the social graces here that everyone feels uncomfortable and you're not getting it also from me, and I'm a partner.

23:28Speaker 2:Get into it, gotta walk away, gotta end it. We're getting divorced.

23:32Speaker 4:Talk about the ick.

23:33Speaker 1:Yeah, but apparently he never got about that on on relationship rage. Well, I guess there's two things going on here, though. Would she is it because she's drunk she's missing the cues or would she miss the cues anyway.

23:46Speaker 4:That's a really good question, say, like is.

23:49Speaker 1:It accentuated or is it just like she's just in her own drunk world and just unaware.

23:55Speaker 2:Yeah, I call her, can you can you call back?

23:57Speaker 3:Maybe we'll we'll continue on that because that's a good question. Oh, does she always miss social graces or is it when she is drunk, cause that is two very different things. And maybe it's just like, oh, cause she's fun loving drunk and just like wants to keep having fun, and it's just like, oh, it's fine, Like they don't.

24:15Speaker 2:Mind, we're we're having fun. We're all hanging out.

24:18Speaker 3:Except I don't think I've ever been in that place where it's so much fun that I misread when the host.

24:24Speaker 2:Wants you to get out. I could never do that.

24:27Speaker 1:I'm horrifically bad at getting out of like of like leaving a conversation like yeah, quickly about it. And Ben knows that, and I've told him like, don't like, if you see me leaving, let me leave. Don't loiter, and don't let me loiter.

24:44Speaker 4:You know what I do.

24:45Speaker 5:I just pretend my phone is buzzing and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, I got to take this, and then I just walk away.

24:49Speaker 4:Well, or I've been on a call before.

24:51Speaker 5:That's I've been on a phone call before and I've been like, oh my god, I can't hear you.

24:54Speaker 4:You're breaking up. Hang up?

24:56Speaker 1:She see that talk about filtered not that is fit not honest communication. Right there, we have discovered Wendy's secret trait. Yeah, passively dishonest communication techniques.

25:12Speaker 5:But my outgoing message says, do not leave me a message. I think that's pretty cool. It's very clear.

25:17Speaker 1:But I don't think that has anything to do with the person that you're that with my phone in a real life conversation, that you're like, oh my god, my phone's buzzing. You know, it's so funny. Is I can't wait for the day when that happens. Yeah, your phone is dead and they can see that.

25:35Speaker 3:I was gonna say, I can't wait till he uses it again, and I pray that I'm around, and I'm going, no, not.

25:43Speaker 2:Problems. Are you sure?

25:45Speaker 6:No?

25:45Speaker 2:No, no, let me check for you. You're good.

25:47Speaker 3:You're good to get out of this conversation. You just say you're good. You can get out if you want to get out. I just thought it would be fun to ask you guys.

26:03Speaker 1:I'm gonna give you a phrase and you tell me, like just knee jerk reaction, what you think it means, okay, and then we can dissect it. I'll just do like a couple. Okay, I'm gonna try one without giving a scenario and then if we need a scenario, then I'll do the scenario. Okay, the phrase I hear you and tell me do you think you need a scenario?

26:26Speaker 4:Are you asking? What do I feel about the phrase I hear you?

26:28Speaker 1:What do you think the phrase I hear you.

26:30Speaker 4:Means it's condescending?

26:32Speaker 1:Okay? What do you think it means?

26:34Speaker 2:I didn't go to condescending right away. I think it's more like, oh, I'm on your team, like, oh, I hear you, like I get it.

26:41Speaker 3:I would probably add more in there because it can be seen as like I hear you, like got it heard in a way, But to me, I'd probably add on top of it, like I hear you, I understand what you're saying.

26:56Speaker 1:Yeah, I think these are really short just for the game. Yeah, but I think the idea would be like I hear you, I think what where you're coming from is this? But you think immediately it's very condescending.

27:09Speaker 4:What's wrong with me?

27:11Speaker 1:That's so funny because like for me, I think it's a great phrase. Yeah, Because I think a big problem in fites is often like someone just needs to be recognized.

27:23Speaker 5:And you know what, I think it comes down to his tone. Like in my head, I pictured it as a like I hear you, thank you.

27:30Speaker 4:I hear you.

27:30Speaker 1:Oh well, yeah, that's horrific, Wendy. I never want to hear that phrase delivered like that.

27:37Speaker 5:Yeah, But if it's more of a tone of like, I hear you, thank you, like I always like use Tammy Taylor as an example.

27:44Speaker 1:She's fantastic from Friday Night, Like, fantastic communicator.

27:48Speaker 5:I appreciate that. I appreciate that thank you. Like whenever anybody said something to her that was dicky, she was always like, I appreciate that, thank you. So I kind of incorporate it into my my everyday stuff too.

28:00Speaker 1:That's also if you have any kind of intuition that is like the sweetest way of saying fuck you.

28:05Speaker 4:Yeah exactly.

28:06Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, But I mean, like a real I hear you in a debate, I think can be really helpful.

28:13Speaker 2:I agree.

28:14Speaker 1:You know, like I hear you, I can imagine from where you're standing, this is how you might see things, and this is how you might feel and I and so I get that, this is where I'm coming from. That's how I but I can see, especially with what you just did.

28:33Speaker 2:How horrible. The phrase could be totally savage. Yeah, don't want.

28:38Speaker 1:You, but you kind of you saw it as like a I hear you stop like full stop.

28:45Speaker 3:Yeah, like I I was going to say, Like, it would definitely depend on the person and who's saying it, because you can kind of go, oh, I feel like when this person's saying it, they're going I hear you, I agree, do you know what I mean?

28:58Speaker 2:Versus it could be some cont who like.

29:00Speaker 1:I hear you, Okay, I hear you. Yeah, like my ears work.

29:05Speaker 2:Yeah, like not interested.

29:07Speaker 3:I can't wait for the next one, just to see if it's complete opposites okay, and again.

29:11Speaker 1:It's all good and again let me know if you need a scenario.

29:15Speaker 3:I kind of say like it's all groovy or like it's all it's all good.

29:21Speaker 1:Space Fund says it's all groovy.

29:23Speaker 2:I do, I do. I do say that and I but I do mean it.

29:27Speaker 3:I will say it's all good to someone if they feel like they're stressing out or late or they're like, oh my god, I got a late thing and all go it's all good, so they know.

29:38Speaker 2:No no issues here. Yeah you feel the same.

29:42Speaker 5:Yeah, I think for the next one, give us a little bit of a give us a little bit of a scenario, because I can turn anything into condescending condescension.

29:49Speaker 3:She's ready to literally respond, We'll wait very okay, here's condescending.

29:54Speaker 1:You forgot to send a file your coworker needed for a client call, and that coworker says, it's all good. What do we think it means in that scenario?

30:06Speaker 5:Did they get the file? Did they end up getting the file in time? No, that's not all good.

30:13Speaker 1:No. I don't think that they think it's all good. And I think that sometimes happens with the phrase all good. I don't think it's always all good. Now when it's all good, yeah.

30:22Speaker 4:I agree.

30:23Speaker 3:I think that person who replied to that email saying that you haven't gotten your work over to somebody and replied it's all good, does it know what the English language is, because that has nothing to do with what we're talking about. The correct response would be, oh yeah, so sorry, I'm going to get it to it.

30:42Speaker 2:I think you miss oh.

30:43Speaker 4:My god, miss miscommunication.

30:45Speaker 2:Okay, laid on me.

30:46Speaker 1:The person who didn't get the file says to the coworker who send it to them and needed it for their client call.

30:54Speaker 2:Like yeah, yeah, okay.

30:56Speaker 1:That person is like it's like the coworker's like, oh, I didn't get I'm sorry, I didn't get you your file, and then the and the oh it's all good.

31:03Speaker 3:So they are using it in the way that I said because they don't want that person to feel too guilt, right, because maybe that person doesn't fuck up a lot and you're like it's all good, Like you don't normally do that a lot.

31:13Speaker 1:So maybe it wasn't all good though, Like maybe that person really fucking needed that file.

31:17Speaker 2:What do you think they should have said.

31:19Speaker 1:I think they should have said, like, I totally get it, send it to me now, send it to me now, or like I know you, like I don't know, whatever the situation is. I know you've got a lot going on, but like in the future, I really have to have those files before I get to take on a client call. Sure, you know, yeah easy, because I think it's all good. Is also shutting the door to allowing that person to know how to course correct in the next situation.

31:43Speaker 3:Yeah, I would hate that email if I had already been really good at my job and it was my first fuck up. Them reminding me that in the future if they need that, I'd be like.

31:53Speaker 2:Bitch, this the first time I fucked up.

31:55Speaker 3:But I do see what you mean because if I don't think that that's what you're saying, I'm saying that, I do think that that's better communication your email because now they know listen, like this just has to happen. This is just how it goes around here.

32:10Speaker 1:Yeah you know. I also I do love that this very specific, that it's their first fuck up.

32:15Speaker 5:Yeah.

32:15Speaker 1:I love that we're definitely holding on. I'm giving it this constructive scenario. I also think that's not a fucking email. That is not an email because the tone of that. Yeah yeah, okay another one, Yeah yeah, yeah, this one's funny. Okay, do what you want?

32:33Speaker 2:Do we want this scenario or no?

32:35Speaker 4:Yeah, give me anio.

32:36Speaker 1:I guess you're making a career decision and you ask your friend for input and they're like, do what you want.

32:44Speaker 5:I feel like this is tones, this is tone, and it's also no, am I asking you for your opinion. I want to talk this through. It's not just do what I want, like what should I do it? Or or tone?

32:58Speaker 4:You do what's inside your heart?

33:02Speaker 3:I was gonna I was literally gonna say, do what you want is a fuck you, and I would go follow your heart, do what makes you happy.

33:10Speaker 2:Oh my god, the fuck is do what you want? I'm still I know cleervis Cleervice came in. Yeah, I am dead.

33:20Speaker 1:I can't wait for the day when tell me that I have one more one word. This is interesting choice?

33:29Speaker 4:Oh that is filled with condescension.

33:31Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think there's I think maybe in a creative session, if you truly are like thinking about like, oh that is yeah, that is an interesting choice that I didn't think of.

33:45Speaker 2:Interesting choice. I don't want just two words.

33:49Speaker 3:Give me some words so I know what the fuck you're thinking number one. Interesting can mean a bunch of different things. And when you say, motherfucker choice, I'm my bitch. Come on now, if especially we're friends, can you give me two sentences? Otherwise fuck off? And I'm not gonna ask for your advice again, because.

34:05Speaker 1:They're saying you had options and this is what you chose.

34:10Speaker 2:Like if I was like this, right, pop pillow? Do you like the color? And they're like, interesting choice, I don't fucking know what that means.

34:16Speaker 1:I know what that means. The fine in that situation that means like I would have never picked that color.

34:21Speaker 5:This just popped a memory into my head. And this has to do with my mom and having dementia, because as they get more down the line with it, they are very unfiltered. And my mom is somebody who is the sweetest, nicest, kindest person. She came to visit me in the berkshairs and she looked at one of my pillows and she was like, I don't like this one and just chucked it off of the couch. I love that, And I was like, oh my god. But it was such something like she would never have done in her life.

34:52Speaker 5:But for her to be like, I don't like this and just tossed it away.

34:56Speaker 1:Would she not comment on your clothes when you're growing up?

34:59Speaker 4:Never negative? WHOA, that's a gift. Oh yeah, that's a gift.

35:04Speaker 1:Oh there was There was not a degree of filter. Oh no, I'm it was not a degree.

35:10Speaker 5:Never Never criticize my clothes, Never criticize my hair, Never criticized like any That's why I'm pluribis you guys?

35:19Speaker 2:That's great?

35:20Speaker 3:Yeah, we had a few things, or when you found a few things, and how you can regulate better of stopping a certain thing before it turns into rage.

35:29Speaker 5:Right, So, yeah, stopping it before it turns into rage. And here's what we could do if we knew how to self regulate better. You know, ask the boring question instead of making the dramatic assumption. You know, what did you mean by that? Ebar, You're really good at that. You do ask those questions. I think, thanks. Yeah, delay your reaction by thirty seconds. I have a really hard time with that. I'm trying.

35:55Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes you do need to just reset.

35:59Speaker 5:Yeah, my mom did say that. She did give me some constructive feedback. She said, Wendy, sometimes you have knee jerk reactions and you say things you're going to regret.

36:06Speaker 2:Yep.

36:07Speaker 1:She just sounds like the nicest purse.

36:10Speaker 3:She really is.

36:11Speaker 5:Yeah, you know in saying the scary, honest thing like having you know, scary on the conversations. And you know, we've, like to your point earlier, the three of us have had to sit down and have some conversations in terms of like, you know, we've got this friendship, but we've also got this business with this podcast, and we're trying to like move it forward, and we have to have honest communications and sometimes.

36:31Speaker 1:It's it's not always. It's not always pleasant, the anticipation going into it, and it can always feel weird at first, but then when you do it, it feels really good.

36:42Speaker 5:And don't have these conversations over text. You got to pick up the phone and have a conversation.

36:47Speaker 3:Yeah.

36:47Speaker 5:When I graduated college, Henry Winkler was our commencement speaker. Oh that's cool, and he gave such a good speech that my dad and I still quote it today. And what he said was, assumptions are the termites of relationships.

37:03Speaker 1:Oh thank god, because I'm so over that whole like, assume is makes an ass out of you and me. I reel, you know, it feels like it feels like something that like it would be a phrase that one of your ding dongs on your reality show.

37:15Speaker 4:Is probably no. You know where that was from?

37:17Speaker 5:Where I heard that for the first time was on an episode of Benson.

37:20Speaker 1:Really yeah, that was the time, right.

37:22Speaker 2:All right, guys, we got to wrap it up.

37:24Speaker 3:So make sure if you're on YouTube like comment, subscribe, click the bells you're notified of more of the videos. You can also message us on Instagram and TikTok.

37:33Speaker 2:You can also email us right at theagepod dot com.

37:35Speaker 3:We also has a website if you click the store, that's where all our gear is, like the cups, the Kant mugs, the T shirts. But also if you want to send us a voice memo two on three two nine three five nine nine five, that is, we can read off that on the Rage Hotline, but you can also send it to us on Instagram or in an email.

37:53Speaker 2:Do whatever the fuck you want to do. Just get involved.

37:56Speaker 3:I think that's it, unless you guys got any last words for this for the old ragers, I do.

38:02Speaker 1:Hey, everybody, did you see how we had a communication session and we came out the other side. I'm like, here, we are still on the same couch, new couch, but we're sitting on the same still in the same room. Yeah see, it's not that hard.

38:18Speaker 4:Love you guys.

38:19Speaker 3:Bye,