Podcast · Comedy

Absolutely Not

by Dear Media · English · Comedy

"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussio

New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 1 hr 6 min
Latest: 9 Oct 2026
Language: English

Latest episode

9 Oct 2026 · 51 min

Bonus: Call Nancy Grace, Not Me!

On this bonus episode, Heather is excited to share extra Absolutely Not’s that people from her Atlanta show wrote in. She tackles people's critiques about the new pod refresh and reminds everyone that she is not a crime junkie.Episode Sponsors:Hill House Home — Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout.Cozy Earth — Head to cozyearth.com and let them know you heard about them on Absolutely Not.Naturium — Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com/absolutely for 10% off your first purchase today.Thrive Market — Get $30 off your first…

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Earlier episodes 29 most recent

E409 · 7 Oct 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
Think 8 Steps Ahead
On this episode, Heather welcomes everyone to the new studio! It’s a fresh start, but we are still fired up. She chats about her upcoming shows, the Plague and of course, Gypsy Rose. We hear voicemails about women's hotel room safety, a girl who goes on an audition, and on that asks the questions: how did millennials used to pick up on trends without social media? Episode Sponsors:Zales — Find your next favorite piece at zales.com, or at a Zales store near you.Squarespace — Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you are ready to launch, use offer code ABSOLUTELY to…
E408 · 30 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 3 min
Body by Butter with Cortney LaCorte
On this episode, Heather welcomes Cortney LaCorte, the original Cheese Gal, from Nashville. Her first cook book, Oversharing, is now a NY Times best selling cookbook. They chat about their love of martinis, umami flavors and a death row meal. You will definitely get hungry listening to this. They take voicemails from people who hate a boring party, people who bring extra guests and their thoughts on a potluck. Episode Sponsors:Cash App — Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. New customers can earn $10 by using code CASHAPP10 at signup and sending $5 to a friend within 14…
E407 · 23 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 2 min
Ole Miss By A Million
On this episode, Heather is back after a weekend in Mississippi and fighting for her life with her weekly sinus infection. She chats about ladies in the Delta, the Ole Miss Game as well as saying goodbye to the office studio. We have cruise updates and how she is ramping up for her special press tour. She has callers with chatty masseuses, nail issues, as well as some single guy friends who are coming on the cruise.Episode Sponsors:Find the fall pieces you’ll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your…
E406 · 18 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 6 min
Return of Baby Angel: Connor Wood
On this replay episode from March 2024, Heather welcomes Conor Wood to Absolutely Not and gives him some sage advice before he sets out on his first tour. Now a few years later, he has grown from Fibula to Dancing with the Stars. Episode Sponsors:Join Thrive Market today during their 25% off Healthy Reset Sale now through September 19th! PLUS get $30 off your first 2 orders when you use my link ThriveMarket.com/absolutely. These offers stack so sign up before the sale ends.Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 20% off your first purchase of $150 or more.Go to…
E405 · 16 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 6 min
Quiet on the Creek with Justin Sylvester
On this episode, Heather welcomes Justin Slyvester to the pod post Emmys! After doing it up all night at the after parties, they kiki about how he got his start as a “lady-sitter” at crazy southern weddings, his cross-country move to be Kyle Richards assistant, and how they were both up for the co-hosting job at the Today Show. They get to your voicemails and chat about their love of taking fabulous vacations with rich white ladies.Episode Sponsors:Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per…
E404 · 9 Sep 2026 · 49 min
Honey Deuce Diva
On this episode, Heather is coming to you from the NYC studio fresh off some press interviews for her new special. She chats about her amazing day at the US Open as well as getting into fights with boomers. She takes voicemails about boys at the gym, Facebook marketplace finds and is left with a very serious question, Where Is Megan?!Episode Sponsors:Find the fall pieces you’ll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.Head to…
E403 · 2 Sep 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
Caucasian Chicken Salad
On this episode, Heather is panicked after the passing of Dolly Parton and Tim Curry and is worried about who will be next. She is buying deep freezers, life straws and searching for sustainable beef. She takes voicemails from people wondering what we can eat, being a type B person, and a newlywed with some questions. We get a final voicemail that brings Heather to realization that we all need to stop bitching.Episode Sponsors:Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free…
E402 · 28 Aug 2026 · 57 min
Rewind: We Know What She Did Last Summer with Jennifer Love Hewitt
On this episode from July 3rd, 2019 Heather sits down with Jeff’s biggest crush of all time, Jennifer Love Hewitt. They discuss how she went from Kids Incorporated to a top Hollywood producer and all around bad bitch. They talk about love, grief, family and laugh through the pain of Hollywood.Episode Sponsors:Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per customer.Goodwipes wants your booty to have a SCENTSATIONAL SUMMER! Buy any two packs of goodwipes at your favorite retailer, text them your…
E401 · 26 Aug 2026 · 1 hr 18 min
Where’s the Beef with Logan Crosby
On this episode, Heather is joined by one of her favorites, Logan Crosby. Logan will be joining us on the cruise again this year, but he also has his own new music that he is super excited about. While celebrating almost one year sober, Logan talks about how life has changed since the last time on the pod. They chat about the Clermont Lounge, senior pranks as well as the controversial Callaway golf ad. Episode Sponsors:Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com.absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in…
E400 · 19 Aug 2026 · 1 hr 11 min
Say What? It’s the 400th!
On this episode, Heather celebrates the 400th episode of the podcast. She is confused about how this is not the 4000th. Christina (aka Tina) joins in with some games and memories from over the years of working together on Absolutely Not.Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 20% off your first purchase of $150 or…
E399 · 14 Aug 2026 · 1 hr 21 min
Bonus: Heathers Stick Together with Heather Shaw
On this bonus episode, Heather welcomes Heather Shaw to the studio. Shaw is most known for her uncanny Jim Carrey impression and being vegan and sober. These two outspoken broads chat about if that was really Jim on the carpet a few months ago, the illuminati and other conspiracies. She is currently on the road and you can watch her special, Alright, See Ya!, on Youtube.Episode Sponsors:To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/ABSOLUTELY.Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!Download the Bilt app and join the membership for…
E398 · 13 Aug 2026 · 1 hr 14 min
Rush Hour
On this episode, Heather has just come back from an Ole Miss visit and is flying high from Rush work week. She is feeling nostalgic helping a friend’s kid move into the dorms, getting roped into Rush Tok, and figuring out that parents these days just love their kids more.Episode Sponsors:Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. Go to Ro.co/ABSOLUTELYNOT to see if you qualify.Download Polymarket and use code ABSOLUTELY to get $20 to…
E397 · 5 Aug 2026 · 1 hr
Home Goods High
On this episode, Heather is feeling the stress of “back to school”, and per usual she didn’t do her summer reading. She gets her energy out with Robin at a Home Goods that would convince any non shoppers to try it out. Voicemails from teachers, that first workout back, why everything has protein and what is up with asking for a coast lawyer.Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free…
E396 · 29 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 15 min
Gout Girl
On this episode, Heather is hitting summer hard, but paying for it. We learn what the Doctor has diagnosed her with, the feelings seeing a Noah Kahan concert brought up and how life as a homeowner is starting out. We get iconic voicemails that are Absolutely Not going to disappoint.Episode Sponsors: Visit hillhousehome.com and use code absolutely at checkout for 20% off your first purchase.Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today.Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start…
E395 · 22 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 10 min
Forecast: Hot Takes!
On this episode, Heather is on a tear after some heated meetings as well as cancelled flights. While she had to miss the World Cup due to her own flight being canceled, she is here to teach everyone about flight etiquette. She chats about critics of The Odyssey, Lindsey Graham’s ladybugs, and how Jeff is turning off every light now that they are homeowners. Heather takes on the voicemails and reminds everyone that we got this.Episode Sponsors:Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Check out…
E394 · 20 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 24 min
Throwback: No Snackin’ in the Back
On this replay episode from November 2, 2022 Heather is back from taping her first special, Son I Never Had, in Lexington, Kentucky. She is full of gratitude as well as adrenaline after filming. Son I Never Had is now available to stream on Hulu and to watch for free on Youtube! Episode Sponsors:Head to TryFirstleaf.com/absolutely to sign up and you'll get fifty percent off your first box PLUS free shipping for an entire year. Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!Head to ZBiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY and use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off.Join Thrive…
E393 · 15 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 11 min
Pitbull & Miss Worldwide
On this episode, Heather is back from one of the most insane weekends of her life. Manifested so hard that she ended up in Hyde Park with Pitbull breaking a world record for most bald caps! She chats about how emotional it was to see the Bald-es as well as meeting Armando. She also details the rest of the weekend in London from Wimbledon to Kesha. Be sure to watch Youtube for an exclusive surprise Episode Sponsors:Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Head to Knix.com and you’ll see why I love Knix. Don’t forget to use code ABSOLUTELY…
E392 · 8 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 10 min
Heavy Flow in Portofino
On this episode, Heather is back from Europe and shares the highs, lows, and heavy flows of her anniversary vacation including the story of finally securing The Bag in Paris. She explains why sometimes you just have to do it for the plot and how a decade of dressing as Pitbull led to a surreal full-circle moment.Episode Sponsors:Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code…
E391 · 1 Jul 2026 · 1 hr 9 min
Memories with James Abrahart
On this episode, Heather is in LA and brings one of her oldest friends from childhood, James Abrahart to the pod. JHart is an award winning music producer, singer and reality star. Their lore starts in James’ parents basement where they used to create rap albums and eat way too many Pubsubs. They chat about their wild childhood neighbors of Whitney Houston and T-Boz, as well as them being the first “Lonely Island”. His new single, Memories, is out now.Episode Sponsors:Visit www.vivrelle.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 40% off your first 3 months of membership.Shop at Sephora or get 10% off…
E390 · 26 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
Replay: No Passport, No Problem
On this replay episode from June 15, 2022 she is getting ready for her wedding in Italy, and fast forward to 2026 her and Jeff are on their way to Florence for their anniversary. You’ll hear Heather have a mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. You’ll see that she has turned into one of THOSE brides and is ready to tell everyone to fuck off all while losing brain cells in her sauna bag in the basement. Not much has changed!Episode Sponsors:Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe. For 50% less your first year, go to HomeServe.com/absolutely. Our…
E389 · 24 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
American Tourist
On this episode, Heather is coming to you all live from a fabulous hotel in Florence, Italy where she and Jeff are celebrating their wedding anniversary. She starts off the pod chatting about her big move without one very important person- Robin. Heather chats about how Off Campus has changed her brain chemistry. She brings us up to speed about her first days of travel to Italy and how American tourists can achieve il dolce far niente. Episode Sponsors:Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount…
E388 · 17 Jun 2026 · 55 min
Di-ancé with Rosebud Baker
On this episode, Heather welcomes Rosebud Baker back to the podcast. Rosebud has been busy since the last cruise. She now has a 2 year old daughter, is getting divorced and even had time to write a book! Fully Baked is a memoir that tackles family tragedy, motherhood, addiction all with honesty and humor. She also chats about her time and her departure from SNL.Episode Sponsors:For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Head to…
E387 · 12 Jun 2026 · 38 min
Have What It Takes with Sharon McMahon
On this bonus episode, Heather continues her conversation with Sharon McMahon, covering a hypothetical run for office, a special tribute in Heather's act, and the story behind the “I Love Sharon McMahon” billboards.Episode Sponsors:Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today.Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase at k18hair.com with code HEATHER.This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's Day is Sunday, June 21st. Order RIGHT NOW…
E386 · 10 Jun 2026 · 52 min
WTF Government with Sharon McMahon
On this episode, Heather welcomes America’s government teacher, Sharon McMahon. They chat about their shared last name, lake life in Minnesota, and of course WTF is going on with our country and government. Sharon breaks Heather’s questions down in a way that anyone with extreme ADHD can understand. Episode Sponsors:Visit www.vivrelle.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for your first month free.Support your gut health and overall performance with Momentous’ Fiber+ and get up to 35% off your entire first order at livemomentous.com, promo code absolutely.Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our…
E385 · 3 Jun 2026 · 1 hr 12 min
Know The Assignment
On this episode, Heather is back in ATL after shooting her 3rd special in Knoxville, TN. She chats about the crazy audience members, going through a McDonalds drive-thru, how she was booking a vacation while she should’ve been concentrating on her special. It’s been a long weekend, and the next few days she will be kicking her heels up. She takes on some of the most unhinged voicemails to date and is beginning to think her hotline number is definitely in a Pilot gas station bathroom stall.Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a…
E384 · 27 May 2026 · 1 hr 8 min
Tour Trials & Tribulations with Andrew Collin, Raymond Padilla and Christina Tompkins
On this episode, Heather brings the road dogs to the studio to give us all an in-depth recap of tour life. Andrew, Raymond, Christina and Heather reminisce about their favorite cities, toughest shows, the origin of Texas Tony and someone's reliance on Recticare. Episode Sponsors:Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodOur listeners can buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional…
E383 · 22 May 2026 · 41 min
Bonus: Conspiracy Theory Hot Takes
On this bonus episode, Heather is excited to chat about conspiracy theories. Last week we gave you a prompt about your favorite theories. We spiral on the missing scientists, data centers, lost planes, the moon landing, the Antarctic ice wall and finding love with aliens. Episode Sponsors:Help protect your home systems – and your wallet – with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to HomeServe.com to find the plan that’s right for you. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered…
E382 · 20 May 2026 · 50 min
F*ck Yo Couch
On this episode, Heather is coming to you from the new NYC Dear Media studios. Fresh off the heels of Netflix is a Joke, she has some explaining to do about her show in LA. She got to see friends and foes alike! We get voicemails from women buying $20 panties and girlies having a cruise reunion at the special taping. Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit…
E381 · 13 May 2026 · 1 hr 11 min
Ole Miss Divas with Jay Jurden
On this episode Heather brings hilarious comedian and friend Jay Jurden to the pod. Jay and Heather go all the way back to the undergrad theatre department at Ole Miss. They reminisce about their hate for Lane Kiffin, being a theatre major together and how their paths lead them to Netflix is a Joke festival. You can catch Jay’s latest special, Yes Ma’am, on Hulu. Episode Sponsors:Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Join the membership for where you live at…

About Absolutely Not

Absolutely Not is a English comedy podcast from Dear Media. Melo plays each episode straight from the publisher's own feed — no ads added, no account needed — and remembers where you stopped, in this browser only.

Publisher: Dear Media
Language: English
Category: Comedy
New episodes: Weekly
Typical length: 1 hr 6 min
Latest episode: 9 Oct 2026
Feed: RSS — paste into any podcast app
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1469643813

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